CHAPTER FOUR
One Way or Another
Blue
I wipe the sweat off the back of my brow and jog to my room to change. It’s Monday, and Jamie is stopping by for dinner. It’s a habit he’s picked up since I moved into Calla’s house. The spaghetti and homemade meatballs are resting over a small flame, and the garlic bread is crisping in the oven.
“Something smells good, Aunt Blue. Did you make my favorite?” Bolton asks, leaning out of his room. Braced in the doorframe with his dark hair falling over his right eye and his KOC T-shirt he’s a younger version of his father. There was never any doubt that Bolton belonged to Shadow. He’s always favored the attractive male.
“I did. Does that mean you’ll join us tonight?”
Bolt rolls his eyes. “Like I’d leave you alone with that guy.”
“Why don’t you like Jamie? He’s nice.”
“No, he pretends to be nice while you’re around. I know he doesn’t like me or the club. Everyone can tell. Why do you think Gramps doesn’t like him?” Bolt asks.
“Because Pops doesn’t like anyone outside of KOC.”
Bolt shakes his head. “I think you’re wrong. There’s something more to Mr. Preppy.” Bolt nods to my hand. “I don’t like the thought of him taking you away either.”
“That could never happen,” I say.
“This is the most I’ve seen you in a long time, Aunt Blue. He kept you away a lot more than you realize.”
I pause, thinking about his words. I lean over and place my hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry if I haven’t been there enough for you, Bolt.”
“You’ve done more for me than my own mom.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why? It’s true!” His brow wrinkles and his dark eyes grow colder. “I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. I’m just looking out for you.”
“I appreciate it, but I think that’s my job, kiddo,” I reply, gently pushing his hair away from his face.
“I’m not a kid.”
“Hey, you’ll always be my kiddo. And I know you can take care of yourself just fine, Bolt. But in this family, we take care of each other.”
He meets my gaze.
For a moment, I can see the boy he once was. The shadows dissipate, and I hold my breath.
“Yeah, I can agree to that.”
“Love you, Bolty. Now, I need to go change. The food should be ready in about ten minutes, and Jamie should be here around then, too.”
“I’ll answer the door if you’re still getting ready,” he mumbles.
The gesture melts me a little bit. He’s trying. Given what he’s been through recently, it’s all I can do. I can’t imagine what it would be like seeing your mom hauled off from the courtroom headed to jail. Visiting my mom from behind a glass would kill something inside me. After a month, provided she earns good behavior, the one-on-one visitations could begin. Well, as close as he would get to one-on-one in the next three years.
I push the tangled web of craziness that is my life to the back of my head and continue my trek to the bedroom. I’d redone it. I ditched Calla’s threadbare sheets, painted it a soft blue, moved in my Tempurpedic king size monstrosity, and decorated the walls. Her place had always seemed too sterile. I’d changed that little by little over the past two months. Things were settling here. Truth be told, I didn’t miss the apartment the way I thought I would. I’d even taken up gardening the way I’d always wanted. I shed my work clothing, tossed them in the wicker hamper in the corner, and pulled on a comfortable pair of jeans with holes in the knee and a KOC T-shirt. After I run a brush through my hair and tuck it behind my ear, the doorbell rings.
“I got it,” Bolt calls.
I bet you do. He reminds me of Pop and Shadow when he narrows his gaze, and gives Jamie the ninth-degree. Thankfully, Jamie is a good sport.
I rush into the kitchen, pull the garlic bread out, set it on the stove, and turn off the oven. I walk out to the living room and find Bolt sitting across from Jamie in a chair. “Hey, guys, are you hungry?”
“Starving. I’ve missed your cooking, Blue,” Jamie says.
My smile falters. He keeps pushing for more than I can give him. The ring all but burns my finger. I need to give it back. Every time I try, he runs roughshod over me. I sigh. He’s a normalcy I need right now. I don’t want to push him away, but so much about our relationship right now is wrong.
“I don’t know how, man. You’re here every other day,” Bolt mutters.
I sigh. “Bolt—”
“It’s true,” Bolt says.
Jamie laughs. “It is true. You know I always want to be where you are.” He stares at me.
