Chapter Fourteen
Ashton
The longer I sat there, looking at the text Artimus had sent to me, the madder I got.
Who did he think he was, sending me that information? Why did he think he could butt into that part of my life?
I had to make some drastic changes, and there was no better time than the present.
Storming up to Artimus’ office, I flew off the elevator as Brady and his intern Veronica looked at me with mouths gaping.
“Is Artimus in?” I asked with a sharp tone.
Brady nodded. “Yeah. Are you okay, Ashton?”
“Never better.” I hit the door to my boss’s office with my fist. “It’s me, Artimus. Open up.”
Once the door opened, I saw Artimus sitting behind his large desk, looking at me with an alarmed expression. “What the hell, Ashton?”
Taking long strides, I got to his desk where I pounded my fist on top of it. “Who do you think you are?”
His eyes narrowed as he looked at me. “Take a seat.”
“No.” I banged the desk again. “Why do you think you can butt into my personal business?”
He stood up too, trying to exert his authority, I assumed. “Listen to me, Ashton Lange. I know you’re upset and not yourself right now. And I do understand why. But you can’t stand here and ask me why I think I have a right to do anything where you’re concerned. You are one of my best friends. I can help you—or try to, at least—if I feel you need help. Which you do, by the way.”
I hated the fact that he thought I needed help. “You don’t understand at all, Artimus. No one does.”
“And that’s where you’re completely wrong, Ashton.” He came around his desk to put his hand on my shoulder. “Other people have gone through loss. Other people have lived through the same thing you have. There are people who can help you.”
All I could do was shake my head, knowing that he didn’t understand what I needed at all. “No one has gone through exactly what I have. No one, Artimus. You could never understand. And I don’t expect you to. What I do expect from you is loyalty. But you’ve just proven to me that your loyalty doesn’t lie with me, it lies with Nina. I never expected that from you or Duke.”
A wry smile curled his lips. “Have I disappointed you, Ashton?”
With a nod, I answered his question. “More than you know. Being ambushed by the one person I didn’t want to see and finding out that it was all your doing—well, that fucking sucks.”
“You needed to see her. You needed to talk to her. But I know that didn’t go the way I hoped it would.” He walked away from me, going to the bar in the far corner of his office and pulling out a bottle of Scotch. “Come, let’s have a drink and talk about things.”
I didn’t want a drink. I just wanted to get shit straight with him and get the hell out of there. But my feet went toward him anyway. My hand took the glass of alcohol. Then my lips parted to drink some of it down.
My body has become a real traitor to me of late.
Artimus took a seat in one of the overstuffed brown leather chairs and pointed to another one. “Have a seat.”
“I don’t—” I began to protest.
His eyes went narrow once more. “Have a seat,” came his stern interruption.
I wasn’t afraid of Artimus. Hell, we were both around the same size and build. I could hold my own if he and I got physical. But I didn’t want that to happen, so I took a seat and another sip. I felt a little bit calmer as I said, “I know you mean well, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m losing too much.”
“And how is that?” he asked, taking a sip of the Scotch before putting the short crystal glass down on the side table next to him.
I didn’t want to tell him about anything. I knew it would sound insane. But I also knew he wasn’t going to just let me do what I felt I had to without hearing some kind of an explanation for it. “I know that you think the best thing for me is to go see a shrink. But I know what that Patel woman will want to do to me.”
He looked at me with concern etching his expression. “You do?”
“Yes, I do.” I took another drink then put the glass down. “I haven’t told you everything about my fiancée. Her name was Natalia Reddy.”
“Yes, I’d heard that from Julia and Lila—they do talk a lot, you know” He shook his head as he looked down at the floor. “The fact that you never told me her name has never sat well with me. It made me think that I haven’t been a very good friend to you. I should’ve asked more about her. I know that now.”
“I’ve kept her all to myself for years now. Only recently have I shared more about her.” I pushed my hand through my hair as I recalled the conversations I’d had with Nina about my fiancée. “And I did that with Nina. I don’t know how she got it out of me, but she did. And now it feels like, because of that, she’s pushed Natalia into the far recesses of my brain. I don’t want her pushed back there. I want her up front, where she’s always been since the moment I met her.”
Artimus still didn’t get it. “If your fiancée was alive, I could see that,” he said. “But since she isn’t, then it makes no sense. Nina didn’t push anyone out of your head. Nina didn’t force you to tell her things about Natalia, you just did. You did that because you felt like you could trust Nina. And you can trust her.”
