Emma

“We should leave.”

I hear Colt’s snarl and order my nerves to stop clamoring as we walk from the car to the entrance of the Granchester hotel, my ankles wobbling with every step.

It was a real fight getting ready after we left work and, despite my continued assertions that I was fine and that I don’t need him to act like were walking to the gallows, he’s been pestering me to rethink this all night.

It’s just after eight and we’re entering the lobby and being directed to the ballroom where the place is already swarming with guests. I’m scared, as in terrified, that the minute I walk in I’ll have some sort of episode and run screaming, but I do what Doc told me to and keep breathing in through my nose, out through my mouth while desperately lecturing myself about being a coward.

It’s not easy to take the heat, not with years of avoidance and built up fear riding me and especially not when I remember all the other parties I’ve attended and the way that went.

All I keep thinking is that I’m going to make a complete fool of myself when someone talks to me and my mouth refuses to open. Mira gave me something she said would calm me to a nice, chilled glow but it’s still in my purse and I’m too scared to take it because if Mira takes something to calm her and still bounces around like an out of control flea, it’s probably horse tranquilizer grade.

“Stop worrying. I’m fine,” I tell him, crossing my fingers when the lie pops out.

I am not fine! I want to go home and watch Grey’s while he tries to seduce me and gives up because I love Patrick Dempsey and I have a huge crush on Alex whatshisface.

“You’re not fine! Your fingernails are permanently imbedded in my palm.” He hisses into my ear, making me aware of the tight grip I have on his hand.

“I’m just a little nervous. Stop being an overprotective bear, I’ll loosen up once we get a drink and I see Mira.”

He grunts, holds my hand tighter and we enter the ballroom, the passing waiter handing us flutes of-

“No. I’m getting you something stronger,” he says when the guy stops and I reach for a glass, pulling me to the bar where he gets me a Bloody Mary, double.

I love the stuff and I content myself by saying that it’s high in vitamin C, thanks to all the tomato, while also telling myself that I can’t get drunk because it’s like a meal in a glass.

The tangy taste hits my tongue and I loosen my shoulders and turn to survey the room. There are a lot of people here tonight, most of them people that Colt and Harley have done business with before.

He points out an oil magnate who struck it rich when he hit oil on his ranch somewhere in the Midwest and then points out another guy who’s supposedly heir to a sultanate or whatever, I’m still staring at the oil man because he reminds me of someone.

My eye ticks a little as I think and then I’m grinning because that is Everett, a guy Jam’s friend Mia went out on a date with! I love that guy. Well, I know him a little and I liked him the one time I met him, despite Lucas almost steaming and frothing at the mouth-long story.

Jam’s friend Mia is this cute little woman who married her boss, Lucas, and had a baby with him. They live in Italy now to be closer to his parents but anyway, before they got hitched, Mia went on a date with Everett and they’ve been friends ever since.

Some women just have what it takes to have male friends, I think enviously staring at Everett and wondering if I have the guts to go over and say hi.

“Why are you staring at him?” Colt barks when I zone out, trying to build up the courage.

Oooh, jealousy.

“I think I know him. No, I do know him,” I answer, drinking my tomato juice with relish and enjoying the immediate languor that hits me.

I feel just calm enough to actually survive tonight. Maybe.

“How the hell do you know-”

“He’s a friend of Jamaica’s. Well no, actually he’s a friend of Jamaica’s friend Fran who is Mia’s best friend. Mia being Jamaica’s – oh, never mind. I just met him once and he’s nice,” I answer, looking up at him with a smile. “Don’t be jealous, I only have eyes for you.”

He grins, relaxes and bends down to peck my lips.

“You better mean that, woman. I’m possessive.” He growls, making me smirk.

“No way!”

“Sarcasm will get you spanked and fucked in the shower later.” He sings under his breath and I flush because damn if I don’t like that idea.

“Like that’s a threat.” I snort, taking his arm when he chuckles. “Let’s go say hi to him.”

“No. I don’t care if you like him, if he touches you, I’ll beat him to a pulp and then we are definitely going home. I don’t want you upset so let’s rather just move along.”

I agree only because I do like Everett and Colt looks capable of doing some real damage and follow him to Mira who hugs me and starts jabbering, remembers to introduce her husband and then sets off again.

Colt leaves me with her after a few minutes and I watch him go over and talk to Harley and another group of people, his smile easy and relaxed. I shoot the shit with Mira for a good hour, laughing while she picks apart the fashion choices of every woman here and teases me about my need to hide in the corner.

Not that I’m hiding, per se, just biding my time.

I’m starting to relax by the time Colt comes to get me for the buffet dinner and I’m even smiling and blissfully victorious when I look up and everything inside me freezes.

I have the need to run, hard and fast when a pair of blue eyes the exact shade of my own meets mine, the look she gives me making my insides tremble and quiver.

