Ashley
One night. That's it. I'll give in for just one night, and then tomorrow I'll go back to being regular. Because, I'm going to be completely honest here, I'm not sure that any of this is regular.
Ethan and I are watching a movie he's dubbed a chick flick. I guess I can't argue against that, but I think it has broader appeal, too. Yes, there's romance, but it's a romantic comedy, so it's funny. Everyone likes to laugh, right?
I get the feeling Ethan is laughing at me more than the movie, though. He keeps looking at me and grinning.
Probably because I'm drunk. No real way around that; yes, I'm drunk right now. More buzzed, I guess. I'm not falling over or being stupid, I'm just a bit tipsy and I'd like to eat more food.
"Pizza," I say, holding out my plate.
Ethan's taken it upon himself to be my personal servant for tonight. It's a nice change of pace. I deserve it, right? After what Jake did...
I don't want to think about that. I just want another slice of pizza.
"Here you go, Princess," Ethan says.
He gives me another slice of Hawaiian pizza, but not at all like I expected. He holds it out to me, up close to my mouth. Hey, why not? I'm drunk! Haha. It's funny, but maybe not. I'm one of those people, aren't I? I'm the silly drunk girl I told myself I'd never become. Um...
We've only had a couple of drinks, but it's fun to act like it's more. It's fun to be tipsy and give in and just relax and not worry about anything. I don't want to worry. I just want to have fun, and Ethan and I are having fun right now. It's fun for me, at least.
I open my mouth and he presses the pizza past my lips. I take a bite and start to chew. He puts the rest of my slice back on my plate.
"So, how's everything?" Ethan asks. "Feeling better?"
"You," I say, but then I forget the rest of what I was going to say. I chew and swallow, trying to remember. Oh! Right... "You're not supposed to be nice to me, Ethan Colton."
"You just had to add my last name in there, didn't you?" he says, grinning.
"Stop that grinning at me thing you're doing. I'm not going to fall for your good looks and charm."
I'm digging myself deeper here, aren't I? I'm going to blame it on the alcohol. It makes sense.
"Good looks and charm?" Ethan asks. And more grinning. Damn him!
If I'm blaming it on the alcohol, I really should get more. I should actually get fully drunk instead of just a bit tipsy. It makes sense in my head. "We should have more of those chocolate milk bombs," I say.
"You seriously just called it a chocolate milk bomb, didn't you?" he asks. "Way to ruin a good drink. Could you make it sound any more cute and innocent?"
"It is, though!" I say, shouting, laughing. I almost drop my pizza on the floor, but Ethan leans over and catches it. And me. He's holding me, keeping me steady. "It does taste like chocolate milk," I add. "I like it."
He's close now. Again. How close is he going to get to me. He's just helping me, I tell myself, remind myself. I'm a little buzzed right now. Partially inebriated. We had um... the chocolate milk bombs, and then some butterscotch schnapps shots. Just a quarter of a shot, so more like a sip, because I was scared. Ethan laughed at me about that one.
And this shot that tastes like a Snickers candy bar. Just a sip again, but I liked that one and I think I could drink a whole shot. Oh! And Vodka. Ugh. Straight! Ethan laughed at me when I almost gagged on it. Somehow he drank it so smoothly. I don't know how he did it. I didn't even actually drink mine. I tasted it and then spit it out in the sink.
He's close now, though. Very close. I reach for my plate and my piece of pizza and lift it up, then hold it out for him. "Bite?" I ask.
He takes a bite, laughing at me. His arm is around me, hand on my hip, other hand close to my plate, making sure I don't drop it.
"I think you've had plenty to drink," he says. "Maybe we should take a break and just enjoy the movie."
"Your hand's on my hip," I tell him. Apparently I'm very subtle and smooth when I'm drunk, you don't even know. Ethan's had a lot more to drink than me. He's trying to play it off, but I can see him swaying a little, hesitating when he moves.
He shrugs and goes to move his hand away, to return to his own spot on the couch, but I stop him. I lean back and pin his hand behind me, keeping him from getting away from me.
My God, what am I doing? Not like I could pin Ethan in place if I wanted to. He plays football. I used to go to his games in high school. Not intentionally. I didn't go because of him. He was the quarterback, though. He was at the center of everything. It was hard not to notice Ethan play. The Ethan Colton.
He was good. He's still good. Even though his father could pay for his college education a hundred times over and then some, Ethan got a full football scholarship to a decent school. Not the best. It's still kind of a party school, I think, but I'm a little biased. Maybe. I don't know right now. Like I said before, I'm kind of tipsy.
Ethan's fingers grip my hip, pulling me back to reality. He's touching me. Again. But more. Holding me now. He leans close again. Too close. What's he doing?
"Hey, Princess, if you're going to keep my hand like that, you mind giving me another bite of pizza, at least?" he says with that sinfully sweet smile of his. It's a dangerous smile, and I know it. I don't know why I like looking at it so much then.
I offer him another bite of pizza. Then one for me. It takes me a second to parse through this, but... his lips... on the pizza... and then my lips...
Oh my God. There's a word for this but I can't remember. Secondhand kiss? Something. Um...
"Ethan, I'm drunk," I tell him. "You got me drunk."
He laughs at this, like I've just said the funniest thing in the world. It is kind of funny. I laugh, too.
"Never thought I'd see the day that the stuck up Little Princess got drunk," he says. Then, oddly, he adds, "Are you alright? Let's just take it easy with the drinks. I'm glad we could hang out like this, Ashley."
"Stop calling me Princess," I say. "I'm not stuck up, either! Just call me Ashley. It's not like you don't know my name."
