Cord

I walk into my office with a smile and ignore my secretary to answer the phone when Def Leopard yells at me to pour some sugar.

“Courtesy call to let you know I’m sending Bay out to take pictures of your banquet hall,” Jack barks before slamming the phone down.

I laugh my ass off and then shudder at the thought of Bayou Brady stepping foot in the same vicinity as me, her usually dead expression still giving me the willies nine years after I graduated and never had to look at her again.

She’s a scary woman, hardly ever twitches a facial muscle and says whatever comes to mind in a voice so devoid of expression I don’t know how she gets laid.

Her sister Dee once asked her boyfriend if she’s corpse in the sack and started moaning in a voice that I took to be Bay’s but sounded like a dying zombie.

I like her though. She’s loyal to her family, honest to a fault and I once saw her bite a guy’s fingertip clear off when he tried to slap Kim. No one could prove it though, so I guess he was shit outta luck on the assault charges and insurance claims, something I still laugh about with my best friends, Sully, Ky, and Jefferson.

We’ve all had it bad for at least one of the Brady sisters at one time in our lives, Jefferson going so far as to actually sleep with Bay before she skipped out on him and called him a sucker for trying to call the next day.

Whistling because today is shaping up to be a good one I handle a few matters that are on my desk and get in my car to drive out to Sully’s restaurant where we gather for lunch at least twice a week.

The guys are all there waiting for me, Sully grinning when I sit down and nod to let them know it’s all handled.

“You realize that woman isn’t going to take this well,” Jefferson laughs, handing me a gin and tonic as the others chuckle at my expense.

“Since when have any of the Brady sisters taken anything well and done anything easy?” I ask, grinning when Jefferson scowls and throws back his whiskey.

“Goddamn pains in the ass,” he mutters, getting another boom of laughter when he pouts and hangs his head.

Jeff has been in love with that walking cyborg Bayou Brady since high school, and nothing he’s tried with her has ever made an impact. For Jeff, a guy who was so popular he had chicks throwing themselves at him left and right, it was a crushing blow to have the moonshine sisters tell him to fuck off and threaten him with those eight cousins.

Not that any of us were afraid of those lunatics. Nah, it’s the womenfolk of that clan you have to be wary of. He finally ground her down two years ago when he walked into a bar and saw her sitting alone drinking.

He says she looked sad, but I still doubt his retelling. Half the time you can’t tell if Bay feels any emotion. She musta taken pity on the guy because she took him to a hotel, ruined him for all other women–that’s his take on why he can’t fuck another broad–and left him there to pine the next morning.

She hasn’t spoken to him since.

Sully has the hots for Kim. She punched him once in biology class, and it was love at first bruise for him. He still dates and screws anything with a pulse trying to forget his boner for Kim, but the man is caught and we all know it.

As for Ky, he adores Dee, the baking queen of the Brady clan and always has. He’s never had a run in with her, but he used to buy anything she brought to the bake sale and hoard it like a Scrooge for weeks, eating stale cupcakes day by day because he didn’t want it to end.

We all in our own way have been pining for the Brady sisters since leaving high school and this year I decided that it ends now. I’m getting me one of those hellcats even if I have to lose a nut in the getting.

That’s where Rainbow Chasers comes in. I have a plan see!

A good one. I think. Hell, at this point I don’t know anymore. All I can say is that I’ve been hanging around Hartley for the last six months ignoring my other businesses because I am hell bent that Jack won’t snap out of her hatred of all things penis and find another man before I get my shot.

“I saw Bay at the resort yesterday,” Jefferson sighs sounding melancholy.

“She told you to fuck off and die,” Ky points out, making Jeff pour another drink.

“At least she spoke to me, asshole. When’s the last time Dee even looked at you?” he sneers.

Ky flinches, and I almost feel sorry for him until he grins and turns the tables on me.

“I heard Jack sat through an entire dinner with you missing half an eyebrow. Please tell me that story’s true,” he begs, laughing when I flush and let out a whining laugh that I can’t hold in.

“You should have seen it,” I sigh, raising a hand to order another drink. “She drew in the missing piece, but it was hot and it started running. Smudged all over the left side of her face when she used the linen napkin to pat her brow.”

They bust up and I growl when Sully pulls out his phone and goes to his Facebook page where he pulls up a picture Kim took. Not that she friended him or anything, nah, the man stalks her on that platform through shared friends.

The picture has me stifling a laugh and threatening him with disembowelment if he doesn’t hack Kim’s page to remove it. Poor Jack will have kittens when she sees this.

“I can’t! I have a restraining order pending. She’ll for real use it this time if I hack her page again,” he mutters.

Even I can’t help laughing when he blushes, and I shake my head thinking that between the four of us we’re either masochists or we took one too many hits to the head in football for wanting those women.

“God, I can’t believe Kim did that to her. I heard Mrs. Pinkerton tell her daughter that Kim has a black eye and Dee was walking bow legged because Jack got a hold of them last night. Oh, and something is in the grapevine about Kim waking up with her hand stuck somewhere delicate,” Sully laughs, making me shudder because I can just imagine Jack breaking and entering her sister’s house and doing something that mean-spirited.