Under his intense gaze, I’m feeling uncomfortable. “Come on, the food is ready.”
The boys rise, and Jamie moves over and wraps his arm around my waist. “How was work today?”
“Good. I’m going to miss the little boogers when summer break comes.” I sigh.
“What are your plans for the summer?” he asks.
“Gardening.”
“What do you think about a trip, just you and me?”
“Jamie—”
“I know. I know you think I didn’t understand your…family situation. Let me prove I do. Bring me around to some events, give me a chance.”
I sigh. “And if we see it doesn’t work?”
“Then you can return my ring, and I’ll back off.”
“You want to do this?” I ask, knowing the shit he’s going to be given.
“Only way you’re going to get rid of me, doll. I know we can make a go of this.”
I sigh. “Fine, there’s a party at the club. Friday, be ready.”
His grin makes me shiver. I never knew a man who was such a glutton for punishment. “Excellent.”
We move into the room, and he takes a seat beside my chair. Bolt takes the chair across from me.
“You boys sit. I’ll get everything to the table.”
“No, you cooked, Aunt Blue. Let me help bring the bread in at least.”
I smile at Bolt, proud as punch. He might not be mine, but at times like this, it felt damn close. In the past, I’d stayed at local college for him. There was no way I could go across the country where I would’ve been be worried about him on a daily basis.
Dixie Rose, my best friend since forever, had advised against it. She knew if I didn’t leave after graduation I would never get out, but she didn’t understand family. Born to an African American King chaser who’d attempted to abort her, she had no one but her Dad, and a seat of awkwardness that screwed with her mind. Old bylaws prohibited African Americans from joining the club. It made for a white landscape. I was a quarter black and felt it. So, Dixie with her curvy frame, full lips, and the cocoa brown skin was almost an oddity. The club members loved her the same, but some of the old members would whisper and stare more than they should’ve. She felt that shit to her core growing up, and getting out had always been her plan. I miss her now more than ever. She has a knack for saying the right things. We’ve kept in touch over the years, but there’s nothing like having her here in the flesh.
Bolt sets down the garlic bread.
I bring over the pot of spaghetti and meatballs. After setting it on the silicone potholder I return to the kitchen for the pitcher of sweet tea that was a family specialty. My mom might have been raised in San Diego city limits, but her family’s roots stretched over to Mississippi. It shows in our words, cooking, and mannerisms. My mom, Pixie, oozes Southern charm. I think it’s what landed her my dad.
I pour them both a healthy glass filled to the brim with ice and sweet goodness. “All right, how about we say grace?” I ask.
“Grace,” Bolt blurts automatically.
His outburst makes me laugh—it’s an old joke. I peer over at Jamie. The sneer of contempt that curves his lip up makes me frown. Is this what everyone else has been seeing? Maybe he does play a role for me. My stomach knots. If someone in KOC saw this, they’d bust him down in a heartbeat. What have I gotten myself into?
He catches me watching him and quickly turns his frown to a smile.
Does he find all of my family so distasteful? “You’re going to be forty and still doing that bit,” I say, ignoring Jamie.
“It makes you laugh every time,” Bolt counters.
“It does,” I agree, happy to see his real smile. Four more months and Shadow would be home to help him with the things I didn’t rate to. I could nurture, guide, and teach him many things, but how to be a man wasn’t one of them. He needs his father.
“How was school today?” Jamie asks.
We turn toward him.
The smile fades from Bolt’s face. “It was school.”
“One more year, kiddo,” I say apologetically.
“Then what do you intend to do, Bolton?” Jamie asks.
I cringe. Only a select few can get away with using his full name.
“It’s Bolt, and I don’t know. Why are you so concerned about it?”
“Bolt,” I say, begging him to be nice with my eyes.
“I was just trying to make conversation,” Jamie replies.
“I’m going to do what my father did, and my grandfather did, and my great grandfather did…be prospected,” Bolt answers, and narrows his eyes.
I could practically hear him daring Jamie to say something.
“Hmm,” Jamie mutters.
Bolt tenses up.
I intervene. “How about we dish up some of this food before it gets cold?”
