Chapter 10
Katana
Thanksgiving Day
I had never felt worse than I did on Thanksgiving as I waited for my turkey pot pie to cook in the oven. Normally I’d just nuke the thing, but it being a holiday that was celebrated with turkey, I gave it a bit more love and put it in the oven.
An acrid taste had plagued my mouth for over an hour, so I gave up trying to use water to get rid of it and went to brush my teeth again. While in the restroom, I noticed the unopened box of birth control pills that were sitting on the vanity. I hadn’t taken any in weeks, since my stomach had been giving me fits. But something compelled me to pick up the box and look at it.
When I opened it, I began to count how many I’d taken out of it. There’d been fourteen pills I knew I hadn’t taken. And those were there. There were three missing, but before those three there was a week’s worth that I hadn’t taken.
My heart stopped. I’d forgotten to take my pills during that crazy week. The week right before I was with Nix.
I dropped to my knees, which had suddenly gone weak, and looked up. “Lord, please don’t let this be what I think it is.”
Shaking, I got up and went into my bedroom to grab my purse and car keys. The smell of the turkey pot pie had me going to turn the oven off before leaving the pie behind and going to go to the store.
As I drove around town, I found most places were closed for the holiday, but I did manage to find a convenience store and was lucky enough to find a pregnancy test.
When I took it to the checkout, the clerk scanned it then asked, “Congratulations?”
A shake of my head told her that was not the case. Not at all. I couldn’t speak—I thought I might just burst into tears if I tried. I quickly grabbed my purchase and went back home.
There were two sticks in the package, and I took one and headed to the bathroom. Once all set and ready to go, I found I couldn’t. I was dry as a bone.
Back I went to the kitchen to drink copious amounts of water. My stomach felt like it was floating in deep water, yet I still couldn’t pee. I guess my nerves had shut things down.
Digging through my purse, I found the business card Nixon had given me. I just stared at it for the longest time. “I’m so sorry, Nix. I didn’t do this on purpose.”
If I am pregnant, should I tell him about it?
Did he have to know? He’d made sure to ask me about birth control before we ever did a thing and I had told him I’d taken care of it. I hadn’t meant to lie about it—I thought I had been telling the truth.
That damn busy as hell week was to blame for this!
I sat at the kitchen table, my head in my hands as I stared at the card on the table, his name staring a hole in me. Nixon Slaughter, my baby’s father’s name.
I shook my head back and forth—I had to stop thinking like that. I couldn’t hold him accountable for this. I couldn’t do that to the man. He didn’t deserve that.
What did he deserve?
Did he deserve to know if he was going to be a father? Did he deserve the right to make his own decision about what part he wanted or didn’t want to play in his child’s life?
I knew the answer to those questions. I wasn’t without morals. I had never known my father. My mother had often said she had no idea who it was. Being a bastard child wasn’t a thing I’d want for my son or daughter.
But I was getting ahead of myself. I had to take the test before I could totally freak out—though I was pretty sure I already knew what the result would be.
I would tell Nix if the test came back positive. I wasn’t heartless. But I wouldn’t ask him for a thing. He could do for the child whatever he wanted. He could see it or not. Whatever he wanted.
All of this was my fault, and I’d carry the burden alone if I had to.
My phone rang, jerking me back to reality. Blyss’s name popped up on my screen, and I answered it, my voice shaky. “Hello, Blyss. Happy Thanksgiving.”
“You sound bad. What’s wrong, Katana?” She knew me better than most people did.
“Oh, nothing,” I lied. “How are the kids enjoying their yummy Thanksgiving dinner?”
“They hate it. No kid likes a meal that’s half vegetable-based sides. Troy made a homemade pepperoni pizza for them. He’s the best dad ever,” she gushed. “But enough about us, how about you? What are you doing to celebrate this day?”
