Jamaica

“Oh! Oh.”

I moan a long continuous sound of pure pleasure and push my face into the mattress while Santiago goes to town, touching me so right I could come from this alone.

“That’s it, Bella, just lay back and let me do you right, baby,” he croons, putting a little more pressure on my glutes while my eyes roll back in my head and my body goes liquid.

He’s giving me a full body massage and I am so liking it as I turn to mush beneath him on the bed where he put me after I made a complete boob of myself almost bailing down those plane stairs.

I have no excuse, I just missed a step and before I knew it I was showing ass when I toppled forward, legs going airborne.

He caught me fast and hardly chuckled at all when he carried me to the car, my face blood red when I noticed at least two men standing in the doorway to a hangar.

I’m going with clumsy on this one while Santiago insists vehemently that I am graceful as a swan. I disagree as does the laughter the stewardess couldn’t contain.

Today is just not my day. This morning I woke up early, despite my bones protesting, because the big boss wanted to fly out early for his ‘surprise’.

Factor in a lot of sleeplessness, thanks to my guilty conscience, and my lack of appetite this morning and what you have is me spilling coffee on my crotch and doing the jitterbug. After that - Nona snorted juice through her nose when she saw that - I enjoyed a nice stubbed toe when I walked into a chair and then got my hair caught in the hair drier and had to have Santiago cut pieces off to save what hadn’t been snatched.

The plane ride was not without its perils either. I went to the bathroom and managed to slip and fall ass first into the toilet, staining my white jeans blue. I look like a blue assed baboon! And I couldn’t change because Santiago sent the luggage ahead.

I’d have called it good by then because I’m pretty sure bad things come in threes but it progressed to almost diving head first out of the plane and then almost falling off the side of the jeep when I dozed during the drive.

I banged up my back pretty nicely round about the time I decided to check out the pool of the ‘cottage’ where we’re staying, a place Luc lent us on the island Daphne visits at least twice a year.

If this place is just a cottage then my apartment in Cali is a hovel. It’s got four bedrooms, three full baths and a kitchen that Aunt Sue would sell her soul for.

“You have to relax.” Santiago growls, moving his hands up my ass to my back where he gingerly rubs at the bruise I received when I slipped on the stairs earlier.

Jesus, at this rate I’m going to look like a Balboa.

“I can’t. I keep expecting the bed to collapse and a stray piece of wood to lodge in my skull.” I whine, sulking because I’ve been worse than a klutz today.

“Bella, you’re tired my darling. All those things happened because you’re practically dead on your feet,” he says softly, earning himself another moan when he presses on my shoulders and makes my entire sex spasm with wonder.

“I am not! I’ve slept just fine,” I mutter, glad that I’m facing away from him because that’s a lie.

I haven’t slept well in two nights because I’m used to him wrapping me up against his chest and cuddling into me.

It’s weird though because even with broken sleep, I’m used to staying awake for two to three days before my batteries are on empty. Lately though, I’ve been super tired and I can’t understand it.

Maybe it’s the stress or maybe I’m just coming down with something. Whatever it is, I am not giving up five days of sun, sex and lounging at the pool.

“Probably as well as I did,” he muses mockingly, falling onto the bed beside me with a yawn. “Not having you in bed with me has not been easy. I cannot sleep without your snoring.”

“I don’t snore.”

“And bears don’t shit in the woods, querida.” He scoffs, making me flip over to glare at him.

“It’s your fault though! I’m still pissed at you for being such a dick.”

Santiago flinches and looks away, staring up at the ceiling with a frown. That’s his evasion face, I’ve seen it before. He wore it the night I told him I loved him and he wore it the morning after Mia and Luc’s wedding.

“Are you going to talk to me, Alvarez, or is this going to be another night of silent combat?” I ask, not caring if it starts an argument.

“I will talk to you, Bella, soon. For now…can it just be the two of us on a belated honeymoon, enjoying each other’s company? Sex, food, sun and a little laughter in the mix?” he asks, looking so tired and vulnerable all I can do is capitulate.

“Okay, baby,” I murmur, curling into his side and sighing when he curls his arm around me.

“Just you and me, Bella. Just a few days to be you and me without anyone else ruining the moment.”

“Just you and me, baby,” I whisper, yawning and closing my eyes.

