I’ve kissed a lot of girls, had a lot of first kisses, but the magic that I felt with Avery from the first moment that our lips touched, I’ve never felt before. It wasn’t just sexual attraction – though there was a ton of that as well. It was something more than that. A chemical connection. I’ve wanted to kiss her ever since I saw the way she looked at me while I was giving my speech.

And then Sadie had to come over and ruin it all. She’s such a bitch. I don’t know what I ever saw in her. I’m not even sure that this baby is mine. Sadie wasn’t exactly a loyal girlfriend. How can she be so sure?

And now, Avery is talking to Kora. Kora may have teared up at what I said, but Kora and I don’t have the best history. She wasn’t always my biggest fan. She doesn’t approve of my romantic life, even though she knows that I never cheat on anyone. I’m very honest about who I am and what I do. I don’t do long term relationships. I’m not interested in that. At least, I haven’t been for years. Kora is the type of woman who is very suspicious of perpetually single men. It’s as if she doesn’t believe that a man can be a bachelor and happy about it. It’s as if all single men are there to break women’s hearts and break up marriages. Well, I never date anyone married. I haven’t even dated anyone who was dating anyone else. I don’t like the drama, and I don’t need it.

Suddenly, my phone rings. I pull it out and see that it’s my other phone. Shit. I never get calls on it unless it’s something important. I’m not in the best headspace for it, but I can’t not answer.

“Yes?”

“We need you in Playa del Carmen, Mexico on the 17^th of next month.”

I look down at my calendar.

“I’m actually going to be nearby in Tulum for my brother’s wedding that weekend.”

Kora and Liam have waited for seven years to make it official, and now that they’re engaged, they have decided that they couldn’t wait the customary year to plan everything. They are going to do the whole thing in less than two months. My gift to them is that I’m picking up the tab for everything, including the wedding planner, and it’s no skin off my nose if they want to get it done so quickly. The wedding planner, however, is more than a little miffed. If it all goes smoothly, there’s a big tip in it for her for the rush job.

“The target will be on his yacht for his niece’s birthday party that day.”

“I actually put in for some time off that weekend.”

There’s a pause. I know I said the wrong thing.

“You don’t get time off. You’re an agent, and we need you there.”

Well, technically, I’m a spy. If you want to get even more technical, I’m an assassin, but the CIA frowns on that kind of literal interpretation of my job description.

“Right,” I say.

“I’ll be in touch with more details later,” he says and hangs up.

I take a deep breath.

I’m really getting sick of this job. I’m counting down the days until my contract runs out in two years, and I can actually enjoy my life as a civilian. A very rich civilian, at that. The funny thing is that I actually got involved with the CIA completely by accident. I was at one of those career fairs that the University of Southern California puts on for its students every fall and spring. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life after graduation, so I was walking around and talking to all the recruiters. And the CIA was there. I gave them my resume, and a few days later, they called me in for an interview. After a few rounds of interviews, I took a bunch of tests. I should’ve known right then and there that this wouldn’t be a good fit. I do great on tests, always have, but I hate them. I have no business working at any organization that’s based on tests.

Apparently, I did quite well on the tests, and they moved me further along. More tests followed. Then ten weeks of training and fieldwork. Then a special agent from a special branch of the CIA came to talk to me. He knew I was trying to do my own thing – building my start up, travel around the world – so he had a proposal for me. Join his unit and I wouldn’t have to work full-time. Just on on-call basis. Fulfill a mission or two a month, get a full-time salary, and be free the rest of the time to do my own thing. The only thing was that I couldn’t tell anyone about what I actually did, being a spy and all. You have to remember, I didn’t have any money then. I wanted to travel and see the world. I had a kernel of an idea for my start up. It sounded like the perfect job.

Well, eight years later, it’s not so much. Despite my best efforts, I’m apparently quite good at this, and I’ve moved up within the unit. Though I only do a few missions a year now, they still call on me for pretty much every complicated mission they have. And this one, in Mexico, is not going to be any walk in the park, that’s for sure.

I spot Avery by the dessert table. She’s all alone and looks much calmer now. Perhaps, it’s a good time to approach and explain.

“I want to go home,” she says before I get the chance to open my mouth.

“What?”

“I want to go home. Will you take me home?” She taps her foot on the floor, impatient. It reminds me of Sadie. I cringe.

“It’s still early. You don’t want to stay a little longer?”

“No. After finding out that my date is going to have a baby with his ex-girlfriend, I’ve had just about all I can handle.”

She walks toward Liam and Kora, gives them each a brief hug, and says that she has to go. They thank her for coming, and she and Kora exchange numbers. I want to stop her, but we’re already on our way out.

“I’m sorry. Avery, I’m sorry,” I run after her. She shrugs, but continues steadfastly toward my car.

“What do you want me to say? I just found out. I honestly don’t know for sure if it’s mine.”

