Chapter 21
Steven
It was strange to wake up with a body pressed up against my side. I hadn’t slept in the same bed as someone since I told Allie I didn’t want to see her. That was three months ago. Now, she was curled up beside me, her body tucked neatly against mine. Her skin was warm and soft, and part of me knew this was what I had wanted. This is the kind of thing she and I were supposed to do in the morning. Cuddle. Sleep. Be close.
Her ass was pressed up against my crotch. My dick was hard and firm against her, but it wasn’t enough to wake her. I had one hand on her hip, and the other arm was under her pillow. Her breathing was deep and steady. She was peaceful, content, and at ease here with me.
I should feel the same way. But I didn’t. If anything, I felt anxious.
Part of this felt right, but another equal part of me was furious for getting sucked back in. Despite telling Allie I had forgiven her, I knew I hadn’t. There was still this nagging anger in the back of my mind about what she had done. I couldn’t shake the feeling of betrayal. I knew it was growing. It was turning into resentment. It was festering. Anger was brewing.
The sex had calmed the storm, but now that morning was here I had clarity. I still wasn’t over this whole mess.
I lifted my hand from Allie’s hip and pressed it to my forehead. I had created quite the situation for myself.
My phone buzzed on my nightstand. I reached out and answered it before checking who it was. I didn’t want it to keep ringing and wake Allie up.
“Hello?” I whispered. Allie nuzzled her cheek deeper into her pillow but didn’t wake.
“Morning, Steven,” my mother’s voice said. “I’m calling to make sure you are still coming tonight.”
“Tonight?” I asked, wracking my brain for commitments I had made and apparently forgotten.
“Yes,” my mother said slowly, “remember? The cocktail party? I talked to you about this over three weeks ago, honey. Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten.”
“Oh. Right. Yes. The cocktail party. What time is that again?”
“You can come any time after eight.”
“Okay. Yeah, I’ll be there. Sorry, Mom. It’s been a bit of a hectic week. It just slipped my mind,” I said, sighing and laying back on the pillows.
“That’s alright dear. I understand. Did you manage to find a date?”
“A date?”
Allie yawned and stretched beside me. She rolled over slowly and opened her eyes. She smiled at me, mouthed “who is it?” and then proceeded to rub the sleep out of her eyes.
“Yeah, Mom. I’m bringing Allie,” I said.
“Oh, how delightful!” my mother said on the other end of the line. “I haven’t seen her in ages! I’m so looking forward to catching up with her. Tell her I can’t wait to see her.”
“Will do,” I said. “Is Andrew going to be there?”
“Well, of course, your brother will be there, Steven,” my mother said. “Don’t be silly. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to see Allie, too. It’ll be like a little family reunion!”
“Right. Reunion,” I said. “Alright. I’ll see you at eight, Mom.”
I hung up the phone. Allie peered over at me. “What’s at eight?”
“Cocktails at my parents’ place. You know, the annual thing they do with all their friends? Want to be my date?”
Allie propped herself up on her elbow and smiled at me. She was beautiful in the morning, even with her hair in tangles and her makeup smudged under her eyes. “I would love to be your date. I haven’t seen your mom in forever.” She leaned in and kissed me lightly, then rolled away.
She stood and arched her back, unabashed about her nakedness. I watched her pad around the foot of my bed. She slipped into the bathroom and turned back to me before closing the door behind her. “I have an excuse to go buy a new dress now. I haven’t been shopping in ages,” she winked and locked herself in.
I locked my hands behind my head and stared at the ceiling. I was being a manipulative asshole. I knew it. The minute I agreed to bring Allie as my date. I had bigger intentions than attending a stupid cocktail party where I would do nothing but make small talk with people I only ever saw once every year.
I really was only going so that I could see Allie and Andrew in the same room together. I wanted to know what the dynamic was like. Despite her assuring me there was nothing between them, and that it had been nothing but a juvenile mistake, I had to see it with my own two eyes. A secret that two people kept for a decade was a serious thing. Was I just supposed to take both of them on their word?
Chance thought I should. He had said it at least a dozen times over the last three months. But it didn’t matter what he said. Or what Allie or Andrew said. If there were still something between them, tonight would help me see it. I would be able to find out once and for all if I could leave this thing behind me.
A nagging feeling in my gut already told me I wouldn’t be able to. How could I forget and forgive that Allie, my best friend, had fucked my older brother when she was sixteen and wasted? And, on top of that, they had thought they were pregnant. How could two people just bury that and pretend it had never happened?
The bathroom door opened, and Allie came back into the bedroom. She was naked. She sat on the edge of the bed beside me.
“Are you alright?” she asked, running her fingers over the knuckles of my left hand.
“Yeah, I’m good,” I lied, trying to give her a convincing smile. “A little tired, I guess.”
“Well,” she smiled, “fucking like a wild animal will do that to a man, I suppose.”
I chuckled.
“I should head out. I want to call Melissa and see if she will go shopping with me, and I don’t want to be out too late. I need plenty of time to prepare.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven?” I asked.
“Seven sounds perfect,” she said, leaning in and kissing me one last time before gathering her pants and panties, and then leaving the bedroom to track down her shirt and bra. She hollered goodbye once she was dressed. I heard the front door close behind her.
I stayed in bed still staring at the ceiling for a while.
I was probably asking for trouble with what I was doing. Perhaps I should call Chance and let him talk me out of it.
I shook my head as if I was having a conversation with myself. No, Steve. You have to know for certain, and this is the only way. If she still wants to fuck Andrew, you’ll sense it when you see them together tonight. And if she does, you can be done with her once and for all. She won’t have you wrapped around her finger anymore.
I sighed and sat up. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands and got up, not looking forward to working. I showered but didn’t dress up. I was working from home, and I was grateful for that because my nerves were getting the best of me while I sent out business emails in my sweats and no shirt.
Why was I so nervous?
Probably because Chance was right. I cared about this girl. She and I went back a long way, and we had shared a lot. For a while, I had been convinced that she was the one for me. But for all those years, I had been too afraid to do anything about it. I also had thought she would never want someone like me.
She would want someone like Andrew.
I hit send on one last email and ran my fingers through my hair. This whole situation was infuriating.
Andrew was the sweeter one. He had always been considered the nicer brother. He was the one people went to when they had a problem and needed help. He was the one who was always associated with the phrase “he’d give you his shirt off his back if you needed it.” He had proven that he was that kind of guy when he stuck by Allie’s side for those two weeks after their drunken fuck fest.
I wondered what people would think of him if they knew he screwed a sixteen-year-old when he was twenty-two. What would my mother think?
I had been the younger brother; the brother who pushed the boundaries and relied too heavily on his good looks and charm to get him by. I didn’t get credit for being smart. I had the same grades all through high school and college that Andrew had. It had always been more interesting for people to make me out to be the bad brother. The rebellious brother. The brother all the girls were advised to stay away from.
I gritted my teeth and slammed my laptop closed. Fuck that. Fuck all of them. Liars and cheaters and secret keepers. Tonight things would be out in the open. Tonight I would know where I stood with Allie.
Sure, the sex was great. And sure, I cared about her. I cared about her a lot. But if I couldn’t trust her, there was no point in taking this thing—whatever it was—any further. If she and Andrew still had eyes for each other, I was going to break things off with her then and there.
Screw them both. They could have each other if they were still keeping me in the dark.