Ashley
"Ashley? Ethan?"
I'm tired. What time is it? What time did I go to bed? I blink open my eyes and look over to my bedside table to check the digital clock there. I know it's summer and I don't have anywhere to go, but still, it's ten o'clock which is kind of late for me. Usually I'm up a lot earlier.
Oh well. It doesn't really matter, right?
I hear her again. "Ashley, honey, are you here? Ethan?" It's my mom.
I hear Ethan's dad say something, but it's muffled and I can barely make it out. They're both downstairs. It sounds kind of like, "I'm sure they're fine. Sleeping in late or out doing something."
Yup, that's what I'm doing. Sleeping in late. I yawn and nuzzle up close to Ethan and cuddle under the blankets a little more before shouting out. "I'm up here, Mom!"
And that's when it hits me.
Ethan is awake now, too. We're both... oh my God, we're naked. Why are we naked? I could have sworn we went to sleep wearing pajamas, but something must have happened. I think back to the middle of the night, and then I remember. We didn't have sex, or not again at least, but we stripped down and played around for a little when we both ended up waking up at the same time. It was still dark and we were kissing and cuddling and it was a lot of fun, but now, um...
Now we're both naked in my bed and I can hear my mom coming up the stairs as we speak. This is not good.
"Fuck," Ethan says.
"Hide!" I whisper to him. "I thought you said they were going to be gone for a week?"
"That's what they told me," he says. "Where the fuck do you want me to hide?"
The bathroom? Under the bed? Um... hello! Anywhere but naked and right next to me would be really great, Ethan! And any of those places might work, but my mom is at my door right now, knocking, and I see the wiggle of the doorknob as she's about to open it, so...
I shove Ethan under the blankets and push him down so it looks kind of like there's just a lump there. That's what I hope, at least. I have some stuffed animals on the floor next to my bed that I sleep with sometimes, so I grab one quick and push it under the covers with its head showing so it kind of looks like maybe the lump is from stuffed animals? I hope. This isn't going to work, is it?
As a last ditch effort I lift my knees up slightly to give Ethan a little more hiding room. Sort of. I really hope this works. I know he's there, and when I look to my side all I can see is the slight shape of his body hiding under the covers, but my mom doesn't know he's there, and she has no reason to suspect he's here with me, and she especially has no reason to believe he'd be naked, that he would have slept with me, sex or otherwise, and...
She opens the door and peeks in at me.
"Hey there, sleepyhead," she says. "Having a late day today?"
I pretend to yawn and I nod at her. "I went to bed late," I say.
"That's alright. Sorry I couldn't be here when you got back. Did Ethan tell you? We came back as soon as we could. It turned out to be a shorter trip than we thought. Nothing too serious."
"Yup," I say. "He told me. I'm glad you're back."
I am. I know it's true when I say it, but some part of me rejects the answer, too. Am I really? I am, but I'm also not. What does this mean for us? Ethan and I?
It means we're done. I know it as soon as I think it, and I know it must be true. We can't keep up what we were doing, not with my mom and his dad back home. It's not like we can just swim naked whenever we want anymore. We can't have sex on the pool table. We can't cuddle and kiss randomly on the couch while watching TV and eating pizza.
I guess we could sneak around, but I'm not sure if that would work, either. We really shouldn't have done what we did at the drive-in movie theatre. Also, we can't go there every day, either. They play the same movies for a week or two, and it'd be suspicious. We might be able to sneak some time together alone upstairs in our rooms, but there'd always be the risk that someone would hear us, and we'd have to be quiet, and...
"Is everything alright, honey?" my mom asks.
I gulp. She knows, doesn't she? The look on her face looks like the look of someone who knows exactly what's going on, and she's trying to figure out what she thinks about it.
"Um..." Should I tell her? Just come clean? No! I can't do that. I can't.
"I thought you would have called me, that's all," she says. "I was wondering why you didn't. I thought maybe something was wrong. Are you sick? I can pick you up some soup at the store if you want."
I didn't even call my own mother. For nearly four days! If anything, that's the most suspicious thing of all. We talk almost every day, or more like every other day, but still. This isn't going to fly.
"Ethan said you two were probably busy, so I didn't want to bother you," I say. This is a lie. A huge lie. I'm lying to my mother and she's going to see through me immediately.
"That's true," she says. "I could have made some time for you. Sorry I didn't call you, either. Everything was just so hectic. When I finally had a chance to sit down for the day, it was always so late, and I didn't know if you'd be up or not. I guess I didn't have to worry about that if you've been going to bed late, though."
What would I have been doing if she called last night? Late? How late? I might have been having sex with Ethan in the hot tub. Or we might have been eating pizza and cuddling on the couch. What about the day before? The drive-in, probably. Maybe she would have called in the middle of me sitting on his lap, riding atop him, both of us trying to keep quiet and still enough that the car didn't shake and rock so that everyone around us would know what we were doing.
Neither of those sounds like a very good time for my mother to call.
