Emma

“You’re hot!”

I hear one of the other interns - I think his name is Travis - yell the words at me and stiffen when his breath hits my cheek, the warm air making me cringe back and look around for Mira or Joann.

I got through the rest of my day in a somewhat acceptable manner, concentrating on work and promising myself that if things didn’t feel right, at any time I could just leave.

My night was spent at the boxing club where Buck trains, feeding some of the fighters from the spaghetti I made and just trying to think of anything that I could do or say to get out of drinks, and the dinner with Colton.

By nine I was exhausted and downhearted because I had nothing to go on besides telling people that I just really didn’t want to go. Aunt Sue made it clear that wasn’t an option so I called Jamaica and used her as a sounding board.

Bad idea. Since she got married, Jam thinks it’s every woman’s right to find her one true love and make a go at a relationship. She told me to have two drinks to loosen me up, go to Colton’s apartment and see where the mood takes me.

I assured her nothing would take me to sex on a first date. She laughed and told me not to be a stick in the mud, looked Colton up and then yelled at me that my vagina deserves him, even if my eyes don’t work right!

So the general consensus was that she’d come back stateside, tie me to a car and drag me a few meters until I relented. I love her for her attitude and wish to God I had her confidence because, honestly, I am scared shitless at the thought of this date. And it is a date, even I’m not green enough to overlook that one glaring fact.

Right now, I am having drinks with my colleagues and let me just say, I am not enjoying it at all. Mira disappeared ten minutes after I arrived to chat up some guy at the bar and Joanna is currently doing her best to give Adele a run for her money. She’s not succeeding I think, grimacing when Travis leans in again and repeats his words over the din of the packed bar.

“Thanks.”

What else can I say? I know guys find me attractive, something I have hated since I turned thirteen and Mom started farming me out like a piece of meat.

He grins, his floppy brown hair falling over his twinkling eyes as he leans closer and pushes his body into me, the move pushing me up against the bar where I am standing.

“You look like you need another drink.”

I do not. The first rum and Coke Mira got me is already done and I’m one sip in to nursing another, the alcohol having already made me slightly tipsy.

“No, thank you,” I say, trying to slide out to the left because he’s making my skin crawl.

“Aw, come on, cutie, loosen up a little. It’s just a drink,” he cajoles.

“No. Thank you. I have this,” I say, holding up my still full glass.

“Shots, then! Everyone loves shots,” he yells, sliding his hand onto my hip.

The move has me freezing and the nerves beneath my skin revolting against the feel of his hands on me. I want to run, just leave now and not look back but I am always aware of the impression I am making, especially on those I need to work with, so I stand stock still and dig deep, willing my chest to expand when black spots dance in my vision.

The therapist has been through this with me and I know what to do, I just can’t think when he smirks and slides his hand down, cupping my ass.

“Please take your hand off me and step back.”

He doesn’t, squeezing my ass instead and making me tense all the more.

“I’ve been watching you for weeks, Emma. You’re so fucking sexy. All I can think about is getting into your p-”

“Step back, motherfucker! Can’t you take a hint?” I hear the growl and the hand leaves my ass right before Travis is knocked backward and falls on his ass a few feet away.

I look up, my mouth parting to see Harley Brighton standing there, his glare when he looks down at Travis making me both happy with relief and shocked, especially when he leans down to haul the guy to his feet by the front of his shirt.

“You leave her alone, asshole, she’s not for you.” He snarls before shoving him away and turning to me. “You okay, sweetheart?”

I nod, my voice stuck somewhere between a giggle when Travis stumbles on his own feet and almost falls, and horror at the ease with which Harley just swept my troubles away.

“I’m okay. I was just about to leave.”

“That’s good, sweetheart. No offense but this is not your scene. My car’s outside. Just tell the driver where you’re going and he’ll get you there safely.”

“I don’t need-”

“One drink, Em. You told him one drink. If you hold off for much longer he’s gonna come looking and you don’t want that. Trust me,” he says softly, cutting in with a slash of his hand when I try to speak. “I won’t say anything, so you can relax. That’d be moot though if he storms in here looking for you. Go. I’ll let everyone know you left.”

What is there to say? I down half the rum and Coke and turn way with a nod, leaving the bar without a backward glance. The car door opens before I can say a word to the middle-aged driver and I step into it, sliding over luxurious leather sets while my heart starts pounding and I feel my muscles ache with tension.

