Mia

“Are you sure?” I ask again, stumbling over the words while Doctor Bob-real name, I shit you not-smiles at me and flips through his charts.

“Miss Carmichael, I have been doing this for many years, I can assure you that I know a pregnant woman when I see one.”

My breath stalls in my lungs and I feel as if the rug has just been ripped out from under me when he comes closer to hand me the file in his hand.

“But Luc only said-”

“Mr. Fabrizio only told you what he knew at that time. I was not at liberty to discuss your personal medical issues with him save for the illness he brought you in for. Unfortunately, he was within earshot of the discussion I was having with one of the nurses and could not fail to hear, otherwise, he wouldn’t even know that much.”

I nod vaguely, rubbing at my temple and take a deep breath to still the rising feeling of panic that threatens to overwhelm me. Pregnant. Me. A baby.

I am overjoyed, of course I am, but I am also terrified, confused and more than a little unprepared to deal with this right now.

“But, the virus.”

“Was treated fast and in the early stages, Miss-”

“Mia, call me Mia,” I cut in, trying to smile.

“Mia, then,” the grey, very fit looking doctor says with a smile. “As I was saying, Mr. Fabrizio brought you in quickly and we caught and treated the virus before it could become particularly worrying in your condition. None of the medications you were given can harm the fetus and we’ve only kept you overnight to ensure that you’re hydrated.”

“Thanks. Uh, listen, I know this is gonna be a strange question…”

“There are no strange questions, Mia. I am your doctor and it’s my job to make you aware of anything you need to know.”

Okay then, because I need to know a lot and right now all I know is that I am scared shitless, a lot happy and even more angry. I want babies, I do but not right now! I just started living again, free of responsibility and here I am, twenty-four and I have another eighteen years of it to look forward to again.

And then there’s the Luc issue. God, that man is going to be so fucking overbearing if he finds out about this, which is bound to happen because despite my feelings of unpreparedness, I would never terminate, even if some part of me thinks it would be better.

Dammit!

“I had a period. And no, it wasn’t one of those light ones that were a day long and didn’t make a blip on the radar, it was normal, brutal.”

“All completely normal Mia. Many women have their cycles more than halfway through gestation and they carry full-term and have no complications. It’s not the norm but it isn’t something to worry about, I assure you. As for the pill, which I see you were on, it’s not always a hundred percent effective, especially if you conceive during your ovulation cycle,” he says, sighing and coming closer to sit on the bed beside me.

He’s giving me a look that says he’s in full doctor mode but also about to give me the human perspective and it makes my eyes tear having someone here for me because God knows I need it, I am not ready to talk to Luc.

He stayed with me all night, working and dozing off in a chair beside the bed, only going home this morning when I forced him to because he looked like hell and still has a lot to do today.

I’m a woman in love and in need of love and all the drama that goes along with it but I’m also realistic and I know that business is business. He needs to work and do his job, not sit around holding my hand because I got some stomach flu thing.

“Mia, I know this is not easy, trust me, I’ve been in this situation many times and I have dealt with every reaction from horror, anger and joy to complete breakdown. Women have it harder than us men because they have whole lives that need to be lived outside of being something that is more important, more demanding and also more frightening than we can ever hope to understand. Motherhood is a gift, I will concede but it’s short-sighted of us men to think that it is also an easy task to undertake and that all that comes of it is joy.”

I nod, listening raptly when he puts the file down and takes my hand, his fatherly attitude making me miss Daddy so much I sniff and wipe a tear from my eye.

“Women all over the world, in many circumstances, are forced to deal with motherhood every single day. We think it’s easy, that all mothers just enjoy the job and everything else comes second when in fact life is always in the way. Job. Husband. Family. Money. Time. It’s all part of it and I do not envy women the task of being everything, at all times, when they bring their children into this world. Men get all the easy parts.”

“You’re telling me.” I snort, sniffing loudly with a chuckle. “One night and then we sit with nine months of sickness, swelling and double chin syndrome. And then it’s the main event. I don’t see any man being willing to push a ten-pound, squalling human out of their vaginas.”

He laughs outright and I give a huff of air when he pats my hand.

“Being a mom is hard, sometimes thankless and more often than not only the first job of the day. I thank God women are stronger than men, though, or God knows we’d be a dying species.”

“Hallelujah.”

“There are options. As your doctor it is my duty to discuss it all with you and-”

“And the only option for me is to have this baby, doc, so no worries, okay?” I assure him, relieving him of a duty that must suck for him. “I just, I’m not ready for this yet and I am definitely not ready for Luc to know. He’s so…”

“Overwhelming?”