About four seats down at the long table, on the opposite side sits my mother, father and…

I go still, fighting the anxiety that takes over. My palms go hot, sweat breaking out on my hands, hair and upper lip. I feel my head start swimming as if I’ve over imbibed and that dizzy, drunken feeling that only comes with lack of oxygen.

I try to tell myself not to react, that I am safe and no one can hurt me but my mind won’t listen. All I hear is that voice, that mocking, nasty sneer when he tells me that it doesn’t matter what I feel, that I am his as promised and that he’ll break me in eventually.

I think of waking up in bed, blood on my sheets and pain swelling deep inside and then I think of having to go through the next years knowing that that monster did that to me while I was knocked out and unable to defend myself and I feel my stomach turn.

I want to hurt him right back! Tell him that it doesn’t matter what he did to me because he didn’t win. He didn’t get me no matter how much my parents made him think he would. He didn’t ruin me because I have a man who adores me and makes my body ache with love and lust.

He didn’t win because I walked away and thwarted their plans for me.

I can do none of it though because Colt is beside me, his arm slung loosely over the back of my chair, his face wreathed in smiles as he laughs with Harley.

If I say anything, betray myself in any way he’ll kill Duncan, and my parents, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind. I don’t want that for him and, like Doc Lyndon said, I choose.

I can choose to ignore them and pretend they don’t exist or I can choose to make this a big spectacle that will ruin Colt’s reputation and make me into a laughing stock.

My heart pounds the longer I keep looking at them but I force myself to hold their looks, breathing deeply, steadying myself before I find that inner strength I know I have.

Colt’s hand slides down while he talks and his fingers stroke my skin at my nape, adding a measure of comfort to the alarm I’m battling down. His touch centers me somehow and when I look at Duncan, the cold blue of his eyes on me, smiling as if he knows what I am thinking, I dig deep and find a smile of my own, mine daring and taunting.

It doesn’t feel good. You’d think it would because here I am, seeing my monster after over four years of fear and festering denial and I’m spitting in his eye, but the truth is that I am terrified.

What I feel is not joy that I’m strong enough to sit here and not go crazy, even though I should be happy because it’s taken me a long time and a lot of therapy to get to this point. Before this I would have screamed bloody murder and did.

Duncan would come by and I am sure it was just to taunt me and bask in his victory.

That first time, the first time he visited after the incident on Mom’s birthday, I screamed like a banshee and ran, not stopping until I was with Rosetta and, as I saw it, safe. My parents almost killed me, accusing me of being insane, making me think that I was just imagining what had happened.

Yeah, I had no proof, just what I knew from the doctor but I knew! I’d have doubted myself but for Rosetta’s anger every time she looked at Mom and Dad and the absolute hatred when Duncan came to the house.

After the second episode where I really did go crazy and they had the doctor come by to sedate me, he stopped visiting but I knew the threat was still there. Dad played golf with his father and my mom was bosom chums with his mother.

So yeah, I should be smug that I can sit here, look at him and not react. Instead I’m sick to my stomach and covered in a cold sweat, my whole body ramrod stiff with the need to keep myself together.

“Em, you okay, babe?” Colt asks, leaning over to look at me with concern.

Somehow, I manage a smile, nod and stroke his face. I need that touch and the way he looks at me, it keeps me grounded and firmly in a space where I won’t prove my family right and cause a massive scene.

“I’m fine. I, I think I need to go to the ladies’ room. Check on things,” I whisper, alluding to my monthly with a blush that doesn’t quite reach my pale cheeks.

Colt frowns, searching my eyes before nodding and rising to his feet. I stand but wave him off when he moves to follow me.

“Stay. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure, Em? You look a little green baby. Maybe we should just go home. We’ve been here long enough.”

“Don’t be silly, silly. Mira’s going to kill me if we leave and you still haven’t seen that Grover guy you wanted to talk to about the recycling initiative. I’ll be okay, just lady stuff,” I murmur, kissing him softly.

“Yeah, okay, but if you’re not feeling better we’re going.”

I nod, putting on a smile and walk away on legs made of jelly, my body threatening to collapse beneath me. I practically run for the private bathroom when I’m out of sight and collapse against the wash basins, my lungs wheezing out each breath.

I don’t cry. I don’t want Colt to see my eyes red and besides, I refuse to cry one more tear for those monsters, but it hurts so much my chest feels like its breaking apart.

It takes long minutes of breathing, just pulling in air and releasing it before the dizziness subsides and I can find my feet again. When I do, I run my wrists under the cold tap and just stare at myself in the mirror. My eyes are haunted but they’re also filled with resolve and I guess that’s what gives me the strength to walk out of there.

The door opens and I’m breathing calmly when a hand shoots out and grasps my upper arm tight, the strength of the grip making me cry out as nails dig into the tenser flesh.

My eyes shoot up as I try to pull away and I freeze in place, staring at my mom in this morbidly fascinated way that’s fueled by pure hatred and fear.

