I wiped the sweat off of my brow and clicked my phone to see how much longer I had to run. My heart sank when it saw that I had no new messages. I should have been used to it by now, it had been a week. I was being chased by the wrong guy and ignored by the one I cared about. I pushed harder for the last five minutes and then did the cool down on the treadmill.

Travis was in the tanning room and I was tempted to go break in and cry to him again. I had been more of an emotional wreck now than before I went to the engagement party. I should have seen that coming. No one leaves weddings feeling the same way they did before they went to them, and I was stuck in the worst situation that only got worse as time went on.

I checked the scales. I hadn’t lost any more than a pound. Exercising felt useless. I wasn’t doing it for fun, and I almost didn’t care if I gained all the weight back. I didn’t have much hope for a future boyfriend. Getting thinner was the only way I knew to redeem myself, though. So it was what I was going to have to keep doing until I no longer felt so sorry for myself.

It was worse that everyone gave me puppy dog eyes when they saw me. They knew about the wedding. They knew about Tom. When he called off the wedding, everyone was very disappointed and they both blamed me and felt sorry for me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want Tom back. I never would again. He turned out to be less mature and worthwhile than I remembered.

I wasn’t sure what to do at this point. I kept applying for jobs and I kept getting rejections. I could freelance for some money, but I couldn’t make a career out of it. I was able to give Travis the money Grant didn’t take, but even that didn’t cover a fraction of what I owed him.

Travis was being the nicest about this. I think he felt worse since this was sort of his idea. I told him all the details. He agreed that I had a right to be confused about where me and Grant had stood, but he also saw why Grant left.

I didn’t blame him either. I drug him along and made him dance like a monkey and he didn’t get anything out of it. Tom tried to punch him in the face. I couldn’t believe it when I saw it and thinking back made it feel less real. I was going to miss Grant. I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. Even when he pissed me off, I knew that he had a right to feel the way he did, he wasn’t just throwing a fit. Grant had been nice, helping me through what was already a tough weekend. And then, of course, I blew it. I always ruin things that start to go my way.

Travis felt bad and took me out to lunch after the gym. I didn’t eat much. I wasn’t thinking about food. He kept conversation light. When he noticed that I didn’t have much to say in responses he just kept talking about his weekend. He had gotten a call back for an audition. He also told me a crazy story about someone who auditioned beside him. It was funny, but I didn’t feel like laughing. I just felt like sulking a little while longer. It wasn’t making me feel better, but it was helping me get it out of my system.

When we got back to our place, Travis kept asking me questions. He kept begging for more detail. The more I talked about the weekend, the worse I felt and the more I missed the good times that had happened. They could have still been happening if I were smart enough to just let Tom be alone.

Tom still tried to call and text me. He did it semi frequently until he finally got the hint. He would leave several messages, and the more he called the drunker he seemed to get. They would have been funny to listen to before but now I just felt bad for the guy. He was spiraling out of control and he had no idea what to do with his life.

Travis saw my glum look when I played the most recent one. “Maybe with his fiancée gone he will be able to focus on work now.”

“Let’s hope so.”

“They can’t fire him if his life is falling apart.”

“That never stopped him from breaking up with me.” We stopped talking again. I deleted the messages.

I hadn’t talked to either of my parents yet. I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what I should say to them. “I told you I shouldn’t have gone,” was all I could think of, but I didn’t even want to say that. I didn’t know how much they knew about Grant. I only knew that they knew he had left early. I thought Tom was a decent enough person to keep his mouth shut, but I have been surprised by him time and time again. It was hard to say what he had told everyone.

Tom was back to “Single” on Facebook. He had changed his profile picture, too. He was now single and showing it off. The selfie that was in place now was from before his new girl. I went to Grant’s Facebook and flipped through all of the pictures he was tagged in for the third time that week. He had grown so much through the photos. He was so handsome. He didn’t have many photos, so it didn’t take long to flip through them all. He didn’t seem like he actually used his account very much at all. I considered adding him, but if he still wasn’t answering my texts I didn’t see the point.

Travis left me in the living room while I flipped through them. He stayed in his room for a while and I heard him on the phone. I wondered if Alex knew about this. And if he did, I hope it was through Travis and not through Grant. I didn’t like the idea of having a stranger that was so close to my best friend dislike me.

Travis came back in the room and hung up. “That was Alex. I called him to get this for you. Please don’t make me regret it.” He handed me a piece of paper with an address on it. It was in Vegas.

“Is this real?”

“Yes. He lives in the penthouse of this building. If you get a restraining order, I don’t know how much more help I can be. Just be… careful. Use your best discretion.” I hugged Travis tight and put the paper in my pocket.

“You should probably pack a bag. Just in case.”

It took about 5 hours to get to Vegas so I left immediately. It was hardly noon. If I budgeted time right, I could get there in four hours. I didn’t know his schedule, or if he was even home for that matter but I didn’t care. I could drive back the next day and the day after that until I saw him.

I wanted to take Travis with me. Going on an adventure like this alone was frightening. I hadn’t done something like this ever before and now was a very emotional time for me. I stocked up on all the road trip necessities like gummy worms and energy drinks. I put in a Blonde CD and began the journey.

The car ride went fast. Too fast. I had memorized a monologue for an apology over and over again in my head, but I still felt like I didn’t have enough time to prepare. I had never been to Vegas before, so when I pulled through it was a culture shock. I saw all the signs on the buildings. This place had to be lit up at night almost as well as it was during the day time. There were people everywhere, scrambling from casino to casino. You could tell by the cars on the street where the good and bad neighborhoods were.

I grew more anxious the closer I got to my destination. When I went through a gated community, I was worried I went too far. I was in the right area though. As I pulled up to the largest, most lavish hotel in the area it began to sink in just how much he was worth. It was all Egyptian themed. The entire building looked like it was made of gold. Even the parking lot was paved with shinning bricks. I felt nauseous as I walked closer. I didn’t belong. This was all a mistake.

I didn’t drive across state for nothing, though. No matter how badly I wanted to turn around, I knew I couldn’t. Even if this was the last time that I ever stepped foot in Vegas, I knew that I had to do what I came to do.