CHAPTER FOUR
Nevada
Pounding on the door rouses me from my sleep. I quickly sit up, pressing on the blankets and sucking in air as I do so. The banging comes again. My stomach tangles, like a nest of vines. Who’s brave enough to come over here like this at this time of night, or is it morning? I rub the sleep from my eyes and try to adjust to the darkness. Heavy footsteps come down the hallway and pause in front of my door.
“Nevy,” Wizard hisses.
“Yeah?”
“No matter what, stay in your room until I say it’s clear to come down. You got your piece on you?”
I glance over to the nightstand that holds my .22. “Yeah.”
“Get it out and be ready.”
I toss the covers away, clamber from the bed, and tug on a pair of pajama pants. My heart is pounding in time with the fist threatening to bang down the door. My muscles tense and my fingers are clumsy as I open the nightstand and pull out the gun. I slow my breathing and press my ear against the door, straining to hear.
“Hulk? What the fuck man? You almost got your ass shot!”
The words fill me with relief and dread at the same time. I hear the lock being disengaged.
“I’m going to fucking kill you, Wizard. You perverted old fuck. You wait until I turn my back and corner my daughter?”
The sound of flesh meeting flesh makes me cringe. A loud thump shakes the house. I jump.
“You need to calm the fuck down! You left her out there for over a year. Someone got the notion she was unprotected and I stepped up to do the job you weren’t. The story of your life. You got a lot of fucking nerve coming here to my house talking shit. Nevada is no longer your concern, she’s mine.”
Wizard’s animalistic growl does funny things to my stomach. I’d never been claimed like this. I like the feelings it gives me and that scares me.
“You had no fucking right,” my father continues to rant.
“I had every right.”
Wizard’s words wrap around me and chip away at the wall I’ve built up over the years.
“You didn’t even ask me,” my father whines.
He sounds like a petulant child. I roll my eyes.
“Sorry, I didn’t have time to think of that when I was busy saving her ass from Fuse.”
My excitement plummets. This was all about the situation. It had nothing to do with me. Disappointment swipes the wind that had blown open my sails. Bowing my head, I take a deep breath. Once again, I’m an unwanted burden.
“You think I’m blind? You saw a nice young piece of ass you could exploit and you went for it. I want my pound of flesh.”
“You want to let my blood, fine. But don’t think I took advantage of Nevada. If I ever hear you spouting that bullshit to anyone I’m going to rip your head off.”
“Fuck you, Wizard. Always so fucking perfect, sitting on your high horse looking down at us. You never make mistakes because you have no heart.”
The sound of a fist meeting skin drew my nerves taut like a bow.
My father cries out.
Wizard is speaking, but his voice is so low I can’t hear it. “Now get the fuck out.” He comes back in loud and clear.
“Not until I see my girl!” my father yells. “You can’t deny me that.”
“Suddenly you care?” Wizard asks.
The words are a cold sliver of ice in my belly. It’s all true, but hearing the words spoken out loud by someone else fills me with shame. Wrapping my arms around my waist, I rock myself back and forth on the balls of my feet. Do I even want to see my dad? The way he came in here guns blazing would be endearing if it weren’t too little too late.
“I’ll let her choose. Her days of you controlling her life are fucking done. Nevy, come on down if you want.”
I reach out, grab the doorknob, and pause as I wrestle with my inner demons. This time, he should be the one to know what it feels like to be ignored. Let him feel the sting of rejection and indifference. The idea fills me with a sick sense of satisfaction. The image of my father’s face the last time I saw him flickers in my mind. Worn, sullen, and defeated. I take a deep breath and turn the handle. I don’t want to get even, I want to be better. This fucked up cycle can’t continue. I want to heal and move forward, but I can’t do that when I’m still stuck in the past.
I leave the room, and the world is hazy and distant as I live in my head. Tonight, I get to say all of the things that have been rolling around in my head. Wizard has given me a voice. I slowly descend the stairs and enter an alternate universe.
Dad is shoved up against the door with a sneering Wizard pressing his elbow against his throat.
I can smell the alcohol coming off Hulk. I recognize the unfocused look in his eyes. He’s been sipping from the ever present flask he carries. I clench my hands into fists. His disregard for anyone else disgusts me. How can he continue to be so selfish?
Wizard steps back.
“Nevy.” Hulk rubs his neck.
