FIFTEEN
I CROUCHED IN THE SHADOWS of the night. The cold seeped through my threadbare hoodie, turning my skin to ice and making me shiver.
I shoved my fists into my pockets, avoiding the small holes that let the bite of cold air in and lifted my shoulders past my neck. The fear of freezing to death was real, and it was only September. I wasn’t sure I would survive the winter when it finally hit. I’d be just like Jared … dead on the streets at seventeen.
Such was life for a boy like me.
The bark of the tree I was leaning against scratched at the fabric of my jacket as I blew between my palms and rubbed my hands together. My fingers were numb, and the hot air from my breath spilled from between my hands and into the night around me in white clouds of warm promises.
My feelings came back two days after I left their house, which sucked since not feeling anything was much preferred. I was sleeping under a bridge, dreaming about my warm bed at Jane’s house and wishing she was there for me to hold, when it hit me.
Pain.
The anger had subsided.
The shock of it all was gone.
And I felt shredded on the inside.
I was hurt beyond words, my heart feeling colder than the freezing temperatures around me, but still, seeing her seemed to make the cold bearable. Seeing her somehow managed to melt my frigid heart just a bit.
So just like every other night since I left the only home I’d thought I’d found love in, I’d wait until I saw her, and then I’d disappear into the night and try to find a warm, clean spot to sleep.
Soon she would appear across the street from me, and nothing else would matter. Not the cold that ate at my flesh or the hunger pains that burned my stomach, making it twist and growl. Not the stink of living on the streets or the raw ache that consumed me every second of every day that I was away from her.
All that mattered was seeing her face.
Headlights from a passing car flashed brightly against the house next to me, causing me to push myself farther behind the tree. I wasn’t worried anyone would see me. Not only was I covered from head to toe in black, but the tree was safely hidden between two houses. Even if someone was looking for me, they wouldn’t find me.
I was invisible.
Always invisible.
Hiding in the shadows every night, I would go to the same street and look through the windows of the same house, but I was sure to pick a different spot, which allowed me different views of her.
I missed her.
I longed for everything about her, and the only way I could relieve the pressure building inside my chest was to let my eyes feast on her face.
The situation was making me sick.
I was slowly becoming a pathetic, pussy-whipped joke, and I knew walking away was the only thing that would make me sane again. Leaving her behind and forgetting her and the twisted things she had done to me could make me the person I was before I came to her home, but before I could be normal, I would have to go through withdraws, and I wasn’t ready for that.
I wasn’t ready for the sick feelings—the nights sweats—the pain in my stomach that addicts went through when they went cold turkey. Even though Jane wasn’t a drug, she had gotten into my veins just the same. Drawing me in with her lust and sweet touches, she made me addicted to all things her before turning against me and rotting me from the inside out.
I backed away from the tree, willing myself to walk away and deal with the bullshit so I could move on from her, but just as I moved to turn around, the kitchen light came on in her house, and she was there.
My breath caught, my stomach feeling compressed as if I’d just been punched in the gut the second she came into view.
The urge to run to her had me gripping the bark of the tree in my hands until it broke away, crumbling into dust and settling around my ragged shoes.
She had to miss me, too. I was sure if she saw me again, she would realize how much. She would understand how much she needed me—almost as much as I needed her.
All I had to do was walk over to her. She just needed to see me, and all this would be a bad nightmare. We could go back to the way we were, or we could move on together and leave Darrell behind.
I had no doubt she only said those things to appease him. Maybe he had caught us, and she only told him she was trying to get pregnant so she could continue to be with me?
I didn’t know.
I just knew she loved me. She had never said it, but I felt it in her touch. I needed to feel that love again before I felt apart completely.
I took a step away from the tree, ready to close the gap between us, but before I moved into the beam of yellow light streaming down from the closest streetlamp, I saw him.
His hair was shaggy as always, prompting me to think of Scooby Doo. Sadness swooped in once again when I realized how long it had been since I’d visited my beloved cartoons.