God, I couldn’t tell her I was going to maybe eat a pot pie that came out of a box—and that was the best I could expect of my night at this point. I couldn’t tell her that it all depended on the results of the pregnancy test, because I knew I wouldn’t have an appetite if it was positive.
“Oh, not much,” I finally said. “Just working.”
“Please tell me you and a couple of friends went to eat somewhere. Please tell me you’re just coming in from a fun time and are now chilling because you’re so full,” she begged me.
Oh, how I wish I could tell her those things. “I wanted to stay in. I haven’t felt well in a couple of weeks. I think I have a bug or something,” I told her. That was the truth after all. I had thought that up until a short time ago.
“No one gets a bug for a few weeks,” she griped at me. “You need to go to the doctor as soon as possible. Is there a non-emergency care facility open near you today? You should go today if possible. That’s much too long to be sick, Katana.”
She might be right. I certainly would go see someone if the test came back negative—and I guess I’d be going to the doctor if it came back positive, too. “I’m not sure if there is anything open other than the emergency room at the hospital. I don’t think this constitutes an emergency. I don’t always feel bad. I’m tired all the time and have no appetite. I’ve made myself eat little bits here and there, but sometimes it comes back up.”
“Are you drinking water?” she asked. “Because you need to drink lots of it. Even if it just comes back up, you need to keep drinking it. And you said this has been going on for a couple of weeks?”
“Yes.” I didn’t want to tell her about it, but I’d lost five pounds in the week following Halloween, and I’d lost five more in last five days. My ribs were beginning to show, as were my hipbones.
Then she gave me some helpful advice. “You need to get those drinks that elderly people drink to keep their nutrients up.”
“Oh, I forgot about those things. My foster parents, Mr. and Mrs. Baker, used to drink those. I recall liking them when I tasted them once. I got in trouble for doing that, but at least I know I like them.” Sitting back, I put my hand on my stomach, as if I would even be able to feel a tiny little embryo at that point if I was preggo.
I wasn’t a kid. At twenty-four, I felt mature enough to have a child. Things would work great with my job, so I could stay home to raise him or her. There wasn’t much to fear. Except having to do it all alone.
Would Nix want to be there for the baby? Would he want to be there for me?
“You should go out and buy some of those right away. If you’ve been sick that long I bet you’re losing weight, aren’t you?” Blyss asked with a knowing tone in her voice.
“A little. I promise I’ll pick some up. And I’ll go to the doctor.” I would do that, one way or the other. If I was knocked up, then I’d have to, and if not, then I’d have to see what the hell was wrong with me. It couldn’t just be depression.
I wasn’t sure if I even had depression. The only thing I was kind of sad about was Nix. I missed him every single day. But I knew time would take care of that. I couldn’t be feeling this bad over missing him. Could I?
And if it was that, then what could I do about it? Call him?
I’d told him I wouldn’t be doing that. I’d signed a contract stating that I’d never try to contact anyone I encountered at the club.
But the club was no more, as were all the contracts in their system, right? And did the contract really matter if he wanted to hear from me too? He hadn’t seemed opposed to the idea when we’d parted ways.
I made a pact with myself—if I wasn’t pregnant, I’d go to the doctor. If they couldn’t find a thing wrong with me, I’d give Nix a call and see if he wanted to come for a visit. Maybe I’d test the relationship waters with him if I found out he missed me the way I had missed him.
There were so many variables though.
The urge to pee hit me suddenly, and I hurried to the bathroom. “Okay, Blyss, I’ll do everything you told me. I’ve gotta get off here now. Love you. Happy Thanksgiving. Bye.” I ended the call before she said a word as I was about to bust.
The three bottles of water all seemed to be ready to come out at the same time. The stream I let loose easily covered the little stick and I placed it on a washcloth next to the sink.
The next three minutes went by like three whole days. I covered my eyes the whole time until the timer on my cell went off, telling me I could look now.
Moving my fingers apart, I snuck a peek at the stick.
“Oh, shit!”