This time he doesn’t have to coax me inside. Neither of us says another word as I climb into the passenger seat. I don’t get in because of what he said. I would’ve gotten in if he had said that he hated me. It’s not every day that you get the chance to right the wrong decision that you’d just made. And I didn’t need any more signs that this is what I had to do.

As I pull up the window, the warmth of the air inside puts me at ease. Heat is coming out from the seat. I start to warm up from the inside out.

“Will you take me to the train station?” I ask.

“Why? I’m going back home.”

“I think I’d like to go to the train station,” I say. I don’t have a good reason. I don’t want to go back with him. There’s something about this. If I let him take me home, he’ll be my knight in shining armor. Or something like that.

“Why do you have to be so stubborn?” he asks.

“Will you take me there or not?” I ask. He grunts and gives something like a shrug.

We drive in silence for a few moments. It’s deafening. We used to be able to hang out in the same room for hours and not talk without feeling uncomfortable. But now, everything’s different.

“And by the way, what were you thinking back there?” Tristan asks. The tone of his voice is accusatory. Angry.

“What if I hadn’t come back for you? You know, you and your dumb pride. It’s going to get you killed.” He shakes his head. “It’s okay to admit that you need help sometimes, you know that? It’s okay to feel lost. You don’t have to do everything on your own all the time.”

Tristan continues his lecture. He’s not much of a talker. He tends to keep things bottled up most of the time, behind a door with a big lock on it. A lock that I don’t have a key to. And listening to his lecture puts a smile on my face. I know that he cares about me. But it’s not every day that I get actual confirmation of that fact.

“What? Why are you smiling? I’m really mad at you, Alice.”

I nod. “I know. You’re right,” I say.

“I’m right? Wait, what?” He slows down to stop.

“What are you doing?”

“I have to memorialize this moment in stone. I don’t think I’ve been right, well, in ever.”

“Well, you better savor it then,” I laugh. “I’m not sure if you’re going to be right again anytime soon.”

We start driving again.

“And what were you thinking coming here?” I ask. “I mean, what if everything between Simon and me was fine? What if I hadn’t confronted him?”

“I would’ve just stayed there.” He shrugs. “I wanted to make sure that you were okay.”

“Stayed there? Where?”

“In the parking lot.”

“The whole weekend?”

“Maybe.” He shrugs. “I don’t know. I didn’t really have a plan.”

I roll my eyes. Don’t say anything for a bit.

“I had no idea that this was going to happen. I was just coming to talk to you. That’s all,” he says after a while. He’s looking straight ahead. Strands of hair fall into his face. He tucks them behind his ear. “I don’t want you to think I was some sort of stalker,” Tristan adds.

“I know that.”

“And then I saw you leave. So I followed you.”

I nod. That makes sense.

Neither of us says a word for a while. And then I remember something he had said.

“What happened with you and Tea?” I ask.

Tristan shrugs, shakes his head. He looks straight ahead. I know that he’s avoiding eye contact with me.

“Tristan?” I can’t let it go. I’m going to see her and I need to know what I should expect.

“We broke up,” he says. He shrugs again, the kind of shrug that makes me certain that it wasn’t good.

“I’m not sure if it’s a breakup since we weren’t really seeing each other officially, but whatever,” he says.

“What do you mean?”

“We weren’t officially dating. Is it a break up if there’s nothing to break?”

“Did she know that?” I ask.

“Not you too.” He looks straight at me. “Yes, I was very clear with her about that.”

“She didn’t seem like she was when we spoke,” I say.

Tristan shakes his head. Annoyed.

“So why did you break it off?” I ask. I’m very careful about not saying ‘break up.’

“I didn’t. She did,” he says.

“What?” I ask. That’s hard to believe. Tea was really smitten with him. Why would she do this?

“She said that she didn’t want to be in an ill-defined relationship. She wanted more. Either we were together, exclusive, or we weren’t. And I couldn’t give her that.”

I ask him why even though I know the answer.

We stop at the light. He turns all the way toward me in his seat. Looks straight into my eyes. I see an image of the red stop light in his eyes, and wonder if he can see them in mine.

“You’re a hard act to follow, Alice,” Tristan says quietly.

Shivers run down my spine. The tips of my fingers get cold. Then go numb. I don’t know what he means. No, that’s not true. I do. I have my suspicions, but I don’t dare assume. I don’t want to know.

“What,” I start. My throat is raspy and the word comes out broken in half. “What are you talking about?” I try again.

The light turns green. He drives out of the intersection and pulls over to the side of the road.

“What are you doing? Why are you stopping?” I ask quickly. I feel myself going into a panic over what might happen and over what might not.

“I want to tell you something,” Tristan says quietly.

I don’t look away from the front windshield even as Tristan turns to face me again.

“Alice? Turn to me. Please,” he says, touching my hand. I recoil from his touch. I take a deep breath. Quiet my pounding heart. And turn to face him.

“I love you,” he says, slowly allowing each word its time and space.

“What?” I mumble.

“I love you, Alice,” he says again. I try to read his face. It’s blank. All I see is how much his sun-kissed skin has faded in the bleakness of a New York fall.

“I love you, too,” I say a little too quickly.

It’s not a lie, but it’s not the truth either. I’m not sure what he meant for his ‘I love you.’ I love you as a friend. I love you like I used to. I love you and want to get back together. I love you and I want to be friends. We sit there in silence for a bit. It seems like we should kiss, but the moment isn’t right. There’s a distance between us. Filled with all the things that have been unsaid. All the things that should be explained.

Slowly, Tristan starts the car again and puts it in drive. We drive the rest of the way to the train station as strangers.