THIRTEEN
JANE GOT HER PERIOD THE NEXT DAY, which meant a few days with no sex, but that was fine by me. Being with Jane was my favorite thing about life. Sex was just the icing on an already delicious cake.
“Wow, Jessica Rabbit? Really, Sebastian?” Jane laughed.
“What?” I asked confused.
My favorite movie was Who Framed Rodger Rabbit. Not because it was an amazing movie, but because of Jessica Rabbit.
She was perfection, and I thought everyone could see her flawlessness.
How could anyone not see how every intricate line defining her character was perfectly drawn?
How curvy she was?
How sexy?
How succulent?
“You’re serious?” she asked with a chuckle.
Again, I was confused.
“Yes, I’m serious. If I could fuck any cartoon character, it would be Jessica Rabbit. She’s hot.”
“You’re sick. You know that, right?” She laughed, tossing a piece of popcorn at me.
She was adorable in her sweatpants and long T-shirt. I’d spent the morning giving her a massage since she was complaining about cramps and muscle aches. She said no man had ever been so attentive, but I didn’t mind one bit. Anything I could do to touch her, I was doing.
“Says the woman who wants to use a strap-on in my ass,” I teased.
At some point, I knew I’d give in to that if it made her happy, but I was holding out as long as I could.
Let Darrell be the one to take it up the ass. He was already such a bitch. It suited him well.
“Oh, shut it. You’d love it. I promise.” She winked, making me laugh.
“Doubt that.” I dipped my hand into the bag and grabbed a handful of popcorn. “So what about you?”
“What about me?” she asked.
“If you could fuck a cartoon character, who would it be?”
“Hmmm.” She tapped her chin as she contemplated her answer. “I’d say Fred Flintstone.”
I laughed hard, my stomach muscles aching.
“You’re not serious.”
Her eyes went wide. “I totally am!”
“Why in the fuck would you want to bang Fred Flintstone?”
“He’s a caveman … hello? I like it rough. I think Fred could make my bed rock … hard.”
At that, we both laughed.
“And you call me sick,” I said.
Being myself with Jane meant everything to me, and I’d never been myself more with anyone else.
“Shit,” she said, standing and dropping the bag of popcorn in my lap.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“He’s home. I need to get dinner started.”
Lifting the remote, I turned the TV to ESPN for Darrell and cleaned off the coffee table in front of where we’d been sitting.
“Hey, Sebastian, any good games on?” he asked when he came into the room.
Tossing his coat onto the back of the couch, he fell onto the cushions and began to remove his perfectly polished shoes.
“Nope,” I said, leaving the sounds of the sportscasters on the screen behind me.
I walked into the kitchen to find Jane standing with her back to me. Her hands were in the sink, and the water was almost drowning out the sounds of the TV Darrell was now watching.
Looking behind me, I checked that he was still sitting on the couch before quietly going up behind her. I pressed myself against the back of her ass, pushing her into the edge of the porcelain sink.
She made a startled sound before turning with soap suds stuck to her dainty fingers.
Her face went pale, and her eyes widened as she pushed me away from her. Her reaction caught me off guard, and hurt seeped into my stomach, igniting a fire within.
“What’s the problem?” I whispered.
Again, she pushed at me when I tried to get closer.
“Are you insane, Sebastian? He’s right there,” she whispered, pointing in the direction of the couch where he was sitting.
From his spot, he couldn’t see her, and technically, we couldn’t see him, but I was listening carefully for the sounds of the creaking couch.
“Are you kidding me? He falls asleep in front of that TV every night. He’s going to ignore you … just like he always does. Thankfully.”
I trapped her between the sink and myself, and she struggled once again to get away from me.
“Wow. Thankfully? Are you happy my husband ignores me?”
What the hell was her problem?
Of course, I was happy her husband ignored her. When he was ignoring her, he was giving me plenty of time alone with her. That was all I wanted.
To be with Jane.
Alone with Jane.
“Ecstatic. You’re mine. Not his.”
I grinned down at her, sure she would become playful as usual, but she didn’t. Instead, she glared up at me.
“Knock it off and go to your room,” she demanded.
I blinked at her several times; sure I was hearing her wrong.
“Go to my room?”
She nodded again, and her eyes widened as if she heard him coming.
“Yes, go upstairs.”
“You’re serious?”
I could hardly believe my ears. She was chastising me like I was a child and not the man who’d been fucking her senseless over the past few weeks.
“Yes,” she hissed.
Anger struck me deep, fueling the flames in my gut.
“I’m not a child, Jane,” I said loudly. “Don’t treat me like I need a time-out.”
She hushed me, sliding her palm over my lips to keep me quiet. Her breathing picked up as she stretched her neck to get a peek of Darrell on the couch.
“You can’t do things like this, Sebastian. He’ll send you away. Do you want that? Because I don’t.”
Again, I tried for playful, hoping to get her in the mood.
“Why?” I asked, moving closer to her yet again. “Would you miss the way I touch you? The way only I can touch you?”
She swallowed and shifted on her feet. “Stop it, Sebastian.”
“Why? Are you scared I’ll make you wet, and we won’t be able to do anything about it for a few more days?” I chuckled. “I bet it’s torture knowing you can’t fuck me.”