*******************************************************************

I laze in the sun, enjoying the heat and moan when I feel hands glide over the backs of my legs, smoothly rubbing in factor thirty. When he gets to my ass he goes a little slower and I smile.

“You look so good out here in the sun.”

Well, I don’t know about that. I’m not wearing a stitch at the moment and my ass is not small but hey, if that’s what turns him on, I think, promising myself a thorough wax one day when I stop feeling pain; in other words, never.

“I feel as if my bones have melted under my skin,” I murmur, turning so he can do my front.

Santiago grins, checks out my boobs and applies himself to the task with vigor, paying special attention to my nipples and shaved sex because apparently the pink parts are more delicate.

I call bullshit but I don’t say a word because it feels amazing.

We’ve been on the island for the last three days, doing nothing more than having sex, eating good food delivered by one of the main house staff daily and talking about anything and everything.

In these last two days, I’ve learned more about him as a man, his childhood and his dreams, than I thought possible. For instance, he wanted to be a race car driver, a chef and a police officer.

I laughed my ass off at that because I’ve never met anyone less likely to have the patience to be a cop. As for the chef thing, I get it. The man can cook.

“So, this has been great.” I start, opening the floor because as good as it has been, just being with him…

I can’t say that it’s been enough for me. Not because he isn’t enough, oh no, on the contrary, I’ve discovered that he’s the perfect guy for me. He is quiet when there’s no need to talk and I appreciate him not blabbering my ear off. He’s considerate, doing things for me like having my favorite bath salts brought in because he wanted me to soak and relax.

He’s sexy, God is the man sexy and he knows how to make me feel so desirable that instead of worrying about what I look like, I lie around naked so I don’t get tan lines.

He’s smart. He enjoys the same comedies that I do. He likes simple things like bread slice pizza where I take tomato sauce, cheese and a few herbs and grill it in the oven.

In short, there isn’t anything at all I don’t like about Santiago, love, if I’m being honest because, yeah, the more time we spend together the more I realize that I still love him.

Ain’t that a punch to the girl parts?

The only thing troubling me now is how we keep this mood in our marriage when we go home.

Santiago tenses, getting my meaning being the smart man he is and sits back, looking out into the distance where a single yacht is sailing.

“You want to talk now,” he says tonelessly causing my heart to squeeze in protest.

I nod instead of letting my feelings get the better of me and sit up too, pulling the white cover up beside me over my nude body.

“We need to, baby. As great as all this is it’s not real life and we both know it. When we go back to the villa I’ll be working with the lawyers and investigators and you’ll go back to remotely managing all your businesses and running the vineyard. Nona, Gabby. Life. It will all intrude and we’ll have to find a way to live with it all, make it into a real life. We can’t do that until we come to some sort of agreement here, Santiago,” I say slowly.

He nods, not meeting my gaze and I feel…anxious, suddenly, because he’s not the type of guy who avoids things. He meets every challenge head on, without fail, and doesn’t avoid facing the hard stuff.

Well, unless we’re talking about being mature enough to love your wife back…

“I love you,” I say, swallowing because it’s hard and I never thought I would ever say it again. “I didn’t want to for a long time but I guess I’m just one of those gals who falls in love and stays that way, like Aunt Sue. No, don’t say anything yet.” I rush out, stopping him with a hand to his lips.

“I do love you. I’ve said it to you exactly five times before this and every single time I did it pushed you further away. I don’t want that now, that’s why I’ve hesitated but I can’t expect you to be honest with me if I’m not honest with you. I love you and I want the family we can be with Nona and Gabby. Together. I don’t know if I’ll ever have children of my own, it’s…after the miscarriage, I had a lot of trauma that the doctors just don’t know…”

He flinches and I feel horrible bringing everything up again but you know what, it needs doing. I’ve realized something about this man of mine that isn’t that great; he does avoid things sometimes, emotion.

I know he was devastated when I lost the baby. We weren’t together but I’ve seen his face, heard his words every time we spoke and I know that he doesn’t want to be reminded of what happened.

I don’t either. It’s onward and upward from here, but only if we talk and accept certain things.

