Mia

I peep over the monitor and almost laugh when I see Luc, Cameron and Barry standing in his office casting glances at me. The uncertainty I witnessed when he came off the elevator, stumbled and came to a dead stop was hilarious.

As was his hesitant hello and the confusion when I smiled robotically before rising to make him coffee and take in his mail. I will never, ever forget the look on his face when he finally saw my clothes.

Even I winced at the way I looked when I saw myself in the mirror but I have to give Luc credit, he didn’t blink, just paled. He got his color back, don’t you worry, when he tried to talk to me and I told him to save it and pillow talk his girlfriend Gisele instead.

Then he just got mad and stormed into his office without a word. We’re currently cold warring it, me peeping at him frequently and stifling a laugh while he hides in his office and whispers frantically with the two ninny’s guarding him.

They should guard him, from me, I think, putting my letter opener in the drawer just in case. Baby needs a daddy after all.

“Uh, Mia?”

I glance up at him when he stops at my desk and raise a brow in question.

“I would really like to talk to you, cara, please,” he asks in such a sweetly hesitant tone that I find myself wanting to smile.

Bad Mia!

“Yes, Lucas, of course. I have something very important that I need to discuss with you as well.”

He perks up like an inflated balloon and I force myself to remain stiff as I walk into his office and take a seat. Cameron and Barry are gone, I note, smoothing the scratchy skirt with a frown because damn, it feels like I’m wearing a hair shirt and I’m itching like a bitch.

Lucas walks around his desk, stops and then backtracks to take the seat beside mine, so close I can feel his heat.

“Mia-”

“No, wait please, let me say something first. Yesterday was a really tough day for me and despite what you may think, I was not running away. I just needed time to think about what you did. The funny thing is it took a few hours but by around ten last night I came to the conclusion that you weren’t cheating on me with Gisele.”

“Oh, thank God. I wasn’t, I swear, cara.” He breathes, going to take my hands.

I pull away before he can touch me, needing it but sure that if he does I will crumble and just give in. Yeah, I now think he’s innocent of those charges but what difference does it make, the man trusts me so little he was willing to lie to me before talking things out.

“No, this isn’t me taking you back and being forgiving, Lucas, this is me telling you that I trust you.”

He smiles at that but soon loses the expression when the rest of my statement sinks in.

“But-”

“I do trust you. I held on for years trusting you and dreaming about what could be and you know, I think I nailed it pretty well. I ran away, yes I did, and maybe that is a huge issue for you. I get it and I understand, I do, but the problem here is not me lacking trust or not loving you because I do. The problem is that you don’t trust me and short of chaining myself to you permanently I don’t think I can live without your trust. I came back today for me, because this is what I know and love and because I don’t want to lose you permanently, but I think we should step back.”

Please don’t. Please, please, just this once step over the edge for me, with me.

“Step back?” he croaks going pale.

“Back.” I choke out, swallowing down hurt. “I spoke to the doctor yesterday and he told me that I am pregnant. No, wait, I’m not finished. I am pregnant. Apparently, the pill failed for me and no, I am not freaking out, I’m really happy about this, no matter what happens,” I assure him when he starts talking.

“You’re pregnant? God, cara, that is so great. We can get ma-”

“I’ll stay on, work, we can be friends if that’s possible. Let’s face it, Lucas, you and me, we just don’t fit and I think that’s why it’s been such a rocky road. You need glitz and beauty. I need someone who will want me, as I am and want to share a life, not snippets in between a work schedule.”

God, my heart is breaking as I say the words, the lies pouring out of me making my chest ache terribly.

“I can’t do that! We belong together. I don’t need glitz and beauty, Mia, I need you.” He rages, the unintentional insult making me bite my lips to keep a sob from escaping.

Rising slowly, I manage a smile and shrug.

“And that right there is the problem. You want to know how I know for sure, even after I made that decision last night that I can trust you? Jamaica told me where you were,” I say, my eyes going wet with unshed tears. “You took Gisele to a gala to meet the Lorens representatives. You dropped her off at home around twelve and then went home alone. You didn’t sleep with her, just took her out to be arm candy.”

That hurt. I was well and truly okay until that point. I’d even adjusted my plans and let Fran talk me into giving things another shot. Until I understood that he was using her to provide the image while I am just…I don’t even know what I am to him anymore.

Things are so upside down I can’t think.

I’ve gone to many functions with him as his secretary and he’s been fine. I just never thought that taking me as his girlfriend would be the problem.

Luc pales and for once I see him flounder, the truth battling against his need to keep me.

“It wasn’t like that. I, the last time we met with Lorens Gisele was with me and…”

“And they expected her or at least another equally glitzy woman. Not me, the girl who wears flats and forgets to wear the good glasses. They all know me as the hired help and while that was true it was okay for me to be with you,” I say sadly, knowing that I can’t do this.

I can’t stay here. I thought I was strong enough, that I could handle the rejection, that just having him in private would be enough for me. I guess I was wrong, know I was when he looks at me and can’t deny it.

