CHAPTER TWO
Ruthie
“Holy crap, Ruthie. Are you opening a floral shop, or is Skull still at it?” Blue asks removing her key from the lock as she walks into my house.
“Ha, ha, ha.” I roll my eyes. The flowers kept arriving daily. “He keeps sending me flowers. My favorites,” I whine.
“That bastard,” she teases.
“You can take your sarcasm and shove it, little lady.”
“What? Why not give the guy a break? The showering with gifts has been going on for over a week. The brothers are having a field day seeing his ass made to crawl over broken glass for you.”
“All he did was set up a schedule to deliver these ‘1-800- I’m-sorry beautiful blossoms to the girl he dicked over’.”
“Since when are you so cynical?” Blue asks.
I sigh and run my fingers over my forehead to relieve the pressure building. “I’m all over the place.” I stand from the breakfast nook and walk into the kitchen. “He keeps sending me extras with them. If I get one more box of Godiva chocolates, I’m going to become a diabetic.”
“So stop eating them.” Blues’ eyes sparkle with amusement. The bitch is enjoying this.
“I can’t. They’re too good. You know expensive chocolate is my kryptonite.” I sigh heavily.
“I do. But more importantly, so does he. These Peony are gorgeous. Your house smells amazing, and from what I can see, not only is Skull sorry, he was paying close attention to everything you’ve said to him.”
“Does that outweigh what he did?” I pop the lid off the gold box and grab a crème Brule truffle. “It’s sickening that I recognize these. One look and I can tell you the flavor. He’s evil. His plan is to make me so fat, no one else will want me. I swear to you I’ve gained five pounds this week alone!”
“Then you should hear him out, so he’ll stop,” Blue says.
“Are you on his side or mine?”
“Both. I think you’re good for each other. Yes, he fucked up. But it’s not the same as it would be for any man in the ordinary world. He honestly didn’t know any better. I’m not taking up for him. I’m asking you to make an exception for stupidity. These men live in an alternate reality. The things you think of as common knowledge aren’t for them. Especially, Skull. He’s never had anything that remotely resembles steady or exclusive. It’s why I was so excited when you two hit it off, and started doing your own thing. You need a strong man, and he needs a sassy woman who won’t put up with his shit, but still has a soft touch.”
“He needs a kick in his junk and a lesson on respect.”
“So give it to him. Then take him back,” Blue says.
“Are you a spy sent in to infiltrate me, Blue?” I ask around the heavenly bite of the layered chocolate treat.
“No, but I can tell you’re not happy.”
Maybe not, but my pride is intact. “Can one put a limitation on recovering from a breakup?”
“No, but I don’t think this is over.”
I sigh. “I’m trying to turn this soap opera into a season finale.”
“He won’t stop. You get that, right?”
I shrug. A part of me likes seeing him step out of his comfort zone. Perhaps now he can feel strange, uncertain and inadequate. Then we’ll be on even ground.
“I think a part of you is loving this,” she accuses as she raises an eyebrow.
“Not enjoying it...” I pause. “I want my knight to slay the dragon before he comes back into the castle.”
“Did you just refer to your Vag as a castle?”
“Oh, my God. No. I meant my good graces, a relationship, my arms. Anything but my Va jay jay, Blue. Pay attention.”
She smiles. “You’re on a roll today, huh?”
“I’m sorry. I’m in a bitchy mood. You’d think all of this would make me happy, right? It doesn’t. I’m angry at him for not being here with me.”
“You can’t be when you won’t let him.”
“I’m pissed that he messed us up in the first place. You know me. I’m a free spirit. I was the one who didn’t do commitment. Then he came along, and I started to see us being a long term thing. He gets me, and for the most part, I get him. It’s a rare thing when you can link with another being on that level. It’s also scary as hell. After the disaster zone my parents made of my family, forever after was a bullshit idea made by Disney to sell money. Skull did the impossible. He made me reconsider. I thought, maybe I was wrong. I opened myself up. He repaid me by throwing everything I offered him in my face. I felt like less than nothing when I saw that photo, Blue. What can he do that’s going to fix that?”
