Mia

I wake up with a start and my body is moving before I can blink, rolling me from the bed and running for the bathroom. I hit the toilet with a thunk and puke so hard I feel my throat pull and cry a protest.

It hurts so much I groan, loudly, and wretch again when the smell of vomit wafts up from the bowl. Oh God, God, I feel like I am dying. I puke for what feels like eternity, the momentum stopping only when I am so weak I flop to the floor without even flushing and lay in a boneless sprawl with my head pounding and my limbs moaning.

I am currently in my own apartment after convincing Luc to drop me off at home last night when I remembered that I have to pay the contractor I hired to finish the walls in the living room and paint the whole lot.

I am no DIY-er and that became apparent when I came back on Saturday to get some clothes only for Luc to frown and compress his mouth when he saw my painting efforts.

Yeah, okay, so it looked like crap, I can admit to my failures. Luc had a late dinner that I’d scheduled so he finally agreed to let me stay here for one night and left me with a kiss and the promise that I wouldn’t go anywhere without calling.

I have to admit, I miss him, especially now when it feels like my stomach is bleeding inside and every limb I own refuses to work.

I need to get up and get dressed for work before Cameron gets here but right now all I can manage is a low moan before rolling over to shove my face into the cool tiles beneath me.

I guess I must have fallen asleep because I wake with a start sometime later to hear a loud crash and then pounding footsteps.

“Mia!”

“In here.” I croak, my voice nothing but a breathy whisper that makes my throat ache.

My mouth is bone dry, tastes like the ass of a dead animal and I couldn’t move now if my life depended on it. I feel awful and probably look it, a sentiment that is confirmed when Luc comes crashing into the bathroom and stops dead with a curse.

“Christ! You look terrible.”

“You say that too much,” I mumble passed dry lips, whining when he bends to lift me and my stomach goes haywire.

“Sorry, sorry I didn’t mean it like that. Are you sick? When did you start feeling ill? Why haven’t you answered your phone! You scared me half to death.” He roars, making me whine and snuggle into his shoulder, head pumping out ‘kill me now’ messages.

“I feel awful. Puked so much, need to brush my teeth.”

He winces and stops before his lips reach mine, shuddering when I breathe out and my breath hits him. I’d laugh but I just can’t.

“Puked?” he barks sharply, tensing when I nod and try to go back to sleep. “Cara, open your eyes, you need to talk to me and tell me what’s happening.”

He sounds so concerned I try to smile, my lips trembling when I can’t. Admittedly, I am hardly ever sick but when I am, I am not fun to be around. I either yell, throw things and act like a hooligan, or cry and throw myself a pity party.

“I think the pizza was bad or something. Dunno. Woke up like this,” I mumble, snuggling into him and closing my eyes.

The next time I open them I’m in a bed with white sheets and I feel as if a tractor tried to ream me. Everywhere.

“Mia. You’re awake.”

Turning my head, I look to my right and smile when I see Luc sitting in a chair that is too small for his big frame. He’s lost the jacket and tie and rolled up his leaves and looks so yummy I could just eat him-

My stomach heaves at the thought of doing any eating, ever again, and I breathe loudly to quail the sickness that’s hitting me.

“What happened?”

“You passed out after I found you so I brought you to the emergency room. I thought…but never mind, I brought you in and the doctor says that you have a virus. They’re keeping you in for a day or two to rehydrate you.”

The news is not welcome, especially when I remember that we have a dinner to go to, one that is super important since its being thrown by the Lorens group. We don’t really have to go, Luc is right that the deal is in the bag even before it goes through, but I was looking forward to having a free dinner and schmoozing with people who likely won’t know who I am even after meeting me on many occasions.

“Oh no! A virus, but I kissed you and-”

“Aaaand we did many other things that involved swapping fluids, cara.” He laughs, shaking his head at my blush. “Do not worry, I spoke with the doctor and he’s given me medicine to stave off any illness before it hits. I am fine, it’s you who is ill.”

