I DROPPED THE BAG ON top of my desk. Twenty thousand dollars wasn’t a lot of money by any means, but the bag seemed to weigh a hundred pounds. It landed with a thud, and Mac looked up at me.
“Are you sure about this?”
When it came to Rosslyn’s safety, I was never more sure of anything in my entire life. I’d move the earth if it meant keeping her safe from this fucking psychopath.
“I’m positive, and make sure this doesn’t get screwed up. This needs to go down perfect. Watch the money and then call me the second it’s been picked up.”
If this were a different situation, I wouldn’t have given a second thought about paying the money, but I needed to buy myself some time to find out who this asshole was and that meant giving him whatever he wanted.
Mac left with the money and I was left wondering how I’d let this situation get so out of hand. I should have let Mac take care of this when he’d asked to. I should have had him following Rosslyn from the very beginning. Maybe if I had, then none of this would have happened.
Three hours later, when Mac finally showed up, I felt like I had aged a hundred years.
“The money was picked up?”
“Yep and by a different guy this time. He switches them out.”
“He’s more clever than I gave him credit for, but I’m smarter.”
“Now what?”
“Now, we wait. Hopefully, this satisfies him, and he’s out of our life for good.”
Saying the words didn’t make me feel better because deep down, I had a feeling he was far from satisfied.
“Everything went smoothly with Rosslyn today?” I asked, changing the subject.
“Yeah. She had no idea I was following her.”
“What did she do?”
“She went to a bookstore, read, and drank some coffee.” He shrugged.
“That’s all?”
“No,” he said honestly.
I couldn’t take any more bad news. I just fucking couldn’t.
“What else?” I asked, steeling myself again more.
“A man approached her. She seemed to know him. They talked for a while until he left.”
I looked up at him feeling my muscles tense. “A man? What man?”
“I’m not sure who he was. I’ve never seen him before. I don’t think it’s anything to be concerned about. I’m pretty sure he was …” Mac cleared his throat. “I’m pretty sure he prefers men.”
“You mean he’s gay?”
“Yeah. When he left Rosslyn, he left with another man. They seemed … together.”
I nodded. “Just keep an eye on her if she leaves again. I want you on anyone who looks even the slight bit suspicious. I don’t care who it is, got it?”
“Yes, sir.”
THREE DAYS PASSED WITHOUT ONE fucking peep from the douchebag who had turned my and, unknowingly, Rosslyn’s life upside down.
Waiting for him was putting a hefty strain on my nerves and I felt like at any moment I was going to snap. I looked like shit. The circles under my eyes were getting darker as the days went by. I looked run-down and defeated, and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
I’d spent most of my life alone, yet I hated the empty feel of our condo these days. She was there, but she wasn’t. I’d become accustomed to living with Rosslyn, and I missed her liveliness. She didn’t tell me anything anymore. Hell, we barely spoke. Some days, she’d leave without even saying good-bye. The only reason I wasn’t going crazy with worry was because I had Mac watching her every move.
I turned the bathroom light off and walked into the bedroom I hadn’t shared with Rosslyn in three long damn days. I worked until either I crashed on the couch in my office or I didn’t sleep at all. My body was beginning to feel the effects of no sleep, and I knew if I didn’t, at least, try to rest, my body was going to give out on me.
She was already in bed as she was every night when I finally came up from the club. The blankets were pulled up to her shoulders and she lay facing away from me. She hadn’t worn clothes to bed since she moved in here, but for the last three days, she had made sure to cover herself from head to toe.
We’d barely spoken a word to each other over the last few days, and most, if not all, of the conversation attempts came from me. It was Wednesday, and she hadn’t been to work at all this week. I wasn’t sure if she’d officially quit, but I was too much of a coward to bring it up or ask.
I’d been so adamant—so stubborn about Rosslyn quitting her job—that I hadn’t fully thought about what would happen to our relationship when I demanded she quit.
Demanded.
I’d definitely demanded my fiancée, and now that things were settling down, I wasn’t feeling good about the way I’d handled things. Fear of losing her—of something terrible happening to her—had been steering my reactions to everything. I hated myself for the way I acted, which meant I couldn’t really blame her for hating me.
In the pit of my stomach, I felt like I was losing her and that scared the living hell out of me. I couldn’t imagine my life without Rosslyn and I didn’t want to. She was everything to me, and I needed her more than I needed to breathe.