My life wasn’t the same, and with Deloris gone, there was no going back. There was no fixing things. There was only me—alone.
He came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back against him. She smiled and tilted her head to the side, the way she’d done for me so many times before, and offered the soft skin of her neck to him.
A hot knife punctured my chest. At least it felt that way. And the air left my lungs.
Her face lit up as she giggled when he flipped her around and lifted her onto the table. My eyes watered, the feeling of jealousy raw as it settled into the pit of my stomach. He moved over her, lifting her shirt and slowly undressing her, and I had to look away.
It was too much to bear, watching him have his way with her. Watching him touch her—kiss her—caress the skin I knew was so soft and sweet.
Anger got the best of me, and I reared back, slamming my fist into the side of the tree. Fire flickered in my fingers and pain shot down my wrist. I hissed loudly between my teeth, trying my best to ignore the stinging pain from the bleeding knuckles.
“Wow. You’re really fucked up.”
The sound of a foreign voice scared me, making me jump and trip over nothing. Falling back against the tree I’d just punched.
“I mean, I figured you must be since only sick fucks watch women through their windows, but I didn’t realize it was to this extent.”
“Fuck,” I cursed. “You scared the shit out of me.”
I glared at the stranger who had been watching me watch Jane and Darrell, and embarrassment and shame smothered me, making me feel aggressive and angry.
“What the fuck are you doing back here? This is private property,” I spat.
The truth was I had no idea who owned the home of the yard I was squatting in.
The figure scoffed and pushed away from the side of the house, heading toward me.
“I could ask the same thing, seeing as how you’re on my property.”
Beads of sweat began to form along my hairline and down my back.
I didn’t respond.
I couldn’t think of a reasonable excuse fast enough.
The stranger laughed, a deep and strange sound that confused me. The voice sounded deep and raspy like a guy, but the person’s body was curvy like a female.
“Relax. I’m not going to call the cops or anything. But if they catch you gawking at them, they might,” the stranger said, pointing at the window where Jane and Darrell were hardcore fucking on the kitchen table.
Pain shot through my chest, making me gasp and turn away.
The stranger came closer, nodding in the direction of Jane and Darrell’s house. I caught a full view of the face in front of me and was taken aback.
She was a girl—younger and small—with a fierce case of resting bitch face and hair as black as the night around us. Her pouty lips lived in a perpetual frown, and her cerulean eyes almost glowed like a cat’s.
She looked familiar, but then again, I’d been around a lot of different kids in my life. After a while, everyone began to look familiar.
Black clothes covered her body, and the boots she was wearing were obviously too big with holes and untied shoestrings.
She was a mess, but something about her told me she wasn’t someone who took a lot of shit.
“Holy shit,” I whispered. “You’re a chick.”
Her face twisted angrily, and her fists planted on her hips. “Of course, I’m a fucking girl! Why the hell would you think I wasn’t?”
I shrugged, not really sure how to tell her she had sounded like a guy at first.
She scowled at me for the longest time, but I refused to say another word. I didn’t know this chick’s level of crazy, and I wasn’t exactly up to finding out with no witnesses around.
“Shit,” she hissed before she turned away and moved back into the shadow of the tree. “Come on, Peeping Tom, let’s get the hell out of here. Just because I’m not calling the cops on you doesn’t mean she won’t.”
She pointed in the direction of Jane and Darrell’s house, and I twisted around to see what she meant.
Walking down the driveway was Jane, looking freshly fucked with a smile plastered on her perfect face. The trash bag in her hand crinkled with the beat of her walk as she headed toward the curb.
I moved deeper into the shadows and watched, wondering how much shit I would get into if I just walked across the street and took her in my arms.
Just as I was about to move from my hiding spot, a loud whistled sounded from behind me, catching Jane’s attention and making her look in my direction.
I gasped, pushing myself behind the safety of the tree like a coward while still watching Jane.
