Chapter Twenty
Artimus
Sitting there, looking at Julia, I had a strong feeling that I was the man she was talking about. But what I didn’t know was if I was truly ready for everything that went along with being with her.
My fantasies and dreams had already been full of thoughts about being with her and only her. But she hadn’t yet told me a thing that would truly let me know that I was the man she was referring to. I could’ve been wrong. She could’ve had another man in mind.
I knew she wasn’t dating anyone. Or I thought she wasn’t, anyway. “Are you seeing anyone, Julia?”
“No.” She bit her lower lip, and I thought she might be about to confess all about this mystery man who had so captivated her. But then her cell phone rang.
She looked at it then hit the button, sending it to voicemail. I noticed an angry look on her face. It wasn’t a look I was familiar with seeing on her pretty face much at all. “Who’s that?”
Not meeting my gaze, she shoved the phone back into her purse. “No one.”
If I knew anything about Julia, it was that she took her time letting people know things about herself. Like the weight thing. It had taken her over a month to tell any one of us about her struggle with obesity. I had a feeling that she was struggling with another situation that she’d take a long time to tell anyone about.
Taking her hand, I wanted to make a physical connection with her to let her know I wasn’t just some random stranger. I was Artimus, her friend. A person she could trust—if she’d only allow herself to do so. “How come you don’t want to let me in on who keeps bugging you?”
Her eyes were glued to our clasped hands. I felt her palm begin to sweat. When she gulped, I knew there had to be something wrong. Or something very right. I wasn’t sure which it was at that moment. “It’s not something I want to bother you with.”
How could she think I would be bothered by anything about her? Was I not being as open with her as I thought I was? I mean, I knew I wasn’t telling her how I felt about her, but other than that, I was an open book. Or at least I thought I had been like that. “It’s bothering me more that you won’t tell me anything about this guy. It’s the same guy who called you at the office, isn’t it?” I knew it was. Or at least hoped it would be. I didn’t want to think about Julia having more men in her past who were overstaying their welcome in her life.
Did she have a habit of seeing someone then suddenly deciding they weren’t the man for her? She was clearly looking for a very specific connection, so did she dump men without any warning when she realized they weren’t the one? Did her commitment to her ideals about love and a relationship make her to cut men out as soon as the smallest problem arose?
Those were all intimidating thoughts. Mostly because I knew problems would arise in any relationship, and if she was the type to think that one little argument meant we weren’t right for each other, then I had a real problem on my hands.
After making me wait for her answer for what I deemed to be a bit too long, she finally said, “Yes.”
Thank God!
There was only one man in her past. Or had it been? I had to ask, “So, is this guy the only man you’ve ever dated?”
With a nod, she answered me, “Yeah. I’ve been asked out a lot. And I have gone out on what I would call group dates. You know, where lots of people are going to the same place or function. I can’t put my finger on why I accepted this man’s invitations to go out, but I did. And when I didn’t want to anymore, he got mad.”
“Mad?” I was a little confused. I knew I’d get mad too if she cut me off without so much as a reason why. And I couldn’t truthfully say whether or not I’d be able to stop myself from hounding her for answers. “Did he threaten you or something like that?”
“Um, no.” She seemed to be hesitating, weighing what she would and wouldn’t tell me. “He just wants me to give him another chance.”
“And you don’t want to do that?” I had to ask. “Why don’t you want to give him another shot?”
She shrugged. “Because I see no use in doing that.” She looked at me, her eyes shining with that now-familiar inner wisdom. “We had our thing. It wasn’t anything spectacular. There were no sparks, no fireworks. But that’s not exactly why I ended things, though. He’s aware of why, and it’s a pretty damn good reason. I don’t see the need to open up that book again, expecting a different ending this time. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“You think that what happened to make you dump him in the first place would probably happen again.” I knew what she was saying, even if I didn’t know the exact reason why she’d had to end things with him.
Nodding, she said, “I know it would. I knew it when I dumped him, and I’m even more certain from the way he’s been treating me in the time since we broke up. He can’t change. And even if he could, it still wouldn’t matter to me. I know he’s not the guy for me. I’ve told him that again and again. If you want to know the truth, I think he’s just obsessed with me because I’m a virgin. I think it’s driving him nuts that he didn’t get that from me.” She huffed, her arms crossed over her chest, closing herself off. “That was never going to happen, and I told him that right from the start. I let him know that I liked his company, but I could tell that he wasn’t the man for me, so nothing physical would ever have happened between us.”
