While I’m trying to catch my breath after one of the most intense orgasms of my life, my mind runs a mile a minute. Did I really just tell her that I loved her? I’ve never said those words in my life to anyone. Well, not anyone except my mom, dad and siblings. Definitely not to a girl. But Avery isn’t just a girl. She’s a girlfriend. Wow, even that word, girlfriend makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. It sounds so official.

I get up and go to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

“You okay?” Avery asks from the bedroom.

“Yeah, fine.”

I stare at myself in the mirror. Not really fine at all. She does not know this, definitely doesn’t even suspect it, but I’ve just crossed a threshold. Took a big step. Not one that I ever thought I would.

I wash my face, rubbing it hard with a towel. I look at myself in the mirror again. Everything about me looks the same. Even my tan is coming back. There’s the beginning of those nasty little crow’s feet around my eyes. There are the strong, broad shoulders that are perfectly balanced with the narrowness of my waist. I seem the same, but I don’t feel it. What is this feeling? And why does it make me feel like I’m suspended in weightlessness? As if I’m scuba diving in that middle section, far enough from the bottom of the ocean floor and too far away from the surface that I don’t see either the ground or the waves.

And then it hits me, perhaps this is what it’s like to actually care about someone? Maybe this is what it means to be in love?

I walk out of the bathroom. Avery is sitting on the bed, wrapped in a bed sheet. Her hair is all messed up, her makeup is a little smeared and I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful before. Her knees are pulled up to her chest and she’s holding something in her hand.

“Someone called you,” she says. I glance at her hand. That’s my other phone. Shit.

“I was going to get it for you, but when I searched through your jacket, I found two.” Avery takes out her other hand and shows me both of my phones.

“Why do you have two phones?” she asks.

I don’t know what to say. I freeze.

“Logan! Why do you have two phones?” she asks again, this time less patiently.

“I have to have another phone for work.”

“For work? What work? You don’t work.”

“Yes, I do,” I take the phone from her.

“What do you do?”

I stare at her, waiting for my mind to kick in. I’m trained in this. I know how to lie. Expertly. Just say something already, I say to myself. Anything.

“There are certain business opportunities that I’m investigating,” I say looking straight into her eyes. Most people are afraid of direct eye contact. Look right into her eyes and don’t blink, I remember what my training has taught me. That’s how most people determine if you’re telling the truth. “These companies have privacy concerns. So they gave me another phone to use in all of my communications.”

She nods.

“Okay,” she finally says.

“You don’t believe me?” I ask, changing my tone. I sit down next to her and put my arm around her. “It’s nothing, really.”

“No, I believe you,” she lets out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry. I was just really surprised. And then when I saw the phone, I freaked out a little.”

“I know,” I smile. “But it’s really nothing very interesting. They just tend to call me at various times of day and night. Not courteous like that.”

“And you’re thinking of doing business with them.”

“They have some very interesting ideas,” I say.

I brush her hair from her face and lean in to kiss her. At first, she doesn’t kiss me back, but then she reciprocates and I know that she believes me.

“Can I have my phones please?” I ask, pulling away.

She hands them to me.

It requires a password to open, so I know that she couldn’t see who called or read any of the text messages that Truman might have left. But if he called me so close to the mission, I know that it can’t be good.

I enter the passcode.

Where the fuck are you? Call me back ASAP.

Truman does not use language like that often, and I’ve never seen him text with this kind of urgency. Whatever it is, it’s not good.

“I have to make a call,” I say.

Truman starts talking almost as soon as I press send.

“Where the hell are you? Doesn’t matter. There has been a change of plans. Sanchez isn’t going to be on the boat. We just got word that he’s staying at the same resort as you. Room 117. First floor. He’s there alone. There’s a guard by the door, but we don’t think there’s anyone on the side facing the ocean. We’ll never get as good of a chance to get to him as we have now.”

“Got it.”

“I don’t think this needs saying, but you don’t need to wait until 2 a.m. Go now.”

“Okay.”

I hang up the phone, take a moment to collect my thoughts. Going now is a little bit of a problem. Avery is here, and she’s already suspicious, but there’s no other way around. Getting Sanchez here is much easier than on that boat, and there’s no one else around except his guards, which makes civilian causalities not much of a problem. I hate missions in which women and children are around the target. I don’t want to hurt or injure any innocent bystanders and make poor decisions as a result.

“I’m really, really sorry,” I walk into the room shaking my head, “but I have to go.”

“Go? Go where?” Avery asks.

“It’s work. There’s this emergency that I have to take care of.” I buckle my belt and put on my dress shirt.

I had another outfit lined up for the mission, but with Avery being here, I can’t very well dress in all black and look like a ninja. The suit I wore to the wedding will have to do. On the plus side, it might make me blend in easier afterwards, in case there’s a chase or something goes wrong.

“What are you talking about?” Avery gets up, wrapping herself in the robe. “You’re leaving now? Where are you going?”

“Not very far. Just to the business center. I have to do something. It won’t take long.”

I put on my jacket, skip the tie. I slip on the shoes.

“But why do you have to do it now?” she asks.

I walk back to her and take her into my arms.

“I’m really, really sorry. You don’t even know how sorry I am about this, but I really need to do this. I’m just going to be in the business center. I should be back in an hour or so. Get some sleep.”

Her eyes twinkle in the moonlight. I hate the disappointment that I see in them.

“I can’t sleep,” she shakes her head.

“Well, then watch some TV. Order some room service. I’ll be back soon,” I press my lips onto hers. I feel her losing herself in the moment. I would to, if my mind wasn’t on the mission. Ideally, this should look like an accident rather than an assassination. Assassinations always bring about the worst in rebels. They make the assassinated leader a martyr. A legend. People start imagining that he was better than he was. We can’t have that. Sanchez is an old man. He’s also a very unhealthy man. Someone who could easily have a heart attack and die. The best way to handle this is sneaking into his room while he is sleeping and suffocating him with his pillow. That would be ideal, but might not be possible. I have to be prepared.

I pull away from Avery.

“Are you okay?” I ask. She nods.

I let go of her and go to the closet. I feel her watching me as I search my suitcase for the hidden compartment with my weapon. Luckily, all the lights in the room are off, and I’m able to slip the gun in the waist of my pants and the silencer into my pocket of my jacket without her noticing.

I walk back to Avery to give her one last kiss before I go. This time I don’t embrace her; I don’t want her to feel anything around my waist. Instead, I keep her at arm’s length.

“Do you remember what I said when we were making love?” I ask. She looks at me.

“What?” she asks. I can tell that she isn’t happy. Her arms are crossed at her chest and her lips are pursed.

“I love you.”

She looks up at me as if she doesn’t believe me.

“You don’t have to say anything back. I just want you to know how I feel. I love you Avery, and I’ve never felt this way about anyone else before.”

Suddenly, a warm, inviting smile sweeps over her face. I give her one last kiss and disappear.