“Sounds great, Aunt Blue,” Bolt replies.
We limp our way through dinner with stilted small talk. By the time I gather the dirty dishes, I feel like a referee. “You got homework tonight?” I ask Bolton.
“Nope, got a test to study for though, so I’ll be in my room.” He leans in, places a kiss on my cheek, and heads down the hall.
“Your nephew seems like a good kid,” Jamie says, joining me a few minutes later.
“He is,” I reply with a huge smile. The pride swells in my chest, and warmth spreads through my body. I had a hand in raising this amazing young man.
“You think of him as your own,” Jamie says.
“You know I do.”
“What do you want for his future?”
“Whatever will make him happy. Above all in life you need to enjoy.”
“You believe that?”
“I know that.”
“Hmm. You put more thought into us?”
I sigh. “Jamie, you know how I feel about that.”
“I do, what I want to know is why the change of heart? We’ve been together a year, Blue. I ask you to marry me, and you bail? That’s not even like you.”
I want to tell him what I came to do that night, but I don’t have the heart. “I don’t think our worlds will ever blend harmoniously.”
“You never gave us a chance to. You kept me as far away from them as you could. I’ve briefly met your family a handful of times.”
“And you’re lucky for that. I wanted to spare you from the invasive questioning, cold stares, and tests.”
“I never asked you to do that,” Jamie retorts.
A headache begins to form in my temples. I scrub the plate harder than necessary and take deep breaths. It’s not fair for me to take out my stress on Jamie. The man has been nothing but supportive, and helpful. I don’t know why I’m letting everyone else get inside my head. “You’re my best friend, Jamie. You know that. I just think maybe we’re better off staying that way. You want things I don’t think I can give you.”
“You were giving them to me just fine before.”
“No, we were still figuring things out. When you wanted to get serious, and this thing happened with my sister, it all became clear. My loyalty can’t be to you first.”
“The kid has one more year of school, and he’s done. Plus, isn’t his father coming out soon?”
“Did I say he was the sole reason? You need my loyalty to be to you first. I’m not sure I can do that.”
“Your family can’t keep you warm at night or give you babies, Bluebell. I know you want that. I see it in your eyes when you’re with children.”
The man I’m meant to be with will fit into my world. Our days doing this dance are numbered whether he wants to admit it or not. The thought fills me with peace. It’s time to put this to bed. With my family behind me, and Bolt depending on me, I couldn’t afford to let guilt get in the way anymore.
***
“You’re letting me come to the party?” Bolt asks again.
“It’s not a trap. I want eyes on you.”
“Awwh, Aunt Blue, where’s the trust?”
“Being rebuilt. I know your mom let you get away with murder. Not so much with me.”
“Trust me, I know,” he mumbles.
“You’ll thank me for it when you’re a productive member of society.”
Bolt walks off to join a few of the other members, prospecting for the first time.
In another year, I know he’ll be one of them. The club is in his veins. There was no other option for him but to earn a patch. The rock music pumping over the speakers travels through my core and vibrates in my chest. The smell of smoke, the heat from bodies, and the aroma of alcohol are a mixture I’ve long become accustomed to.
Jamie coughs from beside me.
“You get used to it,” I call over the loud noise. His ring is resting in a black velvet box in my pocket. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I should feel horrible, but instead I’m free. I nod at the brothers who catch my gaze and give a smile. And home.
“Bluebell!” Stone’s voice booms across the room.
I turn and find myself scooped up in a massive bear hug. “Hey, Stoney,” I say. When I was a girl, I always added a y to his name, and he allowed it. The men were nasty when they needed to be. Larger than life, and bold as brass, but they doted on their children, especially us girls.
He sets me down on my feet and looks over my shoulder. “This still your old man?”
“He—”
“Yes, I am,” Jamie says stepping closer to my side.
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep the rude words from forming on the tip of my tongue.
“Huh,” Stone says, rubbing his chin. “Guess we’ll see. Nice to see you here, darling, it’s been a while.”
“Good to be here. I let Bolt come tonight. He needs his family right now.”