“There’s no one thing he can do that will fix things. Only time and actions can accomplish that. I think these grand gestures are an excellent start. You want him to prove his worth? He’s trying. He’s also showing you patience he doesn’t normally have. How long that will last, I can’t say.”
“Am I over reacting?” I whisper. Doubt rushes in weakening my resolve to stand firm.
“You’re entitled to feel however you need to. You did nothing wrong, and I think making him work for it is a good thing. As long as you know what your end game is.”
I bite my bottom lip. “How can we work this out without me looking pathetic?”
“Honey, who do you think is watching? Each one of us has so many skeletons in our closet we don’t have time to worry about someone else’s dirt. Any minute now, ours could come popping up out of the mud like they did in the unfinished pool in Poltergeist.”
I giggle. “Really? You’re ridiculous. You know that?”
“Made you smile, though.”
“You’ve always been good at that.” I grab the box and set them in front of her. “Thank you for being here for me.” I place my hand over hers and squeeze.
“I will always be here for you, Ruthie. You know I’m your ride or die.”
“Likewise.”
“Remember that time we stalked Shadow?”
I cover my face and laugh. “Yes. I’m sure he knew. Did you ever ask him?”
“Umm…no. I don’t think I want to know the answer. Some secrets should stay buried.”
“He’s your husband now. It’s okay that you were tracking him down at the local whippy stand because you knew he had a thing for their—what was it he always got?”
“A lime Glacier. It was the soft serve in the middle of the slushy,” she mumbled.
“And you still remember that?” I ask.
“Shut up,” Blue says as she pops a piece of chocolate into her mouth.
A knock sounds on the door.
“You expecting anyone else?” Blue asks.
“No, but you know Rochelle pops by at will. Little sister thinks this is her personal sanctuary.” I open the door and stare at the Asian man with long dark hair, and black rimmed glasses. His crisp white button up and black pants seem out of place for four in the afternoon on a Sunday. “Can I help you?” I ask.
“Is this the house of Ruthie Gregg?” he asks.
“Yes, it is,” I answer, half expecting him to burst into song and dance.
“I have a special delivery of Kung Pao Chicken with Fried Rice, and Rangoon.”
Did this man just sent me my favorite dish? The bastard is fighting dirty.
He holds up the white plastic bag. “It’s already been paid for as well as the tip.”
“Thank you.” I take the bag from him. The scent of cooked beef and spices raises up from the bag. I step back inside and close the door. My stomach turns. I drop it and dash for the bathroom. I hit my knees and empty my stomach once more. Oh, Shit.
Blue rushes in behind me and gathers my hair, keeping it away from my face.
Emotions burst like a bubble, and I alternate between sobbing and tossing my cookies. My period is due in a few days. I get the feeling I won’t be seeing it.
“Holy shit, Ruthie. I think you’re pregnant.”
I nod my head weakly and sit back on my heels, flushing the toilet.
She releases my hair and returns with a wet washcloth.
I wipe my mouth and slowly stand. “I think so. Jesus. What the hell am I going to do?”
“Tell Skull—”
“No!”
“Ruthie Ryann Gregg.”
“Not yet. I—I want to be sure.”
“So, I’ll get tests. We need to know,” she says.
I can’t speak around the knot in my throat. I switch to autopilot and grab my toothpaste. She walks out of the room, and I hear her steps leading to the door. I flinch when it closes behind her. When could this have happened? I backtrack through our sexcapades. The night in the rain. We could barely keep our hands to ourselves as we stumbled up the driveway. The rain had been a gentle mist, and the moon had been full, casting a romantic glow over the landscape.