Ill? I feel as if a t-rex used me as a chew toy and spat me out for a serial killer to finish off.

“Ugh! I hate being sick.”

“And we who have to live with you do not like it either.” He chuckles before getting serious. “I was very worried this morning, Mia. Why didn’t you tell me you were sick?”

His tone is soft, almost hurt and I feel like an ass for not saying anything but the truth is that I am not used to people looking after me like this. The few times I’ve been sick in the last six years have been mild colds or that one time I got food poisoning. FYI Luc had that place closed after he found out I got sick from eating some bad chicken.

“I thought it was just sinus. You know I get nosey when the season’s start changing.”

“Regardless, Mia. We are a couple. I am supposed to look after you and you just…”

I don’t get why he’s so upset and I tell him that, getting a filthy look for even bothering.

“What’s the big deal? I was a little under the weather and I took some aspirin and sinus medication. I didn’t know I had the freaking plague.”

“The deal is that for just a second I thought you were pregnant,” he bursts out, shocking me dumb. “Imagine my surprise when the good doctor informs me that you’re on the pill.”

Okay. I’m confused and somebody stop me here if you know what the heck his heat is. I mean I don’t understand why he’s angry at me unless he’s yelling at me for not ever mentioning birth control in which case I will kick him in the balls. Softly. I still like his balls and if this ends better than what that attitude of his is indicating, I would enjoy some sex after I get better.

“Well, yeah! You must have known Luc. I mean we don’t use condoms, although now that I am saying it I feel stupid! Have you been tested?” I ask suspicious.

He mutters what I know is meant to be a roar of affront and I drop back on the pillow completely incapable of arguing this out because I don’t even know what the heck we are arguing about.

“Sorry! Geez, I was kidding.” Mostly. “I just don’t get why you’re angry with me and before you deny it, I know you so I know what your angry looks like. What’s the problem here?”

“The problem, as you so succinctly put it,” he jeers, “is that we are together, a couple, sharing our lives and never once did you inform me that you were on the pill. What the hell do you need to take the pill for?” he demands, standing up to pace.

I blink for a good minute before my brain starts comprehending everything he’s just said and shake my head to clear it of the confusion.

“Luc…are you telling me that you didn’t know I am on the pill?” I ask slowly, my suspicions confirmed when he turns to me and gives me an arrogant look that speaks volumes.

“Why would I know?”

“But, well I assumed that you knew since you know…” I gesture helplessly. “We haven’t been using protection.”

“Your point?” he asks again, turning me upside down as my heart speeds up.

I lick my lips and tell myself not to freak out before we’ve hashed things out but I am so freaking dazed I can hardly form a decent thought as I watch him, watching me with dark eyes that blaze with umbrage.

“Well, I mean, the point, the point is that we have been making love for days without using condoms Luc and if you didn’t know that I was on the pill…did you have a vasectomy?” I ask slowly, my breath escaping at the possibility that he did and then I won’t ever have babies and I love babies and-

Calm down! Just wait until he talks, I tell myself, breathing slowly when my stomach knots and gives a warning turn. Still sick here people!

“Vasectomy? Mia, get real, I am Italian. We value family above anything else. My mama would skin me alive if she thought I purposely did anything to cheat her out of grandchildren.”

Phew! No wait…

“Um, oo-kay. So then…that means…you didn’t think about protection?” I ask slowly, watching his face because it’s so expressive and I just need answers. “You forgot?”

Luc scowls, flopping down in the chair and giving me a strange look that I know I am meant to understand but just don’t.

“I forgot nothing. Why would we need protection, Mia?”

Why? Is the man completely insane? Why? Because without protection or the pill I would be pregnant and-

“You intended to get me pregnant? On purpose?” I ask, my horror only compounded by the absolute driving anger that hits me.

How dare he! How dare he play fast and loose with my body-even unknowingly-without asking me if I am anywhere near ready for a baby. Babies are a lot of work, a commitment that I will make only when I decide that my career no longer trumps anything else.

