16 - Grey
So, look, I don't do this often and I'm not about to make a habit of it, but I feel like if you tell someone you barely know that you're going to rampage through a frat house and drag your sister, who is dressed in something way too fucking provocative, out of said frat house, uh... I mean, seriously, who the fuck goes along with that?
I'm the one doing it and I don't even think I should go along with it. Except, you know, it's Emily and Fiona, so yeah, they're getting their asses dragged out of there. Fiona's getting her ass spanked, too. And a whole bunch of other shit. I don't even fucking know yet, but I'm not happy with the way tonight's going.
Oh, and Holly's still here. I think I kind of made that obvious earlier, but just in case you wanted to know, here's how that went down.
"I'm going to get in that fucking frat house and drag my sister's ass out of there," I told her, and I tried to sound and look a little crazy. No clue if I succeeded, but that was the plan, you know?
"You are?" Holly asked me, biting her bottom lip in thought.
"Yeah, I am," I said. "So you should probably just--"
"Alright, I'll go. Should be fun."
And that's where we're at right now. Me and Holly scoping out the frat house, which is definitely guarded in the front. But seriously, let's be real fucking honest for a second, I can take this kid. It's just one college kid standing at the door and a short line of other college kids waiting to get in. I'm not going to make a habit of beating up college kids or anything, but...
"So what's the plan, sexy?" Holly asks me.
"Can you please stop with the flirting?" I ask her.
"Why? Is it getting to you? You about to give in and let me rock your world back at the hotel?"
"Yeah, not really."
"Damn."
Also I have no plan. Fuck my life. Uh...
The line's a line, and I guess we could go wait in it but we don't have masks. I couldn't care less if Holly has a mask, but I don't have a mask, so doing this legitimately isn't an option at the moment. Kicking a college kid's ass is probably a bad idea, because there's a line full of witnesses. Plus Holly's here and while I wish she'd stop trying to get me to sleep with her, I also don't want to get her fired from her job. So let's cool it on the Rambo shit, I guess is what I'm saying.
I'm not happy about that, but it is what it is.
Since storming into the house isn't exactly a prime option right now, I decide to consider my alternatives. No fucking clue what other choices I have, but that's why it's a good idea to consider them, right? I look around the outside of the house, down the block at some college students standing in a group, then back the way we came, and...
Oh, hey! I've got an idea. Fuck yeah.
"Let's go," I say, because I feel like Holly's my sidekick right now or something and I should probably figure out some badass lines to say. Like a cowboy. Ride off into the fucking sunset and everything.
Holly follows along after me, her heels clicking against the sidewalk. She completely destroys the element of surprise with that one. Also I don't know if these kids have ever seen an attractive woman before, because they all gape at her as we approach.
"Hey," I say to them. "What's up?"
"Uh, hey," one of the guys says. "We don't have any money. Sorry. I'm not really into that kind of thing, either."
I stare at him like he's an idiot, because seriously what the fuck is he talking about?
"What?" I ask.
"You're a pimp, right?" he adds, hesitant. "She's..."
Holly does her own thing, hands on her hips, staring hard at him. "Do I look like a prostitute to you?" she asks.
"Well, you're way too attractive to be hanging out at a frat party," another one of the guys in the group say.
"It's the shoes," the last one adds. "They're a dead giveaway."
"Hey, fuck you," she says, glaring at him. "These were expensive! I'm not a prostitute, but I'd have to be a high class one to afford something like this, and I sure as hell wouldn't be trying to sell myself to broke ass college kids if that was the case."
All three of them shrug, as if, uh... yeah, makes sense? I'm glad we're all agreed that Holly's not a prostitute, because what the fuck does that even have to do with anything? Please disregard the fact that I also thought she was a prostitute when I first talked to her. Look, that's not important right now. What is important is...
"You guys trying to get into the party?" I ask.
"Ugh, yeah," the first kid says. "They wouldn't sell us masks, though. We're not really part of the cool crowd and we're just freshman, so..."
"What are your names?"
"Me? I'm Porter," the first one says.
"Wyatt," the second adds.
"My name's Holden," says the last one.
"Cool. Nice to meet you guys. I'm Grey," I say, holding out my hand and shaking with each of them. We've got some real gentlemanly bonding going on right now. "Oh yeah, and this is Holly, I guess."
"You're an asshole," she says, but then she holds out her hand to shake with all of them so me being an asshole doesn't really change much, now does it?
Also they shake her hand like they aren't sure what to do with it. Guys, holy fuck, stop. She's just a woman that happens to be kind of attractive. That's it. Who the fuck cares?
Anyways...
"So, what's the plan?" I ask them.
"What plan?" Porter counters.
"To get into the party?"
"Uh... you want to get into the party?" Wyatt asks, giving me a weird look.
"Is this some kind of creepy old guy thing?" Holden adds. "Because, uh, yeah... kind of creepy, man."
"Dude..." I say.
"His sister's in there," Holly clarifies.
"Is she hot?" Wyatt immediately asks.
Holden can't keep his mouth shut, either. "Is she single?"
Holly scrunches up her nose and thinks about it. "Yeah, she's pretty cute. I think she's single?"
"Guys!" Porter says, shaking his head at his friends. "He's looking for his sister. This is her fucking brother. How would you like it if someone asked you if your sister was hot and single? Seriously..."
I like this kid. The other ones? Not so much. Porter, though... yeah, seems like a decent guy.
"My sister's twelve," Wyatt says, kind of confused.
"I don't have a sister," Holden adds. "What about my cousin? Everyone says she's hot, but she's just my cousin so no one asks me about her, plus she's married."
"Yeah, uh, can we stop?" I ask them. "I'm here to get into the party. You three want to get in too, right? What's your plan so far?"
"We... we were thinking of trying to bribe the guy at the door," Porter says.
"With what? How much do you have?"
"Fifteen bucks and a stick of gum," Wyatt says, like he's some hardened gumshoe detective. Pretty fucking sure that's where he got the gum from, too.
"Yeah, that's not going to work," I tell them.
"We sort of figured that one out already," Holden says, sighing.
"We can't get masks, right?" I ask.
"They have them right inside," Porter tells me. "There's plenty. They've been giving them to girls who show up who didn't even pay for tickets. What kind of charity event is this?"
"I hate to be the one to tell you this, kid, but it's just a frat party. Yeah, sure they'll give the money to charity but hot girls probably take precedence over optimal donation collection methods."
"Like your sister," Wyatt adds with a knowing nod.
I stare at him and he jumps back like I'm about to smack him. Good call, because I was just about to smack him.
"His daughter, too," Holly says with a grin. "She's in there. They're both dressed to kill."
"Like ninjas?" Holden asks, completely serious.
"Guys!" Porter shouts. "Stop! Fuck!"
Like I said before, I like this kid. He's got potential. I see something in him.
Also, the ninja idea isn't so bad. It's giving me ideas. What are ninjas good at? Sneaking around. And what do you need in order to sneak around?
Well...
"Alright," I tell them. "I have a plan. Here's what we're going to do..."