Ethan
Yeah, fuck you. Fuck off. Just shut the fuck up. I don't want to deal with your shit.
I'm a jerk. I'm a huge fucking asshole. An arrogant fuck. A douchebag. I hurt girls. I know it. I don't want to hurt them. I seriously don't. I just want to show them a good time. I want to be the safe rebound guy. There, are you fucking happy?
That's what I do. That's what I've always done. That's why I don't have relationships. I'm not relationship material. There's plenty of assholes who will take advantage of a girl, especially one who broke up with a guy recently and is on the mend. I think that's really fucking shitty, though.
What I do isn't exactly nice, but I like to think it's nicer than the alternatives. I treat every girl like a fucking Queen, at least for a little while.
Except her. Ashley's my fucking Princess.
Ha! Not anymore! What the fuck happened? Why did they have to come home early? A phone call would have been nice. Hey, son, we're coming home earlier than planned. Hope you're not fucking your stepsister while we're gone! That'd be really fucking weird. Just so you know!
Fuck off. It's not weird. It was fucking perfect until it all went to hell.
What did I expect? I don't fucking know. Not this. Not what happened. And then that look she gave me. It's like she hates me all over again. I didn't think she liked me before now, but I didn't think she hated me, either.
Maybe it's not hate. Hate's a strong word. It's just that we both know we can't do this. I thought maybe we could figure it out. I don't know how. Why the fuck are you asking me?
I thought she locked the door so we could just lounge in bed a little longer. Didn't even have to have sex. I was joking. Yeah, a morning handjob wouldn't be the worst way to wake up, especially with Ashley giving it, but I would have been happy just laying there and cuddling and kissing.
Who am I and what am I doing? This shit is seriously fucked up. Cuddle and kiss? Holy fuck.
We can't. We're done. This girl lives in the same house as me. Her bedroom is just down the hall. It barely takes twenty seconds to go from her room to mine, and yet it's an impossible distance now. She might as well be on the sun with me on fucking... ice planet Pluto or whatever. Is it even a planet? I don't fucking know. It's a bunch of crazy science shit and I never really paid attention to any of it.
You know who would know? Ashley.
You know who I can't fucking talk to right now? Ashley.
You know what I'm fucking doing? Nothing with Ashley.
Almost.
As soon as I leave her room, I go to mine. I try to stay calm. I kind of wish someone saw me. No one does, though. If they did, this might be better. My dad could yell at me. Her mom, too. What the fuck are you doing in my daughter's room? You really want to know, Mom? I was fucking her. And I want to fuck her again. How the fuck do you like that?
Nah, I wouldn't do that to her. Ashley doesn't deserve that. Neither does her mom. They're both good people. Better than me. Maybe that's why my dad married her mom. He realized how fucked up we were, and how good they were, and he thought we could become better people with them in our lives.
My dad did. He's good now. Better. He tries. I can't put up with it. It's been too long.
I lock my door to keep her from coming in. I don't know if she'll try, but it wouldn't be the craziest thing a girl's done after I ditched them. Ashley knew what was coming. Yeah, it came sooner than I would have liked, but she knew.
I knew, too. Why can't I stop thinking about her, then?
I'm hard. I'm not proud of that, but I am, and I have to go downstairs, too. I have to deal with it, so I deal with it. I stomp into my private bathroom and turn on the hot water to take a shower. I strip and get in and under the water. There's good memories in here. And bad ones.
I think of that first day. I guess it's the day after, if we're being technical. She came in here naked, ready as fuck. It took everything I could not to fuck her right then and there. Take it fucking slow, Ethan. Go slow with her.
I'm not slow right now. I wrap my fingers around my cock and stroke fast, thinking about her. I can feel her arousal on me still, coating my shaft. It's sexy as fuck, and it's the last time this will ever happen.
I cum. It doesn't take long. I picture her in the shower with me that first day. She looked a little scared, but interested. I wanted to be careful with her. Those were my thoughts when I saw her then. Be careful with her, you prick. Don't fucking hurt her.
Look how well that turned out? I'm a real fucking saint over here.
You'd think that masturbating would have gotten me over this shit, at least for now, but it doesn't. I clean off in the shower and start to wash myself, but a few minutes later I'm hard as fuck again. Holy fucking shit, are you for real?
Yeah, I guess so.
I try to ignore it, but I can't. I start thinking about eating her out. Her first time. Fuck, she's delicious. I love the taste of her pussy. I did not get enough of that. I missed a real fucking good opportunity right there.
Again. Fingers. Cock. Hand. Stroke.
It takes a little longer, but I coat the fuck out of the shower wall with my cum. It washes off with a quick spray of water, and then there's nothing left but me and my hate and anger and rage. Fuck this shit.
Conditioner. Just put the goddamn conditioner in your hair, get a fucking towel, and get dressed, Ethan. I have to yell at myself just to get anything done.
Mostly works. Almost doesn't.
Yeah, again. You know the drill. How fucking long have I been in this shower?
The third time seems to stick. I can't get it up anymore after that. How long's that going to last? I feel like as soon as I see her I'm just going to turn into a walking erection again, so who the fuck knows?
The last time I didn't even think about sex. I thought about us last night, when we were cuddling on the couch and eating pizza. She was laughing at something on TV and then she turned to me and I saw a sparkle in her eyes.
What did she say to me when I got out of the hot tub to go get the pizza? I remember it. I'm never going to forget it.
Kiss?
I kissed her then. I kissed her when she was laughing, too. She had a little dab of pizza sauce on the corner of her lips, and I licked it off, then kissed her. Quick. That's it. She blushed and then rubbed her cheek against mine. It was cute. A little different. I don't know why she did that, but I liked it.
Yeah, real good spank bank material, huh? Masturbate to kissing a girl? Not even a fucking passionate kiss, just something soft and sweet and playful.
I don't fucking know. It sure as hell worked, anyways. What do you want me to say?
I get out of the shower and dry off fast. I'm soft now. Fucking finally. I grab a pair of underwear. Nah, two. I need to restrain myself and this should hopefully do the trick. I put on both pairs, then a pair of jeans, too. Takes some work to get that shit on. I don't recommend wearing two pairs of underwear, alright? I'm just looking out for later when I inevitably see Ashley and get an instant hard-on.
Life is difficult and I hate it.
I toss on a t-shirt, too, then some socks and shoes, and head downstairs. The least I can do is say hi to my dad and her mom and have some breakfast.
That's it, though. I can't stay here. Not with her.
I just can't.