After depositing Lila’s money into my bank account, I head to my meeting. I have an hour to get to Studio City, which should be enough time even if there’s traffic (there almost always is). Driving my 2002 red Dodge Neon with a smashed in driver’s door, I do mental mathematics of the money that I currently have in my account. With Lila’s money, I have just enough to cover the rent for the month. Plus, I have an additional $200 and change to pay for groceries and whatever else. I let out a deep sigh. Okay, there’s just enough there. As long as the landlord waits until tomorrow to deposit the check that I wrote today. He usually waits about a week or two, which actually screws up my accounting even more. I assume the money is gone, and then it’s not and I splurge and get something at Whole Foods.

“Okay,” I say to myself out loud. “Enough about money. You have a very important meeting ahead of you. Focus on that.”

I turn up the radio and try to get into a happier and more upbeat mood. I’m excited about this, and my level of peppiness needs to reflect that. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned about Los Angeles, it’s that it’s important to always be happy. It’s almost like bad days aren’t allowed here. At least, not in the entertainment industry. When I first moved here, I thought that everyone was faking it, but then I realized that it was something like a self-realization thing. If you think happy thoughts and put out positive vibes, those things will come back to you. Lila’s a natural at it. Me, on the other hand, I have to try a little bit harder. It’s hard to be upbeat all the time. Especially if you’re broke most of the time. And have no idea how you’re going to pay for your student loans.

Though there’s a large parking lot in front of the office building, I park outside on the street. I’m not sure if they validate parking for this, and I don’t want to waste $5. I check my makeup in the rearview mirror and walk confidently toward the entrance. The security guard in the front tells me to head to the fifth floor and there will be signs for auditions there. The producers are holding auditions today, and they’re squeezing me in the middle. When I get out of the elevator, I’m greeted by a line of women standing along the wall of a narrow hallway waiting for their turn. Most fit this impossible LA look: over 5’7” tall, less than 130 pounds with long hair, even longer legs and large breasts. Everyone turns to look at me as I walk by, measuring me up. I head straight to the front. Most limit their scorn to giving me dirty looks as I dare to cut in line, but one even says,

“The line starts back there.”

“I’m not here for an audition,” I say loudly, to just appease everyone’s feelings. I feel the whole hallway give out a sigh of relief – one less person to compete with. As if I could really be competition, I chuckle to myself.

There’s a tiny woman with thick frames and short black hair sitting at a table at the end of the hallway. She looks up from her clipboard.

“You have to wait in line, miss,” she says.

“I’m actually not auditioning. My name’s Chloe Nichols and Tim is expecting me,” I say as confidently as possible. Tim is the producer who responded to my email. At this moment, I can’t remember his name. Shit. She looks at her clipboard.

“Oh yes, here you are. You’re right on time, but we can’t interrupt the auditioning process. I’ll let you in as soon as that girl comes out.”

I nod and wait. By the look on her face, I can tell that the girl in front of whom I’m cutting in front of isn’t happy. She’s not one to hide her discontent.

“I’m really sorry,” I say. “But I had this appointment set up a week ago.”

In a flash, her bad attitude vanishes and she gives me the biggest smile. I’m not sure if it’s genuine, but it makes me feel better.

“No worries,” she says.

Erdoes! Aha! The producer’s name is Tim Erdoes! I suddenly remember.

A girl comes out of the room, and the receptionist shows me inside.

“This is Chloe Nichols. She has an appointment with you, Tim.”

I enter a tiny, windowless room with a long table at the head of it. There are four people sitting at the table buried in head shots and notes. The small pudgy guy in a stained t-shirt looks up from his clipboard.

“Yes, Chloe! Come in, come in.”

“This is the wardrobe designer who contacted me earlier,” he tells the people in the room. “Chloe, this is Martha, Richard, and Barbara.”

“Nice to meet you,” everyone says as I shake their hand.

“To tell you the truth, I didn’t really give wardrobe much thought. And I’m glad that you contacted me.”

I smile. His warm demeanor and everyone’s friendly faces are putting me at ease. My adrenaline is still running on overdrive, but my breathing is getting a little bit steadier. You can do this, I say to myself.

“I’ve worked on a number of small films,” I lie. I really worked on one, and it was a short film. I wasn’t the main wardrobe stylist, just an intern. After months of not hearing back from anyone, to even work for free, my sister insisted that I make up (‘exaggerate’ was her word) some jobs on my resume to get my first real job.

“So I have experience styling actors. I think you’ve seen my portfolio on Instagram.”

Lila is also responsible for my Instagram feed. She wore most of the outfits and posed for photos. In some photos, you can see her face in others you can’t.

Tim smiles at me.

“Yes, we liked it very much,” he says, cracking his knuckles. It’s some sort of nervous tick. The sound of cracking knuckles makes me cringe, but I remain professional and personable.

Lila’s words ring in my ears. “Just keep smiling. It’s harder to reject a smiling face.”

I hand them a portfolio of the best photos from my Instagram feed. I wait for a moment for Tim to pass the photos over to the other side of the table. Once I feel like his attention is back on me, I add, “As I’ve stated in my email, I work for a very reasonable rate. $150-$200 per day. Plus expenses.”