“Ma’am?”

I give him the address Colton texted me yesterday afternoon and find a smile to go with the polite answer, my natural proclivity for politeness overriding the butterflies beating in my stomach.

Traffic isn’t great at this time on a Friday afternoon, late as it is but all too soon we pull to a stop outside a swanky building where a doorman opens the door to help me out, leading me into the lobby.

“Mr. James is expecting you. I’ll ride up with you.”

“Thank you.”

He just smiles, seeming to frown at my soft-spoken words and I spend the next sixty seconds in the elevator with my heart pounding and sweat breaking out on my upper lip.

I should have gone home and changed. A plain black skirt and white shirt are not proper dinner attire, even I know this but the thought no sooner forms than it dissipates when the doors open and I let out a gasp of delight.

“Ma’am.”

I wave distractedly at the doorman and step off the elevator, my mouth hanging open when I step straight into the entrance of a huge apartment, probably the penthouse by the sheer scope of it.

The entire front space from the elevator all the way to the steps to the sunken living room is filled with potted plants and flowers, making me feel as if I just stepped into a tiny jungle.

I love plants, always have, even if I have never been able to keep one alive.

“You like it?”

I whirl around at the husky drawl and swallow when Colton ambles into my line of view his eyes never leaving mine while I look him over, appreciating his thick legs encased in a pair of worn jeans and a loose black t-shirt that strains at the arms.

“It’s wonderful,” I say softly, fidgeting with my fingers when he keeps staring, his brown eyes taking me in from head to toe.

“You’re late.”

“I had another drink,” I explain, the alcohol floating through my blood stream making me relax slightly.

Just enough that when I meet his eyes I don’t feel as if I’ve fallen into a storm-tossed ocean. I am by no means relaxed but I don’t feel like running when he comes towards me and gently pries my hands apart, folding one into his.

“You were second guessing dinner,” he guesses and I flush because it’s true. “Why?”

Why? So many reasons. He’s my boss, even if I don’t work directly for him. He’s too much for a girl like me to deal with. He’s overwhelmingly handsome. I’m out of my depth.

There’s so much more to say to that but all I can come up with is Joann’s words and the feeling that if I am not very careful, I could be making a huge mistake with Colton James.

I don’t want to get hurt, I can’t afford to get my heart broken for the first time by a man who is already becoming an obsession.

“We shouldn’t be seeing each other. It’s not…I am not what you’re used to, Mr. James.”

“Colt. You call me Colt and what do you mean?” he asks while pulling me down the steps and into the living room where the floor to ceiling accordion windows are open to let in the sultry city air.

This high up the air is almost fresh and offers a little relief from the summer temperatures.

Maybe it’s the alcohol or the way he seems to be hesitant when taking me to the couch, where he lowers me and offers me a drink. Whatever it is I accept the wine and feel myself soften.

“I’m not your usual type…Colt. I’m not…I haven’t ever done anything like this before,” I admit quietly, blushing at the thought of telling him exactly how closed off and pathetic I’ve been for years.

“Had dinner with a man?” he teases, urging me to taste the wine he hands me.

I do and moan at the velvety tang, my love for good wine just about the only thing my mom taught me that I appreciate.

I’m sweating and very uncomfortable as I lean closer to the arm of the couch to put some distance between us. I can’t think with his thigh brushing against mine, can only feel the tingles of awareness that shoot through my body.

It’s humiliating having to tell him the truth but I’m always honest, at least I try to be as honest as possible, and I want him to know who I am, what I am before he goes any further.

“No. I have had dinner with a man, many men when I was younger thanks to my mother’s attempts at matchmaking. I mean, I haven’t ever had, done…this…” I say helplessly, unable to finish the thought because telling a man, the very first man I have ever been attracted to that I don’t have any experience when it comes to sex is not easy.

I’m twenty-two, almost twenty-three-years-old and the truth is that I haven’t ever felt any sort of stirrings for a man. When most of the girls in school were going out, partying and having sex, I was stuck at home, studying or being trotted out at dinners that almost killed me.

Colton pauses and I watch as his brow furrows, my heart pounding the longer he stays silent.

“I…are you saying…?”

He doesn’t finish, just rises with his wine glass to stalk towards the opened windows to stare out at the cars below.

