AN HOUR LATER, WE WERE sitting in the back booth at the Pit Stop, the burger joint where we’d been held up outside. Leave it to Sebastian to take me back to the place where a bad memory existed. Except, I was glad he did. Their burgers were delicious and I felt stronger now that I knew how to protect myself.
I’d done it. I’d shot a gun, and I was good at it. When Sebastian showed me my paper full of holes, there were nine holes it. Not bad for a first timer.
“You did well,” Sebastian stated.
“Thank you.”
“I’m serious, Jessica. I’m proud of you. It takes a lot of guts to face a fear head on the way you did,” he said, swirling his fry in a pile of ketchup.
“You know, I’m proud of me, too. I never thought I’d be able to touch a gun, much less shoot one. Thank you for taking me.”
Something flashed in his eyes, resembling pleasure, although I wasn’t positive because the only time I’d seen him look that way was when he was inside me.
“It was nothing. Plus, I enjoyed it. You looked fucking hot shooting that gun. I enjoyed fucking you in the middle of the shooting range.”
I stopped before taking a bite of my burger and smiled at him.
“Do you ever think about anything besides sex?” I laughed.
A beautiful, real smile stretched his lips and he shook his head, “Not when I’m with you.”
The next twenty minutes, I tried to eat while Sebastian found any way he could to touch me. Finally, he stood and slid into the booth next to me—his side warming mine.
Picking up one of my fries, he dipped it in the ketchup and held it up to me to take a bite.
I licked a drip of ketchup from the fry before taking a bite.
“You keep that shit up and I’ll take you to the little bathroom in the back of this shit-hole for more.”
“Sure you will,” I teased.
“Don’t bullshit, sweetheart. I can see it in your eyes, you’re turned on. I bet you’re already soaked for me.” He leaned in, touching between my legs as he kissed me underneath my ear. “I’ll tell you what, why don’t you go to the ladies’ room, put an extra layer of toilet paper in your panties, and come back here so I can take you home.”
His words brushed my ear and made me shiver.
I ran my finger down the front of my shirt, before covering his hand and pressing it deeper into my jeans. I looked up at him and licked my lips. I knew what I was doing, and I knew it was working by the look in his eyes.
“What if I don’t want to wait?”
His pupils dilated and he clenched his jaw. “You’re playing with fire. If you’re not careful, you’ll get burnt.”
I pressed his hand harder against me and a tiny moan escaped my throat.
“Fuck it. Come with me,” he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me from the booth.
I held his hand as he dragged me to the back of the restaurant and then pulled me into the only bathroom in the place. It was small, almost too small for the two of us, and not completely clean. The toilet was tilted to the side and the sink looked like someone had colored it with a gray crayon on the inside, but it would have to do for a quickie.
“Remember, you asked for this,” he said, locking the door behind us and stalking toward me.
He turned me and bent me over the small counter. Wasting no time, he went to work unbuttoning my jeans and pulling them down enough to expose little more than my ass.
“I can’t open my legs this way.” I said, pressing my bare bottom into him.
I heard his zipper come down and saw him lick his fingers, bringing them down to my wet opening. Then I felt the tip of his arousal pushing in.
“Good. It’ll feel better for both of us.”
He slid deep into me, pressing me harder against the counter. He felt bigger—filling me completely and rubbing my inner walls in a way that made me close my eyes in pleasure.
He moved fast and hard, without mercy, tugging on my hair to make me look up. His other hand grabbed my chin, forcing me to look into the mirror in front of us.
“I want you to watch while I fuck you.”
I looked in the mirror and he glared back at me as he thrust his body into mine. The counter shook and a few times I was sure I heard someone knocking at the door, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was the feeling moving through me as Sebastian took over my body.
He tugged my hair harder, making me call out and I met his dark, cocky smirk in the mirror. He was loving it as much as I was.
“Remember how much I adore that mouth of yours? I think I want to come in it this time,” he stated.