“Bossy! The man is freaking bossy. He’d find out and have me in bed with a nurse feeding me and bed bathing me for the next nine months. I have a job and a whole life and-oh my God, I drank alcohol recently! You said I’m about six weeks along and-”

“And you are just fine. Just fine, Mia. Both you and the fetus are completely healthy. The virus has worked out of your system and you are healthy so I do not foresee any problems.”

“You’re sure?” I press, suddenly terrified that I could have already screwed up without even knowing I was.

“Positive. Now, as to the matter of your, er, condition,” he starts, making me giggle, “you are the only one who knows besides myself and the nurse who attended you. The information is confidential so you don’t have to say anything now unless it is what you want. In these matters, I am always very aware of the woman’s right to choose, without having to endure pressure from other parties.”

“That’s sweet and I appreciate that. Not that I really have a choice to make doc, just that I am so not ready to talk about it until I’ve decided where I want to go.”

Doctor Bob sighs and I swear, I have the overwhelming urge to hug the man when his mouth quirks and he gives me an assessing glance.

“May I be frank, Mia?”

“Please.”

“I have never seen a man that worried about a simple virus in my life. He carried on as if you were at death’s door. He must feel very much for you if he’s having a heart attack about something this simple.”

Oh I know that! Luc has always looked after me and been there for me when I needed him. He may have been an asshole, we all know that, and that he’s capable of a lot more in that department, but he’s also been good to me.

It hits me then that I’m trivializing it. I think back on the last years, remembering all the pivotal moments that took place and it becomes clear as day that I am guilty of being blinded by the resentment I felt about him not seeing me, loving me.

When I was sick he’d cart me all over the place while shoving medicine down my throat, force-feeding me and barking orders as if it’s his body, not mine.

When I was sad that a favorite comedian of mine had died he bought me a DVD, shoved it into my hand and told me to stop being a baby, the man is immortalized on tape.

So many things flit through my mind that I sob when they become clear and I can focus, really focus on them now that I don’t have any bitterness to hold onto.

“Do you think…?”

Doctor Bob just smiles and pats my hand before rising.

“I think, Mia, that the man I have seen with you would be very happy to have the mother of his child inform him that he’s going to be a daddy. Off the record I pity you and that poor child. The man is a tyrant.”

I can still hear his laughter down the hall after he walks out, leaving me to stew over my current predicament. Sheeit. This is a fine pickle, I think ruefully, stroking a hand over my belly with a sigh.

God, I’m not flat bellied now, what the hell am I gonna look like when the kid makes his appearance I wonder, falling back to the pillows with a huff.

Pregnant. Pregnant. Pregnant.

Now isn’t this just…

Great. This is great. I’m in love, pregnant with a baby that I know I would have wanted anyway so it’s not a big deal and…I’m gonna bright side the hell outta this, I think, sighing at the thought of the next eighteen years spent with El Dictatoro.

God have mercy on my poor soul. If he’s having kittens about me catching a bug from a neighbor’s kid this poor baby is gonna be wrapped in cotton wool the moment he or she slides out of my slippery slide.

 

Luc

“I need you to reschedule the Delaware meetings and make sure that Killdair has all the information on the Joseph’s deal,” I say distractedly, packing up my briefcase while Melinda takes notes and nods with every barked command.

“Yes, sir.”

“Don’t forget to call Marcus and tell him I won’t be there for the Farmer meeting either. I need a clear plate for the next few days if I’m gonna keep that hellion in bed and resting.”

Melinda laughs at my bereaved tone and throws me a wink.

“It would take a tank to stop her, sir. Good luck.”

I snort and leave the office at a fast clip, my impatience at an all-time high by the time the elevator hits the lobby and Cameron trots over, grinning from ear to ear.

“Don’t start. I’m already in a shit mood because she made me come to work I don’t need you and the peanut gallery heckling me.” I snarl, throwing myself into the car with a curse when Barry covers his mouth to stifle a laugh.

“Sorry, sir! It’s just that when you stopped taking her calls she started calling us and her language has been colorful.” He chuckles, making me smirk.

“She’s feeling better then, thank God. Remember when she caught that cold when we were in Moscow?” I ask, laughing uproariously when Barry smooths over the scar on his cheek, a souvenir when I left it to him to make Mia stay in the hotel room.

She socked him but good.

