Chapter Thirteen
Nina
The nerve of that man!
Ashton Lange marched away from me as if he was pissed.
At me!
I hadn’t done one damn thing wrong to that man, and there he was hiding from me as if I was some banshee bitch that was harassing his ass or something. If he thought I was going to take what he’d said lying down, he had another think coming.
I was the one who ended up getting on that elevator instead of him, and I went up to vent my anger and frustration to my friends.
Julia saw the heat in my eyes as I came into her office. “I cannot believe this, Julia.” I flopped down on one of the sofas in her office. “Ashton has been hiding in his office to stay away from me. From me!”
My entire body was shaking. Julia went to the mini fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine. “This looks like a job for some wine.” She poured me a glass, then one for herself just as Lila knocked on the door. Julia went to the door to open it. “She’s fit to be tied, Lila. Ashton has really done it this time.”
Lila jerked her head toward the wine glasses. “Pour me one while you’re at it. I know this will put my panties in a wad too.” She made her way to me, taking a seat right next to me as she took my hand in hers. “Tell us all about it, Nina.”
“H … he … he,” I took a deep breath in an attempt to pull myself together. “He told me he’s been staying in his office to stay away from me.” And then the tears exploded. “What did I do wrong?”
Lila patted my hand. “Nothing. Not one damn thing, Nina.”
Julia placed one of the glasses in my hand. “Here, drink this. It’ll calm you down so you can vent more therapeutically.”
I had half the glass in my gut before Lila peeled it away from me. “Too fast. You don’t need to get hammered, just chilled out a bit.”
Nodding, I knew she was right. If I did get drunk, I wouldn’t be able to control myself. I would end up banging on Ashton’s door, demanding to be let in so I could belt him one right in the kisser.
Julia took a seat on the sofa across from us. “I wonder why he would want to avoid you. You two had a good time last weekend, didn’t you? Was there something that happened between you two that you’ve left out of our conversations? Be honest.”
I thought about it. Had I not paid attention to something that had upset Ashton? “I can’t think of anything that could’ve led to him acting this way.” I hadn’t told them one thing—it hadn’t seemed right to tell anyone about what had almost happened. “When he and I were making breakfast, right before you guys came into the kitchen, he and I almost kissed.”
Lila shook her head as she looked confused. “Why didn’t you tell us this before?”
With a shrug, I answered, “I don’t know. It seemed like a small thing. And it didn’t happen. He never kissed me. So, why bother telling anyone about it?”
Julia sighed. “I don’t know. I guess you were right not to mention it to us. But that still doesn’t help us make sense of things. If he was about to kiss you then, then what the hell could be going on in that man’s head right now?”
“That weekend was supposed to draw you guys closer together, not pull you further apart,” Lila said then took a drink of the wine. “That man is so confusing.”
Julia quirked her lips to one side, looking deep in thought. “You know, if the problem in the first place was this business with his fiancée, then do you think this could have something to do with her again?”
I nodded, then jumped up, stomping my feet as I hopped up and down in a fit. “Of course she has something to do with this! Be he was being so good with talking to me about her. So why is this happening now?”
There was no way that I could take any more of this. It was making me crazy.
Lila grabbed me, placing my ass back on the sofa. “Take a sip, Nina.” She held the wine glass to my lips.
I took a sip, but it didn’t do me any good. “I can’t do this anymore.”
Both of them looked at me with stunned expressions. Lila’s mouth gaped open. “You’re done with Ashton Lange? After two years, you are really done?”
Nodding, I took another sip. “I can’t compete with a dead woman. I never stood a chance. I’m finally getting that through my thick skull. He was never free; I can see that now. She’s got a hold on him from the grave. She’ll never let go.”
Julia was quick to say, “It’s not like that, Nina. She’s not the one who’s holding onto anyone. It’s him. He’s holding onto her because of the guilt he feels about her death. And he misses her too. Everything between them is unresolved. She left this Earth when they both loved each other so much. They had a whole life planned together. All that went away in a flash.”
“And I get that.” My hands fisted in my lap. “But I can’t keep on trying when he’s being mean to me. Ashton has never been mean to me. I don’t know how to take it. It just makes me want to get away from him,” I took a deep breath, trying to get my thoughts in some semblance of order. “I feel like I don’t even know him anymore. How can he act like this after we just had a wonderful, fun weekend of finally getting to really know one another? I just don’t understand.”
Artimus came through the door that connected his and Julia’s offices. “I can hear the shouting all the way in my office. What the hell has happened now, Nina?”