“I’m going now. Melinda will handle everything until you find someone else. I’m so sorry, Luc, I can’t do this with you anymore. I’ll be in touch about the baby but I’d appreciate it if you let me have some time,” I say quietly, waiting for something.

He doesn’t say a word, just stares at me with this aching expression that guts me. I know he regrets it, doesn’t mean for me to hurt but that doesn’t help and fuck him for making me feel this way.

********************************************************************

“Uh, this is the life.” Fran moans, floating across the crystal clear waters of the pool on a float with a cocktail in her hand and a smile on her elfin face.

“Yep,” I mutter, going back to the book I’m reading, staring at the same paragraph I’ve been trying to read for hours.

It’s been three weeks since I left, clearing my desk while Luc sat in his office, not moving one inch from where I left him. I walked out with my head held high but inside I was struggling not to cry. Or puke. These days I never know which it is.

I just feel sick. Heart sick mostly. The problem with being principled and wanting a man to love you no matter what is that it’s all just illusion really. Am I wearing the ugly suits, the glasses or the military grade flats?

Hell no! I hate that shit and I proved it by having a bonfire in my front yard with Fran and Jammy. I said sorry to Mama but that shit had to go. I had a rash for a week thanks to the wool in the blend.

I look, normal, most days. I wear dresses that fit, shorts, jeans, skirts and I have to say I look good. Even on the days that I don’t brush my hair fully or wear the ugly glasses because they don’t pinch my nose like the others sometimes do.

And I feel okay. I’m finally finding me, the Mia who likes pretty things but doesn’t sweat the looks all the time. I like that. Being average instead of being either pretty or ugly.

I like the balance of it and I am finally comfortable in my own skin.

I went home for all of two seconds after I left Luc and then made some calls, wanting friends and family at a time when being alone just didn’t feel right.

Santiago flew us all out, me, Jammy, Fran and my brothers and it’s been three weeks of nothing but relaxation, talking and being with people I love.

It’s good. I didn’t think I would be okay but with my people around me to provide love and support I am doing alright.

Luc called me once, to ask if I was okay and to say that he was really happy about the baby and I listened and said all I had to say before ending it, finally.

Now it’s just…time I guess. I need time to find me and what I now know is that I want change. I relied on my job, I didn’t love it and so instead of going back to work as a secretary I’ve enrolled in classes to go for nursing training.

Different from what I’ve done for so long but I am excited. If worst comes to worst I can always go back to office work or maybe just do what Santiago suggested and stay here in Spain, work for him and raise the baby here.

That’s a last resort since I don’t really want to exclude Luc from the baby’s life but at least it’s an option.

“Hey, sis.”

I look up when Justin comes over and flops down on the lounger beside me, his blue eyes sparkling when he gazes down at me. My brothers are hot, even if I have to say so myself and it amuses me that he’s here with me instead of down in the village where the women go nuts for the two fiends.

“Hey Jus, what’s up?”

“Oh nothin’ much. Was just wondering if you wanted to get out of here with me for a bit. Grab some ice-cream down in the village, take a walk to get out a bit.”

“If you haven’t noticed I don’t need to move a muscle to get anything I want.” I tease, looking around at the idyllic surroundings.

“Nah, I know, but you’ve been miserable anyway, so I figured we’d maybe walk and talk.”

I smile, wanting to make an effort and hating that my brother sees right through my forced cheer, getting up to walk beside him.

“See ya later, Franny!” I yell, grabbing my sandals and sunglasses to guard against the heat.

The path that we take from the house to the village is shaded, thankfully, and we walk for about fifteen minutes before Justin leans down, kisses my forehead and smiles.

“I love you, you know.”

“Yeah. Love you, too.”

“Good. Then you’ll forgive me,” he says before nodding behind me and bolting.

I’m about to yell at him to stop when a pair of strong, brown hands wrap around my shoulders and I gasp and spin in fright only to stop when I see Luc behind me, looking haggard.

His hair is too long, his face is grey and sallow, and his cheeks are a little concave showing signs of weight loss.

“Wha-”

“I love you. I know I should have come here with a hundred reasons and excuses and I have but before you say anything, before I say anything else I want you to know upfront, right from the start that I love you,” he says raggedly, holding onto me with a death grip.

It’s not necessary, I couldn’t pull away if I wanted to because every part of me is frozen by what he says and the look in his eyes as he says it.

“You can’t.” I choke, blinking to stave off tears.

“I shouldn’t, but I do. No wait, let me explain. You are the exact opposite of every woman I have been with in the last few years. You’re smart and funny and you don’t care what you look like because it’s not as important to you as getting things done and being who you are. I didn’t respect that, or maybe I did and I didn’t want to. Mia, bella, my beautiful woman, I know I should tell you that I love you because you’re the most beautiful woman in the world and I only see your beauty but that isn’t true.”

“I don’t think you should continue, you’re totally putting your foot in this,” I warn him harshly, mouth tight.

Luc just grins and shakes his head, his eyes boring into mine as if he can see straight into my soul.