“Hey, you’ve done an excellent job with him so far. You think he needs to be here, I’ll back you up. I meant to have a talk with him myself,” Stone says. He pats my shoulder. “Get yourself a drink and try to relax. You have been working yourself too hard.”
I roll my eyes. You can take the girl out of the club, but you can’t take the club out of the girl’s business. Exasperated, I shake my head as he walks away.
“What was that about?” Jamie asks.
“Overprotection,” I say.
“You think they’ve been watching you, us?”
I narrow my eyes. “Me, always. You, not so much. I mean, I’m glad you think so highly of yourself, but you’re not a point of interest for them.” I pat his cheek gently. “Come on, let’s grab a drink, and hunt down an empty pool table.” I glide through the crowd, pausing to chat with small pockets of people until we arrive at the bar.
“Hey, doll face, long time no see,” says a dark-haired girl with hazel eyes.
“Hey, Clover, been busy with work.”
“What can I get you and your fella here?”
Jamie clears his throat and looks everywhere but at the cleavage displayed by Clover’s low cut, skin tight, leather vest. “Whatever beer you have, works for me,” he says.
“Whiskey and cola for me.”
“Coming right up.” She turns and begins to make our drinks.
“I started to think maybe you were afraid of us, Jamie,” my father says, appearing out of thin air, as he’s prone to do. His gaze lands on my left hand. A shit eating grin appears.
I mentally groan.
“No, sir, just busy.”
“Hmm.” My father goes silent and stares down Jamie, who returns his gaze.
I feel like I’m watching an interrogation. There’s a wealth of words in the silence happening between them. I want to smack Jamie in the back of his head. If he understood how dangerous my father was, he wouldn’t be looking him like this. I clear my throat. “How about we go grab a drink and mingle?” I ask.
“Nevada’s here. She’s been asking for you.”
I perk up. The newest Old Lady is a sweetheart. She’d grown up fast once she got hitched to Wizard, another enforcer. “I’m shocked they left Vegas behind.”
My dad snickers. “They didn’t, brought her with a babysitter who’s hanging out in Wiz’s old dorm.”
I laugh. The two got by with compromise and caring. Their first year together had been tumultuous. Wiz had laid down his bike in a hit and run that had taken a portion of his memory. I sigh thinking of the way they’ve fallen back in love. They gave me hope. In the midst of darkness, there was always a bit of light. Just because Jamie wasn’t Mr. Right, didn’t mean it was the end of the world.
“Oh, I want to see my Vegas baby.” I grab Jamie’s hand. “Come on, let me introduce you.” I pull him away from my father and weave through the crowd. It feels good to be among my extended family. I’ve been barricaded in my apartment with my civilian friends much more than I realized. I spot Wizard leaning against the wall with his arm around Nevada.
He looks softer and more approachable somehow. Marriage and fatherhood have been good to the man rumored to have ice in his veins instead of blood. The life of an enforcer is bloodier than most patched members, and it takes its toll. I’ve seen that for myself in my father.
“Wiz,” I call.
He turns his head to look at me and cracks a smile. “Hey, little girl Blue, how you doing?”
“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”
“No. You were the most intense kid I ever met in my life. It works.”
I shake my head in mock exasperation.
“Who’s the friend?” Wizard asks, narrowing his eyes and giving Jamie the once over.
“This is my friend, Jamie.”
“Hmm.” Wizard’s facial expression instantly ices over.
Great, no one likes him. I beg Wizard not to bust Jamie’s balls with my eyes.
He quirks an eyebrow and shrugs. It’s the way they do things, weeding out the people they think aren’t good enough for us daughters. The men might be the Kings, but their women are royalty to them in their own way.
“I’m so glad to see you here, Nevada,” I say.
His wife steps forward and we embrace. “You, too, Blue. It’s been too long.”
“I know. I heard my Vegas baby is here,” I tease.
Nevada laughs. “Yes, she is. I didn’t want to leave her, and Wiz wanted to get out. Well, he demanded I get out and have some fun. So, here I am.” She shrugs.
“You know I’m always down to babysit the cutie.”
“We’ll be taking you up on that soon, Blue,” Wizard says.
I nod.