It’s hard and long hours and if I ever had a child, I would have to stop working and be married because I would never let my child grow up without me there every single day, being a mom. Like my mama was to us.

“Not on purpose,” He says slowly, possibly getting that I am pissed and in no mood for his arrogant ass to throw accusations at me.

As if he has the right to be angry. At me. For being responsible.

“Not on purpose? Then what because it sounds to me as if you’ve been playing charades with my Goddamn body without even once talking to me about it. You just, I can’t believe and, are you crazy? If you weren’t doing it intentionally, then what would you call it?” I screech, swaying dizzily because I really feel like shit.

This is important though.

Luc jumps up and pushes me down, yelling at me to stay still when I go to get up again.

“Lay down, Mia! Jesus, woman, you’re ill, you need to take it easy.”

“I will. After you explain to me exactly what you were thinking.”

He shrugs uneasily and I have to stop a lip twitch when he blushes and scrubs at his neck, throwing me a hesitant look. This from Luc is tantamount to a personality change. The man doesn’t explain shit, to anyone. Ever.

“I was thinking…”

“Yeeeees.”

“You are my woman, Mia. Whether you marry me or not, love me or not the truth is that I won’t ever let you go. Perhaps it is wrong and you won’t be happy hearing it but for me, what we have, even without love between us, makes me happy. So happy that I do not envision my life without you. Ever. So yes, si, I was not thinking clearly about your feelings on the matter but I do not regret this because the truth is that I would be happy if you were to have my child. I did not overlook this intentionally; I just didn’t think it was a big deal because it would change nothing. You are mine.”

Oh God.

I drop my head into my hands as he finishes that shocking sentiment and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. I mean I love the man but he is so…

“You don’t want babies?” he asks, mistaking my anger.

“Of course I want babies, Luc, I’m not Lindsey Lohan, man. I just never considered that it would be an issue this early into our, relationship,” I answer honestly, laying back to look at him.

He just shrugs and seems to take it in his stride, like this isn’t a major issue. But then I think about what he’s said and I can’t bring myself to be all that mad. He doesn’t love me, not the way I want to be loved anyway but to him we’re a done deal, engagement or not, whether I marry him or not.

That’s sweet, I guess, in a totally domineering way that makes me want to smack and then kiss him. It’s ironic but I think I may be the one with commitment issues. Hell.

“So it is me? You do not want my babies-”

“Don’t be a moron! Who the hell else would I have babies with?” I yell, groaning when my head pounds and my stomach heaves.

I want to finish, yell some more, do, something but this time my stomach isn’t playing tag, it’s tackling and I fly off the bed and run for the bathroom, making it just in time to empty my guts into the toilet.

“God, take me, I don’t wanna live through this.”

“Hush.” Luc chuckles, stroking my back while I gag and pray for death. “You’ll feel better soon. Come on, cara, let me clean you up and put you to bed. You need rest.”

I don’t argue, shelving this for another day when I don’t feel as if a flesh-eating disease is attacking my brain.

“I can’t fathom where you picked up a bug,” he muses after brushing my teeth and wiping my face before tucking me back in bed.

“Leroy, the kid in apartment B. He came by last night to borrow butter. His mom was baking for his school and they ran out. God, kids are carriers for the plague.” I groan, remembering me when I was young and poor mama wearing a mask for a week because she couldn’t afford to get sick with the terrible twins under foot.

Luc chokes on a laugh and I attempt a smile before closing my eyes. I fall asleep with him stroking my hair and promise myself I won’t let this go. Later though, much later.

 

Luc

Mia snores lightly as she slumbers making me grin as I look up from my laptop to check on her. She’s been out for a good five hours already and despite knowing she’ll be okay I couldn’t bring myself to leave and go to the office.