“No way!”

“Way man. Poor Declan had to drive her to the emergency room, and everyone in a ten-mile radius heard her yelling that she was gonna use a knife on Jack.”

I wince, knowing it’s probably true and swallow more of my drink when Ky mutters and looks behind me. I turn slowly and mutter a curse when Felix Dresser walks in with Melinda Brogan, the Brady girls’ cousin and the one woman and man I hoped would never hit the area again.

They must be back from whatever hole they crawled into to avoid the Brady wrath I think, watching as he helps her into a seat, her very swollen belly protruding way out.

“Sheeeit. Those fools have a death wish,” Sully breathes, his eyes going wide when Kim hobbles in followed by Dee and Bay.

Kim’s looking pissed and stooped as if walking isn’t pleasant, and Dee has about ten rings on, the gold glint not boding well when she cracks her knuckles.

Bay just stands there, her face deadpan before she surprises the shit out of me and cracks a smile. It looks so wrong even Jeff gasps and takes a glug of his whiskey, but I swear to God the man almost faints with adoration when she gives a rusty cackle.

“Well, hell’s bells! You really don’t wanna be a daddy, do you, Felix?”

He jumps almost clear out of his seat and turns, the sound of his swallow reaching across the now dead silent restaurant. People all around don’t so much as breathe, their morbid delight clear when Dee sidles closer and looks down at Melinda.

“I hope you know my daddy had to hide all the guns ‘cause my mama wanted to go out looking for you.”

Melinda must be stupid, I know it because she sneers back at the evilest of the Brady sisters and rolls her eyes.

“Oh, get over it already! It’s not my fault your sister is a cold fish.”

Oookay.

I hear Dee’s shriek like a dog whistle piercing eardrums and see Bay grab her when she goes to dive at Melinda, the cyborg sister is stronger than I would have assumed.

“Don’t! She has to drop the poor kid sometime. You can stew on it for a few months and then kill her.”

Hell.

Kim just grins, steps aside while Dee huffs like a bull and leaves Felix open. Those rings hit the man with a deafening thud and crack of bone, and he whimpers like a girl before passing out in a dead faint.

“Piece of garbage! I hope you know that I’ll kill you and this limp dick worm if you ever so much as say my sister’s name again. You think my mama’s mean? You haven’t seen me hunt a deer, bitch. I can kill you without anyone even knowing I was there. Now get the hell outta here before I call daddy and tell him you fools are back.”

I can say for a certainty that the one brain cell Melinda Brogan possesses starts sparking because she jumps up, grabs one of Felix’s arms and drags him out behind her as if pregnancy, or fear, give her the strength of ten men.

I whistle beneath my breath when the trio turn as if looking for something and then zeroes in on our table. I hear the music to Jaws playing in my head when they start walking our way.

Jefferson perks up, his eyes glowing when Mortician–yeah, that’s what I mean–Adams looks at him, her lip curling in a way that suggests a smile. Or evil.

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the four idiots who think they’re God’s gift to women all over the world,” Dee breathes snidely, sniffing and taking the seat Ky pulls out for her with the air of a queen.

She sits, picking up the linen napkin to wipe smudges of blood from her rings while Bay mutters about evidence and Kim lowers into a seat slowly.

“I swear to God that doctor was tryin’ to circumcise my clit,” she snarls, making Dee giggle and Bay grunt.

I school my face because Dee might be the mean one, but Kim is like her mama. Sweet and evil. Meaning she’ll smile the whole time she’s pouring gasoline over you before striking a match.

“Hello, Kimberly, Deidre, Bayou,” I acknowledge, sitting back to watch them silently while ignoring the slavering going on around the table.

From the men, not the women. Kim pretends like poor Sully doesn’t even exist in her dimension and Bay keeps staring at me with eyes so devoid of emotion I have to resist the urge to cross myself.

“We hear from Jack you’ve hired her to plan some fancy wedding to another woman.”

Oh, boy.

“Kimberly, I hired Jack and Rainbow Chasers to plan my wedding, yes,” I answer patiently while she grabs Sully’s drink without so much a please and starts licking the rim before drinking and handing it back like a gift.

The poor fool tries to look casual, but I would bet a nut he’s just one pathetic step away from chewing on that glass like a pervert.

She sniffs, looking me up and down with a grimace and looks at Dee and Bay, communicating silently before she shrugs. They shrug right back and it’s on the tip of my tongue to ask them if they’re part of a hive, like aliens, when Kim stands up slowly and sucks at her teeth.

“You leave Jack alone rich boy. She’s still on a rampage about men. She’ll eat you up and spit you out if you think she’s gonna fall for your charms.”

“Why Kimberly, I’m hurt. I’m getting married,” I drawl, clutching my heart.

Mostly to cover it in case she grabs a knife. Crazy woman.

