Chapter Twenty-Six
Artimus
The noon hour came and Julia still hadn’t come out of the bedroom. I knocked on the door softly. “Julia?” I heard her groan, letting me know she was awake. “Can I come in? I’ve got aspirin and coffee.”
When it came, her voice was more like a growl. “K.”
Opening the door, I found her holding the covers tightly to her chest. Her cheeks were bright red, and I wasn’t sure if it was caused by embarrassment, or the after-effects of the alcohol. “Did you undress me?”
“Of course not.” I had to laugh. “Is that why you’ve been hiding out in here?”
She nodded then held her hand to one side of her head. “Yeah. Well, that, and I’ve got a monster hangover.”
Monster hangover or not, the woman was still beautiful. Her hair hung in a mess around her shoulders, her makeup smudged beyond belief. Red lipstick only covered half of her mouth. She reminded me of Harley Quinn, that sexy female character from The Suicide Squad.
I went over to her, offering her the ibuprofen. “And with only one drink too. Here, take these. I had the night maid take your clothes off. I’d never disrespect you like that, Julia. You should know that by now.” I put the mug of coffee I’d brought on the nightstand, picking up the bottle of water I’d had the maid leave with her the night before. “Here you go. Drink this.”
Julia had passed out in the car. I’d carried her inside, which the doorman was classy enough to ignore. Bringing her into my apartment, I took her to the guest room across the hall from my bedroom, leaving her on the bed. I asked the maid to see to her and make sure she was comfortable then gave her the bottle of water, instructing her to place it on the nightstand.
Unlike the other night Julia had spent at my home, I didn’t have any problem at all going to sleep. I knew there was no way I would touch her in that condition.
She popped the two pills into her mouth then took a drink of water. “Thank you, Artimus.”
“No Arty Farty today, Julia?” I smoothed her hair as she winced at the reminder. Not one to make fun of anyone, I decided that was enough teasing. “Take a shower. I’ve already got clothes coming for you to change into before you go home. Unless you’d like to do something together today?”
“I should go home.” She rubbed one eye with the back of her hand, further smearing the black mascara. “It’s not that I wouldn’t like to do something with you today, but things are getting a little harder for me since we’re spending so much time out of work together. I hope you understand and aren’t offended.”
I wasn’t offended. As a matter of fact, I had been thinking along those same lines. I hadn’t realized just how on-edge Julia was until the night before. Whatever I’d had planned no longer seemed right.
“I am disappointed, but I understand. And I even agree. Things are getting harder for me too. I couldn’t take my eyes off you last night. And the fact is, I’m having a hell of a time keeping my hands off you right now.” I ran my hand up and down her bare arm, my cock pulsing as I did so.
Julia had an idea of how she wanted to live her life. One man, one true love. That was at the core of her idea. I couldn’t be that for her right then. I wouldn’t subject her to anymore trickery to get her to give me a chance without giving her the commitment she wanted.
When she was so eager last night, even though I knew it was the alcohol talking, I knew I had an advantage other men didn’t have with her. She was attracted to me. Felt a connection to me—hell, she even thought that I was the one. And I had had plans to use that advantage to my benefit, ignoring what her dream had always been.
I had thought that if she could just feel the intensity of the attraction between us, then she wouldn’t care so much about the commitment. But I understood now what she’d meant before. If she gave in before she was ready—no matter how attracted to me she was—then she could come to regret her decision. Or even worse, she could come to resent me.
Maybe I wasn’t the right man for her since I couldn’t give her what she deserved. She deserved a man who knew what he wanted without a shadow of a doubt. A man who would freely give himself to her without any limitations. She was smart enough to know that that was exactly what she deserved, and I had been too consumed by lust to see it for myself.
Her red-rimmed eyes sparkled as she looked at me. “I want you to know that I really respect you, Artimus. You’ve been very understanding about what I want, and you aren’t trying to push me into anything just so you can get what you want. That’s commendable.” Her eyes shifted to one side, her cheeks going ruby red. “I’ve gotten little glimpses of what I did last night. A lesser man would’ve taken advantage of that.” She looked back at me with a smile on her face. “Thank you for being the good man you are, and for not doing what I asked you to last night. And I’m sorry I put you in that situation—that it might seem like I’m sending you mixed messages.”
Rubbing her shoulder, I was finding it harder and harder to stop myself from touching her. Her skin made mine blaze in a way that defied imagination. “It wasn’t hard at all to do the right thing. I want to make you a promise right here, right now. If I can’t give you what you want, then I won’t ask for a thing from you.” I’d put it all out there for her. I wouldn’t be playing any games. She was the type of woman who didn’t mess around with all those games people played. I wasn’t above them yet. I knew that.
I might not ever be.
Julia was special. She deserved someone just as special as she was.
She looked kind of sad, her eyes downcast. “I’m sorry I’m not normal, Artimus.”