“This is…awkward, Emma, but I need you to be upfront with me, okay? I’m too into this to be any good to you if I don’t know what…are you telling me that you’ve never…?” He stops and I can feel the tension coming off him from across the room, the hard set of his shoulders making my palms sweat.

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, I steel myself against what I think is going to end in rejection and do what Jamaica told me to do, set it all out on the table.

I know that whatever this is, or was, it would lead to sex and Jamaica was very clear with me that unless I made Colton aware of it, I would get hurt the first time.

I don’t want that. I want what she got, a good first time that was gentle and meaningful, something she’ll never forget, not some slap and tickle while the guy grunts over me and I’m in pain and embarrassed as hell.

“I haven’t slept with anyone before,” I say softly, keeping my eyes on him, even when he turns quickly to stare at me in open mouthed shock. “And no, it’s not some religious thing or because I’m waiting for marriage. I just haven’t ever wanted to.”

The confession is as open and honest as I can make it while my insides quiver but I hold myself rigid, refusing to feel shame when he takes a quick breath and swallows.

The man is probably having a heart attack right now, wondering what he was thinking having some shy little nobody come over for dinner and sex, while I feel exposed, embarrassed and in dire need of another glass of wine.

“You’ve never wanted to…does that mean…I’m the first man you’ve been attracted to?” he asks slowly, making me blush a deep shade of pink.

I should leave, just go, and chalk this up to a night that went badly wrong from start to finish. First the bar, where Harley Brighton kicked someone’s ass, and now this. Instead, I find myself nodding, the words choked up and locked in my throat when he stalks over to me and pulls me up, his arms locking around me and dragging me into his heat.

I feel everything again, just as I did in that elevator yesterday when my body first woke to his. My breasts grow heavy, my nipples swell to hard points and my sex starts throbbing giving off an empty ache of longing for what, I don’t even know.

“Christ. Christ,” He mutters, spearing a hand into my hair to pull my head back. “I’ll be your first.”

“Yes,” I whisper, the heat of his breath tingling across my lips when he lowers his head.

I want him to be my first, need him to kiss me and touch me as I haven’t been touched before. I don’t know Colton, I don’t know where this will lead but I have spent twenty-three years being forced to do things I don’t want to do, hiding to avoid being pushed into a life I don’t want. This is the first time I don’t want to hide and I pray that the risk is worth it.

Maybe things won’t work out and he’ll walk away after he gets what he wants but I can’t fight the way I feel when he looks at me and I won’t hide even if I’m afraid.

Colton groans at the affirmation and I gasp when he seals his mouth over mine, the swift sweep of his wet tongue on my lips making me open against the subtle pressure.

He kisses me softly, sweetly, with tiny flicks of his tongue into my mouth while I hold still and feel what he’s doing. It is so good, I can’t hold back a mewl of surrender.

His tongue becomes more forceful when I lick his gently, experimenting with the taste and feel of him inside me, and I moan when he becomes more aggressive, pulling my head back for greater access.

I’m not any good at this, I know I can’t be, but Colton kisses me, groaning into my mouth as if I’m everything he could want. And more. He kisses me until I have no breath left and my mouth is slick with the taste of him.

It’s only when my head is swimming that he pulls back and looks down at me, his face cast in harsh lines, looking almost angry.

“I want you so much my cock is painfully hard but I promised you dinner and nothing more so that’s what I’m going to give you, but make no mistake, Emma, I will be inside you when the time is right and you’re ready for me. I will take you as no man has and I’m going to keep you for as long as this passion rages inside us both.”

I can’t find one word inside me to say everything I know I should, so instead of begging him to take me and forget his promise, I nod silently, my heart pounding against my ribs.

“Say the words, Emma. Tell me that when you’re ready this passion between us will get you in my bed.” He growls, the hand still trapped in my hair closing into a gentle fist.

“I’ll be yours,” I murmur huskily, making the promise not only for him but for me as well.

I want this man, badly, even knowing I shouldn’t and admitting to myself that I don’t know him. If we do this I can learn, adapt, maybe allow myself to trust enough to be better and want more. Maybe I’m wrong and what this is will be something beyond a few nights in his bed.

I don’t know but what I do know is that for once I want to find out instead of hiding and taking the safest course.

Colton shudders against me, the hard length of his cock jerking against me and leans down to kiss me softly, sealing the bargain.