We ended up on the back deck with no protection. Normally, we’re safe. While we’ve both been tested, and gotten a clean bill of health, I don’t trust my birth control one-hundred percent. My mother conceived my sister and me on different types of contraceptives. The women in my family are notorious for failed contraceptives. There’s something in our makeup that doesn’t jive with the wonders of modern medicine.
Sweat dots my brow. What am I going to do if that test is positive? If I tell him about the baby, everything I’m trying to accomplish is going to be compromised. I’ll never know if it’s about the child I carry or me. Does the man even want children? It’s not something we discussed at length. If he had this much trouble being faithful, how will he be with a child? I refuse to put any little person I birth through the same thing me and Rochelle lived through. I spit out my toothpaste, rinse my mouth, and splash water on my face. I need to pull it together. This is all just a “what-if”.
A knock comes at the door again. I frown. Blue has a set of keys. I creep forward and peer out of the round hole. Skull. I want to rush back into the bathroom and pretend I’m not here. He cannot be here when Blue gets back.
He knocks again, louder. “I know you’re in there. Your car is outside, and I saw the man deliver your food.”
I rush to the door, hold my breath, grab the bag and jog to the kitchen. Chucking it in the garbage can, I run back and suck air into my greedy lungs. I rest my head against the door. “What do you want?”
“I’m not doing this through the door, Ruthie.”
“Then go away,” I croak.
“I’ve been nice so far. I’m playing by your rules. If you don’t open this door and meet me in the middle, I’m going to remind you who you’re dealing with.”
I remain silent praying to God, he’ll get tired of it and go away.
The doorknob jiggles.
No, this motherfucker isn’t—
The door swings open, and he appears with a wide grin. “I don’t know if you realize this, but you’re dating a criminal, and you need to get that fucking lock changed.”
I watch him slip the kit into his back pocket, tongue-tied and impressed, despite myself.
“I think you’ve given me the silent treatment for long enough.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Let’s start with how you liked my presents.”
“They were thoughtful,” I admit.
“There’s nothing you told me that I don’t remember. I care about you, girl.”
But is that enough? I glance down at my bare feet and wiggle my toes.
“Don’t do that. Don’t you disconnect from me.” He grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing me to lift my head. “Skewer me with those witchy eyes of yours, but don’t ignore me.”
“I don’t have any answers.”
“Yes, you do. You haven’t said no. Which means yes. Maybe not now, but soon.”
“You want me to admit that?” I scoff, sneering up at him.
“I want you to come back where you belong. I want us back.”
“Okay,” I say desperate to beat the invisible hands of the clock ticking down.
“What?”
“You want me back. We’re back.”
“No.”
“No?” I ask, confused by his terse answer.
“Nothing’s ever that easy with you, lady.”
“I don’t know if I’m flattered or insulted.”
“I just broke into your house, Ruthie I think it’s clear I like what you have to offer.”
“I’m not here to punish you. You proved yourself. We can try to move forward. I’m only asking for space tonight and time with Blue, please. I need a minute to recalibrate.”
He narrows his eyes at me.
I force my face to remain neutral.
He snaps his fingers. “Just like that?”
“Do you like me being a bitch?”
“I like it when you’re honest. I know that hurt didn’t go away.”
“No, but despite everything, I still want to try to make this work. Don’t you get it, you win? You won because you’re you.” I shake my head. His perfect chocolate brown hair, dark brown eyes, and angular face piss me off. He’s too handsome for his own damn good.
He smirks, drawing attention to his full lips, and my breasts swell. Oh, hell no! This is what got me into this mess in the first place. “Can you please go, before she gets back?”
“Why are you in such a rush to get rid of me?”
“Because I want to drag you into the bedroom right know, and that’s not going to happen.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “All right. I’ll leave for now. If you’re playing me, though…”
“What would be the point? You’d just stalk me down.”
“Damn straight. Do you know why?” He steps closer and wraps an arm around my waist pulling my body to his. “Because you belong to me.”
