Chapter Twenty-Four
Ashton
Feeding Nina cold Chinese food in bed wasn’t going to cut it for me. She had to get something hot to eat, even though she protested that cold food would be just fine with her.
So, at three o’clock in the morning, I ordered us a veggie pizza with extra cheese. “Yeah, fifteen minutes is more than fine, thanks.” I put the phone down and looked at Nina, who had gotten out of bed and was traipsing toward the bathroom. “What do you want to drink, baby?”
“A glass of cold milk, if you have any,” she said, then went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
Getting off the bed, I put on some pajamas then went to the kitchen to get the drinks and get out some paper plates and napkins. I thought a picnic in bed sounded good.
Then she came into the living room, wearing one of my T-shirts and nothing else, making my dick go hard again. “Oh, shit.” I looked down and watched my PJ bottoms tent.
She pointed at my erection and put her hand over her mouth as she giggled. “Did I do that?”
Putting everything I’d gathered back down on the countertop, I went to her, taking her up in my arms. “Is there anything about you that won’t set my cock off?”
She shrugged, and we both laughed as I twirled her around. I could not get enough of the woman, that was for sure. We wrestled around until a knock came at the door. “Pizza’s here.” I let her go to answer the door.
She ducked into the kitchen so that she wouldn’t be seen in the short shirt. “I’ll pour the milk. Do you want a glass too?”
“Yep.” I opened the door, taking the pizza and tipping the delivery guy. “Thanks, man.”
He looked at the ten I’d given him and smiled. “Thank you!”
Taking our pie, I headed toward the bedroom. “Come on, baby.”
“Ashton, get your butt back here. We are not eating in the bedroom. Are you crazy?” She placed the glasses of milk on the table, then put the paper plates down too. “We aren’t barbarians, you know.”
“Eating pizza in bed is barbaric?” I had to ask, as I’d had no idea there were any such rules in my house.
She pulled out a chair and took a seat. “Yes, it is. My mother never let us have anything more than a glass of water in our bedrooms. If you leave food or sugary drinks lying around, then you’ll get bugs in your house. You don’t want bugs in your house, do you?”
I guess I didn’t want bugs in my house, because I took the pizza to the table and sat down. “I’ve never thought about that.”
She gave me a cynical look. “Do you eat in your bedroom often?”
“Nope. This was going to be the first time, actually.” I did have a plan in mind. And then I remembered eating some cheese and meat off her tummy the last time we were together. “And what about eating in your bedroom at your apartment, Nina?”
She looked away, as if she’d been caught in some lie. “Oh, over there doesn’t matter. Kyle and Sandy take all kinds of crap to their rooms. We have to spray for bugs every week to keep them out. But here, well, this place is nice. Too nice to be eating food wherever you feel like it.”
“So, no Nina sundae in bed then?” I asked with a frown.
She shook her head, then jerked it toward the kitchen. “But in there is fine.”
The sexy grin she gave me had me laughing as she put pieces of pizza on both our plates. “Okay, I see how things are now. You’re making rules. I like it.”
Her head ducked, then she cut her eyes at me with a shy look in them. “I didn’t think about it like that. I just didn’t want your place getting messed up. It’s a very nice apartment. It should be treated that way.”
I took her hand in mine and decided to make up a rule of my own. “How about we start our own little thing right now?”
She looked at our hands. “Like what?”
“I’m not particularly religious, but I would like to start some type of a tradition that we do at each meal. In my mind, it’s the many meals we’ve shared that have brought us so close.” It was true. She and I had started out our friendship by joining each other and the others for lunch most days.
“I think that sounds nice.” She leaned over and kissed my cheek. “How about we say something that shows how much we appreciate good food and good company?”
“I like that idea.” I thought a moment then came up with something. “I’d like to thank the Lord above for this great grub and for this woman’s love. Amen.” I laughed a little. “What do you think about that?”
“Above and love rhyme.” She shook her head. “But grub? I dunno about that word.”
“You give it a try.” I munched on some pizza while she mulled it over. A minute passed, and she had yet to say a word as she ate too. “See, it’s not so easy, is it?”
“No, it’s really not.” With a shrug, she conceded, “You win, then.”
The victory sat well with me. “So, no food in the bedroom, that’s your rule. And my rule is a little prayer before we eat. I like this rulemaking thing. We should make some more.”
She raised her hand like she was in school or something. “Oh! I’ve got one.”
“Shoot.” I took a drink of milk as I waited for her new rule.
