Chapter Sixteen
Artimus
Julia’s body in my arms, the way she moved with me, how beautiful she looked—it was all too much to bear. The moment my lips touched her forehead, my cock sprang to life.
All the way back to my apartment, I tried to get that erection to go away by thinking all kinds of un-arousing thoughts. None of them worked. Her effect on me was too much, and I went straight to my shower as soon as I was inside my apartment.
I could still smell her on my clothes as I took them off. Her face filled my mind as I stepped into the shower, the warm water falling all over my hot body.
I leaned back on the tiled wall, taking my cock into my hands. Imagining that I had kissed her sweet lips instead of her forehead, I drifted away to a place where only she and I existed.
Visions of a moonless night on a deserted island greeted me, a waterfall flowing over us as we made love underneath its clear water. “Baby, I’ve waited forever for this moment,” I whispered to her before plunging my cock into her hot cunt.
Her soft moan filled my ears as she wrapped her legs around me. I pushed my hard cock into her as deep as I could get it. Over and over I plunged into her, until she was screaming my name.
Her name came out of my mouth then. “Julia, you are mine. You always have been. You always will be.”
Her cunt was squeezing my dick as I moved it inside of her, but I wanted more from her. I wanted to feel every part of her. Pulling out of her, I moved her to get on her knees then slammed my cock into her ass.
Julia made a soft purring sound as I fucked her in the ass. She was even tighter there, making me come before I knew it.
My eyes fluttered open as I spilled my cum onto the shower floor. Panting, I watched the thick white strands go down the drain. “Damn it.”
Why couldn’t I just be honest with the woman? Why was I doing all this pussyfooting around? This wasn’t like me at all. I wasn’t acting like myself, and I had no idea why that was.
Wrapping a towel around my waist, I went to my bed and fell onto it.
I should just call her. I should just tell her how I feel.
My head lolled to one side as I looked at my cell sitting on the nightstand. “Just call her.”
I didn’t move. I knew I wasn’t going to call her. I knew she wasn’t ready for me.
But how do I know that?
As I lay there, trying to figure out how I could be so certain about so many things about Julia, I found myself really looking at the young woman. There was a naiveté to her that showed just underneath the surface of her professional exterior, and that innocence shone through to me.
In every fantasy I had about Julia, there was an underlying theme. Forever.
I’d never thought about being with anyone forever. So why her?
She was much younger than me. Her whole life was ahead of her. What would she want with a man my age? Would she want forever with me?
I had never been the kind of man who had insecurities. This was new to me.
And then the reality of the situation hit me. I was afraid that if I told her how I really felt, she’d tell me she didn’t feel the same way. Those words would shatter me if they came from her mouth.
If I asked her to be mine forever and she came back with any reply other than yes, then I thought I might just fall apart and vanish into thin air. And that made me think that I must be going crazy.
No woman could make me feel like less than the man I was. I’d spent a long time working to become the man I was, and I’d never been less than proud of myself. So how was Julia making me feel like this?
Nothing made sense. And yet, everything seemed so simple.
Dancing with her that night, I’d never felt more like a part of another person. Our bodies moved together in a way that I didn’t know was possible. Even though I’d purposely picked out shoes with a six-inch heel that would bring her up close to my height, I’d had no idea how it would feel to have her body that close to mine.
Our hips had been on the same level. The constant contact wasn’t only arousing; there was something else too. Something I had never felt in my life. It was as if we were connected even though we weren’t doing more than touching.
Not that I felt like my cock was inside of her. It wasn’t like that. It was more like we were plugged into each other somehow. She felt so familiar in my arms. Everything about her felt familiar to me.
I’d wanted to kiss her so damn bad when I left her at her door. I’d wanted to scoop her up and take her to her bed and take her dress off, then kiss every last inch of her perfect body.
But I didn’t do any of that.
It wasn’t the right time. I could feel it somehow. I’d never been that in tune with myself, much less anyone else. And I was at a loss as to how to explain why that was.
The paparazzi had taken enough pictures of us that I knew I’d be getting some calls soon about who the girl was. My sisters would be on me right away, asking me to let them meet her.
Will I let them?
I’d brought less than a handful of women around my family. I didn’t like to mix family with the women I dated casually. But I wasn’t dating Julia. She worked for me. She’d gone to that event with me as a favor.