“Ashton told me that I’m the reason he’s been hiding in his office. I’m the reason he’s been avoiding everyone and everything. And I’m pretty upset—and I’m also done with that man!” I downed the rest of my wine. “Can I leave early and have the rest of the day off? I don’t think I can focus on holding those cue cards without throwing them up in the air and yelling at Ashton, since I know he’ll be watching from his office.”
Julia nodded. “Of course you can.”
Artimus looked pissed. “That’s it! I’m not going to let my friend throw his life away any longer.” He stormed out of the office and back into his.
Julia watched her husband leave. “I wonder what he’s got up his sleeve.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said as I got up to leave. “I’m done. I really am. This is it for me. No matter what Artimus does to get that man to come around, it won’t be enough. If it’s so easy for him to treat me this way, then I’m done wasting my time waiting around for him.”
“You can’t stop trying now, Nina,” Julie tried. “I believe this is just Ashton’s last-ditch effort to keep things the way they are—to keep his fiancée alive in his mind. This is the biggest change we’ve seen in him in two years—clearly something is happening with him that he hadn’t allowed before. He needs help with this. And you seem to be the only one he’ll talk to.”
“You know what? It’s not my responsibility to fix all of him problems. I’ve tried to help him with that, and where did it get me? If this is the way he responds to someone giving a shit about him, then he can kiss my ass, as far as I’m concerned.” I grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door opened. “I’ll be at home. I don’t know what I’ll be doing, but I’ll be doing something, I can tell you that much. I will not sit around, hoping that one day Ashton Lange will get his house in order. Because that day will never come.”
Lila and Julia came to the door, both enveloping me in a comforting hug. Julia patted me on the back. “Nina, let things calm down. You’re mad right now. And you’ve got every right to be. But don’t do anything that you’ll regret.”
Lila looked at me with a smile as she winked. “That means don’t go finding another man to get under, just so you can get over Ashton.”
“I hadn’t even thought of that.” The idea didn’t seem half bad to me. “And just why shouldn’t I do that, Lila? It sounds like a great idea.”
Her arm went around my shoulders as we all three walked toward the elevator. “Because right now you’re mad and hurt. When your judgement is clouded by that, it’s never a good time to get under anyone.”
Maybe she was right, but maybe she wasn’t. All I knew was that I’d wasted the last two years of my life pining after a man who would never accept a future with me, and it was time for a change. No more waiting around for anyone.
Getting onto the elevator, I waved goodbye to my friends as the doors closed. “See you on Monday.”
“Have a good weekend,” Lila said.
“Be good,” Julia threw in just before the doors closed.
The ride down to my floor had me thinking about what they’d said. Why should I be good?
I had been good for years, and where had that gotten me?
Nowhere, that’s where.
I went to my office to get my purse and shut down my computer. As I stopped at my door, I looked down the hallway at Ashton’s closed one.
He had never closed his door before. There were always people stopping by his office, and he always had a smile for them. Now he wasn’t talking to anyone.
As I thought about that, I waited to feel my heart aching for him. But it didn’t ache at all. I was that pissed at him.
So, I headed into my office. It seemed I was officially done with Ashton Lange. He’d stepped over a line that I hadn’t even known was there. Apparently, having someone turn away from me after I’d given them nothing but compassion and friendship—a bit more than friendship, even—was enough to give me an extreme change of heart.
I wanted him to know how mad I was at him. So, I sat down and wrote him an email that let him know exactly how done I was with him, and why.
Ashton,
I know you’ve suffered. I was there for you. I never pushed you to do anything you didn’t want to. I was your friend.
I’m not sure how things got to be the way they are, but I’m done trying to figure things out.
Here it is in black and white for you: I’m done.
You don’t have to hide in your office anymore. I won’t be trying to speak with you. I don’t even care to be your friend anymore, much less anything more than that.
I’d had this idea that you and I could be something special. I felt it all weekend long too. I had never felt closer to anyone than I felt with you.
Did I make that up?
Was any of it real for you?
Maybe I was living in a fantasy world, to believe that you and I could be more than friends. But that bubble has burst. You blew it all up.
I sat there, reading each word over and over until my eyes grew blurry. Then, one letter at a time, I deleted the whole thing until the page was blank.
No matter what Ashton had done, I wasn’t going to hurt him. Not on purpose, I wouldn’t.
He had his demons. I was well aware of that fact.
And I wouldn’t add to the beating he was already giving himself. But I also wasn’t about to keep on trying, to keep on waiting.
That wasn’t getting me anywhere, anyway.