Chapter 10
Allie
I had left Steven’s house a little after ten in the morning. He had tried to seduce me into staying one last time at his front door by hooking a thumb in the belt loop of my jeans and tugging me against him. It had almost worked. Had he kissed me, I might have still been there, lying with my legs in the air with his cock in me again.
But I wasn’t. I was at home brushing my teeth and getting ready to meet Melissa. I had been considering whether or not I was going to tell her about Steven and me hooking up. I decided that I should because she had always been such a good sounding board for me. She gave me the best advice, and I knew this was something that I shouldn’t carry around with me without telling someone. I needed to share the burden.
I met Melissa at the mall outside her favorite shop. We wandered through the racks, and she pulled out several pencil skirts, blouses, and blazers and asked me for my opinion. I nodded along with her, not really paying much attention.
“Okay,” Melissa said finally, leaning up against one of the sales racks. “What’s the deal, Allie? You’re acting super weird. Is everything okay?”
“Oh. Yes. Sorry. I’m okay.”
“I’m not convinced at all by that answer,” Melissa said.
I stepped closer to her and lowered my voice. “I fucked Steven.”
“What?” Melissa exclaimed loudly. I shushed her as my cheeks burned. “Oh my God, Allie,” Melissa gushed, “are you serious?”
“Yes, we hooked up. In all honesty, we hooked up like five times, but that’s beside the point.”
“Um, no it’s not. You fucked him five times? How was he?” Melissa asked, giggling sheepishly and covering her mouth.
“You have no idea,” I said, feeling that stirring desire again below my belly at the thought of the sex. “But it’s afterward that things got complicated. I told him to give me my diary back. And at some point in the conversation, I ended up confessing my feelings for him.”
“What exactly does that mean? What feelings are we talking about here?”
“I told him I loved him.”
“Holy shit, Allie. That’s a huge deal! What did he say?” Melissa’s eyes were glittering with curiosity.
“He told me he loved me too.”
“What?” Melissa clapped her hands together and squealed. “This is huge! What does this mean? Are you guys a couple now?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head before she got too excited. “We’re just friends. Like always. Just friends. We’re going to keep hanging out.”
“You’re going to keep fucking him, in other words,” Melissa said with a not so subtle eye roll.
I didn’t bother disagreeing with that statement. I already wanted to fuck him again.
“Does he know about, you know,” Melissa said. “Andrew? Do you think he read that entry?”
“No, he doesn’t know. I’m positive. And I don’t plan on ever letting him find out. If he knew Andrew and I had kept that secret from him for so long, it would destroy him. He doesn’t trust a lot of people as it is. Andrew and I are two of very few.”
Melissa groaned and pressed her hand to her forehead. “Allie, you realize how foolish that sounds when you say it out loud, right? He’s going to find out one day. You should just tell him. Wipe the slate clean. He would understand it better if you could explain it to him properly. If he finds out from someone else, well, that’s bad, Allie. You need to tell him.”
“No, I can’t. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“You’re going to make it worse now that you’re a couple. Sex complicates things. Feelings are involved now. You have to believe me,” Melissa said.
“We’re just friends. Nothing has changed. He doesn’t need to know.”
“If you say so, Allie, But I mean it. You’re making a big mistake.”
Later that evening when I was home alone, I couldn’t get Melissa’s words out of my head. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was right. Maybe Steven did need to know. It had been ten years, after all, and nothing had really happened.
Andrew and I had been young and stupid. I was only sixteen after all. He had been twenty-two. We regretted it right away. Then, when we thought I was pregnant, we thought everyone was going to find out. We thought our lives were over. Andrew was a good guy. He told me then that he wouldn’t leave me, and that he would support me no matter what I decided to do about the pregnancy.
It never got far enough for me to have to make that decision. After two weeks of thinking I was going to be a teen mother, Andrew showed up at my house and took me to the doctor. They did a pregnancy test. He sat and held my hand the whole time. It came back negative.
The doctor gave us the news and left us alone in the room. We had agreed, right then and there, that we would never speak of what had happened again. We both had been idiots. We both had made mistakes. No one needed to know, because nothing had happened. We never had sex again. In fact, we never did anything again. It had all been one, crazy, wild night, where both of us gave in to our desires rather than use our heads.
All of that was so far in the past now. Ten years. It hadn’t affected anything. Andrew and I never had feelings for each other. Even now, when we saw each other, it wasn’t weird. We were friends. There were no hard feelings. We wanted the best for each other.