She turned away from me, but I caught her chin and forced her to look me in the eye.
“I’m not doing this—” She tried to turn away again, but I grabbed her arm and pushed her into the wall next to the opening of the kitchen.
Her eyes sparked, a flame I knew well dancing behind her irises, and she pushed against my cock with her hips. She was turned on and so was I. Not being able to have sex only made it sweeter for when we finally could.
I pressed against her again, enjoying the desperate noises I was drawing from her.
In the background of our heavy breathing, Darrell’s snores were becoming louder than the TV.
“Told you he’d fall asleep and ignore you.” I taunted and lifted her leg, holding it against my hip. “Guess you’ll just have to play with my cock instead.”
She surprised me when she dropped to her knees in front of me and pulled my dick from my jeans. And when her hot mouth covered the head, I hissed in pleasure.
And there, with only a thin wall between us and her sleeping husband, she gave me the best blow job I’d ever had in my entire life.
Two days later, Darrell went on a week-long business trip, which I was pretty sure was code for a drunken week with his buds.
I was happy to be rid of him but angry at the same time since literally the day after he left, the summer came to an end, and I started school. It was my senior year, which I could hardly believe I’d reached, and while I despised the idea of sitting through classes all day when I could be home with Jane, I knew it was what she wanted.
I’d give her anything she wanted.
I’d accepted the fact I was in love with Jane, which meant I needed to be serious about my future since she was my future. I wanted to do right by her.
Finish school
Get a job.
Take care of her.
And so I got up at the crack of dawn, got dressed, kissed my girl goodbye, and went to high school feeling like a chump.
The day dragged as I met new teachers and people and got a new syllabus for each class I was taking.
Six.
I needed six freaking classes to graduate since I’d been so slack over the past few years. Honestly, it had more to do with getting moved from pillar to post—home to group home. It was hard to keep up when you switched schools constantly.
But it was a new day—a new school year—and I had a fresh resolve.
By the time I walked in the door that afternoon, I was mentally exhausted from all the social aspects of school, and I was starving. Lucky for me, the one thing I was hungry for was waiting in the kitchen for me with a snack.
“So how was your first day?” Jane asked from across the table.
I stuffed a chip in my mouth and took a swig from my Pepsi.
“Eh.” I shrugged. “It kind of sucked balls.”
She shook her head. “Sucked balls? Really, Sebastian?”
She hated when I showed my age. I think it made her feel better about fucking me when she could pretend I was older. I was fine with that, considering I had never really felt my age in the first place.
I’d lived a hard life; therefore, I was wiser than my years.
“Learn anything new?”
“Yep.”
“What did you learn?” she asked, pressing for more information on my day.
Standing from my seat, I went around the table to stand in front her. My knees cracked when I kneeled.
“I learned I miss you a ton when I’m away from you for too long.”
She giggled, her face filling with color and making her even more radiant.
“You’re a mess,” she said, pushing playfully at my shoulder.
I grabbed her hand, pressing it again my chest. Looking at her in the middle of the afternoon with the sunlight on her hair and her cheeks rosy with happiness, my heart swelled.
“I love you, Jane,” I said once more.
It was only the third time I’d said it, mostly because I was afraid to push her away, but I couldn’t help it anymore. I wasn’t much for feelings, and I definitely wasn’t one for expressing my feelings, but with Jane, I needed to say it. It was an urge that burned in my chest, and the only way I could get relief was to say the words.
Her face cleared. Her rosy cheeks turning pale, and her eyes wide.
“Sebastian, I …” She nibbled her thumb on her free hand as she searched for words.
All my life, I had been let down by people.
Well, all except for Deloris, but she was gone.
All my life, I’d been dealt blow after blow, being tossed around by life with nothing concrete to hold on to. But at least with those storms, I had warning. Jane was a shock in my life, and the sad expression in her eyes let me know her feelings weren’t on the same page as mine.
It was like a bomb exploded in my heart. It felt as though pieces of vessel and artery were launched throughout the rest of my body and my heart had instantly stopped with the blow.
I stood and released her hand, watching as it fell weakly on her lap.
“You don’t love me,” I said, sure that nothing had hurt quite as much as that moment.
“It’s just …” She started again.
“No.” I held up my hand to stop her. “It’s okay. You don’t love me now, but you will. One day, you will, and that’s all that matters.”
At that, I walked away and went to my room.
It wasn’t ideal, being in love with a woman who didn’t love you back, but it was better than anything I’d ever had before.
I was alone in my room for three hours before I heard the stairs down the hall creak with her steps. The door to my room opened, letting the hallway light in and giving me a perfect view of her beautiful face.
“Sebastian? Are you awake?” she whispered into the dark space.
“Yeah.”
“I just want you to know I’m almost there. What I feel for you can’t be explained, but what you give me each day is more important to me than a lot of things in my life. I’m sorry if I can’t say it back yet, but you’re right; I will one day soon.”
When she closed the door, I felt strangely hollowed by her words. There was something almost cold about them even if she was trying to be warm and caring. Almost as if they were rehearsed. Almost as if she didn’t mean them at all.