Chapter Nineteen
Julia
Leaving Lila’s office with a cup of coffee for Artimus, I went to my office and straight through to his, only to find that he wasn’t there. It was getting close to noon, so I figured he’d gone to lunch with someone.
He’d been ordering out and having lunch brought to the office for a while now. So it did seem a little odd that he’d go out to eat without saying a word to me about it.
Taking the coffee with me, I went back to my office and sat down, getting back to work. I would skip lunch, since I didn’t really like to eat at any of the nearby cafés. They didn’t have the kind of food I liked to eat anyway.
I looked at my computer screen, not taking in any of the information that was staring back at me. My mind was on Artimus, wondering where he was and what he was doing.
Only then did I realize how much I enjoyed our lunches together. Without ever asking me about what I wanted to eat, he would always order dishes that I didn’t even know I’d like, but would inevitably end up loving.
He and I would talk about anything other than work while we ate. It was a nice time that I looked forward to each day.
But maybe he didn’t want to do that anymore. Maybe that time was over for us. I didn’t like to even think about that.
A knock came at my door. “Hey, it’s Lila. Come eat with us, Julia.”
I pressed the button to open the door and found Lila and Nina standing there, waiting for me. Nina waved at me to come with them. “Come on. We’re not taking no for an answer this time.”
Sitting in the office feeling sorry for myself wasn’t what I should be doing anyway. So I got up, grabbed my purse, and went with them. “Thanks. My usual plans for lunch don’t seem to be happening today anyway.”
Nina nudged me with her shoulder. “You mean your little lunch dates with Artimus?”
“I wouldn’t call them dates, Nina.” I bumped her back with my shoulder.
Lila laughed. “Why not? Everyone else does.”
I was shocked. “They do not!”
Nina laughed too. “Come on, Julia. You and he stay holed up in your offices more than you are out of them. And what about those pictures that have been floating around of you two at the Humane Society charity event last weekend? You looked quite at home in his arms.”
“Did I?” I feigned surprise. I knew I’d looked that way. I’d seen the pictures too, after all. Who could deny the fact that I looked and felt at home in Artimus’s arms?
Lila and Nina laughed at me as we got onto the elevator. Lila punched the L button to take us all the way down to the ground floor. “Has he made any advances, Julia?” Lila’s smile was crooked, as if she already knew the answer.
But there wasn’t anything to know. “No, he hasn’t. Artimus is always the perfect gentleman.” Sometimes I wished he wasn’t though.
Sometimes I wished he would just throw me over his shoulder and take me to his bed, where he’d make short work of my virginity and tell me—much like a caveman would—that I belonged to him and no one else.
Sure, it sounded like something a woman from the dark ages would say, but at times I really did wish for him to do something like that. Taking the decision out of my hands would be the best thing Artimus could do for me. He wouldn’t hear any arguments from me, because that’s exactly what I wanted too.
We walked over to an Italian eatery, where the carbs would be forced down my throat. But I didn’t say a word about the restaurant choice. Instead, my focus went to the table of men who sat near the back of the establishment.
Lila smiled as she looked at me. “Oh, would you look who’s here. What a complete surprise.”
Nina and I leveled our eyes on her. Lila had known damn well those three men would be there. They just so happened to be seated at a table for six. That couldn’t just be a coincidence.
As we walked straight to them, Duke got up and pulled out a chair for Lila, the two of them sharing a quick kiss. “There you are, baby,” Duke greeted her.
Nina and I took chairs next to each other as Ashton moved to take the seat by Artimus. “Here you go, ladies.” He smiled at Nina as he sat by her. Only Artimus and I were separated, and I was put out with myself at how quickly I’d noticed such a thing.
“Hi there, boss,” I said as I sat down.
“Hey,” Artimus said as he looked at the menu in his hands.
The waiter came to give us menus then took our drink order. I looked it over, finding very little that I would eat. I still hadn’t found anything to my liking by the time he came back to take our orders.
One by one, the others rattled off what they’d be having, and then it came down to me. “Um, I think I’ll just have the salad.”
Artimus cleared his throat. “Or you could try the salmon in dill sauce. She can get that without the bed of rice, right?”
The waiter nodded. “Of course.” He looked at me. “I can have the rice substituted with some steamed broccoli, if you’d like?”
“That would be great. Thank you.” I put my menu away.
After the waiter left us, Lila pointed out, “Seems Artimus knows your diet better than you do, Julia.”
Artimus wasn’t about to let that statement go without saying something about it, “Julia knows she wants to keep her carbs low. She just doesn’t know a lot about what foods are the best for that.” He looked at me with a frown on his face. “And unfortunately, she thinks she’s got a battle with her weight to win. I keep trying to tell her that she’s already won and that she should find a better diet to help her maintain her goals.”