Walking up to my side of the bed, which hadn’t been touched for the past three days, I stood there and held my breath. I wanted more than anything for her to roll over and open her arms to me—to hold me to her soft skin and make it all go away. I needed that right now.
“Rosslyn?” I said softly.
I waited.
I knew she wasn’t asleep. I could tell by the way her body stiffened when I spoke her name—by the way her breathing changed in response to my voice.
“I know you hate me right now. You have every reason to. I was out of line to demand you quit your job. I know that now.”
Finally, she spoke to me.
“If you had asked me, Sebastian, it would have been different. If you had respected me enough to at least talk to me about everything ... I would have quit for you. You know that, Sebastian. I would have done anything you wanted. But you treated me like I just another one of your employees. No. You treated me like one of the girls in your little black book. I’m not that girl, Sebastian. I’m more than a name in your book now. ”
Because I couldn’t help myself, I climbed into the bed with her. My arm went around her waist and I pulled her to me. She had no choice but to move. Even though she was completely stiff, I breathed a sigh of relief when she didn’t resist or fight.
“I’m so sorry, Rosslyn.” I buried my face into her hair, pushing it to the side until I could feel the skin of her neck against my lips.
She sighed on her exhale and her body softened against me a bit. It wasn’t much, but just her little bit of give was enough to erase some of the strain I’d felt from the last few days.
“I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong to treat you like that. The thought of losing you makes me crazy. I went about this all wrong. I did and said some stupid shit, and I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. All I can do is apologize over and over again until you forgive me.”
I pulled her to me tighter, and against my control, a tear slipped free and dripped onto her neck. I fucking hated crying. It wasn’t something I often did because to me it was a sign of weakness. But if I was going to be weak for someone, it was going to be Rosslyn.
I’d be anything for her.
Before I knew it, more tears were free falling, and I was helpless to stop it. I was exhausted—the nights of no sleep catching up to me—and I was worried and confused. I’d always lived my life in control—taking and demanding—and it was hard to remember that I couldn’t be that way with Rosslyn.
I never wanted her to look at me like the monster I knew I was. I never wanted to be the beastly man I knew I could become when someone defied my will. If she ever looked at me that way, I’d crumple. I’d cease to exist. I couldn’t let that happen. If I left, who would protect her?
Rosslyn started to turn in my arms to face me, but I held her tight and kept her from turning. I didn’t want her to see the mess of a man I’d become. I didn’t want her to see me fall apart. She’d know I was weak. How could she ever feel safe with a weak man protecting her—caring for her?
But my need for comfort won. Only she could calm the storm raging inside me, and if it didn’t calm soon, I’d drown in its waves. I released her and she turned, her eyes moving over my face and seeing me break.
“Sebastian,” she whispered soothingly, and her lips moved over my face, catching my tears. “Of course, I forgive you. You’re not the only one at fault in this situation. I was so wrong to lie to you. We really made a mess of things, haven’t we?”
“You have no idea, baby.”
I knew when it came down to it that I’d caused this entire mess. If I hadn’t been so demanding about Rosslyn’s job, she would have never had to hide it from me. If I’d tried harder to help her get a better job, she wouldn’t have started working as a probation officer in the worst part of town. I could have avoided so many things if I hadn’t been so stubborn.
Her fingertips moved from my face and eased down the side of my neck. My body responded to her as it always did and my cock stirred. She felt it against her stomach and pressed herself against me with a moan. I wanted her—I wanted sex—but I wanted the moment we were in more.
I adjusted my hips so that my hardness wasn’t pressed against her, and her brows pulled in, in confusion.
“What’s wrong? Don’t you want me?”
I could hardly believe my ears. I wanted her every second of every day. It was the main reason I knew she was different from the rest. No woman had ever left me wanting and unsatisfied while leaving me the most satisfied I’d ever been all at the same time. That was exactly what Rosslyn did to me. She blew my mind and kept me wanting more.
Kissing her temple, I breathed her in and enjoyed the warmth of her against me.
“I always want you, but I just want to hold you.”
The second the words left my lips, I felt like a total bitch. Rosslyn realized what I’d said, as well, because she giggled.
“Sebastian Black, New York’s biggest and sexiest playboy, wants to snuggle?”