I knew, though, Steven wouldn’t understand. And I couldn’t bear the thought of being the person who hurt him. He trusted me. He knew I would never do anything to hurt him. But I already had done it. Years ago.
But Melissa had a knack for always being right. Secrets always managed to sneak their way out into the light, no matter how hard a person tries to bury them. How Andrew and I had already managed to keep our secret under lock and key for ten years, I had no idea.
One thing was for certain: eventually, Steven would found out that his brother and I had had sex. He would find out we had been lying for ten years. Then things could only get worse from there.
Honesty was always the best policy. I knew that.
I picked up my phone and called Steven. He answered almost right away.
“Hey, Steven,” I said, a tight knot of nerves forming in my belly. “Are you free tonight?”
“I can be,” he said, a deep chuckle coming through the phone.
“Do you want to come over?”
“When?”
“Anytime. I just got home,” I said, twirling a strand of my hair nervously.
“Should I bring anything?” he asked.
“Just yourself,” I said.
“Alright, I’ll see you in a few.”
When he said a few, I had figured an hour, maybe an hour and a half. Steven was the kind of guy who usually got distracted by something and rolled around whenever it suited him best. However, he arrived only fifteen minutes after getting off the phone with me. I buzzed him up, and he let himself in.
He found me folding laundry in my living room. I had built four neat little piles of clothes and was in the middle of rolling my socks into pairs when he hugged me from behind and kissed my neck.
I giggled and tried to squirm out of his grasp. I needed to talk to him. I wanted to put this whole mess behind us. Then, maybe we would be able to move forward with whatever this whole thing was between us.
“Steven,” I pleaded, wriggling free from his hug. “Stop it.”
“Why?” he asked, following my retreat with pinching fingers and a wicked grin. “You invited me over, don’t play hard to get now.”
“I’m not playing hard to get,” I said, slapping his hand away.
He laughed defiantly and tried to grab my sleeve. I couldn’t help the bubbling laughter that came out of me as I scurried away from him and sought cover in the kitchen. He followed me, the sound of his laugh mingling with mine. He caught up with me and grabbed both my wrists.
“Why are you running from me, Allie cat?”
I bit my bottom lip. Tell him. Like a Band-aid. Nice and quick. “I—”
Steven pressed his thumb against my bottom lip, pulling it free from my pinching teeth. “You what?” He purred.
He was making this way too hard. His bright blue eyes held the promise of a sexy adventure. He was thinking dirty thoughts, and they were leaking over to me. I wanted to take him, right then and there. Telling him about Andrew could wait. Couldn’t it?
“Nothing,” I whispered, shaking my head. My hair fell over my shoulders.
Steven grazed my cheek with his thumb. He traced my jaw and tilted my face up to his. “You’re sure? Speak now, or forever hold your peace.”
“Forever?”
“Well,” he said, shrugging slightly, “until you can speak again. I plan on making that a little difficult for you in the next couple minutes.”
“Are you taunting me, Steven Marx?”
He threw his head back and laughed. His hair fell over his eyes when he looked back down at me. Fuck, he was so hot. That little voice in my head was screaming Andrew’s name, but my body was already forgetting who he was. Steven’s closeness was too distracting. The smell of him flooded my nose: pine and sandalwood.
“I would never taunt you, Allie, not on purpose at least. I’m just letting you know what’s about to go down.”
“And what’s that?” I asked curiously. “What exactly is about to go down?” I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to hear the words on his lips.
His lips curled upward. He put his finger under my chin and stared into my eyes. “I’m going to eat you up, right here in the middle of the kitchen. I’m going to take you and fuck you over that sink. And I’m not going to stop until you’re screaming my name.”
All thoughts of Andrew disappeared. The itch that I couldn’t scratch grew as I stared into Steven’s eyes. “Yes please,” I whispered, wanting nothing more than what he had just promised me.
“I’m sorry,” Steven said, tilting my head up even more. “I couldn’t hear you. What did you want?”
“I want everything,” I said. “I want you to fuck me. Here. Now. Over the sink. However you want.”
“That’s what I like to hear,” Steven said breathlessly, his fingers leaving my chin. His hand strayed to the back of my neck. He drew me to him and kissed me. That flutter of need consumed me again. I clutched at his shirt, balling it up in my fists and using it to hold me to him. I moaned into his mouth, and he matched my eagerness with a breathless sigh of his own.