I can see a red spot running along his cheekbone, rapidly darkening. I should feel remorse, but he came at Wizard with disrespect, and for once I’m not going to side with my father.
“Dad. If you’re actually worried about me, I’m fine, better than fine. I have a place to lay my head without worrying. Wizard didn’t force me into anything. I’m happy here. So, please for once in your life don’t make things harder for me.”
His face crumples.
The pain in his eyes is too much to bear. I glance away.
“He’s turned you against me. I’m too late.”
I keep my head lowered. “I’m not against you—”
“But you don’t want to leave.”
“And go where, Dad? I don’t know if you realize this, but I’ve been shuffled from place to place since you’ve been gone. You left me alone again. I made the best of it. Now, where I’m at is a good spot for me to be in.” He opens his mouth to speak, and I rush ahead, “I understand that’s hard for you to swallow. I do. But you know what? It’s not my problem. I’m done going in the circle with you. Every time you rode off to God knew where, I was left to handle everything alone. It wasn’t so bad when I was young. I had Gram and Gramps to look to for guidance and help every now and then if I needed. With them gone, I was on my own, fending for myself emotionally, financially, and sometimes physically. The club did what it could, but come on, we all know I wasn’t their responsibility and Mom wasn’t good for much. Sure, I could up root my life and crash with her if I absolutely needed to, but half the time I didn’t want to. It’s impossible to be productive in the type of environment she lived in, and I’ll be damned if she ever let me forget for once second she was doing me a favor. Never mind that I was her daughter. You’ve been blind to all this for years, and now that I have a chance at something decent, you want to come in and play rescue? Newsflash… I don’t need that anymore. You missed your opportunity.”
The color drains from his face. Sadness is etched into the proud features, exacerbating his hollowed cheeks. His crow’s feet look deeper than they were when he left, and the thinning hairline around his forehead is prominent. “All right, Nevada. I get it. I been a shitty father. But that still doesn’t make things right between me and him. He should’ve asked. You have your party, and the next day we’ll settle up.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” Wizard says. His narrowed eyes are dark slits that would warn a sane man away.
I want to object, but it’s not my place.
Wizard opens the door and my father trudges out. He might be buzzed, but I can tell by his impeccable balance, he’s okay to ride the short distance to the clubhouse he calls home. The door shuts and we remain in our positions on opposite sides of the room. The rumble of a motorcycle breaks the awkward silence that’s fallen between us.
“You good?” Wizard’s voice is gravelly and strained.
“Yeah.”
“Then, you might want to get some sleep for the party tomorrow. It’s going to rage into the night.”
I nod my head and spin around, happy to escape his piercing gaze. He sees everything, and right now I’m open and vulnerable. It’s not a position I like being in. I return to my room, close the door, and lay down where I proceed to toss and turn for the next couple of hours. I drift off as the sun rises high in the sky.
***
The next day is dreamlike. I’m still trying to decide if it’s a nightmare or not. I slip on the tight, black shorts and black tank top with the words Kings of Chaos scrawled across the front, below our emblem. After fluffing my curls and putting on some dark red lipstick, I study my reflection. I look different, like I’ve aged years in a matter of days. The frightened girl is gone. In her place rests a confident woman ready to figure out what the hell she wants out of life. I snag the black sunglasses, push them into my mane, and leave. I take the stairs two at a time, using my momentum to keep me from freaking out. I don’t like being the center of attention, and tonight all eyes will be on Wizard and me.
I hit the bottom of the stairs, and Wizard lets out a high-pitched wolf-whistle. “Looking good, Nevada. Did you dress up on my account?” His eyes sparkle with mirth.
I smile shyly. I’m not used to compliments from him. “Well, I have to make sure you look good, right?”
“You’re getting the hang of things already.”
“I’m a fast learner.”
He moves to stand a few inches away. “I know you are. Tonight, I want you to do something for me.”
Tensing, I ask, “What?” Part of me is waiting for the bottom to fall out from beneath me.
“I want you to have fun.”
“I always do.”
“Nah, you pretend.” He runs his fingers down the side of my face.
My heart beats overtime. He’s in my personal space. His gaze is focused on mine, and inside I’m melting.
“But it never reaches those green eyes of yours. I’ve known you a long time, Nevy. I’m a good study of character. I can read you like a book. I know when you’re bullshitting.”