I laughed, releasing even more of the tension in my center.
“So you think I’m sexy, do you?” I teased, rolling myself on top of her and fitting myself between her thighs.
She looked up at me with a smile, her fingers gingerly sifting through my hair.
“Eh, you’re okay, I guess.”
Her grin was radiant.
“Only okay, huh?”
“Yep,” she joked. “You’re good looking and all, but it’s not the reason I’m going to marry you.”
I pulled her nightshirt over her head and tossed it to the floor next to our bed. Her skin glowed from the tiny bit of light coming in from the hallway. The tip of my nose heated as I ran it over her chest and placed kisses on the top of her breasts.
“Oh, really? Then what’s the reason you’re marrying me?”
I expected her to get mushy. I expected her to talk about how much she loved me and how perfect we were together. I was used to that when it came to Rosslyn, but instead, she threw me for a loop and made me burst out laughing.
“I’m marrying you because you’re a god in the sack. You make me come … a lot. No way am I letting that go.”
She was being playful; I knew that, and I loved it. She made me laugh. No other woman ever had that capability. Sure, Rosslyn was amazing in bed, and absolutely was the most beautiful woman I’d ever had the pleasure of looking at, but it was so much more than that.
She was real.
She was alive.
And she made my heavy black heart lighten with joy.
I spent the rest of the night showing her exactly how much I appreciated those special details about her. I spent the night being the “god in the sack” she loved so much. Pulling orgasm after orgasm from her sweet body, I kept going until she was panting and unable to lift her limbs.
For the rest of the night, there was only her and me. I didn’t think about the club and the new bartender I’d hired. I didn’t worry about the restaurant and its construction. I didn’t worry about any information Mac was collecting. I worried about Rosslyn and making her fall apart for me the way I had for her.
I HADN’T HEARD A PEEP from our little mystery writer. Part of me hoped the reason I hadn’t heard from him was because he got what he wanted. Part of me hoped that he was gone for good, but my darkness within knew that wasn’t the case. With the exception of Clive coming into my life and Rosslyn turning my world inside out, my luck had never been that great.
In the light of day, I knew exactly what I was going to do with our strange situation. My night with Rosslyn had opened up my eyes and made me realize I wasn’t going to let some faceless, nameless fuck run my life. No one told me what to do. No one directed the way I lived my life.
It didn’t matter if he sent another letter. It didn’t matter what that possible letter said. I was done giving this son of a bitch the upper hand.
Until Mac could locate the piece of shit so I could destroy him, I was taking Rosslyn away. There were white sandy beaches and fruity drinks in our future. There were privacy and sunlight.
We could finish planning the wedding on an island in the middle of nowhere. Someplace warm and light—someplace where I could relax and stop worrying about every fucking thing in the world crashing in around me and taking away the happiness I’d obtained.
It was the only way I could make sure Rosslyn was one hundred percent safe. Taking her out of harm’s way made sense to me. Even though I hadn’t had much sleep and I was fucking exhausted, I was still wide awake. My brain was running a million miles a minute. I ended up waking her in the middle of the night after the idea hit me.
It took her a few minutes to comprehend what I was telling her since she was still half-asleep, but when it finally sunk in, she laughed and thought I was crazy. She’d become accustomed to my impromptu vacations, so it didn’t seem entirely too bizarre to her. Since the beginning of our relationship, we’d visited quite a few places.
Still, she’d called me nuts, and I didn’t blame her. I’m sure I looked and sounded psychotic. She was clueless about the letters, and I wanted to keep it that way. Let her think what she wanted about me. All that mattered was her safety.
We spent the rest of the night making plans and fell asleep in each other’s arms when the sun was peeking in through the massive windows looking out over New York City.
I WAS IN THE PROCESS of getting everything in order for Mike, the club manager, to make things easier on him. I didn’t want to be disturbed while we were away on our little getaway, and I knew if I didn’t have things perfectly under control before we left, Mike would call with questions. I’d left him in charge before, and it wasn’t an easy thing for me to do since I was a control freak, but I knew he was the man for the job.
This time, though, it was different. Usually, we had a timeline and Mike knew exactly what to expect. This time, I wasn’t sure how long we’d be gone, so I needed to make sure everything was going to be taken care of.
