Chapter Twenty-Eight
Devon
I had been crying on and off for two full days. My chest was sore, my throat was swollen, my eyes were puffy, and just trying to eat food without being instantly sick was a brutal task. I knew I had to eat and keep the food down for the baby, but the heartbreak was literally making me physically ill.
I had tried everything I could think of to distract myself. I started with reading books, but after reading the same line eleven times over without realizing it, I concluded that wasn’t a very good solution. So, I moved on to movies. It was nearly impossible to find a decent movie that didn’t remind me of Ethan in some way. I would see him in any man with brown eyes or a guy who rocked a suit. It was paralyzing.
I tried cooking, but my feet were sore, and I didn’t have enough energy to make anything more intricate than a Kraft dinner.
I sat in my room and tried organizing my makeup. That didn’t work either. Every lipstick I picked up reminded me of a night I’d worn it with Ethan.
So now I was lying on my back on my bed, staring at the sheer white curtains draped over the pillars at each corner of the bed, wishing I wasn’t alone. I would have given anything to have Ethan’s company. I wished everything could go back to how it was. I wished he would come home from work, greet me with that devilishly handsome smile of his, and then put his hand on my belly to talk to the baby. Then, just maybe, he would plant a kiss on my lips, which would lead to more exciting adventures in his bedroom.
The mere thought of it made my panties wet. I groaned and rolled over.
I couldn’t believe how horny this pregnancy had made me. With Ethan around, I had always been able to satisfy my craving for sex. But now, there was no sex to be had. I was crippled by my need for it, so I opted for the next best thing. I could take care of myself. I used to do it all the time before I moved into Ethan’s home.
I found my vibrator at the back of the drawer in my nightstand. I was relieved to find that it was still charged. I rolled back onto my back and shimmied my pants down. It was a struggle with my belly so round and full now, but after some wiggling, I managed to be free of them. I pushed my panties to the side and powered on the vibrator. Its familiar hum filled the air, and I held it just above my clit.
When I touched it to myself, I was incredibly sensitive. I let out a startled little whimper before rolling the tip of the vibrator around the clit. I would have to ease my way into this one.
As I teased myself, I let my mind wander to thoughts of Ethan. Even though I knew he was done with me, I couldn’t help but yearn for his touch.
I imagined that he was there with me, and he was settled between my legs. If I looked down, I wouldn’t be able to see him past my belly, but he would be there, tongue darting between his lips to taste me as his fingers slipped inside me, curling and uncurling with expert precision until I came in one great rolling wave of delight.
When I was done, he would flip me over, manhandling me like I weighed nothing. He would lift me up and position me on my hands and knees so that my spine was arched and my ass was up in the air for him. If I was lucky, he would indulge me in a little more foreplay before he fucked me.
I brought the vibrator to my clit, gently gliding it over the most sensitive spot. My breath caught in my throat, and then I let out a content little sigh. I needed this. Amongst all the chaos and grief, I needed a moment where I could feel good.
I focused my thoughts on what Ethan would do to me if I was on my hands and knees in front of him. He would probably lean over me, pull my hair to one shoulder to expose my neck, and nibble and kiss the soft skin there as his fingers played with my clit. When I was about to come, he would slip a finger inside me.
His lips would crush against mine, and we would be locked in a passionate, raw kiss as his fingers fucked me. When it all became too intense, I would cry out into his mouth, and he would keep going until I came.
My pussy would be soaking wet like it was now. I would be ready. Ethan would enter me, cock hard and aching.
I bit my bottom lip. I adjusted to the next setting on my vibrator, and it began a pulsating rhythm that promised a body-shaking orgasm. With my free hand, I reached down, slipped a finger between my swollen folds, and began fucking myself while pretending it was Ethan’s dick.
Behind my closed eyelids, I imagined him bucking against me. I could almost hear the slap of his balls against me. I could feel his hot breath on the nape of my neck.
I moaned softly as I approached my climax. I was so close. Everything felt extremely tight. My whole body was preparing to let go.
When it happened, I cried out, and the sound felt incredibly loud in the empty penthouse. I rolled my hips against the vibrator until I was done, and then I stayed where I was, basking in the very brief afterglow of my orgasm.
Then the doorbell rang.
I sat bolt upright, my pants still around my ankles, and sat there motionless as I waited for another ring like a well-trained bloodhound.
The doorbell rang again.
“Fuck,” I breathed, shimmying awkwardly to the edge of the bed and hanging my legs off the end to pull my pants back on. My panties became immediately soaked. I rushed out into the hall, and as I made my way to the front door, I wondered how bright my cheeks were. Was my hair a mess? Was it obvious what I had just been doing?