My nipples harden, and my belly tightens. His warmth seeps into me, and I inhale deeply, intoxicated by his masculine scent. I grip the edges of his cut. A whimper slips free. He slides his hand up my back and grips my hair tight. I wince as the pain releases endorphins and I soak my panties. He tilts my head and covers my mouth with his. He tastes like spearmint and lust. I suck on his tongue and rub up against the bulge in his pants. One thing’s for sure, my girly parts are over the incident whether I am mentally or not. He groans and tilts his head deepening the kiss as our tongues touch and tangle. My legs turn to jelly, and I lean against him.
A throat clears. “It looks like I’m interrupting something,” Blue states smugly.
He steps back. “I was just leaving. Ruthie, I will see you tomorrow.”
“Y-yeah,” I say dazed.
“Blue.” Skull leaves with a shit eating grin I want to smack off his face.
I’m completely head over heels for the asshole.
He closes the door behind him.
“Do I want to know?”
“He broke into my house with a kit, Blue.”
She laughs. “Yeah, sounds about right. You ready to take this test?”
“No, but let’s get it over with.”
***
Skull
What should feel like a victory is confusing as hell. The whole exchange at Ruthie’s was off. She’d never make me bend over backward, only to fold. I never saw her as the lying type, but she wanted me out of the house. My gut has kept me alive more than once. I’d be a fool to ignore it now. I kill the engine on my bike and retrace my steps to her front door. I knock.
Blue answers with glossed over brown eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I ask instantly on alert.
She shakes her head.
“Ruthie,” I call her name as I walk down the hallway. The sounds of hysterical sobbing lead me to her room. I walk inside and find her perched on the toilet with her head in her hands. “What’s wrong?”
“W-what are you doing here?” she hiccups.
“I don’t know. I left. But something didn’t feel right.”
She points at the sink. I look over at the three sticks lined up, and my heart drops to my stomach. The two lines carve my heart out with a spoon. “No,” the word is out of my mouth before I can filter it through my brain.
Ruthie gasps. “Get out!” she screams.
I flinch. “Wait, I didn’t mean it like that, Ruthie. There are things I need to—” I hold my hands up. The pain rolling off her in waves sickens me like radiation. She completely misunderstood me.
Her palm connects with my face and turns my head sideways. I black out for a second. I just passed down fucked up genes to an innocent child. Ruthie has no clue. I slow blink as the static in my ears grows deafening. It’s my worst nightmare come true.
“Do you hear me?” She shoves my chest, and I return to myself. “I don’t want you here. Get out. I don’t need you! I’ll raise this baby alone. Don’t call me. Don’t stop by. Don’t send me any fucking thing.” Her face is twisted with rage, and her voice is shrill.
I grab her wrist. “Knock this shit off.”
She slams her foot into my shin.
I give her a firm shake. “Stop.”
“No. I’m done listening to you.”
“You need to stop, Ruthie. It’s not healthy for the baby,” Blue says from behind us.
“I want him gone.”
“I’m not going anywhere. You think you got pregnant on your own?”
“It would be better if I had.”
“Once you hear what I say you may not want to keep it,” I whisper. The self-loathing threatens to swallow me whole. What if it skips a generation? I didn’t get it, so now my child might suffer locked in small stages of insanity. Even with medication it’s a struggle. What if they have it severely, like my father?
Blue gasps. “You should go, Skull.”
I stare her down. “This is none of your business.”
“If you care anything about her or that baby in her belly, you’ll leave right now before she hurts herself,” Blue says.
I shake my head. If I walk out of here and leave things like this, I’ll never be allowed back in. “I’m not going like this.”
“You don’t have a choice.” Ruthie snarls like a wild animal, all snapping teeth. Her husky voice adds to the feral display.
I thought she hated me before. I know the difference now.
“Do I need to call Shadow?” Blue says.
“You think he can keep me away from my woman and my child?”
“We’re none of those things.” Ruthie jerks away from me.
