I need to take socializing lessons from Grant. He has mingled his way through my friends and family like no one I have seen before. He was able to successfully tame and slay the dragon that is my mother. I have never seen anyone accomplish that before, not even Tom. Not even my dad. I hoped that Mrs. Middleton wasn’t upset by him being here. I wanted her to like him. I at least wanted to feel like he was welcomed. I certainly wanted him there. I wouldn’t be paying him if I didn’t.

Something about Grant gave me confidence. Maybe it was being seen with him, and maybe it was just the way he treated me. He had been a perfect gentleman all night, and the way he looked at me made me actually feel beautiful. All my cares and worries were disappearing.

That is, until I saw Tom. He was standing next to his fiancée laughing loudly at the front. I needed another drink. I got up to get one, but Grant insisted he grab them.

“I don’t want a martini.”

“That’s okay. We can have armeretto sours. You’ll love these.”

He left to grab the drinks before I could ask how many calories were in them. When he got back I was able to finish it in a matter of seconds. It tasted like juice. We got another, and I could tell that they were starting to hit me. I kept staring at Tom, seeing him socialize with all these faces from my past. This was supposed to be me. This was going to be my wedding exactly. It was strange to see it in the position I was. It was almost like hovering over your body after you died. Tom would laugh and his soon-to-be-wife would giggle and they were having the happiest time being the two dumbest people here. Stupid happy. Stupid in love. Stupid life ruiners. “You see that turd in the suit up there? That’s Tom.”

“The one with the woman with the legs?”

“That one exactly.”

“Okay.” Grant stood up and started leaving.

“Wait!” I stage whispered. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to go get him.”

“No, are you kidding? I haven’t talked to him in two years. I never want to talk to him again if I don’t have to.”

“Come on. You have to say something. He has to see the way you look tonight.”

“It isn’t worth it. I would rather die than be seen as I am now.”

“I have never seen anyone as beautiful as you.” When he said it that time I knew he meant it and I could feel myself falling harder. I was developing a crush on an escort. Was this an exciting new high in my life or a drastic new low? Grant slipped out of my grasp and went to go speak with him. I followed but grabbed a drink on the way.

“April.” Tom sees me before I can stop Grant from saying anything. “You look… Great.” I saw his fiancée eye me up and down. She linked arms with him.

“Doesn’t she? I helped her pick out this dress tonight.” Grant said, holding out his hand to shake. “I’m Grant Taylor.”

“Oh, how do you two know each other… actually how do I know you?” Tom said, shaking the hand back. He had that dumb confused look on his face that he got when solving computer problems.

“You don’t, actually. I came with April. I’m her date.” I saw Tom’s expression change. He kept his eyes fixed on me. “This is a lovely hotel, simply wonderful. If I ever get married, I will have to keep this place in mind.” Grant turned to look at me. “Don’t let me forget the name of this place, okay, honey?”

“Okay.” That was all I could manage to gasp out. Tom looked great. It stung me a lot to see him. Part of my heart wasn’t ready for this. When I saw his face I could feel the rush of feelings coming back through me.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Tom stopped shaking hands. His eyes darted back and forth between the two of us. I could sense him spacing out, he was stuck in his own head now.

“And you must be the bride.” Grant held his hand out to Legs and kissed her gently. “You look lovely this evening. Congrats to the both of you.”

Tom began to get fidgety, his vein popping on his forehead. He was definitely jealous. “Grant, do you mind if I steal April for just a bit? Please, help yourself to some refreshments.”

“Not at all.” Grant kissed me on the forehead and went to the bar. I could tell my mouth was still agape. I shut it and tried to summon words to say. I wanted to yell at him for leaving me. I wanted to grab his face and kiss him hard on the mouth. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know what I did to make him not love me anymore.

“April, I have to say, you look absolutely wonderful. I almost didn’t recognize you.”

“Thanks.”

“I’ll go ahead and talk to my mom for a bit. I’ll come back.” Legs said, backing away awkwardly.

“So, Grant is your guy now?”

“He sure is.”

“Where did you find him? He is certainly a charming fellow.”

“Enchanting, isn’t he?” I looked over at the bar. He was making small talk with the bartender, who was laughing hysterically at his jokes. I looked back at Tom. Boring old mean Tom. “We met at a bar. He said he couldn’t stand not seeing me again. Now it’s been two months.”

Tom fidgeted and I could tell he was feeling just as awkward seeing me as I was seeing him. He was bothered by Grant, but couldn’t say anything. Tom left first. I was never going to leave. This was all on him. “You know, I have to say, it is crazy seeing you. I almost thought you weren’t going to come tonight.”

“I almost didn’t.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. You certainly are doing well for yourself.”

“I could say the same for you.” I pointed at Legs. Tom glanced over too.

“Yeah, she’s a great girl.”

“Your mom seems like she is doing well. I missed her a lot.”

“Yeah, she asks about you all the time.”

“I bet that gets old. My mom does the same for you.” He snickered. “My mom is actually the only reason I am here, to tell you the truth. I really didn’t want to see you.” The honesty was coming out, and I could feel the alcohol resting in my stomach in an uneasy way. Maybe it was the nerves. Maybe it was butterflies.

“No one can really blame you.”

I was happy. Thrilled. I was so mad at Tom, but seeing him now, I’m not sure he was worth all the anger. I looked good. I was turning heads, I could tell. Maybe I wasn’t as fat as I thought I was. Maybe I was worth more than Tom. I was worthy of being loved. Now I could see Tom was jealous and he didn’t feel comfortable either. Me making him miserable the night before his wedding just by being there was all the boost that I needed to feel like me again. I realized we split for a good reason, whether it was cosmic fate or just restless uncertainty. I wasn’t over Tom, but I was going to be.

It grew silent and I finished my drink. “You look like you’re doing well, Tom.”

“Thanks. You honestly look so great tonight, April.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

“I’m serious.”

I smiled at him and tapped my empty glass. “Well, this thing isn’t going to fill itself.” I walked away slowly towards the bar. Grant watched me step closer and patted the seat next to him. I leaned in and whispered to him “Was he watching me leave?”

“Every step of the way. Bartender!” He shouted, playfully. “Let’s get this thirsty woman some heartbreak elixir.

“It felt really shitty to see him again. There were a lot of mixed emotions.”

“You’re in luck. I have mixed drinks for mixed emotions.” Grant joked and ordered my next drink. I swayed with the jazz music. I was fairly tipsy but I was still in my right mind. I was glad that I told Tom the truth. I was happy that he was jealous. I wanted to hurt him back for hurting me. The best thing about hurting him this way was that I wasn’t doing a single thing wrong.

It felt nice to be complimented by so many people. I felt a lot less hopeless than I had a week ago. This new April kick was certainly off to a great start. I was even enjoying my time with Grant. He won over my parents and even Tom’s parents. He even made me feel pretty when I wasn’t halfway down to my goal weight. Grant was being a really good friend and I could tell why Alex was so close to him. I wanted to know more about his day by day life. I wondered if he really had a hedge fund. It didn’t seem likely if he was an escort. And if he did, why was he an escort? There were much better ways for him to make money, or at least he didn’t really have to make money.

Something about his carefree Las Vegas lifestyle really appealed to me. I wanted to be able to run away, have it so my parents stopped shaming me. I wanted to live too.