“It’s not true because you’re indifferent to looks, fashion, and proper hair care. Some days you look as if you’ve gone ten rounds with an angry cat who got into your hair. Some days you wear shoes that make my eyeballs bleed. Some days you don’t bother to press your clothes and your ugly ass stockings have a run I could climb like a ladder.” He laughs making me stiffen and glare.

“Some days you’re moody and snide and others you’re sweet and smiling and people genuinely fear you. You are in no way the most perfect, beautiful woman in the world, not a chance. But every single day you are that. For me. And no, I do not think you aren’t sexy enough to take out for a gala and I do not care what you wear when we go to those stupid things-”

“But-”

“Gisele was there because I was meeting with Batista’s parents for the first time and she didn’t want me to face them alone without backup.”

That surprises me, a lot and I find myself genuinely interested and unwilling to rip his eyes out yet as I let him lead me to a bench and help me sit down.

He’s so close I can smell him but I push away the arousal I always feel around him and sit quietly, waiting.

“Gisele and Batty were best friends until they separated Batty for school and Gisele to model. They met up again, apparently when I came into the picture, but I never met her. Gisele told me the whole truth the day we met at the Claredon and I promised her that she could be there when I faced them.”

I understand that, I think, but it still doesn’t change anything drastically, at least not in my book. I would have been there for him. It was my right. And okay, I am jealous and I hate that he’s putting me in that position because of some beef he had eleven years ago.

“I can see you’re not impressed but I want you to know everything. Batista was running away with Marco, that is a fact and one I still won’t forgive, but what her parents didn’t say was that she was already married to him, that they’d threatened to ruin his family’s little business if she didn’t accept my advances.”

“God, that is just wrong!” I yell, feeling horrible for that poor girl.

I shouldn’t. In my book she’s still a lying, cheating whorebag who loved another man and played fast and loose with Luc’s heart, making my life nigh impossible since she’s ruined him for-

“Batista fell from the platform while running from the men her father sent after her. It was an accident that they refuse to acknowledge, an accident that has ruined a family friendship for over a decade and now with Papa not well I needed to mend those fences. That is why I took Gisele with me, cara. I should have told you but…I am not the most sharing of men, I admit, and I did not want-”

“To answer me.” I laugh, calling it like it is. “You’re the guy who wants to tell me what to do, ask me a hundred questions and then keep going on your merry way without making an effort,” I accuse, struggling not to smile.

“Si. I thought if I could just keep you from being in every single part of my life then I could stop myself from becoming too vulnerable. I…I threw a fit because of those pills and I understood but it still hurt me that you hadn’t once thought to talk to me about it. I admit, Gisele was also a punishment to show you that I didn’t need you,” he says sheepishly, ducking his head to avoid my eyes. “It backfired though, si? I was miserable all night and then when I saw you the next day I thought I could just sweep it all under the rug.”

“But I gave you the cold shoulder.” I moan, closing my eyes tiredly.

“And it angered me! I’m used to you falling into place with my wants, Mia. Yes, you argue and curse and yell at me but at the end of the day I could always count on you to surrender to me. That day in my office I was floundering, angry, afraid and when you told me about the baby, looking so miserable I felt like a monster. I felt like I’d been the person to take away more of your life and I hated myself,” he admits raggedly, clasping his hands between his knees and looking down at the ground.

“But I was never unhappy about the baby. Scared and nervous, yes, but I was happy too. I love children, Luc, and I love you. I realized that my refusing to marry you and have babies until we were sure was me protecting myself and I didn’t want to do that with you. I trusted you with everything and I was going to ask you to give me that ring again, because I wanted to say yes this time,” I whisper.

He tenses and looks at me, his eyes shining suspiciously and blows out a rough breath.

“I thought if we both had some time…but the truth is I don’t need time, not one minute more. I can’t live without you, Mia. And not just as my secretary because I refuse to let you work ever again, cara, not when you’re going to be mama to my baby…I missed you because you make my world a beautiful place. You scream, you coo, you throw me upside down, but I would rather be upside down with you, everyday than be right-side up with anyone else. Because I only see you, Mia, my love, and if you are not there I will walk through this world blinded to anything else.”

I fall into him without another thought and cry against his chest while he strokes my hair and hugs me tight enough to stop my breath.

“I missed you. I wanted to slap you so hard that day in your office when you let me just walk away. How could you, Luc!” I yell, kissing him before he can answer because I need to.

He laughs into my mouth when I bite his lip and pulls away to cradle my face.

“I won’t let you go again, cara, not for any reason, this I swear,” he vows, dropping to his knees beside me and grinning when he holds out the box. “Mia, my reluctant woman, bride of my heart, please will you marry me? I am not complete without you throwing things at me, yelling or making me run for my life. I am not complete without you by my side, in my bed, and I cannot go another day without telling you that I prefer your ugly glasses to the new ones.” He smiles making me laugh through my tears. “Say yes this time and I promise you, I will never not see you again. I see only you, always. Let me love you.”

“Yes.”