I release her to keep her from hurting herself. “You’re what I say you are.”
“Fuck you! No tattoo, no commitment. I’m not your Old Lady. Any judge worth his grain of salt will make sure I get full custody. Then I’ll be your baby mama on the weekends, if that.”
“You keep throwing those threats around and see where it gets you,” I retort.
“Anywhere is fine as long as it’s not with you,” she spits the words at me.
“I need you to listen to me.”
“No, all your words hurt.”
“The truth hurt. Living hurts.”
“No, Tritt, just you.”
“There are things you need to know.”
She closes her eyes and exhales. Her shoulders slump and her face pales.
I grip her shoulders. “Ruthie?”
“Not tonight. Please.”
“If not tonight, when?”
She shakes her head and drops against me. If eyes are the windows to the soul, hers are exhausted. She’s carrying my child. It’s no longer about me or her, but the little one growing inside her belly. I palm the back of her head and bring her to me. She rests her head over my heart and stills. I can feel her heart galloping like a horse in her chest. Her breathing is shallow, and her color remains questionable. Back off. “Let me say what I need to right now and I’ll go. For tonight.”
“You’re going to do what you want anyway, Skull,” she whispers.
“What I said had nothing to do with you and everything to do with an illness that runs in my family.”
She looks up at me stunned.
I nod. “I would’ve never done this before explaining it all to you. That’s why I said no, okay?”
“You want the baby?”
I bow my head, unable to continue to hold her gaze. “I’ll take care of you and him or her when they come. You’re not in this alone.”
“That’s not what I asked you.” Her voice wavers.
You don’t know what I do. “Are you going to be okay now with Blue?” I ask.
She nods. “Yes.”
“Are you going to ignore me tomorrow when I come back?”
“No, but that doesn’t mean anything has changed. I meant what I said.”
“Then I guess we have a problem, cause so did I.”
Blue releases a heavy sigh. “Everyone back to your corners. You don’t need to figure it all out in one night. The kid won’t be here for another eight months and some change. We all need to calm down, regroup and come back at it fresh.”
“Agreed. Are you going to stay with her?” I ask Blue.
“Yeah, I think Bolt can handle getting himself fed and off to school, and Shadow can make it to work without me.”
“Yes to the first, and I’m not so sure about the second.” I release Ruthie. “I’m leaving right now, because I know you’re in no condition to go toe to toe with me which is what you want. I’ll be back tomorrow and so help me God, if you run or try to keep me out… Do you understand me?”
“I hear you, Skull.”
“Ruthie, I’m serious.”
“I fucking heard you,” she snaps.
Pregnancy has turned her into a hellcat. I’d smirk if we weren’t in such a shitty situation. “That mouth, though.”
“Get used to it,” Ruthie says.
Blue steps between us. “I got this, Skull.”
I back out of the bathroom, never looking away from Ruthie. Her eyes are narrowed slits, but the color is back in her face. I leave the bedroom and grab Blue’s set of keys off the table in the hallway. I remove her set of keys to Ruthie’s house for insurance. I leave, lock up behind myself and get on my bike with one thing on my mind, alcohol and someone I can trust.
***
I see the porch light on as pull up in Shadow’s driveway.
He opens the door and waves the bottle of Jack at me.
I kill the engine and climb off. “Your old lady tell you?”
“Only that you and Ruthie got into it, and you were going to need your friend Jack and Jim tonight.”
“Shit, might need to throw in ole Jose too.”
“Only if you want to meet Earl in the morning.” Shadow raises a brow.
“At least he might take my mind off my troubles when I wake up,” I say as I make my way up the drive.
“What the hell happened, brother? After the floral garden and the chocolate factory, I figured she would’ve warmed up.”
“I think she did. Then she found out she was pregnant.”
“Oh, damn.”
“Yeah well, I didn’t take the news the best because she doesn’t know about the family curse that I’m terrified I’ll pass down to the kid.”