When I opened the front door, I was surprised and delighted to see Heather standing there. She had a gift bag in one hand that was vomiting out pink and purple tissue paper. In her other hand was a bottle of sparkling apple juice. She lifted it up and wiggled it.
“I know our usual broken-heart remedy is a bottle of champagne,” Heather said, “but you can’t have any, so I picked the next best thing. Can I come in?”
“Yes, of course,” I said, stepping aside to let Heather in.
She slipped in behind me and hung up her coat. I waited as she added her scarf to the hook and then turned to face me. I hoped she couldn’t see through the facade I was putting up. Was it obvious that I had just been pleasing myself?
“How have you been doing?” Heather asked.
It was the question I hated more than any other question. This was the one that always brought all my emotions racing to the foreground.
My afterglow was gone. I was hollow again. I shook my head once before giving in to the tears that I was barely keeping at bay. “I’m not good,” I said honestly as I sniffled and wiped the corners of my eyes with the sleeves of my shirt.
Heather frowned and then nodded her head toward to the kitchen. “Come on. Let’s go in. I’ll pour us our drinks, and you can go through the goodies I grabbed for you, and we can talk. You need to talk.”
I nodded and followed her into the kitchen. She had me sit down, and she went about grabbing us glasses and filling them with the bubbly apple concoction. As she did that, I pulled the tissue out of the gift bag and went through what she had picked up for me.
The first thing I pulled out was a new romantic comedy flick. I knew I would be able to get through it with her company. We always liked to sit and make fun of these kinds of movies, and that sort of light-hearted silliness was exactly what I needed right now. Heather had also brought me a bag of my favorite chocolates, a pair of fuzzy pink socks with little rubber grips on the bottom, and a vanilla scented candle. I twisted the mason jar style lid off the candle and smelled it.
“My favorite,” I said.
“I know,” Heather said, rummaging through one of the kitchen drawers until she found a lighter. She lit the candle and brought it with her to the living room. Then she grabbed our drinks and brought those to the coffee table. I followed her over, and we both took up a seat at either end of the sofa.
“Thank you for the goodies,” I said. “You’re the best friend a girl could ask for.”
“You’re welcome, and that’s not true. A best friend wouldn’t have checked out on you for months like I did.”
“This makes up for it,” I said honestly. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“You’d do just fine, Dev. I know you would.” Heather put her hand on my knee. “I’m sorry about what Ethan did. I can’t quite figure out how to forgive him. I don’t know if I can.”
“He’s your brother Heather. You have to. Don’t let this ruin your relationship with him. You guys adore each other. It has nothing to do with me,” I said. It was hard to say the words, but they needed to be said. I believed them. I needed Heather to as well.
“Still,” Heather muttered as she picked at a loose thread on her jeans. “He’s being a jackass.”
I wasn’t going to argue with that.
“How have you been holding up?”
I shook my head. “Not good.” The tears were surfacing again. Anytime I had to confront how bad this whole mess was making me feel, I crumbled. “I’m so in love with him, Heather. I don’t know how it happened, but it just did. It was like one day we were friends, and the next, I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. And I was so stupid to think he felt the same way. My heart is broken.”
“I know,” Heather whispered. “I know.”
I wiped my tears from my cheeks. “I never should have let myself fall so hard.”
“You can’t control that,” Heather said.
“I should have at least tried.”
“No,” Heather said. “Your feelings are valid. Don’t convince yourself otherwise. And listen. You’re not alone. You still have me. I’ll help you raise the baby. We would make an awesome team.”
I laughed through my tears. “I know I’m not alone, and I know Ethan will still make a good father. It just sucks that after everything, he doesn’t want me back, you know?”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. It’s no one’s fault. This is how it’s going to be, I guess,” I said.
Heather stood up with a sigh. “Movie time? I think we need to do something that will get your mind off things. You need a break from all this,” she said, waving her hand in the air and gesturing at all of me.
“Oh,” I giggled. “how sweet of you. Am I a total mess?”
“Well,” Heather grinned. “I’ve seen you look worse, but that’s only when it’s three in the morning and you spent the entire night mixing all your hard liquor with your wine and your coolers and ended up over the toilet puking your guts out. So yes, you’re a bit of a mess, but that’s okay. We’re all a mess sometimes.”
Heather popped in the movie and brought me over my chocolates, which we shared, and I was thankful I was able to keep them down. Sometimes, the only cure for heartbreak was time with someone who loved you and who would never make you feel the way the one person you wanted more than anything else in the world did.