Still, he continued to hammer me, balls slapping against slick, sweaty skin.
Pleasurable pain clouded my eyes, making my brows turn in as the ache where his body connected with mine spread into my thighs. The sounds of our bodies coming together echoed in the tile-filled bathroom and a bottle of hand soap went crashing to the floor.
The customers could hear us, I was sure of it. But, Sebastian continued. Looping his arms underneath mine, he latched on to my shoulders, leaning over me and working his hips faster than I knew possible. That’s when I crashed.
Loud screams fell from my mouth, forcing Sebastian to cover it with his palm. I cried into his hand, before I bit its salty flesh. He cursed loudly, letting me know he was enjoying the sex as much as I was.
Finally he pulled out and turned me abruptly.
“Get on your fucking knees,” he growled.
I dropped to my knees the best I could with my jeans around my thighs and as soon as I opened my mouth, the head of his penis pushed past my lips. I moved my tongue over him, tasting myself on his skin, sucking him deeper into my mouth. I had no idea what I was doing, but it didn’t matter.
Sebastian threw his head back and pressed my mouth onto him harder as he exploded on the back of my tongue. Thick and hot, his come spewed all over, coating my mouth and throat with his personal flavor.
SEBASTIAN WAS QUIET IN THE car as he drove me back to my condo. I think he was realizing things were changing between us. Not good or bad, just different. We’d been spending so much time together, and that made me happy because I knew as long as he was with me, he wasn’t with another girl.
I was done denying the fact I wanted Sebastian to myself. I tried not to think about what he did when he wasn’t with me, and it was hard, but it was a part of the deal. I couldn’t go changing things now. It was too late for that.
When we got to my building, he walked me inside and followed me into the elevator. Once he inserted his card and pressed the button for the top floor, he turned to me and pulled me to him.
“I’m angry with you,” he stated.
His hands moved down my back and cupped my ass. He bit his lip as he stared at my chest.
“Well, I’m angry with you,” I countered.
He smirked and chuckled. “What the hell did I do?” he asked. “Besides fuck you senseless for an entire restaurant to hear?”
His smirk turned into another genuine smile. I loved his smile, but I’d never mention it for fear he’d never smile at me again.
“Oh, whatever. It wasn’t that great,” I joked and rolled my eyes.
His head fell back and he laughed. It was a deep hearty laugh that shook his chest.
“Is that so?” He reached up and fingered a strand of my hair. “I guess maybe I should give it another try then. I did promise only the best, didn’t I?”
“Yep, you sure did.” My smile hurt my face it was so big.
And then, just as quickly as it came, his happy expression cleared and he peered down at me in all seriousness.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen,” he said with his jaw muscles visibly clenching.
I didn’t know how to reply. I was frightened I might turn him away somehow.
We stared at each other, until he moved quickly, smashing his mouth to mine and kissing me so hard it hurt.
I wasn’t the same girl I was when we first met and so I didn’t pull back. Instead, I kissed him just as hard, tugging at the back of his head and digging my nails into his shoulder to hold him closer.
We were still kissing like a couple of teenagers when the elevator opened to my place. He didn’t let me go; instead he lifted me and slammed me against the wall opposite of the open elevator.
I’d expected that once we got to my floor, he would say goodbye and leave for the night, like usual. What I didn’t expect was for him to stay with me and spend the night, giving me the best he’d promised from the beginning.
I WOKE IN THE MIDDLE of the night to Sebastian whining in his sleep as if he was in pain. The sheet clung to his wet, naked skin and his expression was full of agony.
He tossed and turned, trying to get away from something and I knew he was having a nightmare.
“Sebastian,” I shook him.
Still he breathed hard and pulled at the sheet.
“Sebastian, wake up. You’re having a nightmare,” I said, shoving at his side and trying my hardest to wake him.