Having heard Artimus give me a similar speech multiple times in past few week, I decided to do something I’d never done before. I picked up my purse and took out a picture of my family and me from a few years back. Handing it to Nina, I said, “Here you go. Pass that around so everyone can see why I’m such a freak about what I eat.”
She looked at the picture and her eyes went wide. “Oh.”
My mother, father, older brothers, and I were all obese. Not just chubby. Obese. The rest of my family didn’t seem to care about that and had never bothered to change the way they ate.
When I moved out and went to college—my first experience away from home and my mother’s fatty cooking—I took the initiative to start living a more healthy life. I knew I wasn’t always perfect at it—not eating enough was just as bad as eating too much, as Artimus had helped me realize—but I tried to make the best of it.
“Artimus is right. I don’t know a lot about the foods I can eat. All I knew for sure when I started making my own meals was that salads were something I could eat as much as I wanted. And in the beginning, while my stomach was still shrinking, I ate four bags of premixed salad each day.” I patted my flat tummy. “It took a whole year to get to a healthy weight. It took another year of exercising every day to get the loose skin to go away. So, yeah, I take what I put into my mouth very seriously.”
When the picture got to Artimus, he stared at it then looked up at me. “You sure did work hard to get to where you are today, Julia. I find it impressive and inspiring.”
I was a bit embarrassed, but I wanted everyone to know that I didn’t have an eating disorder. I had genetics that gave me a reason to watch what I ate, and I was tired of everyone thinking other things about me.
After lunch, I was ready to get right back to work. “Artimus, we should get going,” I reminded him. “We’ve got that FCC meeting in an hour.”
With a nod, he got up. “I’ll take care of the check and see all of you tomorrow.”
I walked out in front of him as he called his driver to meet us in front of the restaurant. Artimus hadn’t been nearly as talkative as he usually was. I wondered if that had to do with seeing my old picture.
When we got into the back of his car, he still wasn’t back to his normal self. In fact, he was acting even odder. He stared out the window instead of talking to me. It felt awkward. So, I finally broke the silence. “Did seeing the picture of me bother you?”
He looked at me then shook his head. “No. Not at all.” A smile curved his lips. “If you want to know the truth, I found you beautiful in that picture.”
So that’s it. He’s into bigger women. No wonder he hasn’t made any moves on me.
But I wasn’t about to gain weight just to please him. The fact was that I felt better in every way being at a healthy weight. No one was going to get me to change that about myself.
“Well, what has you acting so strange then?” I asked.
A long sigh came out of him as he looked at me. “I accidentally heard you talking with Lila and Nina today. I’m sorry, but I can’t unhear what was said.”
I knew what he’d overheard in an instant, and heat flushed my skin from my head to my toes. I knew I’d gone crimson. “You know I’m a virgin?”
He nodded, and I covered my face with my hands. I was so embarrassed.
Artimus pulled them back to make me look at him. “Don’t be embarrassed about that, Julia. It’s not an easy thing nowadays. But could I ask you a question about it?”
Why fight it? It was out there. What else could he ask me that would be any less humiliating? “Go ahead.” I rolled my eyes. “The cat’s out of the bag now, after all.”
Without an ounce of shame, he gave me a sweltering once-over. “Why are you still a virgin? I mean, you’re smoking hot, and I know men have been after you.”
And here’s where I’ll lose my chance of ever having this man.
“Because I’m waiting for the right one—the man I’ll be with for the rest of my life. I don’t want to have sex with men, I want to have sex with one man. For the rest of my life. I know that sounds archaic, but that’s just the way I feel.”
I expected to see surprise in his eyes, but he didn’t change his expression at all. “Do you think you’ll ever find that man, Julia?”
I already had, but just didn’t know how to say it. I nodded. “I do. I really do.” It’s you, Artimus. But the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth.
His eyes weren’t leaving mine. His chest heaved as he took a deep breath. “Do you think you might’ve already found him?”
It’s you! It’s you!
My brain could say all kinds of things that would never leave my lips. I had no idea why that was. All I knew was I couldn’t make myself tell him the way I really felt.
If I could’ve, I would’ve told him that I thought he hung the moon and stars. I thought he was the best-looking man I’d ever seen. But not just that, he was the best man I’d ever known. Inside and out, he was gorgeous. I’d be lucky to have him. And if he saw fit to give himself to me, then I would gladly give myself to him.
But men didn’t like to think about giving themselves to women. They liked to think it was the woman who gave herself to them. In my version of a happy relationship, both parties had to give themselves freely and equally to the other. Nothing could be one-sided. Both had to give it all up, letting the other know they were in it with complete abandonment. Letting go of everything to make sure the other knew they were their entire world.
It was a lot to expect, according to most every other female I’d ever told that to. But it was what had been in my head forever, so to me, it was entirely achievable.
I gave him my answer and hoped he would read into it. “I have. But he doesn’t know that yet.”