“Not funny, sir. Poor Tim is stationed outside her door. He’s threatening to quit if he gets her detail again.”

We all laugh at that because the man is in love with Mia, a fact I would be pissed about if not for Mia’s complete adoration of me.

And no, I don’t give a shit if that makes me sound horrible or arrogant, the woman adores me!

“He’ll stay but I have a feeling that hospital is about ready to let her go if only to save themselves the trauma. Don’t say anything if she comes out looking less than great, the woman has turned into a freaking prissy miss and cries if you say anything unflattering,” I warn, wincing because I have a habit of being honest with her and that honesty is hard to break.

She threatened to de-ball me this morning when I told her she had morning breath. It was true but the chunk of hair I lost after saying it has made me rethink my methods.

“Well, here we are, you want a cup for those nuts sir?”

I flip them off and stalk into the hospital, hardly noticing anything around me as I go for her room and pause outside the doorway.

“There you are!”

“Now, cara, I got here as soon as I could. Remember that you were the one who sent me to work,” I start, ready and willing to defend myself.

“You ignored my calls,” she says, her mouth tight.

“I was in a meeting, my ringer was turned off.” I lie easily, stopping at her bed to lean down and kiss her.

She’s dressed in a cotton maxi dress the colour of blood and gladiator sandals and she looks so hot it’s all I can do to remember that she’s regaining her strength. I want to kiss the hell out of her right now and maybe do some other things that may involve sex toys, chocolate and sound proofed walls.

Mia purses her lips and I see them quirk before she pulls me into her and kisses me, her mouth making love to mine in a way that has my cock going hard while I eye the bed.

It’s only been one night and a day but I am ravenous for her and trying to remind myself that my little imp needs to rest and regain her strength. I pull away regretfully, groaning when she tries to maintain the contact and push her away gently.

“No more of that, cara, you need to get home and rest.”

“But-”

I kiss her again to stop whatever protest is forming and take care of the discharge forms before getting her into the car. She’s preoccupied and playing with the windows when I finally lose patience with her silence and turn to her.

“What’s up, cara?”

“What? Oh, uh nothing, just thinking,” she replies distractedly, waving me off with a sigh that makes me suspicious.

“You thinking about anything in particular?” I find myself asking, the stress of the day and what I have done making my nerves tense up.

I should come clean with her and tell her everything but I find myself unable to do so when she smiles, not meeting my eyes and looks away. I’m on rocky ground here, very unstable to say the least, and I know that what I’ve done today will pull it all out from under me if Mia ever finds out.

I’ve blocked it out for the most part, not willing to think about it at all, but now that I’m with her and she’s giving me the brush off I find myself sweating and panicking.

“Mia, what is it! Are you feeling sick? Is it your brothers? Goddammit, I told those idiots to take your phone away you don’t need the stress-”

“First of all I would have done a lot worse than bite Tim if he’d come anywhere near my phone,” she warns, her mouth going tight. “Second, I am not sick, I just got out of the damn hospital. Third, if it was my brothers, which it isn’t, thank you very much, I would do whatever I have to, no matter how much you bitch.”

“Then what…?”

“Nothing, Luc. Sheesh, can’t a girl be quiet?” she asks reasonably, making me feel like an idiot.

“Other girls, er, women are quiet. You talk incessantly.”

She throws me a sour look, taking it as a put down and fiddles with her dress, creasing the fabric between her thumb and forefinger.

“I don’t chatter, Luc, and for your information I don’t care what other women do. I’m me, not some carbon copy doll who jumps when you tell me to.”

Christ. What the hell is going on with her? Is this the same woman who kissed me in the hospital not ten minutes ago?

“Mia-”

“Luc, seriously chill. I’m just a little tired is all and I want to go home, eat more than Jell-O and veg in front of the TV for a while. Okay? What’s got you so twitchy?” she asks, flipping the script on me so fast I blink and have to look away to avoid her eyes.

“Nothing. Just a long day is all. I was worried about you and that damned doctor refused to talk to me about you so I’ve been annoyed all day.”

The lie is only partial but I feel like shit when she looks at me and softens, bringing her hand up to stroke my cheek.

“You should have gone home last night to sleep. And the doctor was just doing his job, Luc. “

“His job is to make sure you’re okay, not stonewall me when I try to take care of you.” I snarl, pushing a hand through my hair when she grins and moves closer to snuggle my side.

“You are taking care of me, babe.”

“Why wouldn’t you let them talk to me?” I ask, hating that I am so needy and afraid that I want to control everything about her life.