A howl exploded from his lips and he cried loudly with closed eyes. I didn’t know what to do. This was Sebastian—cold, fearless Sebastian, and yet he was squirming around in my bed and practically bawling.
Laying my palm against his sweaty cheek, I tried once more to wake him.
“Sebastian, you have to wake up.”
His eyes flew open and things moved quickly has he pushed me off of him and climbed on top of me.
“Murderer!” his voice cracked.
Thick fingers wrapped around my neck and squeezed.
I beat at his arms as my throat closed up and my ability to breathe was cut off.
“Sebastian,” I croaked.
The sounds of my choking filled the room and my life flashed before my eyes. And then, as quickly as it started, his hold loosened and his angry expression cleared. He’d woken up and realized what he was doing.
Jumping away from me, his back slammed into the wall next to my bed. I sat up, coughing and trying to catch the breath that still didn’t want to fill my lungs. When the black dots cleared my vision, I was able to reach out and turn on the lamp next to my bed. I could see Sebastian pressed tightly against the wall, staring at me—a look of absolute fear traced his dark features.
“I’m so… I can’t believe,” he whispered, his voice rough with sleep. “I don’t know what… I… Are you okay?” he asked.
I wrapped my fingers around my aching throat and nodded my answer. I wasn’t technically okay, but I could see by the devastated look on his face that he needed to know I was.
He crawled beside me and moved my hands from my neck to inspect it. I could feel the bruising and the ridges and welts from his fingers. By the look on his face, he could see them, too.
With a soft touch, he ran his fingers over my neck and shook his head with sadness in his eyes.
“I’ve never hurt a woman before. I know I’m rough in bed, but you have to believe I’d never…”
I stopped him. “I know. I believe you.” I took his hand in mine and held it close to my chest. “What was your nightmare about?” I asked.
Looking down, his agonizing expression cleared and the old Sebastian slipped into his place. “It’s nothing. I really am sorry I did that to you.”
Apologizing had to sting, and I appreciated him for it. Sebastian never apologized, and for him to do so, meant he was really and honestly sorry.
“Lay back down and get some sleep. I’ll stay until you do, but I have to get to the club and help close things up.”
I didn’t push. I’d dig deeper into all things Sebastian the next chance I got, but until then, I’d lay beside him and enjoy the moment of sweetness he was offering. His arms closed around me, pulling me into his chest and making me feel safe again, and then he rested his chin on my head. Within a matter of minutes, I fell back to sleep.
THE NEXT MORNING, EVEN THOUGH he’d said he was leaving, I woke with Sebastian watching me. With his head resting on his hand, he was drawing little patterns on my shoulder with the tip of his finger.
“I don’t apologize often, but let me say it again. I’m sorry, Jessica. So sorry.”
I nodded. I barely even noticed the name Jessica anymore. I was used to it, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing.
“I forgive you.”
And I did. I’d known Sebastian for a while and never once did I get the impression that he was someone who beat women. What was becoming obvious was he had some deep set problems—deeper than I’d initially thought.
Leaning up and hovering over me, he looked down at me with a soft expression.
“How can I feel this way about a woman if I don’t even know her name?” His fingers sifted through my hair and down the side of my face.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“There’s no hidden message. I mean exactly what I said. These feelings I have, I don’t understand how they’re possible. I don’t even know you’re real name.”
The night before was forgotten as I sat up and matched his stare.
“What are you saying, exactly?”
No way was Sebastian Black, asshole extraordinaire, saying what I thought he was saying.
“I’m saying I want to know you.” Again, he captured a strand of my hair between his fingers. “The real you. Not Jessica… you.”
His words struck deep in my chest and even though there were a million things I wanted to say to him, I kissed him instead.
For the first time since Gran died, I felt put together—like my life wasn’t actually falling apart at the seams. I had Kyle, who was having the time of his life doing the thing he loved the most, and I had Sebastian, who was more than I ever dreamed I could have in a man. I’d almost forgotten what happiness felt like, but now that I had it, I never wanted to let it go.