Our previous argument replays in my head as I try to concentrate, knowing that unless Mia recovers fast it’s up to me to keep things running smoothly, which I will do because no way am I letting her come back to an office in chaos. I thought she was gonna kill me in Italy when she saw that diary. No way was I admitting that it wasn’t the secretary but me who’d ruined it.

I’m not suicidal, thanks.

What was I thinking, I ask myself for the hundredth time, completely aware of the validity of Mia’s arguments. I made a decision without consulting her, one that has a direct impact on her body and in which she has the full right to weigh in.

I have no excuse and can only feel slight remorse for the lie I told her earlier when I said it was not intentional. It wasn’t, not fully, but I can’t deny that when I found out that it wasn’t a possibility, I was upset.

And I know why. I was thinking that if she fell pregnant, if it was already a fact since Milan then I wouldn’t have to think about losing her once she realizes I’m not a good bet. She would be mine, for always and I wouldn’t have to do a damn thing to get her because as the mother of my child she would marry me and I could relax and stop obsessing about her walking out on me.

So yeah, not intentional. Per se.

I feel guilty as hell right now about yelling at her but also hopeful because the last thing she yelled at me tells me that no matter what, no matter how much I’ve screwed up, Mia only sees herself with me in the future, having children and being a family.

That makes me happy because I know I don’t deserve her, know I have fucked up too much to have earned this kind of trust. And yet she does trust me to some extent if she yells at me that I’m the man she sees herself having children with.

That right there is commitment and a bond that can never be broken. For a guy like me who freaked out after our first night together, I’ve come a long way, but can you blame me?

For weeks I had to hear that robotic, forcefully cheerful voice, nothing like my sassy, cheeky girl who would have yelled at me if I replaced her with another travel secretary.

She was so emotionless and calm that by day three I was missing her so badly I had to stop to re-evaluate what was happening. And I didn’t like it.

My Mia of the coffee paperweight throwing days was gone and in her place was the secretary I had made her into instead of the friend, the family, the spitfire I adored.

I wanted her back but by then I was so in over my head with everything I was feeling that I stayed away to give myself time to make a decision. Yeah, I knew that coming back without a clear plan wouldn’t do shit so I stayed away, worked my ass off keeping Papa’s company afloat before handing it over to Lucenzo.

And I thought a lot, finally deciding that commitment issues or not I would not let her go. I need her, want her with a passion that scares me as much as it fires my blood and I will have her.

I thought a ring would do it but imagine my surprise when she threw it straight back at me. That made me so happy it’s all I could do to contain myself because if there is one thing that was proven that night it’s that Mia is not in it for money, prestige or position.

If she accepts my ring then it’s for love and love alone and what man wouldn’t be overjoyed knowing that his lover has integrity and heart.

So here I am, in a relationship with the most passionate woman I have ever met in my life, the very one I have ignored for years and I have to laugh at myself because I have tried to trick her more than once into committing and she’s refusing.

Me, Lucas Fabrizio, confirmed bachelor, commitment-phobe is trying to use everything at my disposal to trap a woman who was mine for the asking at any time, for years. Until I screwed it up.

Now that I want her, couldn’t live without her, it’s Mia putting on the breaks and keeping a distance.

It kills me and yet I understand her reasoning.

It is my turn to woo her now, to be the one with his affection if not his heart on his sleeve. I accept this challenge, revel in the chance to prove to her that I am a good bet.

And then perhaps she and her friend Fran will stop making dolls that look like me and sticking pins into the crotch area. I can only hope and pray that the damn things won’t work one day.

Mia wakes an hour later and I smile when she grimaces and croaks out a request for water.

“Feeling better?”

“Like an elephant tried to kick my skull,” she mumbles groggily, her eyes dull with sickness.

“I’m here if you need anything, cara, I will not leave you.”

“You should go home and sleep. I’ll be okay. Just gonna sleep for a while.”

“Then sleep, cara. I will stay. I will always be here for you.”

“I know.” She breathes, going under while I smile and hold yet another reassurance to my heart.

She trusts me.