He sees me, the woman I keep hidden behind my barriers. It’s exhilarating and horrifying at the same time. “How can I have a good time when I know what’s going to happen?” I whisper.
“You let me worry about your father. The old fool is trying to save some of the face he doesn’t understand he lost years ago.”
“You make it sound so simple,” I say wistfully. For him, it’s black and white. I never saw it that way.
“It is. Come on, green eyes, you know he can’t hurt me.” Wrapping an arm around my shoulders he pulls me to his side.
His presence is warm and masculine. His hardness complements my softness, and I can’t stop inhaling the scent of leather and man.
“I didn’t do this so you could tuck back into your shell. I want you to live for the first time, rabbit. We’re all about living free, yet you’ve been nothing but a damn prisoner. That stops tonight.”
I exhale and blow loose strands of hair away from my face. “You can’t just order someone to stop worrying.”
“Funny, I just did.”
“Well, it doesn’t work that way. I don’t even know how to turn it off,” I admit.
“Then learn.”
His tone leaves no room for argument. I’ve seen him cut a man much tougher than me down, so I clamp my mouth shut.
“Good choice.”
Like you gave me one.
He drops his arm and smacks my ass. “Let’s go play our part for the night and get wasted. Plan on crashing at the clubhouse.”
His words make my pulse speed up. That means sharing a bed. He might not be tonguing me down in public, but he wouldn’t make himself out to be some celibate saint either. My stomach churns. He is easy on the eyes— I’d always had a crush —but the attraction felt wrong after the way we were pushed together. I didn’t want to lose my virginity to a pity fuck. Outside, we climb onto the back of his bike and I wrap my hands around his waist. It is symbolic, this ride. He starts the bike, and it purrs to life between my legs.
From now on, this is where I would belong, at Wizard’s back. In a few hours, I’d even have the Property of Wizard cut to prove it. He pulls away from the curb and I mold my chest to his back. The bottom drops out from my stomach. Whether it was from nerves or excitement, I can’t say. That’s what scares me most. I’m already getting lost in this ruse and it hasn’t even been a month. The wind rushes back, blowing my hair away from my face, and cooling the heat lingering in my cheeks and on my neck. It’s white noise. Nothing matters when I’m on the back of a bike. I close my eyes and inhale his scent, allowing myself to let go and enjoy this day.
***
Wizard
I nurse my scotch and watch Nevada over the rim of my tumbler. Animated and bubbly, she’s a new woman. A light seems to have turned on inside of her that I haven’t seen before. It’s impossible to ignore, and I can see the looks of envy the men are shooting me. She’s talking to Mimi, all hand gestures and laughter. It would be adorable if I still saw her that way. As a kid. Instead, my eyes are glued to her breasts and the way they move. I finish the drink and slam it back on the bar.
Giggles wiggles her way over in faded cut-offs that show half of her porcelain ass cheeks, and a spandex top that barely contains her fake tits.
Any other day, I’d go for it.
She refills my drink and leans over the counter. “Come on, Wiz, how long are you going to keep this up? We all know this is for show to save her ass. I mean why else would you look twice? Let’s head to your dorm and have fun. A man still has needs, doesn’t he?”
I want to slam her head into the bar beside me. Anger shots up like a flame. “You coming at me at the party for me and my Old Lady? I never took you for stupid, Giggles. Just keep my drinks flowing and your mouth shut.”
She pokes out her heavily glossed lips, but remains silent.
“You should be celebrating, shouldn’t you?”
I glance up at Stone and snort. “Can’t you see I am?”
“Not getting drunk, spending time with your new Old Lady. You’ve been staring a hole into her for the past thirty minutes.”
“I have to counteract Hulk’s hate glare with something.”
Stone chuckles. “He’s keeping his mouth shut at least.”
“Let him get a little drunker,” I say.
“Yeah, if his eyes narrow anymore, they’ll be closed. I’m avoiding it at all costs. She deserves to enjoy herself.” I nod toward Nevada.
“She’s like a new person out there right now. What did you do?”
“I know. Not a damn thing.” I smile.
“Holy shit, you’re starting to come around, aren’t you?”
I ignore him and sip from my drink.
“You ready to give her your cut?” he asks, changing the subject.
“You think it’s time?”
“Yeah, any longer and people won’t remember it.”