“Come on, Emma, dinner.”

I follow on leaden feet, my body screaming and let him keep hold of my hand before pulling me onto the patio and holding my chair. I sit, looking out over the city, the green of Central Park taking my breath away.

“This is beautiful.”

Colton smiles and seats himself, taking lids off the already plated food.

“I bought this place for the view before I even knew what it was going to look like. Lucky for me the designers ran more to modern convenience than the homey feel most folks go for or I’d be screwed.”

I look around for the first time, my mind no longer captivated by the man, well not entirely, and see the white marble and light tones all around.

It’s not exactly my taste, being as I am used to the trendy homey décor my parents seemed to favor, the distressed looking woods that were in and still seem to trend suiting me far better.

I can’t deny that Colton’s place is beautiful though, even if whites, greys and blacks aren’t my thing. Not that I really have a thing mind you, I think with a snort.

My apartment is a mix of old furniture that Aunt Sue gave us and a couch Buck found on the curb a few years ago. It’s brown, sags on one end and has a strip of duct tape running down the back to keep the fabric in place.

No, I have no place to judge his home but I wonder if the sparse décor is indicative of his personality and shiver at the thought of how empty it is.

“You don’t like my place?” he laughs, noting my wandering eyes.

I blush and duck my head, focusing on the food with a start of surprise, my eyes winging up to meet his.

“You always order chicken when you go down to the cafeteria with Mira. I thought you’d prefer that to shrimp or lobster,” he says with a shrug, making me smile.

“I eat anything, but lobster is definitely not a favorite. Thank you.”

He shrugs as if his thoughtfulness isn’t all that big of a deal and cuts into his chicken Kiev before repeating his question.

“You don’t like the décor?”

“Oh no, I do, I guess. I mean…it’s nice. Just a little empty,” I murmur, taking a bite of food to cover my awkward attempt at a fib.

Colton smirks and I have to cough back the chicken that I swallow without chewing.

“You don’t need to spare my feelings. Harley hates my place too and, yeah, I guess it is empty but I’m not much good at cleaning and I don’t want anyone full time, snooping around. I have a service come in twice a week to keep up with the laundry and dishes but that’s all.”

Must be nice I think, recalling last night’s date with the dishes and Buck’s laundry basket that was full to the brim with sweaty socks and underpants.

“You’re not good with people in your space?” I ask, tasting the spinach with a moan of delight that has his eyes flaring.

I almost choke he gives me such a heated look but manage to recover when he shakes his head.

“When I was growing up I never had any privacy so now I value it above everything.”

“You had a big family?” I ask.

I have two brothers but we’re not exactly close and I have always wondered what it must be like to have siblings and parents who love you. I don’t pity myself not having it, it’s just curiosity I guess.

“No,” he says, looking away with a tense set to his mouth. “I am an only child. I went to boarding school from the age of seven. Mom and Dad believed in the family tradition and since I was the only son I didn’t really stand a chance.”

“God, that must have sucked.”

At least I think it must have, not that I would know. There was a long period of my life where I wished I could be shipped off to escape the family but, yay me, I got to stay, and suffer them.

“It was okay, I guess. It’s just not easy to live a private life with five other boys in one space, vying for privacy and space. Anyway, I met Harley there when I was thirteen so it wasn’t all that bad.”

“You’re best friends,” I say, forking up another bite of chicken and watching him intently.

“Yeah. More brothers, really, since we’re both only children and we knew it wouldn’t change. He’s had my back for years and I have his.”

“Like me and Buck.”

Colton stills, going tense and I lower my fork to grab my wine glass when his eyes go ice cold.

“Buck?”

“Yeah, he’s my best friend. I met him senior year and we’ve been together ever since. He has my back and I take care of him by doing laundry and cooking,” I say softly, biting my lip to stop a tremble when I see his fingers go tight on the fork.

“You live with him?”

“Yeah. It’s easier to pay rent if I have his half and we share food expenses, though it’s not always easy when he brings his girlfriends over,” I gripe, thinking about the dirty thong I dug out of the ancient couch.

Colton leans back, his whole body relaxing as if deflated and I take a minute to actually look at him while I push what’s left of dinner around my plate.

“He looks after you though?”