She peered into the darkness, wrapping her sweater tighter around her, before turning and all but fleeing into the safety of her house.
“Why the hell did you do that for?” I asked.
She laughed and shook her head. “You’re welcome.”
“For what? Almost getting me caught?”
“No. You’re welcome for saving you from doing something stupid, stupid.” She chuckled before disappearing behind the back of the house.
When I didn’t move to follow her, she peeked around the side of the house.
“Are you coming or what?”
I debated my next move, but I figured I had nothing left to lose.
Following her steps, I went around the back of the house to find her standing at the back door, jiggling the handle.
“What are you doing?” I asked, confused.
“Chill, dude. This is my house.”
“Then why does it look like you’re trying to break in?”
She shrugged. “I forgot my key.”
Lifting on her tiptoes, she felt around the top of the doorframe. Unconsciously, my eyes traveled down the length of her body, stopping where the hem of her shirt had lifted to show her flat stomach.
She had a nice body. I wasn’t so far gone with Jane that I couldn’t see that, but she was a girl, and I hadn’t been interested in girls since Jane had shown me what a grown woman could do.
“Yeah. Well, it’s been interesting …” I started, rubbing the back of my neck. “But I’m going to get going. Your parents probably wouldn’t be happy with you bringing home dirty, strange boys.”
I laughed, feeling sick to my stomach for even referring to myself that way.
Just a few days before, I’d been living the good life. Just a few days before, I was with the woman I loved, sleeping in warm bed and eating good food.
Not so much anymore.
“Nobody’s home,” she replied before popping open the back door.
She stepped inside before I could respond, and I stood there not sure what I should do.
A light brightened the doorway, and the sound of a can popping open drifted through.
Taking a step closer, I did a quick sweep across the backyard before I peeked through the open door.
The girl, whose name I had yet to learn, was leaning against the counter, sipping a soda. The refrigerator was still open, letting the delicious smell of food waft right in my direction.
My stomach growled loudly, making me settle my hand over my abs.
She snickered and took another swig from her drink. “Come in and help yourself.”
She gestured toward the refrigerator before pushing away from the counter and disappearing into another room.
Not even a little bit curious as to where she had gone, I made my way to the fully stocked refrigerator.
I made a sandwich faster than I ever had before and then sunk my teeth into the bread, meat, and cheese. The flavor exploded over my tongue, and I was positive at that moment that it was the best damn sandwich I had ever eaten.
I flipped on the kitchen light and made my way around the kitchen until I found the pantry. Pulling open the door, I found it stocked full as well.
I snatched a bag of Doritos and pulled the bag open when suddenly the lights went out, and I found myself standing a pitch-black kitchen.
The strange girl was standing across the kitchen from me, the light from the still open refrigerator shining right on her. She stared back at me with her hand on the switch.
“No lights,” she said before spinning around and leaving me alone in the kitchen once again.
I frowned.
She was fucking nuts, but I was too hungry to care. Instead, I ate in the dark and enjoyed the first bit of real food I had had in days.
Five minutes later, two sandwiches and half a bag of Doritos rested comfortably in my full stomach. Done with the kitchen, I made my way to the next room.
Crazy girl was nowhere to be found, but I was hesitant to go look for her. Leaving was my best option, but I had never been a smart guy. So instead, I found myself moving from room to room, checking out the goods in the house and waiting for the crazy girl to come back.
The house was full of unnecessary shit, but I was sure most of it meant something to her and her family. The house was lived in. The sofa was large and comfy and expensive, and plush rugs decorated the hardwood floors.
Knickknacks and junk filled every shelf, and picture frames full of family portraits covered the walls. I followed the frames down memory lane, starting with a couple getting married. The next picture was that couple standing in front of the house, followed by them holding a baby with loving smiles.
With each picture, the baby got bigger, growing into a toddler, and I chuckled to myself at how much she looked like a boy growing up.
When I got to the next picture, I frowned and leaned in closer.
“What the …?”