“Did you try to tell her?” Shadow asks as we walk back into the house.
“All she heard me say was no and flipped her shit, dude. I left because I was afraid she was going to make herself sick or miscarry.”
“Jesus. Do you want it?”
“It’s not a matter of want. It’s whether or not having it is the right thing to do. I saw what my father went through, and my mom wasn’t much better. If that’s the kid’s fate, what kind of quality of life would they have?”
“Hey, they’ve made huge strides in medicine since then,” Shadow says.
“Yeah, but they’d still struggle. I know that fear. You wait around every year to see if the curse manifests. Every outburst or mood swing during puberty is something to fear. Because it might be a possible onslaught of an episode. It’s hell on Earth, brother.”
“We can’t help our genes.” He leads me through the house to the patio out back.
“No, but you can decide if you procreate.”
“Looks like fate took that choice out of your hands.” Shadow hands me the bottle of Jack.
I take a long draw. “More proof she’s a fickle bitch,” I say enjoying the burn as it slides down my throat and into my belly.
“What’s your plan, brother?”
“I’m going to lay it out for her, see where she wants to go and then make the best of it.”
“Would you get rid of your child based on a what if?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I haven’t had a chance to think it through. I was kind of blindsided. I always figured I would just not have kids and avoid the Russian roulette.”
“You’re rash. I think what happened to your parents fucked with your melon in a major way, man. Your perception is flawed and biased. They were a worst case scenario. There was a lot more than the disease at work. It was two volatile, drug dependent, alcohol dependent people behaving irresponsibly.”
I grunt. Hearing it laid out in black and white always sticks in my craw.
“I’m not trying to piss you off. I know it’s hard to talk about, but this is your future. If you continue to let your past intrude on the present, you’re going to be a lonely bitter ass man who doesn’t know his kid.”
The picture he’s painting is stark and barren as the desert. “I don’t want that.”
“Then make shit right with Ruthie, and make her your Old Lady. If that’s what you want.”
“How did you know?”
“Know what?” he asked pulling out a cigarette.
“That Blue was it, and you weren’t making a mistake?”
Shadow tilts his head back and studies the sky as he blows smoke rings. “Just looked at her one day and it all clicked. She wasn’t the little girl I looked out for anymore, and none of the other biker bunnies or King Chasers held any appeal. I got sick of the fucking and sucking fast. I wanted family. I was different in that way. Waiting for her only increased my want. I had Bolton to think of though. It’s why I was slow to act. He was going through hell with Cal, and I didn’t want to add to the confusion. You don’t have that problem.”
I chug the bottle until the tightness in my chest recedes. “I don’t want to end up like my father. The kid and Ruthie might be better off with me paying child support and acting as a weekend dad.”
“Shit, I don’t know that any kid is better off with that. Especially if it’s a boy, they need guidance. If it’s a girl, you’ll be teaching her that dudes bail. That’s going to lead to a lifetime worth of sorrows there.”
Damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t.
“You got a kid coming now, man. You need to get your head straight, whatever that entails.”
“What you think I need to see a head shrinker?” I ask.
“I think you need something more than that bottle. Cause come morning, your issues will still be there.”
My vision hazes around the edge and I laugh. “Shadow the Sage.”
“I ain’t saying I’m wise about a lot of shit. But I know how to be a good dad.”
“Dad, where’s Mom?” Bolt yells.
“She’s staying over at your aunt Ruthie’s tonight. What’s up?”
“Need some paperwork signed for school.”
“I got it. Give me a minute, Skull is here for the night. Probably going to be puking his guts up come morning, so I’d get that shower in tonight, if I was you.”
“Fucking awesome, Dad,” Bolt calls back.
I laugh at their banter. Yeah, Shadow knew a lot about being a good father. What he didn’t know was how deep my demons ran and what a motherfucker’s fear could be. I polish off the rest of the bottle, and let the liquor wash away my worries.