He takes his family serious. They only leave the baby in the company of people who’ve been affiliated with the club for years. After what went down, I can’t blame them. Betrayal of the magnitude they experienced would make a person look at everyone around them differently.
“Why don’t you take her to visit Vegas while me and Jamie boy here have a chat?” Wizard says.
I want to protest, but I know better. I give Jamie a worried glance.
“Don’t worry, Blue, this is why we’re here. So I can get to know your family better.” Jamie nods his head.
“Is that right?” Wizard asks.
“Yeah, it is,” Jamie retorts.
The fierce expression on his face shocks me. I’m seeing a side of him I never realized existed. If he’d shown this before, maybe I would’ve said yes to that ring.
“We’ll be back in a bit, boys,” Nevada says, hooking her arm in mine and leading me away.
We walk down to the dorms, and she knocks on the door. I recognize Speed’s kid, Amanda, holding the baby close to her. She’s cooing contently in Amanda’s arms and waving her tiny fists. Her silky black hair coats her head and her eyes are a wicked shade of bluish-green.
“Hi, Vegas, baby, it’s Auntie Blue. You remember me, kiddo?”
She flashes me a gummy smile, and I melt.
“How’s she been, Amanda?” Nevada asks.
Amanda grins. “Excellent as always. She’s such a happy baby.”
“Yeah, until she’s hungry,” Nevada says.
“Hah, she must take after her father then,” I tease. I take the tiny bundle from Amanda and cuddle her close. The smell of baby powder and goodness fills my nostrils. I sway back and forth with her.
“So, what’s the deal with the…um, interesting fellow being grilled by Wiz?” Nevada asks.
“He wants to make things more serious and I don’t. This is my attempt at convincing him why we won’t work,” I say carefully to keep my voice light and playful for the baby’s sake.
“If he’s willing to stand up for you against this lot, he might be worth giving some consideration,” she suggests.
“There’s no spark there, Nevy. I tried to wait for my feelings to change. I attempted to tell myself that he’s exactly what I need, but none of it works. Continuing this would be stringing him along. I don’t want to be that girl.”
“I hear you. But something tells me he’s not going to give up easily,” Nevada says.
“You can’t fight for someone when their heart’s not in it,” I whisper.
“Make sure he knows.”
“I did, Nevy, trust me. If I’m anything, it’s upfront. He just doesn’t want to let go.” I sigh. Just my luck—the man who seems too easy going discovers a stubborn streak at the worst possible time. I kiss Vegas’ forehead and wonder if I’ll ever have this with anyone. I can’t blame Jamie for hanging on, when I’m sending out mixed signals. I need to be ready to stand alone. I wasn’t raised to be a frightened woman-child. My current behavior is embarrassing. I’m straddling the fence, trying to cover my ass to deal with what if situations. Life doesn’t work that way.
My clinginess embarrasses me. This is what running from my fears gets me. It’s time to face things head on.
***
Jamie
I can feel her patience is wearing with me. She’s going to cut me loose soon, and I don’t have anything to show. After a veiled threatening session with Wizard, the known enforcer, I’m left to wait for Blue to return. I make my way through the club, sipping on beer as I keep my ears open for meaningful conversation.
I make my way toward the dorms. If I’m caught, I’ll feign looking for a bathroom. It’s important to have a story ready. They consider me a stupid boyfriend who’s crazy for Blue. A twinge of guilt runs through me. She’s caught up in the middle of something much bigger than herself. I like her, but she’s a means to an end. I’ve been undercover for over a year, and I’m ready to go home.
But not empty-handed, not after everything I’ve lost at their hands.
The guilt disappears as I remember the broken shell of a woman Shannon
became after the Kings got a hold of her. They’d showed her no mercy. I had to finish this for her.
I continue down the hall. It’s too easy. The bodies are wall-to-wall, the music is loud, and the booze is flowing. I ignore the couple fornicating against the wall and memorize the layout. Suddenly, I hear whispered voices and slow down, straining to hear over the rowdy environment. Moving into the dark alcove where the walls meet, I hunker down and do my best to blend in. I’d worn black pants, and a black T-shirt for a reason. I zone in on the words guns and drop off.
Got you!