Chapter 23
Nixon
After the delicious dinner on Christmas Eve, Katana refused to just leave the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. She cleaned up the dining room and did all the dishes, and even went so far as to put them all away.
While she did that, I took a glass of wine out to the deck to look at the stars. The sound of footsteps coming up the stairs had me turning my eyes from the sky to find my neighbor, John, trotting up to visit me. “Hey, John. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas to you too, Nixon.” He took a seat on one of the deck chairs and pulled a bottle of beer out of his jacket pocket. “I saw you out here and thought I’d join you for a little drink.”
I raised my glass of wine in a toast to him, and he did the same with his beer. “To new beginnings,” I said.
“Here, here,” he said then popped the bottle’s top and took a drink. “Did Katana tell you I met her the other day?”
“She did,” I told him then set my glass down.
His expression turned sheepish. “Did she rat me out?”
I froze for a second as I wondered what the hell he meant. What had he done? She hadn’t said a word about him saying anything that would have him asking me a question like that. “No. But I’d love it if you told on yourself.”
“Yeah, well,” he seemed hesitant. “After I got back home, I thought about what I’d said and it sunk in that I might have said things that might’ve put her off about you.”
“Well, if Katana’s put off about me, she’s not showing it.” I laughed and picked up my glass, taking a drink. At least whatever he’d said hadn’t affected her.
“Good. I can be a motormouth sometimes and talking to her proved to be one of those times.” He took a long drink of his beer before he went on. “You see, I pointed out how you are, or were, anyway. I told her that you could be very neglectful of people. Especially women.”
“Oh, that.” I was well aware of that major downfall. “Well, I’m not that person when I’m with her. She makes me a better person. I don’t know how she does it. She doesn’t ask me to be any certain way. I just want to be around her—with her—or at least talking to her throughout the day when I can’t be with her. She’s what I think about most of the time.”
“And there’s the baby now too. She told me about that. And how that’s why she’s here with you, so you guys can raise it together.” He took another drink. “You know about my divorce and how I’d never get married again. Plus, if I could have a do-over, I’d leave the kids out of it.”
“Now, come on, John. You’ve whined a lot about the divorce and how your wife cheated, but how can you second guess your children? That’s just going too far. There are no mistakes in bringing a child into this world. I believe that with everything in me.” I knew I’d gotten up on my soapbox a bit as I was talking a little louder than normal, but he had to stop beating himself up over this thing.
“They have some issues because of what they went through, Nixon. I don’t always let that be known. Sandy has trouble trusting people. And Brady is a womanizer. Both drink too much.” John shook his head. “If I would’ve known they would end up with problems, then I might’ve left sooner and just taken them with me.”
“As if you could’ve done that,” I said as I ran my hand through my hair. The wind had kicked up and mussed it up a bit. “In this day and age, you could’ve never gotten complete custody of them.”
“I didn’t mean like legitimately take them. I meant run off with them. Escape from the woman who ruined all of our lives. Rescue them.” He took another drink, looking like a man who had too many regrets.
“I doubt your kids are that messed up—I’ve seen them. As a matter of fact, are they going to be stopping by to visit you tomorrow for Christmas?” I asked to try to get him off his pity party and on to something better.
“Yeah,” he said then finished his beer. “After they stop by their mother’s place. She’s got a new man—poor son of a bitch. They’re having a real old-fashioned Christmas with his three kids as well. I guess she’s pretending she has a big happy family with love just flowing in the air now that she’s rid of me.”
It was wrong of me to do, and I knew it even as the chuckle left my mouth. “Sorry. I really am. I know you’ve had it rough, but listen to yourself. She didn’t get rid of you. You left her. And you did what you thought you needed to do for your kids—and that’s admirable. You did the best you could with what you ended up with. Now don’t you think it’s time to move on?”
John looked at me with a frown. “No. I don’t want to move on. And I didn’t come over to talk about me, anyways. I wanted to come over here to talk to you about your upcoming bundle of joy. Don’t make Katana think you’ll be there for her through the raising of this child. We both know you’ll get busy with some new and exciting project and she and this kid will be left alone, waiting for your attention to return to them. Which it won’t. It won’t because men like you are driven.”
I was slightly incensed that the man thought he knew me better than I knew myself. “Driven isn’t a bad thing to be—look at where it’s gotten me,” I said, gesturing around my deck. “And as far as how I was, that doesn’t matter. I want Katana and this baby. I’ve already put her and this baby ahead of everything else. And I happen to have a project on the table right now. We’re going to open the nightclub, Swank, on New Year’s Eve. And I haven’t lost sight of her as I’ve been moving forward with that project.”
“Maybe that’s because she and this baby have become your new project. You were already working on that nightclub when you met her.” His words sent my heart into a spiral.
He was absolutely right. I had already been working on the nightclub for months. John did know me well. I always had a project in mind before finishing the one I was on at the time. My mind just worked that way.
Even when I’d been a kid playing sports, I’d be near the end of football season, and already I’d be messing around, playing basketball and getting ready for that season.
I was the kind of person who always looked for the next thing.
Would I do that to Katana? Would I do that to my own kid?
“I can see your wheels turning, Nixon. I hope you’re not mad at me. But having a kid is a big deal.” He stopped as I waved my hand at him to get him to quit talking.
“I’m not mad. I know you think a lot about kids and what happens to them if their family life is sucky. And I know you don’t mean any harm.” I gulped down the rest of my wine as I tried to wrap my head around everything.
“I don’t mean any harm to anyone. But you need to be realistic about the girl and that kid you’ve got coming.” He got up and tossed his beer bottle into the small trash bin at the top of the stairs. “You’re a great guy, Nixon. I don’t want you to think I think anything else. But you’re a driven man, and men like you make lousy husbands and fathers. People get left behind by men like you. Just don’t lead this girl into thinking you can be something you’re not. Let her do what she needs to with this baby.” And with that, he left me.
Alone now, I sat there thinking about who I really was.
I knew I’d never turn my back on Katana or our child. She’d always have everything she’d ever need to take care of our kid. Always.
But was I putting Katana in a position where she’d be hurt and alone when I moved on to my next project?
When I looked up, the stars seemed to blur and spin. My life had just started to resemble the world I’d always dreamed of having. I’d never been home so much and been so happy to leave the office behind. But it wasn’t just about coming home to my Malibu beach house—it was Katana.
I’d always been a bit more than merely content with my life. But I’d never been as happy as I’d been since Katana came into my life.
Since the night we met, I’d had a thing for her that wouldn’t quit. So there was only one real question. Was this real?
Were my feelings real or just the typical excitement I always got when starting a new project?
Katana didn’t feel like a project to me. I wasn’t trying to mold her or shape her into what I wanted her to be. That’s what I did with projects. I built things, changed things, rearranged things. I didn’t stop until I was completely satisfied with what I’d done.
I didn’t look at her and think she’d look better with blonde hair. I didn’t think she should change the style of her clothes. I didn’t think she needed to have a different job.
I didn’t want to change a thing about the woman. Well, there was one thing I wanted to change about her. So I guess I was only lying to myself.