I laugh. “Some still won’t. I’ll get it from my room.” Leaving my drink on the bar, I weave through the crowd. I can hear Stone yelling.
“Everybody quiet the fuck down. I need silence, and Nevada to come stand by me.”
I grab the small vest that boasts the Kings of Chaos logo and the scrawling font that proclaims to the world she’s Property of Wizard. I never thought I’d see this shit on anyone’s back. I’ve always been a loner in that sense. Maybe because I was raised by an uncle. My dad had a heart attack when I was just two and my mom died in childbirth. If it weren’t for the brothers, I wouldn’t have any male guidance. It’s why I fight so hard for Chaos. They’re all I got.
I walk back out, holding her cut, and I’m struck speechless. Her cheeks and collarbone are a light pink, and she actually looks bashful. Jesus, I can’t remember a time a girl looked at me the way she is.
Stone has his arm around her shoulders and she’s actually smiling. Her green eyes are lit up like a lantern. They sparkle like jade in the sunlight. I’m close to being in over my head. I care about her more than I should.
“Today, my brother claims his woman properly,” Stone barks.
Silence in the clubhouse is a rare thing. Right now, you could hear a pin drop. I walk over to her and she steps away from P. This is our equivalent to marriage. Sweat beads form on my forehead.
Hulk stands to her left, looking dour and sour-faced.
She doesn’t seem fazed and I could give a shit what he thinks.
I’m about to bind my life with hers. My hands shake slightly. She’s the first thing other than my bike I will be able to call my own. Along with the feeling of terror is something warm. I’ll be damned. I like the feeling. I hold out the vest.
Nevada slips her arms through and shrugs it on.
“Wizard and his Old Lady, Nevada!” P yells.
Cheers and feet stomping fill the air. The music is turned back on and I know they’re waiting for us to kick the shit off with a dance. I wrap my arms around her waist and palm her ass cheeks. They’re firm and lush. I’m instantly hard as a rock. My body doesn’t give a shit how conflicted I am mentally.
She gasps sweetly, and I want to hear the sound again.
Her pouty pink lips have me thinking dirty thoughts as we move together.
Our gazes lock.
Her eyes are as round as quarters, but she doesn’t pull back.
The rest of the room could go up in flames for all I care. The heat pouring off her sears me, and her purity entrances me. Her responses are real and raw. I want to soak in them. After so long, I’m feeling again.
The song changes and bodies start to pile on the floor.
“The tempo changed,” Nevada says.
“I’m fine right where I am. How about you?”
She tightens her arms around my neck. “Me too.” Color returns to her cheeks.
At her sweet blushing and response, I laugh.
She presses her face against my chest.
I tangle my fingers in her hair. It’s soft and thick, completely different from the girls around here. The King Chasers have over-processed, ratted out, bleached blonde messes, which the fake-tan Chasers call hair.
We continue to grind together. Alcohol has lubed the wheels. As the end of the night rolls in, I’ve grown used to the sensation of her body pressed against mine. My eyelids feel like lead and Nevada is swaying on her feet. “Let’s take this to my room,” I whisper into her ear.
Her shoulders tense.
“To sleep,” I reassure her. When things change between us, which I’m starting to fear they’re bound to, I don’t want there to be any doubt in her mind about why. I steer her through the petering crowd. When we reach the entrance of the hallway, I glance back and catch Hulk’s death glare. I nod my head. Tomorrow, we’ll meet head to head, but tonight I’m flying too high to be brought down. I unlock my door, flip on the light, and guide her inside.
She’s asleep on her feet.
“Get undressed and get in the bed.”
She looks at me with those wide green eyes, and bastard that I am, I can’t help but get hard. I walk over to my dresser and take out a T-shirt. “Use this.”
She clutches it to her chest.
Moving past her, I sink onto the bed. I take my time untying my laces and removing my boots.
She scrambles into the bed under the covers.
I hide my smile. I like her coyness. It’s a refreshing change to the fakeness of women around here. I hang my cut, toss my shirt over into a corner, and let my blue jeans follow. The room is all but spinning as I shuffle to the bed and collapse on the side closest to the door. Her hair flows across the pillows and tickles my face. The floral scent, along with her warm weight, lulls me to sleep. Her breathing events out, and moments later, I’m letting the abyss of sleep suck me under.