“I can’t trust her.” My hands fisted at my sides as I thought about how things had gone. “I forgot all about Natalia on the most important day. The day of her death.” Raising my head, I glared at Artimus. “Why should I get to enjoy a carefree life while the woman I loved more than life itself is dead? Especially when I’m the reason she’s not here anymore.”
“The car accident wasn’t your fault,” he said as he shook his head. “And if you will just talk to that therapist, you will be able to see that you are allowed to live again. She can help you. Just try it and see.”
“I don’t want to try it.” With a deep sigh, I let him in on things I hadn’t before. “You see, I know what any therapist will do. They’ll try to get me to forget Natalia. They’ll tell me to live my life and leave her behind. Well, I don’t want to leave her behind. I want to keep her right where she is. Or was, before Nina came into my life.”
“Nina’s been in your life for quite some time now. She’s not to blame for anything. You know that. So stop blaming her. That girl doesn’t deserve this. She’s been nothing but good to you, and the way you’re treating her is unacceptable.” He leaned forward, looking at me with what I could only call wisdom in his eyes. “It’s time to do what’s right. Nina doesn’t expect you to be with her. She’s never expected anything out of you. She cares about you more than anyone else does. And for that, she’s gotten the shit end of the deal here. If you aren’t going to get better, then you need to tell her that. You need to let her go.”
Guilt began to fill me. I had done Nina wrong. I knew I had. “I’m going to quit, Artimus. I can’t work around her anymore. I can’t do my job the way it needs to be done.”
“I’m not about to accept your resignation, Ashton.” He picked up his glass and took a drink, looking like he was pondering what his next move would be.
I wasn’t waiting for him to get the jump on me. “You can’t stop me from quitting, Artimus. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can. Being around Nina makes me think I can be normal. Be in a normal relationship again. I can’t do that. Not when—”
He stopped me as he said, “Not when Natalia is dead. Yeah, yeah, I get it. But what you don’t get is that I’m not going to sit here and let you do this to yourself.” He got up and began to pace in front of me. “How could I call myself your friend if I let you quit your job and go off to do God knows what, and eventually lose everything you have? How could I call myself your friend if I allowed you to fall off into some abyss just so that you can what? Die yourself? Be a homeless bum?”
“I was managing to cope with things just fine before I went and thought I could have something more with Nina. I can go back to that. If I’m not around her, that is.” I got up and went to look out the window at the busy street full of people. “For nearly four years, I’ve managed to get by. I can do it again, once Nina is out of my life.”
“So Natalia can come back in?” Artimus came and put his hand on my shoulder. “You told me once that you would wake up screaming from nightmares at least once a week. And those nightmares were about the wreck and Natalia’s death. On top of you momentarily forgetting about the date of the accident, are you saying that those dreams have stopped now?”
“They have.” I closed my eyes and wished I could have those dreams again.
“And you think that Nina is the reason they’ve stopped?” he asked.
“She is.” I opened my eyes then turned to look at my friend. “Nina is the one who fills my dreams now. I can’t stop having dreams about her and me …” I didn’t know if I should tell him what I had dreamt about.
It didn’t matter in the end, because he told me what he thought I was dreaming about. “Her and you having sex, I bet.”
All I could do was nod. My throat felt as if it was closing up. I turned away from him to look out the window once more. It helped to watch the people down on the ground. It took my mind away from all the pain I felt.
“And you’re saying you’d rather have nightmares about the worst day of your life, than have sex dreams about Nina?” he scoffed. I could hear the disbelief in his voice, and when he put it like that, it did sound crazy.
But he just didn’t understand what it was like.
I heard Artimus as he walked away from me. I thought that meant he’d given up and was going to ease up on me. But when I heard him making a phone call, I realized I’d been mistaken. “Dr. Patel, this is Artimus Wolfe. We talked earlier about my friend and employee, Ashton Lange.”
I couldn’t breathe as I turned to look at him. “What are you doing?”
He didn’t look at me at all as he went on. “Can I send my driver to pick you up and bring you here to my office? My friend is in need of your help. I would call this an emergency. He’s ready to upend his entire life over the ghost of his fiancée.”
Moving fast, I walked toward the door. He couldn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to.
Just as I got there, I heard a loud click. When I put my hand on the doorknob, it wouldn’t move. “Artimus! What the hell are you doing?”
“See you soon, Dr. Patel.” He ended the call then looked at me. “Saving you, Ashton. Someone has to do it. It might as well be me.”
What the fuck?