Ashley
I'm so tired. I can't believe we did that, either. I never would have done that with anyone else. I don't think I would have.
My sex life up until now has been... adequate. I think that's the best word to describe it.
What's sex, really? Technically it's a process by which a male and female of the same species can create new life. In which case, I suppose my sex hasn't even been adequate, scientifically speaking. And I'm very thankful for that. I don't want to have a baby, at least not now. Later, when I'm settled, when I've found someone I love, who I want to marry, and...
But sex can be fun, too, can't it? I suppose it's technically not necessary, at least as far as science and biology are concerned, but I think it's nice when it is. And in that case, my sex life has also been lackluster. It's felt... good. When I've had sex, it does feel good.
But it's never felt like anything compared to the way Ethan makes me feel. It's more than the sex, too. A lot more.
Oh God! I can't believe I said some of what I said, too. Brother? I mean, technically he's my stepbrother, and it's not completely out of the ordinary for me to call him brother. He calls my mom "Mom" and I call his dad "Dad" and it was weird at first and we didn't do that, but we've lived together for a few years now and it's coming more natural.
I've never called him that before, though. I don't think I'm good at dirty talk, but when Ethan had me spit in my hand to give him a handjob, um... I just wanted to be dirtier? I wanted to have fun, like he says we're doing. And we are having fun, but...
I don't know. Maybe that was too much. Maybe I went too far. Maybe it was gross? When I think about it now, it is kind of gross. Except Ethan's cock grew even harder inside me as soon as I said it, too.
Maybe it's alright to say some things during sex when you know you wouldn't say them otherwise. Is that it? It makes a little sense, in a strange way. I'll ask him later and if he didn't like it I'll apologize.
I'm just so tired right now, though. We're home again. I don't know how Ethan can drive after what we did, but he managed to do it. Are we going to have sex? Again?
He parks in the garage and turns off the car. As soon as he steps out of the car, the interior garage light flips on. I go to open my own door and try to step out, to walk inside, but it's difficult.
Silent, saying nothing, Ethan comes around to my side of the car. He opens the door for me. I hold out my hand to take his so he can help me up, but his hand isn't there. Not exactly.
He lifts me up, sliding one arm behind my back. His other arm cradles beneath my legs. Gently, carefully, he pulls me up and out of the car, carrying me in his arms. I don't say anything. I'm too tired to. I rest my head against his chest and close my eyes and listen to the sound of his heart and his breathing and his soft steps as we walk through the garage.
He'll put me down once we get inside, I'm sure. Except he doesn't.
While still carrying me, he types in the key code on the numpad to open the house door, then twists the knob to let us inside, and also somehow manages to close the door behind us. Then, still holding me tight, he walks through the halls of the first floor, heading to the staircase. And up. Up. Up. His feet thud against the carpeted steps, and I count them silently in my head, like slumbering sheep.
When we get to the top of the stairs, I open my eyes a little. Where are we going? To my bedroom, or...?
No. To his. He carries me down the hall to his room. The door is already open, since he never bothered to close it before we left. He flicks on the light and brings me to his bed, placing me gently on top of the covers.
I smile at him. "Can I sleep in here with you tonight?" I ask.
"Yeah," he says. "I'll get you out of your clothes."
"I... Ethan, I don't know if I can have sex again today," I say.
He laughs. "Nah, it's fine. Me either. You tired me out, Princess."
"Really?" I ask. That sounds impressive. I think he must be lying, but it's not a bad lie. It's a fun one.
"Really," he says.
He pulls off my shoes, one by one, and tosses them to the floor. Then my socks along with them. He moves to unbutton my pants, too.
"Ethan, can we cuddle?"
He hesitates before answering, pulling my jeans down my legs, leaving me almost bare. His fingers wrap into the waistband of my panties before he says, "Why do you want to do that, Princess?"
"They always leave," I say. It hurts. I never realized how much it hurts until now. "No one ever stays the night with me. Not even..."
Not even Jake. I don't want to think about Jake. I never want to think about him again. I...
I want to think about Ethan. I know I shouldn't, but I want to. Even if it's just a week, that's fine. It's...
I don't know if it's fine.
"They're stupid," he says. "Whoever it is, they're fucking stupid. Yeah, I'll cuddle with you, Princess."
"I don't know how to," I say. "That sounds dumb, huh?"
"Nah," he says, smiling. He lifts me up a little and pulls off my shirt. "I don't know how to, either. We'll figure it out."
Oh...
He unclasps my bra, leaving me completely naked now. I close my eyes, but I can hear him undressing beside me. I imagine Ethan naked in my mind, even if I could simply open my eyes and see him naked. First his shoes, then his pants. He didn't wear underwear tonight. I wonder if he does that often? Finally he pulls his shirt up and over his head. Then he...
"Come on," he says. "Stand up for a second. Need to lift the covers up."
I keep my eyes closed, but I move into his arms when he helps me up and off the bed. We're both naked, standing close. I wrap my arms around him and nuzzle my cheek against his chest, and he holds me tight with one arm while sweeping back the blankets with the other. When he's done, he swoops me into his arms and lays me in bed. Shortly after, he follows.
Ethan reaches above his head and flicks a switch, covering us in darkness. Everything is black. It's almost midnight now. The double feature movies run late, but that's part of what I like about them. I lay on my back in bed next to Ethan, who is laying the same way. There's blankets over us now, keeping us close and warm.
Slowly, unsure, I roll to the side and drape my arm over his chest. I put my head partway on his shoulder and the pillow. He curls his arm around me, loose at first, but after a second he squeezes me tighter. His confidence makes me bold. I lift up my leg and wrap it around his, my knee resting near his hip, my thigh close to the core of his body.
Ethan kisses the top of my head and I nuzzle even closer to him.
"You comfortable?" he asks.
"Mhm," I murmur.
"Good," he says. "Let's get some sleep."
"What about tomorrow?" I ask.
"What about it?" he says.
"Will you still be here?"
"Yeah," he says. After a short pause, he adds, "I'll always be here, Ashley."
"Always?" I ask.
He chuckles. "Yeah, where do you think I'm going to go? I live here too, remember?"
Oh... right...
I knew that.
It's just...
"G'night, Ethan," I say, kissing his bare chest. He feels warm and soft beneath me. I like cuddling.
"G'night," he says.