I was happy to hear that. “So, you two never did anything at all? Not even kiss?”
Secretly, I hoped she hadn’t even kissed another man. But I knew that was a longshot.
“We did kiss.” She looked down and moved her hands to her lap, clasping them together nervously. “He got me to make out with him a few times. He said it wasn’t fair of me to just say no to having sex with him if I wouldn’t allow him to show me what he could do for me physically. So I let him show me a little, and when it didn’t affect me the way he thought it would, he was more than a little disappointed.”
I was glad she didn’t feel anything for the guy, but also a little worried about her lack of a libido. I mean, who could make out with someone and not get aroused?
“Was this guy unattractive?” I asked her.
She laughed. “He was very attractive. He was charming, even. I honestly couldn’t say a negative word about the man when we first met, and that’s part of why I started dating him. He had a great career, made a great living for himself. He had nice things. One could almost say that he had it all. He just wasn’t for me. I wish he could’ve understood that before he went too far. I wish he could’ve understood that the reason I wasn’t going to have sex with him was about me and not him. The last few months, I’ve realized that he wasn’t as great as he first seemed, though, and that he feels like he missed out on a piece of virgin ass that he could gloat about to his friends.”
I began to wonder where this guy was. “So, is he here in New York?”
“Yes.”
That made think that this guy was too close not to worry about. “Is he harassing you?” I asked.
She pursed her lips, thinking a little too hard for my taste. It was a simple yes or no answer I was looking for, but that was not what she gave me. “Somewhat,” came her confusing reply.
Somewhat?
It wasn’t an outright yes, but it was more than I wanted to hear. I didn’t want anyone messing with her or harassing her in any way at all. “I can take care of that for you.”
Her dark hair flew around her shoulders as she shook her head. “No. Stay out of it. Please. I don’t want to make any trouble for you.”
Now, what would be the trouble in making sure this jackass knows I won’t allow him to fuck around with this woman?
I took her by the hand again, stroking my thumb over the top of it. “Julia, it’s troubling to me that you’re being harassed by someone.”
Lifting her eyes from our hands to look into my eyes, she whispered, “Why?” There was so much behind those eyes. Even more than I was used to seeing from her.
And with that look in her beautiful eyes, I came clean. “I care about you. A lot.”
She still didn’t understand what I was saying. Or at least wasn’t allowing herself to dig deeper into my words. “Why?”
I took her by the chin, running my thumb along her jawline as I gazed into her eyes. “You’re perfect, that’s why.”
We stared at each other for quite some time before she asked, “Do you really think so?”
I was going for it. Putting everything out on the table. I didn’t want anything left unsaid. “I do. I’ve thought that since the moment I met you.”
“I think you’re perfect too, Artimus.” The words were even sweeter than I’d imagined. “I don’t want you to worry about that stupid ex of mine. He’s a pain in the ass, but I can take care of myself where he’s concerned.”
I couldn’t care less about that ex of hers now that I knew she thought about me the same way I thought about her. “You think I’m perfect too?”
She nodded. “But you’re my boss. And no relationship is set in stone. I don’t want things to go south and have to quit working with you. I really love my job.”
I thought it best to go along with her for the time being. I now knew what I’d been desperate to know before. She was into me. Giving it some more time would only make it hard for her to ignore the fact that we were meant to be together.
“Yeah, it’s best just to keep things the way they are between us for now, I guess. But I want to know if that guy goes too far. No matter what, I don’t want you to get hurt. Promise me that you’ll tell me if things start to get out of hand, Julia.”
“K.” She bit her lower lip, her chest heaving as she breathed deeply. “Artimus, can you make me a promise too?”
I could promise her the moon. “Anything.”
“No matter how much it feels like the right thing to do, don’t kiss me.” Her eyes were glued to my mouth as she said it. “I don’t think I could come back from that.”
I was glad to hear that, so I told her whatever she wanted to hear. “I won’t. Mainly because I don’t think I could come back from that either. So, does this mean I’ve lost my dance partner?”
“No, you haven’t lost that,” she answered, shaking her head. “You haven’t lost anything we’ve already done. And at least we’ve admitted there’s an attraction. But we know it can’t go anywhere.”
“Okay. Glad we got that out of the way.” I knew everything I needed to know then. The attraction was mutual, and both of us knew that one kiss would ignite a fire that would never burn out.