“You little bitch! I should have known it was you behind this.” She snarls, making me cry out when her nails dig deeper.

I try to pull away, whimpering when I succeed but only because I ignored the pain and let her nails dig deep grooves of flesh out of my arm, the scratches deep enough to bead with tiny drops of blood.

Covering the wound, I step back, breathing hard and look up at her from my shorter height.

“Mother.” I croak, my throat working when she tries to grab me again and misses, her anger expressed in a muffled bellow when I instinctively swipe out knocking her hand back.

“Is this why you disappeared, Emma? To come here and whore yourself to the highest bidder? What did you tell him, you little liar, huh? Did you try to feed him that story about being raped when we all know you were spreading yourself for that little white trash friend of yours?”

She’s attacking me with so much hatred I find myself stunned but I push it all away and concentrate on her words.

“Buck? I only met Buck after you monsters tried to sell me to your best friends’ sadistic little bastard son!” I hiss back, my hate overpowering the fear that I felt just moments before.

My arm is smarting but the sting grounds me as I face off with her, hating her so violently it takes supreme will for me not to attack her and use all the skills Buck taught me.

“Huh! That’s what you say but-”

“You know it’s true! You know.” I hiss, sneering the words right into her face. “You know because you were there the morning I woke up bloody. You knew, you saw it and you didn’t care because you let it happen. You and that idiot I call a father wanted it to happen because then I would be forced to be with him. Is that what you wanted, huh? Did you think I’d fall pregnant and just give in? That you could control what I did by letting him violate me in my sleep?” I ask.

She pales because I haven’t ever spoken to her this way. I’ve always been the meek little rabbit, hopping to it when they bark, never talking back, always just staying silent because it was easier to hide if they didn’t see me.

“You lie-”

“I don’t! You’re a monster. You left me there, defenseless and didn’t say a word when you knew what he did, Mom. You were supposed to love me and protect me. I was your child.”

“You were a disappointment! All you ever did was hide away and read your books. Everyone else had daughters who knew what to do and say, how to dress, what was expected but not me. I got stuck with a freak who was too timid to toe the line.”

It would hurt but I despise her, so every word that comes out of her mouth is just fuel on the already raging fire that I feel burning inside me.

“And you were no better than a pimp. I hate you. I’ve hated you for years.”

“Is that why you set your dog on us? What, you spread your legs and he’ll do anything you ask? Haven’t you shamed this family enough that you don’t have to send that trash after us?”

I blink, truly confused by her words and tilt my head to really look at her. Her eyes are sunken, as if she’s lost weight and her once flawless face, made so by regular Botox injections is showing signs of aging as if she’s beyond tired and on the verge of a breakdown.

I’ve only seen my mother this way once before; when Gam left her fortune to charity, the share she wanted to give me going to a shelter of my choice at my insistence.

“What are you talking about?”  I ask slowly, my heart rate stable now that I know she can’t hurt me, not really.

“Colton James. Don’t play the innocent, Emma. You put him up to this.”

“Up to what?” I ask exasperated by her riddles, my patience wearing thin.

“He’s ruined us! He bought out the shareholders in a hostile bid and he’s dismantling your father’s holdings piece by piece. We’re on the verge of losing everything because of him. When the bank learned of the takeover they called in the loans we took to expand the orchards. We have nothing left.” She rages, her once pretty face going ugly with rage.

The news startles me but I keep my face bland, not giving away anything that I am feeling. Honestly, it’s part anger that Colt is doing this while another part wants to laugh and ask her how it feels to have everything ripped away, piece by piece.

I’m not proud to admit this, but I’m more happy to know she’s suffering than I am horrified. She’s my mother, she gave me life but I will never forget that she tried to take it away, too, when I didn’t do what she wanted.

She and my father killed me bit by bit for a year while they threatened to have me locked away if I didn’t stop talking about what happened to me.

I hate them and I hope they suffer.

“I had no idea Colt was doing that but I can’t really say I care either. You mean nothing to me. Nothing. If you suffer now it’s what’s been coming for you since you hurt me.”

My words spark a terrible anger in her and she lashes out, slapping hard across my left cheek while spittle spews from her mouth. I try to move back when she comes at me again but the blow never lands and I almost faint with relief when I look to see Colt towering over her, her wrist caught in a bruising grip while he snarls his rage and throws her away from me.

“Emma-”

“I’m okay,” I assure him, holding my cheek while Mom struggles to her feet, breathing heavily while she glares at us both. “She’s angry about some hostile takeover?”

Colt stiffens and his eyes go hard before he comes closer to pull me into his side.

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” he mutters, not even a little ashamed that he just admitted to ruining two people because they hurt me years ago.

It should scare me that he’s this ruthless and vicious, instead it just makes me feel more secure and I look at him with only a slight frown.

“You could have bought a dog. That’s a surprise. This is overkill.”