He broke the kiss. Capturing my cheeks in his palms, he pressed his forehead to mine. “I’m almost there—so close it scares the shit out of me. I want to know your name, but I’m afraid I’ll run when you tell me. And running from you is the last thing I want to do.” His lips brushed mine and then he pulled back and looked me in my eyes. “Give me something to call you. Not Jessica, something that’s yours.”
Pulling away, I stared up at him. The way he was smiling down at me—the way he touched me, it was almost more than I could take.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
I wasn’t going to tell him my whole name, but even giving him my nickname felt strange. I didn’t want things to change and I felt like even giving him that little bit of myself would change the way he responded to me.
I didn’t know whether things would change for the good or bad, and that’s what scared me. Maybe he was confused about how he was feeling. Maybe once I told him my nickname, he’d leave and I’d never hear from again. I couldn’t handle the thought of never seeing him again.
“I’m sure,” he nodded.
Taking a deep breath, I swallowed. “Okay then, you can call me Roz.”
His smile grew before he leaned in and kissed me again. His eyes sparkled mischievously, like we’d just broken the rules. In a way, I guess we had.
“Roz,” my name rolled off his tongue. “It’s perfect for you.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“No, thank you,” he said, fingering a strand of my hair.
I fell asleep in his arms, and woke to him across the room from me, getting dressed. Leaning up on my side, I grinned at his bare ass as he slid his pants on. Turning around, he smiled when he caught me staring.
“Is it weird I don’t want you to go?” I asked.
Coming over to the bed, he crawled over me and buried his face in the side of my neck, breathing me in.
“About as weird as me wanting to stay.”
“Then stay.”
He leaned up and grinned down at me. “Someone has to work the club. Why don’t you come with me?”
“What would I tell everyone when they see us together?”
“You mean what do you tell your friend when she sees us together?”
“Yeah. I mean, I’m not sure she’d take our arrangement well.”
He laughed, making the exciting twinkle in his eyes pop before his face went serious. “If she asks, just tell her I’m yours.”
AFTER A NIGHT AT THE club, and lots of goofy stares from the employees at Clive’s, I went back to Sebastian’s apartment with him and spent the night. I woke to him watching me sleep.
“It’s weird when you do that,” I said into my pillow as I turned away.
“What is?” he asked.
“When you watch me sleep. What if I slobber in my sleep, or something equally as gross?”
He laughed, and I was happy he was opening up and laughing more. I was getting used to it.
“No slobbering, thankfully, but I can’t help it. I envy the peace you get when you sleep.” His smiling eyes turned sad.
Turning in his arms, I placed a hand on his cheek. “You don’t sleep peacefully?”
“No,” he said.
“Why?” I was hesitant to ask, but things between Sebastian and I were changing and I wanted to know more about him.
“My demons hunt my sleep. They make it impossible to know what peace is.”
I stared at him, feeling my heart tug for Sebastian’s obvious pain. “I wish I could take away your pain,” I said, truthfully.
I leaned in and kissed him. He kissed me back, losing his fingers in my hair. When he broke the kiss, he looked down at me in confusion.
“I don’t think that will ever go away, but you’re changing me, Roz.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to me.
“I don’t know. It’s unnerving,” he said against my lips.
“Would it help if I told you you’re changing me, too?” My lips moved along his jaw and he groaned deep in his throat, settling his weight on me.
“Let’s spend the rest of the day in bed.” His breath was hot against my nipple, making it harden instantly.
I sighed and arched my back, allowing his teeth to close around the nipple and then suck it into his mouth. I gasped, pushing myself closer to his heat. His hands circled my ribs holding me tight.
“I’m okay with that. Who says Sunday’s can’t be sinful?”
He chuckled against my fevered skin and I grabbed his head, lifting it.
“What’s so funny, Mr. Black?”
