When I woke up I noticed drool on my pillow. I hadn’t drooled since I was a kid. April wasn’t next to me anymore. I flipped the pillow over and rested my head back, thinking about the night before. She was just as hot as I imagined, and even hotter underneath all those clothes with her hair all messed up. Thinking about her made me want her to be in bed next to me, ready for a second round.

Of course, she wasn’t there, though. I decided to take a cold shower. I had sweat enough that I was starting to get a bit stinky, so I popped in the shower. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Her lips were like a little bow, perched on her face. Even the shower didn’t help take my mind off of it. Switching to cold water, I rinsed out my hair and tried to plan for the day.

If we had time, we would have to go enjoy the water. The shower was hardly enough to satisfy my thirst, my craving. I needed the ocean like the fish did. When I got back in the room I could hear the waves lapping onto the beach. April was out there, two coffees on the table.

Sneaking over, I kissed her on the top of the head and took one of the coffees.

“Thanks. After this and last night, I can’t see how you’re still single.”

She ignored my flirtation. “I didn’t know how you took it, so I brought up some cream and sugar packets too.”

“I take it black. Or with a little bit of ice cream.” I smiled at her again. She didn’t smile back. I saw her coffee looked like a mug of milk with a hint of coffee in it. “How are you feeling today?”

“A little hung over, but okay.”

We both sat there for a while, taking in the view. “Do you think there will be time to swim? We should go when we get a chance.”

“I don’t know if we will, between the party and every other thing that has to happen in between.” I was disappointed, but I understood.

“I figured. I’ll just come back out here sometime and surf. I used to be really big into surfing. I still am, actually, but college gave me a lot more free time. Especially since I was directly on a beach. Sometimes my escorts will let me surf, a few even go with me, but most of the time they want to go to paradise without actually getting a feel for it.” I felt so natural around her that I forgot not to talk about previous jobs. I just wanted to talk about everything with her. Talking about my work was starting off on the wrong foot. I looked at her eyes. She didn’t seem bothered. She was blushing, again, however. She reached into her bag, and pulled out an envelope and handed it to me.

My stomach turned. “What’s this?” I could guess what it was. I was worried that she would have felt like this. What happened last night had nothing to do with her needing me here, what had happened was between us. I thought we had a connection. I opened the envelope. There were four crisp one hundred dollars bills that I know she had to go to the bank for. I looked back at her. She smiled, and I wanted to forgive her. I couldn’t. Now I knew what she had thought of me that whole time.

“Is this a joke?” I was stunned. Normally that was her job. The look on her face was confusion. I threw the envelope back on the table and picked up my coffee, scolding hot. I drank it anyway. She still wasn’t talking. I don’t think she knew what to say. “Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Sir” wasn’t a great rhyme, so I am sure she was speechless on how to treat a prostitute like me.

“Are you mad?”

“Hell yes I’m mad. I’m livid.”

“Why? If someone handed me that I would be thrilled.” She brushed her hair out of her face and looked out to the ocean. I could tell she was trying to stay calm. She had had a glow around her until I started yelling. Now she looked frustrated, but she stayed calm still, keeping her eyes on the water.

“Money has nothing to do with what happened between us.” I said each word like they ended with a period. “You don’t need to think much of me, I don’t work for Google or anything, but you can at least treat me like a human being, and not some commodity to buy.”

I realized the irony in my statement as I said it. I was exactly that. I sold myself to women for money. The whole reason I took this job wasn’t even for the money. It was for the thrill of making someone else pleased. It was so different from home. My parents were both always measuring me up to other people and kids. Being an escort was one of the few escapes I had where someone could be thrilled by the sight of me and want me to visit again and again.

“Woah, I don’t care if you work for Google, I don’t care if you’re an escort or not. I just - ”

“Isn’t that what this whole thing is? You want to get hot, which you already are. That piece of shit just didn’t know what he had and so he didn’t treat you like a person. You want to find a great date, say he is perfect for you and make me do this dance and song for your parents and friends and they are super impressed. They all see how happy you are doing, but not really and for what? So you can show up at your perfect ex-fiancee’s wedding, with someone strapped to you just to prove to everyone that you could turn out fine?”

I felt like an ass as I said it. Words were just pouring out of my mouth. I saw the hurt look in her eyes. I wanted to help, but she hurt me first.

“Besides, if you really wanted to buy me, you couldn’t afford me. I charge ten times that, sometimes more. Keep your money. You need it more than I do.”

That pushed it over. I didn’t care how much I hated myself at that point because some small part of me knew that it needed to be said. The other old ladies and billion-millionaires knew that I was their toy. They took me places, and I did the same song and dance for them. But with them it was all a charade. With her it was real. It felt real. If it weren’t, I would have pulled out more tricks last night, believe me. I don’t need to keep it simple, I just chose to. I didn’t want our first time to be a mockery of sex. I wanted her to feel like she was wanted back. Apparently I did a shitty job at it.

I finished my coffee and slammed down the mug. I wanted to leave. I wished I had never met her. Not like this. This was not how it was suppose to go. We were supposed to be laughing and naked, still on the bed. We should have had morning sex, the only thing better than the first time. It’s so playful and fun. Instead we were doing business over coffee. I wanted April to be the exception. I didn’t know how to feel. I didn’t know how to react. All that came out was my anger and disappointment.

I had never acted like this before. Normally when I am bothered by something I can take it in calm strides. I don’t know what was different this time. I felt like a child throwing a fit. My mind was going in circles. I was upset with her but I also wanted to help her at the same time. I didn’t want to be mad. I didn’t want to stay mad. I didn’t want to feel like an object to her, though. I thought that it was clear that what we were doing was off the books. Apparently not. I should start saying “Off the record” to her. That would be annoying. That would be dumb.

I noticed I was pacing in the room. I went back and forth between the bed and the porch. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to turn back time to before the fight. I wanted to turn back time to before we started flirting back and forth. I hoped she wasn’t just acting back. I certainly wasn’t acting around her.

I left her like that, silent and confused. I went into the room and got dressed. I only had nice clothes, but I didn’t feel like wearing them now. I felt like going down to the lobby in pajamas and just kicking back. I felt like doing a couple laps from here to Asia to blow off steam.

This was the first time I felt like this. I hadn’t felt used before. Not that she had used me. I don’t really know what was making me so mad, but I was hoping this wedding could get over quickly. The faster I was out of here, the faster I could regain my sensibility. I wanted to swim. I wanted to run. I wanted to do something to blow off this steam. I didn’t have the right clothes or time for any of these apparently, so I decided maybe drinking was my best option. Lucky for me, I get all the drinks I need on the house. Apparently I’m worth that much here.

“I’m going down to the lobby.” I shouted at her.

She didn’t know what to say or how to respond. I could tell I shocked her, but not in the way I wanted to. It was all unpleasant. I just grabbed the clothes that were on top of the rest and threw them on. I left the room, shoes in hand. I put them on in the elevator.