“And what are you doing in the meantime?” she asks, turning to face me at the passenger door to my car.

“What do you mean?”

“Are you going to her ultrasound appointments? Are you going to go to her Lamaze classes with her?”

“I have no idea,” I shrug. I haven’t given that any thought whatsoever.

“Well, if it is your baby, you probably should. Otherwise, you’ll miss out.”

“Okay, fine,” I nod. “Maybe I will.”

“I’m not really sure if I want to date someone with a baby on the way.” She gets into my car and slams the door.

Now, I’m completely lost. I have no idea what is the right thing to say or do. I follow her into the car.

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to drive,” she says looking straight ahead. “I want to go home.”

I start the car and pull out of the parking lot.

“This is what’s going on from my perspective,” I say, taking a deep breath. I’ve never worked this hard with a girl. A real change for me.

“Sadie and I dated briefly. I thought she was cheating on me. We broke up, largely because of that and partly because we weren’t a good match. I don’t have any proof of this, but she didn’t deny it either. Then a couple of weeks ago, she insisted on meeting for dinner. And that’s when she told me that she is pregnant. I have no idea if that baby is mine, but it’s all her decision. I’m fine with whatever she decides. I don’t have a say in it, I know that. I also can’t find out if the baby is mine until it’s born. So I won’t know for nine months.”

She nods, but keeps looking straight ahead. From her demeanor, I know that she’s listening. So, I continue.

“I know that this is a complication. For us. But I also know that I want to see you again. I’m not someone who’s keen on relationships, which I’m sure my future sister-in-law filled you in about, but I feel something for you. Something completely different.”

“What do you mean?”

Finally, I have her attention!

“I like you, Avery. A lot.”

Luckily, there’s a red light. I turn to face her.

“I like you a lot. You don’t know me very well, but I never say that. Never.”

“I don’t want to date someone who has a baby momma,” she whispers, turning to face me.

“I know,” I shrug. “I wouldn’t either, but there’s nothing I can do about that right now.”

We turn onto Topanga Canyon Boulevard and disappear into the hills.

“What do you want me to say?” she asks.

“Nothing. I just want you to know that I felt something in that kiss we shared. I felt a lot. And I’d like to see you again. And I’m sorry about what happened with my ex. But I have no interest in being with her, regardless of what happens with the baby.”

“What are you going to do if it’s yours?” she asks.

“I’m going to step up and be part of its life. I’m going to see the baby and build a relationship. I don’t love the idea – don’t get me wrong – but I don’t want my child to grow up without a father. Especially, when I can easily participate in his or her life.”

Honestly, I didn’t know that’s how I felt until this very moment. Goosebumps run down my arms at even the thought of being a father. But that’s the right thing to do. I know it.

I don’t say anything else the rest of the way. Neither does she. I do look over at her occasionally, though, and I feel her stealing the occasional glance at me as well.

I pull into the parking lot by her apartment and park next to the only other car in the lot, her Prius. She gets out of the car, and I follow.

“You don’t need to walk to me to the door,” Avery says.

“I know,” I say, following her. I’m not sure if my presence is welcomed, but I’m trying my best to make up for the wrecked night.

When we reach her door, she turns to face me. I take a step forward. We’re so close to each other, I can feel and smell her peppermint breath on my lips. If she didn’t want me this close, she could take a step back. But she doesn’t.

“I’m sorry about tonight,” I whisper. I lean closer to her. At first, her eyes look past me, somewhere in the distance, but a moment later, they meet mine.

“I’m sorry too,” she whispers.

I don’t know what that means. Does she want to see me again but won’t because of what happened? Or does that mean that she’s just generally sorry about what occurred?

“Can I call you?” I ask.

She doesn’t reply. It’s now or never. Just go for it, I say to myself. I press my lips to her lips and bring her closer to me. At first, she doesn’t respond. But then, the moment takes over, and she kisses me back. I push her against her apartment door, cradle her head in my hands. I let my hands run up and down her body. I’m pleased when she doesn’t stop me. A few moments later, I pull away.

“Can I call you?” I ask again.

She’s breathless. After a few moments, her eyes manage to focus on mine.

“Yes,” she whispers and gives me another little kiss on the lips. “Against my better judgment, yes,” she adds.

I smile as she opens the door to her apartment. I want her to invite me in. I pray and hope for it, but I’m not surprised when it doesn’t happen.

“You better call,” Avery says and waves good-bye, before closing the door in my face. I nod and smile. I’m definitely going to call. This isn’t some empty promise that I typically make other girls. Avery is different. So different, in fact, it’s frightening me. I walk back to my car with shivers running down my spine. What is this? Anxiety? Fear? I’ve never felt this way about another person before. I don’t know whether I want to curse Aunt Dolly for matching us or give her a huge tip. What the fuck is going on? I turn up Guns ‘n Roses and race back down to Malibu in a state of awe.