For reasons I can’t explain, I’ve been on edge about Mia’s place in my life. Last night’s talk, the security I felt, the way she turned to me and trusted me have evaporated in the light of day and I have only myself to blame, I think, pulling her closer in an almost desperate move.

“Luc, honestly what’s to know! I had a virus that was treated very speedily and I am fine now. The doc says I may be a little off for the next few days but everything is good as far as my health is concerned.”

I would believe her but I know Mia’s tells and when she bites into her bottom lip and glances away I know something isn’t right. The knowledge makes me sweat harder and yeah, I fully admit that this could just be me projecting my own guilt but I can’t help myself, I’m spinning out of control here.

“You’re lying,” I say harshly, pushing her away when she flinches and sits up, staring at me through injured eyes.

“And you? I know you, Luc, and I knew the minute you walked into that hospital room that something was wrong so why don’t we start with what’s crawled up your ass before you pull a classic deflect and make this all about me.”

“I’m not-”

“Give me break! Let’s talk about the fact that I called you six times, six! You didn’t answer and before you lie to me, let’s make some things really clear, Luc, I know that your ringer doesn’t turn off because I’m the one who got Cory in IT to make it happen when your girl friends were turning it off to have more time with you.”

I cringe at being caught out and feel my anger spike when she smirks knowingly.

“I also take care of your diary so I know full well that you had this afternoon free because you wanted to go over the HR training programs with Killdair.”

“Something came up, I rescheduled.” I try, pulling at my tie when the thing starts feeling like a noose around my neck.

Mia just grunts, letting out a chuckle that holds a wealth of disgust and self-righteous anger.

“Something like what?”

“Mia, what the hell is this? I won’t be interrogated by you-”

“No, because why should the great Lucas Fabrizio answer to anyone? I needed to talk to you,” she says softly, losing the anger when she says it.

I am pissed, though, and rightfully so. I hate feeling like this, guilty, knowing that I am in the wrong, backed into a corner of my own making and lashing out at Mia because the thought of her finding out and leaving me is terrifying.

“About what, Mia? You were in the damned hospital with security. Are you so clingy and insecure that I can’t be out of your sight for a few hours without you jumping down my throat?”

Christ, I shouldn’t be saying this but it’s as if my brain and mouth aren’t connected at this moment. All I know is that I’m cornered and, like a cornered animal, I keep lashing out.

“Clingy.” She gasps, her eyes going hard. “I had to talk to you and where were you, Luc! I’ll tell you, you were walking into a hotel with your ex-girlfriend.” She charges. “I kissed you because I wanted to, because I missed you and I was giving you the benefit of the doubt, waiting for you to tell me what was happening. Because I trusted you.”

“Mia-”

“You asked me for a chance, Luc, and I gave it to you, despite everything that has happened between us, I love you and I told myself that I wouldn’t approach this with distrust-”

“Distrust.” I rage, laughing humorlessly. “I’ve spent the last few days walking on eggshells because you don’t want to define our relationship.”

“Because the moment you get a whiff of ‘clinginess’ you bolt.”

“I asked you to marry me!”

“Because you didn’t want to lose me, not because you want to get married, Lucas. Jesus, do you think I don’t know, that I’m blind to what you feel and think? I’ve known you for years and I know when to move and when to wait. I wanted to give you time to love me because I don’t want to get married knowing that it’s just you wanting to keep me. I want you to love me, Lucas. I want to take all this trust I had in you and say yes, if you ask me again, because I love you and I want a life with you, shared, not one where you move me around where you want me,” she says quietly, looking away to blink back tears.

“I’m-”

“And you know the part that hurts most? All day after Fran called me, I defended you. I told myself that there was a reason, that it was innocent and that you’d talk to me about it. I trusted in you and what do I get, you throw heat at me to cover up your own guilt.” She laughs, sighing as if this has drained her. “I want to go home.”

“I know. I’ll get us home and we can talk. I can explain,” I tell her, trying to hide my desperation when she flinches away from the hand I reach out.

“My home.”

“Mia-”

“No! I was so happy earlier, Luc. I had something I wanted to tell you but now all I want is to get away from you so I can think,” she says tonelessly.

My chest tightens and I feel my world narrowing dangerously as the things I’ve kept from her slam into me. There is so much she doesn’t know, so much I should have told her but the longer I kept quiet the harder it became.

“Mia, I need you to trust me. I can fix this. Just come home with me and I’ll talk-”

“The time for talking is about twenty minutes too late, Luc.”