"Have you seen Ethan?" she asks. "I know you two don't really get along well, but I was hoping we could all do something together soon."
Oh, yes, Ethan and I aren't suppose to get along well, are we? Well, um...
As if to emphasize just how badly we get along, Ethan reaches for my pussy under the blankets. His fingers tease and caress against my lower lips, sending me into a sharp, panicked frenzy. I gasp and shift back on the bed, moving away from him. Oh my God. My mother looks at me like I'm crazy, which I don't blame her for.
To try and hide this, I cough loudly.
"Sorry!" I say. "I think I have allergies or something."
"I'll get something for you at the store," she says, nodding. This is an acceptable answer, apparently.
"I'm not sure where Ethan is, either," I add. "I saw him last night, but I haven't really seen him this morning."
"That's what you get for sleeping in late," my mother says, smiling and pretending to be upset, shaking her head side to side. "I'm sure he's fine. He can take care of himself."
What would I usually say to that? Something rude, maybe. Not too rude, but... Oh, I know.
"He's probably just with some girl," I say. "You know him. He's kind of a jerk."
"Ashley," my mother says, frowning. With a sigh, she adds, "I know you two don't get along too much, but please, don't say things like that. He's just... he's had a hard time, you know? We can both help make that better."
"Hard time?" I ask, laughing. Laughing because I'm not sure how a rich kid could have a hard time of anything, but also because he's definitely been hard this entire time with me. I really want to be nice to him, but honestly he's just a...
A what? A jerk. That's what I've always thought of him as. Arrogant and rude and cocky. That's the Ethan I know.
Or is it? I'm not sure anymore. He's still arrogant and cocky, and a little rude, but I kind of like him the way he's been the past few days.
The past few days, except now that's over. It's done. We have to go back to how we were. We have to be the people everyone expects us to be, and I know exactly what that means for me. I think he must know what it means for him, too.
"It's none of my business," she says to me. "I don't want to start anything. If you want to find out, you should talk to him. Get to know him a little. For better or worse, you're kind of stuck with him now, aren't you? Me and his father aren't going anywhere anytime soon, so you're both going to have to learn to deal with each other. I think you should try reaching out to him, Ashley."
I do. Right then and there. It's not the way my mother means, except maybe it is in some ways, too. I shift my hand under the blankets until I find him, his hand. I take his fingers in mine and he squeezes my hand gently in return.
"Maybe," I say.
"Do you want some breakfast? We left early this morning and haven't had a chance to eat yet. I know it's late. More like brunch, huh?"
"Breakfast or brunch sounds great," I say.
"Pancakes?" my mom asks. "If I see Ethan I'll ask him to make you some? I know how much you like his pancakes. That's something, right? It's a start. See, you two can get along when you want to."
I know what she's saying. I understand what she's trying to do here. I don't think it's helping, though. I think back to when he made me pancakes that day. It wasn't even that long ago. It was practically yesterday. We'd slept together by accident, and I woke up hating him, but then he made pancakes and then he wasn't exactly a jerk, and then he...
And now it's over. Done. We'll never do any of that again.
"That would be nice," I tell my mom.
"Alright. Come down when you can. I'll get everything set up."
I nod and she nods, then she steps out of my room and closes the door behind her.
As soon as she's gone, I sweep back the blankets and hop out of bed. Scampering to the door, I press the button to lock it. I'd rather not have to explain any of this to her or my stepdad, and this is the easiest way I can think of. Lock the door.
Except Ethan's still in here with me. This isn't good, is it?
He's laying in my bed, leaning back, hands behind his head resting on my pillow. And he's naked, too. His foot is covered by blankets, but that's about it. His morning erection stands high and proud. I can't even believe him! Now of all times? My God.
I'm naked, too, though. Maybe he's hard because of that? Can it happen so quickly, just from staring at me naked when I ran to lock my bedroom door? Apparently so!
"What's up?" he says, brow furrowed like he's confused.
"You, apparently!" I say, hushed. I glare pointedly at his erection.
"Cute," he says, smirking. "How about that reaching out thing your mom mentioned? Now seems like a great time to me."
Yes, I realize that sounds innocuous, but Ethan finishes it by waving towards his cock and then making fake jerking off motions. What an... an asshole!
It's kind of sexy and fun in a weird way, too, though.
"You're a jerk," I tell him.
"Yeah, I heard. Nice to know you think so highly of me. You always talk to your mom about me like that?"
"Pretty much," I say. It's kind of true.
"Come back to bed, Princess," Ethan says. "We've got a few more minutes. No need to waste it."
I want to believe him. I truly deeply really really want to believe him, but I can't.
"Ethan, they're back," I say. "We can't do this anymore. We need to stop, and I think we need to start stopping by you going back to your room."
"Yeah," he says. "I get it."
Why does he sound upset? It hurts to hear him talk like that. If anything I should be the one that's upset, right?
"I thought they were going to be gone for a week?" I say.