“I know you don’t want to love a woman again and you know what, I frankly don’t blame you. Your wife sucked. She sucked a lot. She took what you gave her and shit on it and you don’t want to risk yourself again. I’m okay with that-”

“Bella-”

“I am. I really am. I learned a few things while we were searching for Gabby. I am happy with you. Being without you while I was angry and hurt wasn’t a choice I made, it was necessary because we couldn’t have been together without tearing each other apart. But you came back and even when I was pissed, I was happy. You make me happy, Santiago. You care. You look after me. You give me choices that no one ever has before. I accept what you can give me without expecting more but I need honesty. If you don’t want to talk now, fine, I’ll accept that too. I’ll give you time to work through whatever it is you need to work through but I need a time frame here because we won’t last unless you put it all on the table.”

“Bella, I just…I have so many things to tell you, but-”

“You’re not ready,” I finish, disappointed even though I expected it.

He sighs and drops his head down, staring at the ground as if he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“I will tell you some things…now. I can’t give it all to you, querida, not yet but I can give you this. When I was younger, I wanted nothing more than what my Uncle Jorje had. As younger sons, I thought, we are lucky. No responsibility, just the time to be whatever we want. I went to university and studied business because it interested me, but I had always intended to run the winery and care for the Alvarez lands. As the second son it was mine.”

I know. Nona gave me a whole lesson on what happens with families like the Alvarez clan. First sons inherit that majority as well as the time honored duty of managing the family.

They’re patriarchal in their thinking so it was always Carlos who’d inherit and Santiago who would be ‘the free spirit’, as she said heavily. Only Santiago was meant for more.

That’s what she said, at least. She knew when they were in their teens that it wouldn’t be Javier because even then he displayed no interest in anything but living a lifestyle he couldn’t support without his family money.

“Then Carlos made a complete mess of things and this dream I had of coming home with my wife and having a family, simple things…they meant nothing. When Nona came to me to run the companies and repair the mess Carlos had made, I said no. Unequivocally. It was his place but more than that, I did not want it. I wanted a wife, children and the vineyard, that is all.”

I’m surprised by this and I tell him so because that picture isn’t one I’ve ever imagined when I look at Santiago. The man is a commander by nature and he thrives on the challenges he faces every day.

He may putter around the villa and the vineyard but I’ve seen him locked away in his study for hours doing business and I’ve heard him wheeling and dealing on the phone.

He’s a natural.

“So you took over.”

“Yes and with that came my brother’s hatred. You see, he’d been stealing money, that’s why the companies were doing so poorly. He squirrelled away millions.”

I gasp, shocked, because if Nona can be believed, his monthly trust pay outs where huge as it was.

“He hated us all and confessed to me that he didn’t care about what happened to us if the businesses folded. His whole life was about him and only him…until it became about me and the hatred he bore me for pushing him out of his seat. He slept with my wife,” he says heavily, looking away when I gasp.

I know this but hearing it again…it’s just so harsh.

“That must have hurt a lot.”

Santiago shrugs, keeping his gaze focused on a point in the distance and I turn my own head because looking at his pain hurts me too.

“It was a lesson to me. My wife married me for money, Isabella, and when she found someone who could give her that as well as the exciting life she had to give up to be my wife…it was too tempting, I suppose.”

“She was an asshole,” I say, hating her more than even-

Don’t think about that now! This is about you and your husband and the future, not the past.

“She was my wife. I neglected her and loved her and hated her all at the same time. This is why…I want to love you, Bella. If I could let myself, it would be you,” he says softly, the look in his eyes so pleading I can’t help but lean in to kiss him.

“That’s enough. For now, it can be enough. But the rest…we are a family Santiago and we need to be a family for this to work. From now on, you come home, eat dinner with your family and spend time with us. I can’t be a single parent to Gabby. She’s adjusted well but she’s still so fragile. Please, do this with me.” I beg. “Later, when we’re all settled and the cases are handled and I have to decide what I want to do, we’ll talk again. You can tell me…everything. And I’ll tell you the one thing I haven’t told you yet.”

“Okay. Okay, my Bella.”

I grin at this concession and whoop when he smiles back, grabs me and throws me over his shoulder.

“No!”

He ignores me and runs, bouncing me on his shoulder before tossing me into the water and following. We spend the rest of the day splashing, lazing and making love at the poolside and it’s only when I’m in bed much later that night and watching Santiago sleep that it occurs to me…

Oh hell.