"Yeah, who could forget? Ashley Banks, top of her class, always the goodie two-shoes. Every year. All the time. From second grade through high school, and now probably in college, too."
"Don't forget Kindergarten and first grade," I add.
"Hey, I didn't know you then. I was giving you a little slack. Maybe you weren't always a good girl."
"Well, I'm definitely not one now! We've been drinking! Ethan, I don't know if you know this, but this is illegal."
"It's only illegal if you get caught," he says, smirking. "We're just going to stay in tonight, Ashley. It's your night."
"My night." I say the words slowly. This is new and different. Jake never wanted to do what I wanted to do. I thought that's how relationships were. I thought it was the man's decision. Maybe because I'd never really been in one before. Not exactly, at least.
"What if I want to go wild, Ethan Colton? What then? What if I want to drive around the city and get into mischief?"
"Yeah, no," he says. "We've both been drinking, so that's not happening. I might be an asshole most of the time, but I'm not that stupid."
"Nuh uh," I say, sticking my tongue out at him. "You're pretty stupid."
"Wow, real mature, Princess."
"Why are you still holding me?" I ask him.
And, he is. Closer now. Intimate and nice. Just resting, his hand on my hip. He's closer than before. I offer him another bite of pizza, and he moves a little closer still.
"Just keeping my little sister safe," he says. "I'm the protective big brother."
"Shut up," I say. "We're the same age."
"I'm a month and ten days older than you," Ethan says, matter-of-fact. The way he says it makes me laugh.
"You're funny," I say. "That's good. Did you guess my birthday or what?"
"I know when your birthday is, Ashley. It's not that hard to remember."
I'd like to think that's it, but knowing Ethan I'm not really sure. I think there's something more to this. He's trying to trick me. I know it, I just don't know how. I'm too drunk to figure it out. That's not even true. I know I'm not actually drunk. Tipsy, yes, but it doesn't matter. I want to be irresponsible tonight. I don't want to worry about anything. I don't want to be the good girl right now.
I want to forget about everything that's happened to me today. It's easier if I blame it on the alcohol.
It's easy to forget some things, at least.
"You're sweet, Ethan," I tell him. "Sometimes you're sweet. Most of the time you're a jerk, though. I don't understand you at all."
"Oh, is that the game we're playing?" he asks. "You're smart, Ashley. Most of the time you're smart. Sometimes you're stupid, though. I don't understand you at all."
"Hey!" I said. "You... no, you can't do that. That's what I did."
"What's with this guy, Ashley? Jake, or whatever the hell his name is? Were you into him or what?"
"You called me stupid!" I say.
"You need to find somebody who's going to respect you," he says.
I feel like we're having entirely different conversations right now. I'm not sure what we're even talking about. I say something, but I don't even realize what I'm saying.
"Yeah, like you care. You don't respect anyone."
He stops. I stop. Everything gets cold between us, like we're two different people again. We're from two different worlds. Entirely different places. I don't know how I could ever think this was a good idea. I don't know why I thought it'd be nice to have a night of irresponsibility with Ethan. It wasn't. It's not.
"That's not true," he says, quiet. "I respect people."
"Oh yeah?" I ask. "Who?"
"You," he says, but he says it so fast that I think he's making it up, just saying something to say it, you know? After a couple of seconds, he adds, "Your mom, too. My dad."
"You sleep with girls," I say. "A lot of them. And then you just ditch them after. That's not a nice thing to do."
"Yeah, this was a mistake," he says. "I thought it'd be fun, but it's not."
He tries to get away again. Tries to pull his hand away from me.
"No," I say. "Stop. Ethan, wait. I'm sorry."
"Right, thanks," he says, but he's still pulling his hand away.
I drop my plate of pizza on the coffee table and grab his hand so he can't get away. I don't want it to be like this. I liked it before. I like laughing with Ethan and having fun and eating pizza, and...
Watching the movie. I look over. We can just watch the movie together, can't we? I hope he understands. What I see on the screen confuses me for a second, though. Um... they're kissing? Well, it is a romance movie, so I guess it makes sense.
It gives me an idea. I'm a little tipsy right now, which is what I"m going to use as an excuse for this stupid idea. Maybe Ethan is right. For a smart girl I sure can be stupid sometimes.
I throw myself onto him and I kiss him. The odd part is that after a second's hesitation, Ethan kisses me back. His hands are on me, around me, holding me, grabbing me. He pulls me closer to him. I'm on top of him, over him, close to him. My lips touch his and we kiss, frantic and fast. This is not at all like how Jake and I kissed. Not even remotely similar.
Oddly, this is very much like how I imagined it would be kissing Ethan.
This is getting heavy. Too heavy. His hands dig into the fabric of my pants, grabbing at my ass. I pull at his shirt, just pulling, not realizing that I'm kind of almost pulling like I want to pull it off, up and over his head. He stops, stops me, we stop.
"Ashley, we can't do this," he says.
"Wow, are you serious?" I ask. "You'll make out with any other girl, but not me? Am I not good enough for you?"
Where did that come from? I feel like maybe I'm projecting. Jake isn't Ethan, but Jake's an asshole, and I know Ethan's an asshole, so...
I cry. Sort of. It's not a lot, not like before. I'm feeling really emotional right now, though. Upset. I don't like it. I feel dizzy and angry and hurt and alone. My head hurts. I just want to... to kiss him. I just want him to hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright like he did before.
"Do you remember the first time we kissed?" I ask him. I don't know what brought this up, but it seems important right now.
"What?" he says. "What are you talking about?"
"You don't remember?" I ask again. "I guess it wasn't that memorable to you."
"Ashley, yes, I remember, alright? Are you happy now?"