I had strange dreams in the night – an eclectic mix of people and events that didn’t at all make sense. There was a great deal of coffee involved in each snippet that I remembered which made me think that my mind was still trying to comprehend what had happened the day before with Sebastian. I also remembered one dream where I was kissing Justin and then it turned out to be Sebastian and then changed back into Justin. It was all a bit confusing and disturbing and I wished that I had rather just slept through the night without dreams. I woke up far earlier than was necessary and I felt slightly groggy. I never felt good in the morning when I had dreamt so much. I hopped into the shower and tried to wake myself up. Scrubbing away every memory from the day before. When I came out I felt better and I was determined to start afresh today. I would look Sebastian in the eye and greet him, without an ounce of embarrassment from the day before. Perhaps I would even be able to crack a joke about it and the two of us could move on and start all over.

* * *

The harsh morning light also brought about a sense of clarity for me. I thought about what Justin had done to me and how awful I had felt by the way that he cheated and lied to me. Then I thought about my supposed best friend Amy and how she had deceived me. All of this made me realize that I was not ready to be in another relationship for quite some time and that when I was ready it would be with someone that I could fully trust and believe. I couldn’t believe that I had even thought about Sebastian in that way. From the looks of it, he was even worse than Justin and certainly not someone I would ever want to associate with. I’d be nice and polite to him during office hours but I’d definitely be staying clear of him. And so what if he was so good looking – there were plenty of good looking people in the world. I thought of that poor girl that had bought him lunch and wondered how many other women had experienced the exact same treatment from him. I hated guys like that. I wondered if Abbie had ever had a thing with him. I was dying to ask her. She seemed almost not to see his good looks but I wondered whether that was because she had just gotten used to his looks or because something had happened which had turned her against him. If he was such a womanizer I would find it strange if he hadn’t tried something with her – especially as she was so cute and bubbly. Unless he didn’t mix work and pleasure.

I could feel the sun shining through my curtains despite the early morning and I decided that it would be a good day to wear a dress. I had a lovely blue dress with tiny white birds dotted all over that was very summery while still being somewhat smart. I put on a small cardigan over it and some simple white heels. The dress code at work didn’t seem too strict and I had seen quite a few different outfits the day before so I figured the dress would be fine.

“Ah, you look so lovely. I’m so glad I got you that spray tan the other day – it looks great against that colour. Which reminds me, I better book us in for another one soon. I don’t want that beautiful tan fading on you too quickly especially since you’re now going to be spending most of your days indoors. I’ll set something up for the weekend. And before you say no… well you can’t. It’s happening. So, are you ready for day two?” Danielle asked me as I walked into the kitchen.

“I actually wasn’t even going to say no, can you believe it! I quite like the way I look with the tan. Look how much you are rubbing off on me! And yeah, I am ready for day two. I still have your necklace on! I am determined to make today a better day than yesterday. I’m sure it will be. Surely nothing can be more embarrassing than what I already went through. Now I can soldier on. I think day two is going to be even better. Also, we went through all my work yesterday so I don’t think I’ll even need to be around Sebastian all that much.”

“That’s my girl. You go out there and do your thing!”

“Thanks Danielle. Ooh, is that a blueberry muffin?” I pointed to a plate of muffins next to her.

“Yes indeed. Here take one and heat it up – it goes well with a cup of coffee. I have to get going so just put the rest in that container when you leave and pop them in the fridge. Have a great day Jane!”

I did as she told, enjoying the delicious muffin and coffee before heading out to work. I would try and make an extra effort to eat a bit healthier in the morning but in that moment I simply didn’t have the time or energy to think about it. And stress usually helped keep my weight down so I was all good on that front. I got into my car and waited for it to heat up. I still had the same car that I’d had ten years ago and even though I would hate to see it go I knew that eventually I’d have to get a new one. Still this trusty old 2000 Honda had done me proud and I’d had very little issues with it in the past. Getting rid of it would be like getting rid of a bit of my past. Although most of the memories involved Justin so perhaps that wouldn’t be a bad thing. If I ever had to bump into him again I’d want him to see me getting into a brand new car so that he could see that I had moved on with my life. I would hate nothing more for him to take pity of me living the same life that I had when I was with him while he had clearly moved on with his. I shook my head in disbelief – why was I thinking about Justin so early in the morning and why did I even bother to think that he honestly cared what car I was driving. He didn’t even care about me so I doubt he had any interest in my car. It had been two days since I had last checked up on him and I was happy with my resolve. The new job had given me more important things to worry about. But then, all that crumbled when I opened up my Instagram and went straight to his feed. And there he was – smiling into the camera, a funny hat on his head and a guitar in his arms. The caption read: Just me and my guitar. We’d only been broken up for a few months and in all the years that I had known him I hadn’t known him once to play the guitar. I didn’t even know that he knew how to play and I certainly never saw a guitar in the house. I saw that the next post was a video of him playing and I quickly switched off my phone and threw it onto the seat next to me. I suddenly felt angry. How could I know so little about the guy that I had been with for so long? But mostly, why had he hidden so much of himself from me? Had he been going for secret guitar lessons? Or had he started the moment that we had broken up?

“Whatever! I don’t need you Justin. You go and play your stupid guitar like there’s nothing in the world wrong with what you did to me. I bet you’re not very good at it anyway. You’re just looking for attention like you always do. Lying scumbag!” I said out loud and then started the car. It purred into action and I patted the dashboard, “At least you’ve been good to me Mr Honda.”

I put my music on, some nineties rock that felt perfect for the car and made my way to work, singing at the top of my voice. It always felt so releasing to sing in the car and I immediately felt myself relax. Then out of nowhere a car swerved past and cut me off. A Bentley! Of course! There was always one idiot on the road that made the drive frustrating.

“Idiot!” I yelled out and then turned my music up, singing even louder than before. The song was all about angst and frustration and was perfect for how annoyed I was at that moment.

Then, the same car went back to the other lane, cutting off another car and somehow ended up behind me again. I laughed at that, glad that I was now in front of the idiot who was in some desperate hurry to get somewhere. But the moment he found a gap he tried to cut in front of me again. This time, he didn’t plan it nearly as well as the first time and instead of getting ahead of me he knocked straight into me. I heard a massive crunch and felt the car swerve to the side and no matter what I did I couldn’t get it back under control. The car skidded a few times before coming to a halt and I felt myself thrown back against my seat. I took a huge breath, not realizing that I had been holding my breath and said a silent thank you that I was in one piece. Then I sat and allowed a few swear words to come hurtling out of my mouth. I got out of the car with shaky hands and saw that my car was completely wrecked. The Bentley had stopped behind me, with only a few scratches on its door, and I rushed straight up to it, ready to give the driver a piece of my mind. I couldn’t believe that it was a Bentley that had crashed into me – out of all the cars! I just hoped that the guy would be nice enough admit that it was his fault because there was no ways that I was going to be able to pay for the damage to my car let alone be responsible for his. However, by the way he was driving there was no doubt in my mind that I’d be dealing with someone who was probably not the nicest or kindest in the world.

“What the hell? Why did you do that? Are you okay?” I added the last part in because I suddenly realized that he might be hurt – even if the accident had been his fault. The windows were tinted and I couldn’t see inside but I was glad to see the car door opening. One foot came out of the car, then another and then the man got out of the car.

“Oh no! Sebastian!”