Ashley
(Four Days Earlier)
"This isn't going to work."
"Huh?" I ask.
"Ashley, this isn't going to work. Have you thought about how we're going to do this? We're leaving for summer break. Right now. You're going back to your parents and I'm going back to mine. How are we going to do this?"
"Jake, I don't know what you're talking about."
And, I don't. I really don't, especially considering we just had sex. Literally. We're in Jake's dorm room while his roommate is out, and one thing led to another, and, well...
I don't usually do this. I don't want Jake to think I'm a... a slut or anything. We've only had sex once before, but I thought that since we were going back home for summer break, this was a good time to do it again. I won't be able to see him for a few months.
"Ash, you live five hours away from me. We'll be apart the whole summer. What kind of relationship is that?"
"Um... a long distance one?" I say.
He laughs, but it's not a nice laugh. Kind of a douchebag asshole laugh, actually. Which is really mean considering he just had his dick inside me. The least he could do is be a little nicer.
I can't believe I'm even thinking this. Nicer? Yeah, Ashley, um... he's your boyfriend! He should be nice to you. Duh?
"I don't do long distance relationships, babe," Jake says. "It's not my thing."
"So you're breaking up with me?" I ask, as if I couldn't say anything stupider at the moment.
Yes, I've got perfect grades, I was the top of my class in high school, and I've got three scholarships that will more than cover most of my first two years of college, but apparently I'm still dumb enough to have to ask if my boyfriend is breaking up with me.
"I'm not breaking up with you," he says.
"Oh," I say. He makes no sense to me.
"I'm just saying we can't do this. I can't go the entire summer without sex, babe. It's impossible."
"Oh." I have no idea where he's going with this.
"We'll take a break. See other people. At least for the summer. When we get back to school next year we can pick up where we left off."
"Wait..."
Look, I know what you're thinking. I'm not an idiot, alright? I'm really not. I just... I like Jake. I think. I'm not sure how I feel about him. I'd never had a boyfriend before college, and even then my boyfriends up until now haven't exactly been... boyfriends? I dated a couple of guys for a week or two, but that's it. Jake and I have been going out for a couple months now and I thought everything was going well, but...
Nope, apparently not.
"It's not you, it's me," he says.
"Yeah, obviously," I say. I know it's not me. What a stupid thing to say. He's the one breaking up with me!
Jake laughs. "It'll be fine. Go home and have a few one night stands or something. Learn how to be better in bed. You're kind of stiff, you know? You need to get a little more into it. When we come back to school next year, we can date again. Trial run or something? See how it goes. I've been putting up with you for now, but I really need someone who knows what they're doing, Ash. The sex just hasn't been that good. Sorry to put it out there like that."
"No," I say. "It's fine."
That's not what I want to say. I want to say more. I want to say something witty and funny and sarcastic. Because I don't think it's me. He's not very good in bed, either. Selfish and fast is about how I'd explain it, but I thought he liked me, so...
My God, I'm an idiot, aren't I?
I put my clothes on and rush to the door just as his roommate is coming back. His roommate accidentally blocks me from making a hasty retreat until we shuffle around to either side and I can get past him. I want to go. I want to run back to my room and pack and leave right now, because... because...
Jake is an asshole! I almost think about screaming it, but I stop myself. I can't do that. I'm the good girl, the girl with perfect grades, the girl everyone expects to go far in life. I'm...
I'm a doormat, apparently. I'm the girl whose boyfriend breaks up with her so he can sleep with other women during a two month summer break from college. Wow.
Really, wow.
"Text me sometime or something," Jake yells to me as I rush down the hall.
"Fuck you," I say. I want to shout it, but I don't. I whisper it to myself under my breath.
I'm Ashley Banks and I'm a good girl. Good girls don't swear and shout down the halls. I can't do that, even if I want to.