Julia, being the consummate professional she always was, wouldn’t have put me in a spot to have to find a date last minute. That was the only reason she’d agreed to go with me.
So why had I done that to myself then?
Again, I looked at my cell. “Maybe I should just call her and ask what would’ve happened if I had asked her to be my date tonight instead of asking her to go with me to help me out.”
My eyes closed. I wasn’t going to allow myself to call her. The poor girl was probably exhausted from how much I’d made her dance with me. She was sure to be asleep.
I’d already taken up so much of her personal time. Saturdays and Sundays were her days off, and I’d dared to intrude on one of them.
“I’m an ass.” I threw my arm over my face.
Selfish. Selfish. Selfish.
I hadn’t even thought about Julia needing her time off. Instead, I’d only thought about having her with me, dancing with her, having everyone think she was my date.
“What’s wrong with me?” I had to ask myself out loud.
I should’ve asked her out properly. And I shouldn’t have been monopolizing her time either. She was spreading herself so thin for me. It was then that I realized I’d been taking advantage of her.
This was Julia’s first job, and it was a much better position than most new graduates obtained. She’d do anything and everything she could to make sure she’d get to keep that job. Including going out with me.
I’d become the thing that I had most loathed. I was being the boss who asked his employee, a woman he was attracted to, to do more than what would normally be asked of anyone else in her position. Going out on a date, even if I had worded it differently, was going too far.
No, I hadn’t threatened her with anything to get her to accompany me. No, I hadn’t pushed her at all to join me. But she was young, eager to keep her job, and eager to please her boss.
And I had taken advantage of that.
This was exactly the kind of situation I had wanted to avoid by putting in place such harsh rules at the station. How I ironic was it that I was the first one to break the rules so atrociously?
I knew I had to make things right, but I didn’t have the slightest clue how to do that. Maybe just backing off would be the best thing. I certainly couldn’t keep up my plan of showing her that I wanted more from her, not now that I had realized what I’d been doing.
As I lay there, silently berating myself, a thought occurred to me. I had to adjust my behavior immediately and make sure I was never asking Julia to do more than her job required.
No more late nights that ended up with her spending the night at my place. No more spur-of-the-moment invites, like needing a date for something. None of that.
Can I still take her to lunch?
I nodded. Yes, that would be acceptable, and would even be an appropriate way to show how much I appreciated all the hard work she’d done for the station and me.
But overall, I had to back off. I had to give the girl some breathing room. I hadn’t done much of that, having kept her with me as long as I could each day.
It was selfish, but I was happy to have figured that out before it had gone too far. But even with that realization, I knew I still wanted more from her. I felt like a pretzel inside. Wanting her with one part of me, but wanting to make sure she didn’t feel pressured with another part of me. Wanting to treat her the best way I possibly could as a boss. Wanting to treat her the best way I could as a man who found her stimulating, arousing, and completely capable of stealing my heart and making it her own.
What a mess I’m in.
Rolling over, I got underneath my blanket and tried to settle in to get some sleep. I had a hell of a lot of thinking to do before Monday came and I saw Julia again.
Maybe I could try to think about as if she were one of my younger sisters. It was worth a shot, wasn’t it?
Just as I had determined this new course of action, her face appeared in my mind. Long dark silky hair hung around her gorgeous face. Pouty lips begged to be kissed.
No, I can’t think of her the same way I do my sisters. That’s out.
Was the task of putting my feelings for Julia behind me impossible? Was it impossible to think of that woman as only my employee? Should I do something about that?
But what could I do about that besides fire her?
I couldn’t fire her. Not only because I liked her so much, but also because she was damn good at her job. It also wouldn’t be fair to her, or even legal.
The time had come for me to do whatever I had to for this to work. I could do it. I’d done hard things many times in my life. I could make sure I treated Julia like any other employee, only expecting her to do her normal job. That meant not exploiting my position to get her in my home, and especially not my bed.
But I’d keep up with the nice things I’d been doing for her. Having meals brought into the office that she’d actually eat, and letting her keep the shopping account so she could get new clothes. Those were things I’d keep giving her.
It wouldn’t beat myself up over continuing to have feelings for her, mostly because I knew they weren’t going to go away. But I would stop trying to make our relationship more personal, even the things I’d been doing on a subconscious level.
I’d seen the light. That meant things had to change.