He freed himself and went to work on my other nipple. I was losing all sense of reality, until he spoke again.
“Today’s Monday, not Sunday, sweets.”
Monday! I panicked and pushed at Sebastian. It took him a minute to realize what I was doing and he sat back confused. I jumped out of the bed with a sheet around my chest.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he growled. Lunging for the sheet, he yanked it until I was no longer covered.
“Sebastian!” I squealed and dodged his hands as he tried to pull me back in bed. “I can’t believe today’s Monday. Monday!”
“What is so important about Monday?”
He sat on the end of the bed, as naked as he could be, and looked intently at me. I slipped into my lace panties and met his stare through wild, sex-mussed hair.
“I was supposed to turn in my college forms today. I can’t believe I forgot,” I scolded myself. “If I don’t turn them in by four, I won’t be able to get financial aid. I need to get back to the condo. Can you call Mr. Martin for me?”
I was in the process of pulling on my shirt when he laughed at me again.
“What exactly about my panic is funny to you, Sebastian?” I asked, frustrated because my head was stuck inside my shirt and would not come out.
“I have a computer here, baby. You can use it. Now, come here and let me help you,” he chuckled.
I managed to slow my movements and step over to the bed. He shifted my shirt around and my head popped out of the correct hole.
“You do?”
He smiled and smoothed down my ratted hair. “I do.”
I took a deep, calming breath. “Well, in that case, I could…” I looked at him from head to toe and settled on his manhood.
“What? What could you do to me right now?”
“Anything you want,” I purred, straddling his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck.
An hour later, Sebastian let me into his office to use his computer. I was nearly swallowed by the big, black leather chair as I sat behind his desk. I ran my hands over the smooth wood.
“Well, I can see why you like sitting behind this desk all the time.”
He smirked, and looked up at me. “Why’s that?”
“I feel so powerful sitting here.”
“Easy, tiger. Don’t get too comfortable.”
I laughed and turned on his monitor and a little box for his password popped up.
“I need your password.”
“Here let me.” He moved around his desk, leaning over me.
“Don’t trust me with your secret evil plans?” I joked.
“Don’t take it personally, baby. I don’t trust anyone.”
“Ouch.” I knew he wasn’t playing and I wasn’t prepared for how much it would hurt to hear him admit that he didn’t trust me.
I turned away from the keyboard and waited until I heard him typing away. Only the sound never came.
Instead, I felt his fingers along the side of my neck and he pushed away my hair and his lips moved over my skin.
“Harris,” he whispered against my skin.
“What?” I asked, stunned. I didn’t understand why he was whispering my last name in my ear.
“My password is Harris.”
I calmed myself as I realized what he was talking about. “Harris.”
“Yep.”
“That’s odd.”
“What’s odd?”
“Your password… that’s my last name.”
I felt Sebastian freeze the second the words left my mouth. Holding my breath, I realized what I’d done. Turning to look at him, I saw his expression had turned into horror.
He stepped away from me slowly, as if I were a snake ready to strike him. Neither of us said anything. Neither of us moved.
“Sebastian, I’m so sorry…”
A shield of ice fell over his face and he suddenly changed direction. Pulling me up from the chair, he dragged me across the room. “Do not say another word,” he said venomously.
We were out of his office and going through the door of his apartment in seconds. I ripped my arm away from him and rubbed at the tender spot where his fingers had been.
His eyes followed my moment and settled on my reddening arm.
“You hurt me,” I said in shock.
“I’m sorry,” he said, before reaching up and tugging at his hair in aggravation. “I mean, I’m not sorry. I don’t know what I am anymore. All I know is you need to get your things and get out.”
My heart dropped. He couldn’t be serious. Not after the way things had been going between us.
“Sebastian, just listen…”
“No. I need to be alone. Please, Roz. Just leave.”
And just like that, the sound of my name from those lips, no longer brought me pleasure. I nodded, gathered my things, and left without so much as even a glance in his direction.