Taking her by the chin, I lifted her pretty face up to make her look into my eyes. “I’m glad you’re not normal. You’re perfect just as you are. You’re a shining star, Julia Bengal. Don’t apologize for that. I’m the one who’s sorry. I wish I had it in me to believe the way you do. Unfortunately, life has left me a little jaded. You’re smart to live the way you have, waiting for the right man to come along. It’s my own past with women that makes me doubt that the forever love you talk about is real.”
Nodding in understanding, she whispered, “Artimus, I wish I could show you my thoughts. I wish I could make you see what I see. If you could see what I do, then I doubt you would have any problem devoting yourself to me the way I know I could devote myself to you.”
I had to know what she saw. “What is it that you see, Julia?”
Shaking her head, she answered, “It’s not easy to explain. There are lots of feelings. Tons of sensations. This knowledge that you are the man for me. Call it an instinct, I don’t know how else to describe it. The only thing missing is the part where you believe the same way I do.” Her eyes shimmered as she looked at me. “Am I crazy, Artimus? Have I allowed myself to believe in something that can never be real?”
Had she?
I took a moment to digest what she’d said. She felt things on a much deeper level than I ever had. “The way you talk about how you feel sounds like a fairytale.”
A deep sigh made her chest heave. “That’s what Nina and Lila have told me too. My expectations are too high. No one can meet them.” She let the blanket fall away from her bra-covered breasts. Taking my hand, she pulled it to her heart. I could feel it beating just beneath the surface, between her beautiful breasts. “Should I abandon my beliefs for you, Artimus? Should I put faith in you and just hope that you’ll give me forever in the end? If you think so, then I will do that. I’ll do it because I trust you. I trust you more than anyone I’ve ever known.”
There it was. All I had to do was tell her that she should trust me, and we could be together like a regular couple. Julia was willing to let her rules and stipulations slide a little, but only for me.
If she had that kind of faith that we were meant to be together, then why couldn’t I find that faith too?
“Give me more time, Julia.” I kissed her cheek. “I don’t want you to give up your dream. Trust me when I tell you that, at this time, I’m not the man you want. I want you in a way I’ve never wanted anyone. Don’t think for one second that I don’t. But I want to be the man you deserve. The man you’ve dreamt about your whole life. Give me time to find that man. He has to be in here somewhere, right? After all, you can see him clearly. I want to find him too. It’s what you deserve, Julia.”
She laughed lightly as she let my hand go. “And that’s why I trust you so much, Artimus. Your actions are always commendable.”
“As commendable as my actions are, I’m no saint. I’ll get out of here before I do something that I can’t take back.” My fingertips grazed her cheek. “My lips ache to kiss yours. My body is angry with me for not taking advantage of your offer. But I can fight those urges to give you what you need.”
Her smile faded as she watched me get up. “I’ll see you tomorrow at work then. I hope you have a good day.”
“You too, Julia.” Words filled my head, trying to come out of my mouth. But I wouldn’t let them until I was sure. I left the room, only to fall back against the door.
How did I get in so deep? When did this happen to me?
My brain was buzzing with the exact words I knew she wanted to hear. I love you. The urge to say them out loud kept me biting tongue. I fought myself not to open that door back up and say them to her.
I felt like my body and my brain were at war. My body was using everything in its arsenal to get what it wanted—Julia, underneath it. I wouldn’t give it what it wanted. Not until I could tell her that I loved her and that I was ready to give her forever.
My heart ached because I wanted her so badly. Part of me wished she had more standard ideas about sex and dating, but the other part of me knew she wouldn’t be so damn perfect if she wasn’t exactly the way she was.
I had to drag my feet to my bedroom. All they wanted to do was take me back to her. She had said she trusted me and would do whatever I wanted.
I planted my ass in a chair. She didn’t know it, but she had put herself in a precarious position. The primitive man inside of me was putting up one hell of a fight against the man she must imagine me to be. The one I wanted to be for her.
I felt pushed and pulled in every direction. Julia wasn’t truly safe until she was out from under my roof. I prayed that she could find the conviction she had shown me every day since today. Because I knew that without it, she was in danger of losing the dream she had held onto for so many years.
Going into the bathroom, I took off every stitch of clothing I had before hopping into the shower. I had to take my mind off the woman across the hallway. I had to pretend she wasn’t anywhere near me.
My fist pumped my cock with a savageness it never had before. I growled, feeling like something was clawing its way through my body. There was something inside of me that wanted Julia with a desperation that bordered on obsession. Something wild, untamed, and unknown.
I’d heard people talking about finding their soulmate. Not all of them knew it right away, but somehow they figured it out. Was that what this was?
All I knew for certain was that I had never felt anything like this in my life. There was a part of me that demanded her. It was powerful. It was forceful. And it wanted to be set free so it could be with the one person in the entire universe who was meant for him.
How long could I keep him buried inside?