“We should always put the toilet seat down.” She nodded. “That’s a good one.”
“I don’t see why we should do that,” I said in confusion.
“Well, I’ve noticed that you tend to leave the seat up,” she told me as she fidgeted a little in her chair. “And if I get up in the middle of the night and I don’t want to turn on the light, then I might fall in and get my butt wet.”
Now it made sense. “I get it. Okay, we will both completely close the toilet lid then.”
She seemed grateful. “Thank you. It will save me some shocking moments if we can do that.”
“I’m sure it will.” I came up with a great new rule. “And here’s the next rule. We both sleep in the buff every night.”
She nodded in agreement. “Every night that we’re together, we can sleep naked, if you want to. That one’s cool with me.”
How badly I wanted to tell her that I wanted us to sleep together every night. But Dr. Patel had told me not to rush moving in together. I had just begun my therapy, after all.
That didn’t seem to matter to me as much as it mattered to everyone else. I felt this overwhelming need to get Nina into my life—full-time and fast. But I didn’t want things to devolve because of my impatient nature.
Time is important, the good doctor had told me. You need time to grieve, time to free yourself from the guilt you’ve built up over the years.
And I needed time to take Nina into my heart properly, a heart that had been closed off until recently.
The funny thing was that I didn’t think I needed time to let Nina into my heart. I’d told Dr. Patel that. But she only shook her head, as if she knew me better than I knew myself.
And as far as the grief was going, I wasn’t feeling it so sharply anymore. I had more joy in my heart than I could ever recall having.
The guilt? Well, that was still there. I didn’t think it would ever go away. But I felt like if the doctor could get over her role in the death of her baby, then I would eventually come to terms with my part in Natalia’s early demise.
“You’re lost in thought, Ashton,” Nina’s voice drew me back out.
There was a piece of pizza in one hand and the glass of milk in the other. I had zoned out. “I was just thinking.”
“About?” she asked, as she gently moved my hand with the milk onto the table. “You should probably put this down before you spill it.”
I didn’t want to tell her what I was thinking about. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s something.” She put down the pizza and took hold of my hand, drawing it to her heart as she looked into my eyes. “Tell me.”
“Dr. Patel has told me that I should take things nice and slow with you.” I watched her as she nodded. “You agree?”
“I want things to move forward. And I want them to move fast. But I know that it’s not the right thing for either of us. Only a couple of weeks ago, you were guarding your heart and your memory of Natalia. Now, just because we’ve shared ourselves, you and I both think we can just hurry up and move things forward. But we can’t. We can’t, because it’s not good for you.”
I hated feeling like there was something wrong with me. “I’m not sick, Nina. I’ve got some issues, and I’m dealing with them. And I love you so damn much, and I know that’s helping me a lot.” I did believe that, even though Dr. Patel had only shaken her head when I’d told her that.
The way Nina’s eyes went to an even softer state made my heart melt. She reached out to stroke my bearded cheek. “Aw, Ashton, that’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”
I took her hand, holding it tight. “Nina, what if they’re all wrong? What if we don’t have to wait? Why do we have to wait for what other people consider to be the right amount of time? No one seems to be taking into account all the time that we’ve been friends, close friends.”
Her lower lip pouted as she thought about what I’d said. “But the doctor is a professional. I’m sure she’s seen cases like yours before. She must know what’s best for you.”
“What about me? Don’t I know what’s right for me?” I asked her in earnest.
She rolled her lips together as if mustering up some courage to tell me something she knew I wouldn’t like. “Look, I know you’re a smart man.”
“Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming?” I ran my thumb over her knuckles as my stomach tightened with nerves.
“But,” she nodded at me, “you weren’t the one who sought professional help. You were thinking you could deal with things on your own. And that wasn’t working out very well.”
And she was right.
I had gone off the deep end, and I hadn’t swum back on my own. I’d had to be saved. Artimus had saved me by throwing me a life preserver in the form of Dr. Patel.
“I’ll follow her advice,” I admitted in defeat.
Nina got up and came around behind me, running her hand along my shoulders as she did. “Good. I’m with you all the way, babe. So, how about we get back to making crazy love for the rest of this weekend before we have to get back to the grind on Monday?”
Getting up, I let her lead me to the bedroom. “I like the way you think.” I tried to get into the moment and tried to stop thinking about the future.
For now, I had Nina. I had her all weekend long, and that was the only thing I needed to be thinking about right then.
The future would be there when we got to it.