“Yes. He protects me when I need it, makes me feel safe if we’re out somewhere and people stare. I am aware of what I look like so it makes things hard for me when I go out. Buck makes it so I don’t have to talk if I don’t want to.”

My voice is soft, affectionate when I talk about my best friend and I see Colton tense again before he leans his elbows on the table and comes closer.

“I don’t like that you live with a man.”

I rear back, shocked at the violence in his tone and swallow an immediate retort about not caring what he likes and doesn’t like.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, but Buck is my friend and I won’t ever give him up, no matter what happens between us. You should know that, before…” I trail off, leaving the rest up to him.

Colton doesn’t like that, I see it in the flare of his nose and have to stifle a giggle because the man is just so used to getting his way that it doesn’t sit well when he can’t. I get it, I have two brothers who are assholes used to having anything and everything they want.

I hope to God Colton isn’t like that because I can safely say that the minute he tries to take away my choice, the way my parents tried, I will walk. It doesn’t matter what I feel or how badly I want him, choice is all I have and it’s a hard-won commodity.

Buck never interferes. To him I am a free agent; the only time he ever steps in is when he thinks I could get hurt or if someone is mean to me. I have the feeling Colton won’t be any different, not with the way he reacted when he heard the office perverts took a shine to me.

But I do think that he may be controlling and we’ll have to see how that goes because I am not willing to be controlled.

“I can’t promise I will get any better at dealing with it, Emma,” he finally says, after a long silence in which I finish off the wine and lean back, the alcohol I’ve imbibed relaxing me.

“That’s okay, I don’t expect you to. There’s really nothing to deal with. Buck saved me and there isn’t anything anyone could do to make me leave him.”

I hope he gets what I am saying and can deal with that or this, whatever it is, is bound to crash before it even takes off.

Colton sighs and eventually smiles, making my heartbeat slow from the gallop it took off in.

“I can deal with it as long as we don’t have an issue with him interfering with our relationship,” he drawls, the seductive purr back in his voice.

My breaths still when he looks at me from beneath thick lashes so long I envy him and I clench my thighs together when that familiar tingle starts up.

“He won’t.”

“Good, because, Emma, once I have you, you’re mine. There won’t be anyone else but me for you and I hope you’re ready for that.”

I don’t say anything because I don’t know what to say. Am I ready for something serious? I can’t say for sure one way or the other, but I do admit that being here with him, feeling my body awaken to the looks and soft touches, is serious enough.

“What about you? Will there be anyone else for you?” I ask earnestly.

Colton goes still and I feel my mouth tighten to keep from saying something that won’t end things well. I won’t accept anything less than exclusivity if that’s what he wants from me and before I commit to this in any way, I expect the truth, no matter how harsh it may be.

“I won’t sleep with another woman while we’re together. That’s the only promise I can give you, Emma. This isn’t you and I planning a happily ever after. It’s about attraction, lust, the need to be intimate until this need burns out.”

That’s fine, more than I expected, to be honest, but if we’re doing this, it’s just us, no one else.

I tell him so and keep my eyes on him while he takes it in.

“I won’t fuck another woman.”

“You promise. I don’t expect love and the whole happy ending, Colton, but I am not some bimbo out for a good fuck and a goodbye kiss either,” I say boldly, daring him to call me on it.

Colton goes still and then lets out a husky laugh.

“The shy kitten has claws.”

“No, I have definite boundaries. I may not be as experienced or urbane and I may not know what will happen but I’m not giving myself to someone who will only hurt me. If you can be faithful while we’re…an item, that’s good enough.”

“I will be faithful to you, Em, I promise. I don’t think I’d want to fuck another woman while we’re together anyway, babe. You, having you near me does something to me. I get hard when I see you and I can’t think of anything I’d rather be doing than pushing inside you. I want you, Emma, for as long as this lasts.”

“Okay,” I say on an outward breath, my lungs releasing their death grip on my heart.

He smiles, really smiles then, and I return the look, my body filled with the joyous ache of anticipation.

“I think we should have dessert before I break my earlier promise and throw you down on the table. My control is precarious, baby,” he warns, standing with a rueful grimace.

I look down and blush, squeaking when his hard on shows, clearly outlined through his jeans. Colton just laughs as he clears the dishes and strolls away, leaving me alone to restore my breathing and think over what we’ve done, what we will do.

I want him and I will have him. Screw the consequences.