I sighed when I came across the plans for the restaurant. I had a huge surprise for Rosslyn, but all of that was going to have to wait for now, including the grand opening. I hated that I was going to have to put it on hold, but I was done playing the waiting game.
Mac came in and I looked up briefly, taking in his strong stance and dark suit. As usual, he was bringing in the mail. We hadn’t gotten another letter in the last six days. Not since I’d given over the twenty grand, and I didn’t really expect anything today. Every day that went by without another letter made me breathe a little easier.
Rosslyn was busy with cramming in last-minute wedding plans. She was working on the few things we couldn’t do from the comfort of our own island in the middle of nowhere. While she was out, I’d made sure Mac was with her every second she was away.
I hated to do it since we’d just gotten over an argument about lies, but I lied to her. I didn’t want to give her a reason to question me. So when she asked why Mac was suddenly her new addition, I told her I’d already given Martin the time off since we were leaving. She seemed to believe that, and suddenly, it made sense to have Mac driving her around from place to place.
“But I can drive myself,” she’d argued.
Again, I’d lied.
“I almost forgot to tell you, sweets. I sent the Honda in to have it serviced.”
With that, she didn’t have much of a choice. She had to let Mac drive her around town.
“Almost finished,” I told him. “Oh, and Rosslyn has an appointment tomorrow for a fitting or something for her wedding dress that can’t wait until after we get back. Her appointment is set for eleven, so if you can be here by ten thirty.”
He didn’t respond and I looked up to make sure he was listening to me. He stood there, looking stiff and grim, and I knew what he was about to tell me.
“Give it to me,” I demanded, sticking my hand out.
My heart was beating a hundred times faster than it should as I waited for him to hand it over. Still, he stood there holding the fucking envelope that I knew would screw up our newly set plans. “Mac …” I warned.
He sighed and handed it to me. Wasting no time, I ripped open the damn thing and then taking a much-needed breath, I flipped open the paper.
I felt like the world had shifted on its axel and at any moment I was going to be thrown from the Earth and lost in a black hole of nothingness. Sweat beaded on my forehead, and suddenly, I felt like the very life was being sucked from my being.
“Black? What does it say?”
Mac sounded a million miles away, his voice an echo bouncing off the walls and slamming against the invisible wall that went up around me.
Without thinking, I threw the letter down.
“Fuck!” I growled, slamming my fist on my desk.
Mac wasted no time in picking it up, his eyes skimming the same words I’d just finished reading. I opened the drawer and lifted the last letter and read it over and over again.
Might. Might. Might. Might.
That was the only word that stuck out at me. It was what I’d missed, what I had overlooked. He had no intention of accepting the money and backing off. I’d paid it. I’d given him exactly what he wanted, and now, he knew he had my balls in his hand.
He’d already broken into Rosslyn’s car—he’d already gone too far as far as I was concerned. He’d been inches from her—touched her sweet skin—held a knife to her. Although he hadn’t intended to hurt her at the time, the next time would be different.
He was playing a game.
He was fucking with me.
“A life for a life?” Mac asked, confused. He looked up at me, his eyes suddenly suspicious. “What the hell does that mean?”
Who the fuck knew what that meant?
This was obviously personal, but I had no idea how it was personal or how to make it go away. I could take Rosslyn away, I could keep her safe for now, but I couldn’t keep her hidden away forever.
Worrying about her was making me a runner. I’d never been the type of man to run from any fucking thing. It was time this son of a bitch understood that.
“It means that motherfucker’s a dead man.” I stood, straightening my suit and adjusting my tie. “If you can’t find him, fine. But it’s high time the old Sebastian came back. He doesn’t know who he’s fucking with. I’ll find him, and when I do, he’ll wish he was still a swimmer in his daddy’s nut sack.”
I knew what I had to do.
He’d win, if for only a little while.
I’d do whatever it took to keep Rosslyn safe. Even if that meant stepping away from her.
Even the thought of it made my stomach twist in pain. He’d said in the letter.
It was going to kill me—break me and bend me—but I had to leave her alone. I had to stay away from her, and she had to remain clueless about the letters. She’d never stay away from me because of a letter. I had to do this for her—for us. It was going to destroy me—turn me blacker than I’d ever been before—but Rosslyn was the only thing that mattered.
She was my light.
My love.
My world.
Without her, I’d cease to exist. Because of that, I had to cut all ties with her.