Chapter Twenty-Five
Ethan
After spilling all the details to my sister, I realized there was a second person I needed to come clean with. I called up Liam, and the two of us met up at a bar on Thursday evening. The place was crowded, but the atmosphere was pleasant. We had our own booth in the corner where we could talk without having to yell at each other. The drinks were good, and as I sipped on mine, Liam scratched the back of his head as he digested everything I had just told him.
“So, a kid, huh?” He asked.
I nodded. “Yep. A kid. A boy.”
“That’s crazy, man,” Liam said. “Awesome but crazy. I’m happy for you. You’ve seemed like a much happier version of yourself the last few months. This must be what you really want.”
“I think it is,” I said truthfully. “Things feel right, you know? We’ve started working on the nursery now that Dev and Heather are talking. I think she was holding off on doing any of the milestone sort of stuff until she had her friend back, which makes sense. But now it’s pedal to the metal. There’s a lot to do in a month and a half.”
“It’s good that the girls are finally talking. Things weren’t looking too good for a while there. I couldn’t figure out what the hell had gone on between you guys. No one would say a damn thing about anything.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “Things were just—”
“It’s fine, man, really. We’re good.” Liam grinned and lifted his beer. “A toast to the little guy who has no idea how rich he’s gonna be and how many girls he’s gonna get.”
I laughed, feeling a little unsettled about the toast but clinked my glass to the neck of his bottle anyway.
“So,” Liam said, “any name ideas yet?”
“Nothing yet,” I said. “We’ll probably wait until he’s born to pick one. See what suits him. Until then, we have plenty to do. Like I said, the nursery is the current project. Took a while to convince Devon that yellow wasn’t a good idea.”
“What’s wrong with yellow?” Liam asked.
“There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just so … yellow,” I said.
Liam lifted his eyebrows. “Right. Deep.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I said. “We settled on blue and gray. Probably going to look at paint chips over the weekend and maybe get some guys in there to get the job done. Hey, did I show you the ultrasound photos?”
“No, not yet,” Liam said.
I pulled out my wallet and fished out a small picture I had cut out and slid in one of the pockets. I pointed out the shape of the baby, where his hands and feet were, his nose, his ears.
“That’s pretty nutty,” Liam muttered, peering at the small photo. “How’s Devon holding up?”
“She’s great,” I said, taking the picture back and putting it away. “She’s in high spirits now after making up with Heather, so that’s making everything easier. She’s getting lots of food cravings, which is entertaining as hell.”
“Does she make you go get her stuff?”
“Sometimes,” I shrugged, “but she doesn’t really make me. She’ll say she’s craving something, and I’ll just go get it. Or I’ll order it for her. Really random stuff like bubblegum ice cream or sour keys. She’s obsessed.”
Liam nodded slowly. “Right.”
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said quickly, taking another swig of his beer.
“Spit it out,” I said. “I can tell there’s something you want to say.”
“Nah.”
“Liam,” I grated.
“All right, all right,” he said, the corner of his mouth twitching in a smile. “It sounds to me like someone might be in love.”
“What?”
“Yeah. Come on, man, don’t lie to yourself. You love the girl. There’s nothing wrong with that. She’s the mother of your baby. Not to mention, Devon is smart as a whip. She’s motivated and headstrong and gives you a run for your money. The two of you are a good match.”
“I’m not in love with her,” I said. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“No? You’re sure?”
“I’m sure,” I said, irritation flaring up in my gut.
“All right then. Why not take someone else home? Look at that girl over there by the bar. See the legs on her? And that ass. She’s your cup of tea man. Take her back to your place and give her that—”
“Not in the mood,” I said coldly.
“Not in the mood?” Liam chuckled. “More like in love and pussy whipped. It’s not that bad, dude. If you’re going to let a woman own you, I can’t think of a better one than Devon.”
“She doesn’t own me. And I’m not pussy whipped.”
“Running out to get her treats at her beck and call sure sounds like you are. Why are you making that a bad thing? Being in love isn’t a bad thing,” Liam said.
I rubbed my temples and sighed. It was becoming pretty clear I wasn’t going to get anywhere with this conversation. Liam had made up his mind about the matter, and there was nothing I could say or do that would make him think otherwise.
Then a thought struck me. If Liam thought I was in love with Devon, was there a possibility she might think the same thing? Was she under the impression I had developed feelings for her?
If I was being honest with myself, I knew I did feel for her. I cared. I was drawn to her in a way I had never been drawn to anyone. I wanted to do things for her all the time, and I thought about her all the time. Seeing her before I went to work always set the tone for a great day for me. Seeing her when I came home was like coming home to family. My house was warmer, friendlier, and all-around more enjoyable to be in.
Had I been transparent enough to let her think I was in love with her?
Fuck.
“Dude, you all right?” Liam asked.
I nodded absently. No, I’m not all right, I thought bitterly. I had misled the woman who was carrying my child. We had signed a contract. It was a business deal and nothing more. It benefitted us both. It gave us both exactly what I needed. In a month and a half, I would have an heir, and Devon would have a million dollars, and she and I would return to the way our lives used to be.
If I kept going the way I was, it was going to be hard to let Devon go. Not only that, but she might not want to go, and I wasn’t quite willing to give up on the way my life had been before she moved in. I liked my bachelor pad. I liked the rotation of women I brought to my bed whenever I desired.
I realized things might be different with a child, but I was sure I could adjust.
“I’m gonna head home,” I said, sliding out of the booth and grabbing my jacket from the hook behind my seat. “I’m not feeling this whole thing tonight.”
Liam’s mouth hung open while he tried to process what was happening. “All right, man, that’s cool. Don’t be a stranger, okay? We’ll get together soon.”
“Yeah. Yeah, sounds good,” I said, shrugging into my coat.
“Ethan?”
“What?” I asked, fixing the collar of my jacket.
“Don’t let what I said fuck things up for you, okay? I was just messing around.”
I forced myself to smile. “It’s all good. I get it. Have a good night. Try to take that girl home,” I added. “She does have great legs.”
Liam raised his beer to me as I left. I slipped through the bodies in the bar and reveled in the crisp fresh air once I emerged outside on the sidewalk. My breath left little clouds in the air in front of me as I walked.
I needed to clear my head. Everything Liam had said had brought reality to the foreground of my brain. I hadn’t considered the ramifications of getting too involved with Devon. This was serious. I didn’t want to hurt her.
Maybe I needed to rein it in a little bit. I could pull back so that when the break happened, it wouldn’t be so abrupt. That would make it easier for both of us. Devon definitely deserved easier. She deserved the world. She was going to leave my place in a couple months to get started on her new life.
I was going to stay behind with my newborn son.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and kept walking. I wandered around downtown for a while, trying to digest my thoughts, until I finally called Eddison to pick me up. The limo ride home was long and quiet. I found myself thinking that I wished Devon was there to talk to.
The thought made me internally roll my eyes.
I had let myself get too deep with this girl. I needed to create space, and I needed to do it sooner rather than later.