"Listen," he says. "I thought the same thing. Don't try and pin this on me."
"I'm not pinning anything on you," I say, frowning.
"Yeah, whatever, Princess. Really, I get it. Don't worry." He sounds... angry?
"What's wrong with you?" I ask. I don't mean for it to come out like that, I don't mean for it to sound mean or aggressive, but I know that's exactly how I sound.
I'm at the bed now. I walk closer, closer still, trying to understand. Ethan is standing up, looking at me. Without warning, he grabs me by the waist and tosses me onto the bed, then prowls over me. His knee presses between my legs, keeping them parted for him, and his chest squeezes against mine. He's close. So close that I could kiss him. I want to. I wish things weren't happening the way they are.
I wish we could have woken up on our own, without anyone coming home, and that we could have made love in bed before lazily wandering downstairs and making breakfast in our pajamas. I wish we could have spent the day together. I wish we could have gone swimming. Maybe we could have gone to the beach? It's an hour drive, but that's not too bad. We could have gone to get ice cream, and then picked up food on the way back home.
We could have done the same thing tomorrow. And the day after. We could have done it until we had to stop, except now we need to stop immediately.
My heart hurts. My heart isn't supposed to hurt. Why do I hurt? Ethan's just my... my stepbrother. He's my stepbrother with benefits for the week, except it's over already and it hasn't been a week.
He pulls my thighs apart gently, all while staring at me with that wicked and intense look in his eyes. It's crude and angry and mean, but there's something hiding deep inside. There's something he doesn't want to tell me, but I don't know what it is.
My mother told me to reach out to him. Maybe I should.
I cup his cheeks in my hands and pull him close to kiss him. He softens slightly, and then he sinks into me.
We're doing this. I know it's wrong. It's very wrong right now. He's inside me, though. It feels good. It's perfect and right. He fills me completely in more ways than one. My heart doesn't hurt as much anymore. It feels fixed, less broken. I kiss him and he stays inside me, pressing close.
"I just wanted to feel you one last time," he says. "I'll leave you to your own life now, Princess. You take care, alright?"
What does he mean? What is he saying? I try to kiss him again, but he slowly pulls my hands away and pins them above my head. While I writhe and squirm and struggle to fight against him, he slides his length out of me. He's all the way out now, but I can see him. His cock glistens with my arousal. He's not done yet. He didn't cum. We didn't have sex.
We can't have sex. He's my stepbrother. Our parents are right downstairs. My mom was just in my room. If she had seen him...
"Please," I say, begging him. "Don't go. Ethan, please don't."
"This is how it is," he says, but he doesn't sound like he believes himself. "This is what I do, Princess. You've seen it. You've seen it more than anyone. Don't you remember? All those times I've fucked girls and then ditched them? It's nothing new. I thought you understood what was going to happen. It's the same thing."
"It's not!" I say. He lets go of my hands, but I don't know what to do now. I don't know if I want to grab him and kiss him, or if I want to slap him and hurt him.
He finds his pajama pants and t-shirt on the floor near his side of my bed and puts them on, cocky and slow. It's maddening to watch him do this. It's infuriating! He walks to my bedroom door and twists the doorknob to unlock it.
"See you around," he says. "Maybe we can hang out sometime."
Maybe we can hang out sometime? What the heck does that mean? Why is he doing this? He was just inside of me! I can still see his erection through his loose pajama pants, and all he has to do is step back in my room, close and lock the door behind him, and he can have me again, but he doesn't.
He steps out, he leaves me.
I clench my hands into fists and pound on my bed. It's not! It's not the same! He's not the same! He's...
Maybe he is. This is what all of the other girls thought, too, isn't it? I realize it suddenly, and it hurts even more. He didn't use me. He didn't do anything to me. I knew exactly what sort of person Ethan Colton was going into this, and now he's showing me exactly what sort of person he is again.
I grab one of my pillows and pull it over my mouth, holding it there so it can muffle and drown out my pleading sobs.
"It's not! It's not the same! I don't want it to be the same! I want you to come back, Ethan! I want you to..."
I cry. It's so strange. I was angry when Jake dumped me, but I didn't cry. Ethan and I weren't even really dating, and so why am I crying right now? I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever know.
The only thing I know right now is that I have to get up. I have to get dressed and go downstairs because my mom is back home and she's waiting for me.
I'm smart. I'm an intelligent girl. Lots of people think I'm perfect, at least as far as grades go. They tell me. They say they wish they could do as well as me. I got an almost perfect score on my SATs, graduated high school with perfect grades, said a speech in front of my class about our futures, and received special assignments and initiatives as a freshman in college which is difficult to say the least.
This is the hardest thing I've ever done, though. Nothing before now could have ever prepared me for this. I have to walk downstairs, see my mother, and pretend like nothing from the past few days ever happened.
I have to pretend I didn't accidentally fall in love with Ethan Colton, my stepbrother.
I don't know how this could have happened.