“Wouldn’t be the first time some dick tried to get something on the side. Trust me, many a groom has looked at little Jack and thought they could get them some before tying the knot with another woman. You stay straight and you stay alive. Come on girls, that bitch has to be somewhere. I got me some revenge to deliver,” she mutters, giving us a finger wave and a wink for Sully before hobbling off, her henchmen trailing behind her.

I gulp, turning to look at my friends and swallow a bit of fear as they stare back at me with not a little bit of fright.

“Jesus, Cord, are we sure about this shit?” Sully asks, ignoring my disgust when he lifts the glass to his mouth and just holds it there.

Am I sure? No. Hell no. The last time I saw Jack Brady I couldn’t help a laugh when she walked into prom wearing an orange dress with her red hair clashing and burning my eyeballs.

I’d have kicked my own ass for being such an insensitive jerk if not for the look she gave me when she saw me; parts hurt and true fury. I know she hates me.

I haven’t missed it since school when every time we meet she curls her lip and tries to ignore me. It about killed me when I got a call from Jeff telling me she was getting married.

It was like hearing that I was going to lose a nut it felt so wrong. I tried to ignore it, telling myself that I hadn’t ever even been with Jack so what the hell do I care if she marries some asshole and spits out kids to propagate the demon Brady line.

But the truth is that I have always had a thing for Jack, something that’s kept me from really putting myself out there and committing to anyone else.

I’ve had my fair share of relationships since I went to college and branched out to start a construction business in Tennessee, but none of them lasted past the initial I like you stages because women invariably want commitment and I just couldn’t do it.

I’ve always seen my children as little ginger monsters, running around while their mother threatened to give them up for adoption. Only one woman fits that bill so here I am, trying to get to her any way I can to make her see me.

Forget the fact that my cock gets hard on a dime just seeing her or hearing that derisive drawl. Forget that I’ve ached for months while plotting how to get to her. Forget all the sex fantasies I’ve had involving her tied to a bed while I eat her out and get her so aroused the sheets get wet with her juices.

Forget it all and just consider, I really, honestly adore Jack Brady, and I want her love the way I need air in my lungs. I’m not sure she’s gonna go for it though so instead of just telling her I want her and seeing where that leads I’ve upped the game.

She’s planning my wedding. Let’s see how she likes hearing that I’m tying myself to some other woman. While that’s stewing in her brain–yeah I’ve seen the lust when she looks at me with those green eyes–I’ll be making her fall in love with me.

How hard can it be?

“Do you want to spend the rest of your life pining for Kimberly Brady while she flits around having sex with random men before eventually fooling one poor innocent soul into marrying her for love?” I ask, watching his face go hard and cold.

“No.”

“Then we do this and try to get somewhere with them. Those women are wild, and they won’t fall easily, but if we play this right, I’m sure we can get them cornered. Jefferson, stop watching the door, she’s not coming back. Ky, she’s planning my wedding, you’ll see Dee when you help with the cake. You bought the bakery that handles their orders so you’ll be in her space for the next two months at least. Chill out,” I mutter, thanking the waitress who brings our burgers and smiles down at me before slipping a napkin with her number close to my plate.

Sully scowls, making her blush and scuttle away and I just grin, shrugging.

“She is so going to kill you when she finds out this is all a play,” Sully mutters again, taking a bite of his burger and barking at Jeff to snap the hell out of it.

I shrug, not caring a bit because, at this point, any attention from Jack Brady is better than the nothing I’ve been getting for the last decade.

After that kiss I planted on her my senior year I haven’t stopped wanting her. The way she moaned and opened her mouth for me almost had me throwing her down and doing something I would have regretted.

I had a girlfriend then, and college to get through without killing my parents by dropping out to hang around here and make babies with Jack. I had a whole life that I had to get to before I could even think of settling down, so I pulled back and walked away, making her hate me even more.

Of course I saw the way she looked at me when we were kids. Anyone with eyes could see she wanted me and if they’d looked just a little closer they’d have seen I want her just as much.

It wasn’t the right time then, and I have spent years trying to wait before I nail down the only girl who’s ever made me want to plant a kid inside her. All bets are off now though, I think, remembering the way my heart cracked when I sat in that church and watched her float down the aisle.

To this day I don’t know what I would have done if that ass hadn’t saved us all by jilting her at the altar. I both hate him and thank him for it because I haven’t ever been able to stand seeing Jack cry but the relief in me when he did it…

My mom almost shit a brick trying to hiss at me to stop the wedding, her eyes tearing up as she hid behind the Freeman twins in the back pew. Dad almost punched me too, if I recall, but apologized later when it turned out I never even had to be there. Felix did all the dirty work for me, and I got to leave and plan my next step.

I’m gonna get Jack Brady as my own, I just have to figure out a way to do that and enjoy her for years to come instead of being killed on my wedding day.

“God help me, it turns me on when Kim gets violent like that. It’s so at odds with her sweetness,” Sully says sighing loudly with a faraway look in his eyes.

Yeah. We are so screwed, I think, feeling my own stupid heart contract at the thought of Jack.

Screwed.