I wake up in the middle of the night and tiptoe to the bathroom. I don’t usually have to tiptoe, but Nick’s sleeping on our couch and I don’t want to wake him. On my way back, just as I think I’m in the clear, I hear him.

“Alice? Alice?”

“Sorry to wake you,” I say. “I’m just going back to my room.”

“No, it’s okay. I wasn’t asleep. Hey, come here for a second.”

I don’t want to. I’m tired and sleepy. It’s pitch black and my eyes have yet to adjust. But I walk up to the couch.

“Hey, we didn’t really get a chance to talk much tonight,” he says and moves his feet so that I have room to sit down.

“Yeah I know,” I say.

When Nick first texted me and told me that he was coming, I was excited. I was looking forward to it. But now that he is here, everything is different. Things feel off. Awkward. I’d known him for so long and yet he is a stranger. How is that even possible?

“So, how are you?” he asks and puts his hand on my knee.

“Fine,” I say quickly and recoil away from him. His touch takes things to a whole new level of awkwardness.

“Are you okay?” Nick leans closer to me. My eyes have adjusted to the dark and I see his thin lips close to mine. Am I sending out strange signals? What the hell is going on?

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m just tired,” I say and go to stand up.

“Listen, I don’t get it.” He takes my hand. I’m surprised by his aggressiveness.

“Don’t get what?” I ask.

“Weren’t we, like, flirting and stuff over text? You said that you were looking forward to seeing me?”

“I was.” I pull my hand away. “Flirting? I was asking you about Corrin. I was trying to make you feel better about the fact that she dumped you.”

“Oh, that’s mean. Why are you being so mean, Alice? You’re a nice girl.”

I hated the tone in his voice. Who was this person?

“I have to go.” I get up. But he gets up as well. And comes closer to me. For a moment, I think he’s going to apologize. But he doesn’t. Instead, he comes closer to me and pulls me in for a kiss. His hands are so strong that I can’t pull away. His lips are pressing so hard to mine that my teeth start to hurt. Finally, I manage to break my mouth free and scream.

“Let go! Let go of me!”

But he doesn’t. Instead, he pushes me onto the couch and jumps on top of me. I’m startled. I can’t believe this is happening. I feel like the whole world is moving in slow motion.

“What the fuck, Nick? What the fuck are you doing?” Tristan says, pushing him off me. He punches him and when I look up, I see Nick sitting on the floor, cradling his nose.

Juliet and Dylan come out of their rooms.

“Don’t you know that no means no?”

“Fuck you, Tristan!” Nick says.

“I want you to leave,” Tristan says.

“Now?” Nick seems surprised.

“Yes, now, you asshole. You think you’re going to stay here after you attacked Alice? What the fuck happened to you, Nick? Who are you?”

Nick doesn’t say anything. He simply gathers his things as we all stand around watching him. Somehow, in a daze, I manage to get off the couch and meander over to Juliet, who puts her arm around me. Tristan stands in front of us, in between us and Nick. Tristan throws Nick’s bag at him and escorts him toward the elevator.

“Are you okay?” Dylan asks.

I nod.

“What happened?” he asks. But I can’t bear to relive what happened. Tears pull in my eyes, and I try to hold them back. Unsuccessfully.

“Nothing, really,” I finally say.

“What the fuck did he do?” Juliet asks.

I try to open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. “I can’t,” I manage to finally whisper. I run inside our room and slam the door.

I bury my head in my pillow and try to block out the whole world. When Tristan returns, I hear him explain what had happened to Dylan and Juliet. I’m glad he does because I know I don’t have the strength to say it out loud.

* * *

The following morning, I’ve decided to skip my morning classes to lie around in bed, staring at the ceiling. Juliet left early for class and the room is awfully quiet. When the silence becomes deafening, I put in my headphones and try to push it out. Being alone with my thoughts right now is the last thing I want.

“Alice?” I hear a slight knock on the door through Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance”.

“Come in,” I say without sitting up in bed or bothering to turn down the music.

Tristan comes in. He looks tired and worried. The last time he had looked like that he had stayed up for two days straight working on his paper on Sherman and the Civil War.

“I just wanted to see how you were,” he asks. He sits down on my bed. I should get up, but all I can manage to do is to turn down the music.

“I’m okay.” I shrug. “Thank you.”

He nods.

“I mean it, really. Thank you. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t come in.” The very thought of that sends chills through my body and I curl up. He puts his hand on my back and rubs my shoulders slightly.

“Do you want me to stay?” he asks. I look up at him. I don’t know what to say. I shrug and leave it up to him.

He climbs into bed with me, on top of the covers. He wraps me up in the covers and pulls me close to him. He’s the big spoon. I’m the little one. The warmth that emanates from him fills the entire room and finally penetrates the coldness within me. Tears start to roll down my face. They’re not tears of regret or remorse. They aren’t tears of sadness. They’re tears of relief.

Adele’s “Hello” comes on. I take out one of my earphones and put it in Tristan’s ear. I turn up the music and we listen to her belt out what we both feel. He wraps his arms tighter around me as we drift off to sleep.