“Wow, that is reasonable,” Barbara says.

“Well, these look great. You definitely have the flair for what’s modern and contemporary but unique. Doesn’t she, Tim?” Richard asks.

“Oh yes, definitely,” Tim agrees.

“I love this one in particular,” Martha points to one of the photos, showing Barbara.

“Well, let me tell you a little bit about the movie itself,” Tim says. “It’s about a famous actor who’s also a drunk and his journey of coming home for Thanksgiving and dealing with demons of his past.”

“That’s fascinating,” I say following another tip from Lila. The movie does sound interesting, but Lila said that it was important to use over the top words when describing their work.

“As a word, ‘interesting’ is way over used. It makes it sound like you’re bored,” she said.

By the expression on their faces, I can tell that I nailed it. Everyone’s smiles brighten up.

“We’re glad you feel that way,” Barbara says. “We’re definitely really excited about it.”

“The budget is quite small though,” Richard says. “$500,000. But we are in negotiations with a couple of famous actors who might work for free and take money out of the backend.”

The backend means they’ll take a percentage of the profits, if the movie were to make any. This is rarely the case, but if they are really in negotiations with someone famous, then that means that script is pretty good and the movie will at least get seen. Now I want this job even more. I do something that I’ve done since third grade whenever I wanted something. I hide one of my hands behind my back slightly, and cross my fingers. My own personal good luck charm.

“If you don’t mind stepping out for a second, Chloe, I’d like to take a moment to talk about this with everyone,” Tim says. He’s sitting up straighter now. There’s a smile on his face. Good news perhaps? I hope!

“Oh, before you leave, I was just wondering, how did you get into this line of work?” Martha asks. “Did you study fashion in school?”

“No, actually. Fashion was always a passion of mine, but growing up in Pennsylvania, I didn’t really know of a way I could make a living at it. I actually studied Economics at Oberlin. It’s a small liberal arts college in—“

“Ohio!” Richard finishes my sentence. “I know, I went there! But I graduated about ten years before you.”

“I graduated four years ago. I can’t believe you went there. Most people have never even heard of it,” I say. “Especially out here in LA.”

“I know, right? Aren’t they missing out?”

“Totally.”

“So, you majored in Econ?” Richard asks. “I majored in dance.”

After catching up about the pleasures of spending four years in the cloistered environment of Oberlin College, I go outside and wait for their decision. Within a few minutes, they call me back and offer me the job.

* * *

I leave the meeting on cloud nine. I have my first wardrobe stylist job! I’m actually going to be paid for doing something in fashion! After graduating from Oberlin, I was lost. I went to New York and got a finance job, which I hated. On day two, I knew that I hated it and never wanted to work there, but I slugged it out a whole year. After quitting, I couldn’t afford to live in New York and ended up back home in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania living with my parents. It was pathetic. I was depressed. I had no idea what I wanted to do with myself.

My sister, who is two years older than I am, has been living in LA since college. She went to University of Southern California and studied acting. She’s actually doing really well. She has been in a number of independent films and has a Screen Actor’s Guild card and an agent. Now, she’s actually getting paid for work. Not enough to quit her job as a waitress, because the work isn’t steady, but I’m certain that she will in the future. There’s a saying in LA: it takes at least a decade to become an overnight success. She’s only five years in.

Well, during my year of despondency and depression, she invited me to visit her out here. When I came out, we went out for a couple of lattes at Starbucks (her treat, because I was beyond broke), and she invited me to stay.

“I can’t lie, I like it here,” I told her that day. “It’s always sunny and warm, and the guys are much more attractive than in Pennsylvania.”

“That’s true. But they also know it, which isn’t that great,” Lila smiled.

“But I don’t know if I can move here.”

“Why not?”

“Because…because I don’t know what I want to do. I studied economics, and I thought that a job in finance would be fine. But it was awful.”

“Oh c’mon, Chloe. You and I both know that you never dreamed of a job in finance.”

“Does anyone?” I asked.

“I’m sure that some people do,” she said after thinking about it for a second. “But that’s not important. What’s important is that economics and finance were always some back up choices, weren’t they?”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Fashion. That’s what I mean. You love fashion right? And not just to shop. You love arranging, styling outfits. Finding just the right accessories for just the right occasion. To evoke just the right mood.”

“Okay, so what? That’s not a job,” I shrugged.

“Out here it is, you idiot. It’s called wardrobe stylist, and it’s very important.”

“You mean in movies?”

“And television. Everywhere,” Lila said.

“But I can’t do that.”

“Why not? It’s basically a crew job. You just send out your resume and experience and portfolio out to all the production companies and tell them that you work cheap. Someone will hire you.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that,” she says decidedly.

“And what do I do for money in the meantime?”

“Waitress. At the right place, you’ll make really good tips. It’s what everyone does.”

Even now, driving back home, I can remember her face at that moment. Determined and effervescent. She had somehow managed to solve all of my problems over a cup of coffee, and she was damn proud of it.