I grabbed the picture from the wall, bringing it even closer just in case I was seeing things.
I wasn’t.
It was definitely a boy in the pictures with the couple and not a single one with the crazy girl with them.
Something cracked behind me, making me turn toward the sound with the picture still in hand.
I moved toward the cracking noise, leaving the room until I found her hunched over a table with her back to me.
“Hey,” I called out. “Why the hell aren’t you in any of these pictures?”
She turned, holding a backpack in her hand, and her eyes found the picture I was holding up for her to see. She stared at it for only a second before she looked back up at me and shrugged.
Another cracking noise sounded as she dropped an item into her open backpack. She ignored me as she moved to something else and picked it up, dropping it into the bag as well.
It was then I knew.
“This isn’t your house, is it?” I asked.
Fuck.
“Nope,” she answered casually.
“Why the fuck did you tell me it was?” I yelled.
“Keep your voice down, dumbass,” she hissed. “You wouldn’t have come with me if I had told you I was here to rob the place.”
Reaching up, I pinched the bridge of my nose.
Only I would walk into some bullshit like this.
“I’m fucking out of here. If you were smart, you’d leave, too.”
I took two steps toward the back of the house when the room suddenly lit up with flashing blue lights.
“Shit,” she groaned. “This is why you never turn on the fucking lights.”
“Well, excuse me. It’s not like I knew you were robbing the fucking place.”
“Yeah, well, we need to go,” she said, stuffing one final thing into her backpack.
“No shit,” I muttered.
We shuffled through the kitchen and fled out the back door into the blackness of the backyard. “Follow me,” she whispered into the night.
I ran behind her as we crossed the yard toward a tall wooden fence.
She was up and climbing over before I could blink.
“You have to be fucking kidding me.”
I hadn’t scaled a fence in years, and I wasn’t sure I could even do it anymore.
“Come on,” she hissed before she disappeared over the fence completely.
I was out of options.
It was either stay and get caught or follow the crazy girl over the fucking fence.
The fence was easy, and within a few seconds, I found myself in the alley behind the house. Searching around me, I saw the girl halfway down the road swinging her backpack merrily as if she hadn’t just almost been busted by the cops.
“Hey,” I called out.
But just as the word left my lips, a cop car pulled around the corner behind me.
I ran.
“Jesus, you’re slow. Come on,” she screamed.
And then she took off running, laughing with her head back the entire way.
She was on some next-level shit for sure, but I followed her once again, sure that if I didn’t, I’d get snagged by the man and booked for breaking and entering.
She called me slow, but I caught up with her easily, and when she looked over at me, her eyes sparkled with excitement.
Her laughter and excitement were contagious, and I found myself smiling in her direction.
Maybe it was the past couple of weeks of my life or maybe it was the bullshit and the hurt I had recently endured, but at that moment, I felt alive again.
The weight of the system and the loss of Deloris—of Jane and the pain she had inflicted—and the weight of my shitty existence, in general, didn’t feel so heavy on my shoulders.
Another cop car appeared in front of us. They surrounded us on two sides, so we could only go in one direction. A direction that ended up being a dead end.
“Shit. Now what?” she asked as if I knew what the fuck we were doing.
I’d run from the police plenty in my day, but it had always been in familiar territory. This side of town wasn’t my stomping grounds.
All I knew was that at any second, the cops would be out of their cars and cuffing us. At any second now, I would be in the back seat and headed to jail.
Strike three was what it would be, and I wasn’t about to let that happen.
A crack in the fence beside me caught my attention, and without hesitating, I grabbed her hand and pushed her through the opening.
An empty field waited on the other side of that fence, which meant no place to hide. But I knew if we ran fast, the cops wouldn’t be able to catch us.
We had barely fit through the crack in the fence, so there was no way they would fit. They would have to go around.
I didn’t know where the hell we were or where we were going, but when she took off running toward the right side of the field, I followed, hoping she knew where she was going, and we weren’t about to get caught.