FINALLY, WHEN I WAS ABOUT to give up, I received a call from Judy Lands. She ran the parole and probation department at the local courthouse. Apparently, they were willing to overlook the fact that I hadn’t received my bachelor’s degree yet since I’d had so many glowing recommendations from the different places where I’d volunteered.
This was fabulous news.
Sure, being a probation officer wasn’t ideal. And I was positive Sebastian would blow a gasket when he found out—if he found out—but I couldn’t very well turn her down. It was the first callback I’d gotten after weeks of follow-up calls.
“Sure. I can be there at eight on Monday morning,” I replied into the phone.
Technically, I didn’t have the job yet. I still had to go in to interview, and I was required to pass an oral, a written, and a psychological exam. Still, I was excited that something seemed to be moving along in the job hunt.
“Who was that?” Sebastian asked when I set my phone down.
“It was Jennifer from legal aid. She thinks they might have a position for me,” I lied.
My chest ached with my lie. It felt wrong to be untruthful with the man I’d be marrying soon, and I hated myself even more when I looked up and saw the trust in his eyes. He smiled, his dimples deepening and making him look even more gorgeous.
“The place you’ve been volunteering at?”
“Yep. Same place.”
My tongue felt heavy with dishonesty, and I swallowed hard hoping to clear the bile that was starting to rise up the back of my throat.
“That’s great, baby. At least this way I won’t have to worry about you nonstop. Legal aid’s a nice place.”
My insides warmed when he called me baby. Sebastian wasn’t one for pet names. It was either Rosslyn or Jessica if he was feeling frisky. Him calling me baby meant he was very happy with the turn of events. Meanwhile, I felt like total crap for lying to him so easily.
I spent the weekend feeling sick with guilt. Several times, I almost told him the truth, but then I’d think about how badly I wanted to work and help provide—I’d think about how badly I wanted to make a difference—and I’d cave and keep my secret.
On Sundays, I would help with the club. Mostly, I would work in Sebastian’s office filing paperwork and going through invoices. It wasn’t much, but I loved doing little things to help when I could. Sebastian loved the club, and it meant so much to him to watch it succeed. That meant I wanted the same.
I’d been filing for a little over an hour when Mac came in. He came to a halt when he saw me standing there. He was wearing a look of agitation, but he tried to mask it unsuccessfully.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered.
Over the last week or so, Mac had changed toward me. He was anxious—nervous in a way he’d never been before. I didn’t like it.
“I didn’t know you were in here.” He backed toward the door to leave.
“Just filing paperwork,” I said waving invoices around. “I think Sebastian’s in the VIP section. Some liquor emergency.”
He nodded stiffly. “I’ll go check down there.”
“Are you okay, Mac?” I asked before he could escape, which was what he was clearly trying to do.
“Of course.” His poker face wavered. “Are you okay?”
His question threw me off.
“Yeah, of course. I’m marrying the man of my dreams, I might have a job, and life is good. What could be wrong, right?”
He didn’t say anything, and I didn’t really expect him to. I knew what I could tell Mac was limited. We might be friends, but ultimately, his loyalty belonged to Sebastian. If he thought I was doing something Sebastian wouldn’t be happy about, he would definitely be the one to tell him.
“Have you ever kept a really big secret because you thought you were doing the right thing?” I asked, suddenly wishing I could take the question back.
He nodded. “Definitely.”
Without another word, he left the room, leaving me staring after him clueless to his new behavior.
INSTEAD OF HAVING MARTIN DRIVE me to my interview on Monday, I took my car. I hardly ever drove it, so it mostly stayed parked. Sebastian bought it for me when I first started my classes at Tech. I’d insisted on walking to and from my classes because I didn’t want Martin to wait around for each of my classes to end to drive me around. It felt wrong. Plus, I was hell-bent on having a normal college experience.
I woke up the day before my first class to a black Honda Civic parked out front. It was brand new— the only miles on the thing were from the dealership to our condo —and it was mine. Sebastian refused to take it back, and after two days of having Martin drive me from class to class, I gave in and accepted the Honda.
I was never gladder that I’d done so. As I drove across town, I was thankful that I didn’t have to include anyone else in my lies. Martin knew where legal aid was, so I couldn’t have him drive me. Martin and I were close, and I was sure he’d pretend to be clueless to my deception, but I couldn’t drag him into this.
No.
Driving myself was a much better idea.
The streets changed before my eyes, going from nice and clean to cracked and trashed. A man stumbled down the sidewalk, obviously drunk as he burrowed into his threadbare coat. I felt terrible doing it, but I reached down and locked my car doors when I stopped at a red light.
I hadn’t been on this side of town in months. Occasionally, when Sebastian would crave a greasy burger from The Pit Stop, we’d drive over and stuff ourselves with unhealthy goodness. Those were some of my favorite times. Days when we would just get in the car, drive to The Pit Stop, and laugh over burgers and fries.
It was as if he were a different person when it was just him and me, and I loved the man he was when he wasn’t being Sebastian Black—club owner extraordinaire. When he was just Sebastian—my boyfriend.
Of course, I felt safe with Sebastian on the wild streets of New York, but driving them alone was a completely different story.
I passed The Pit Stop and smiled to myself. Just looking at the outside of the old run-down building sent my memories reeling. I thought about the first time Sebastian ever took me to the bad side of town and how it almost turned deadly.
Sebastian grinned over at me then looked out the window once more.
“Change of plans, Martin. Let’s go to the other side of town and make a pit stop.”
Instead of the expected expensive restaurant, Sebastian took me to a hole-in-the-wall burger joint called The Pit Stop. It was on the darker side of the city. The outside of the building looked sketchy, and the people who were coming from inside looked even worse.
“Are you that embarrassed by the way I dress?” I tried to control the edge in my voice and avoided all eye contact with him.
“What are you talking about?” He sounded genuinely confused.
Waving my arm, I said, “Didn’t you bring me to this place so I wouldn’t taint your reputation?”
“We really have to control your overactive emotions, Jessica. You’re either hot or cold, and while that might sound appealing sexually, it’s not when outside the bedroom. I didn’t bring you here because your choice of clothing embarrasses me. This is my favorite place to eat heart-failing, artery-clogging hamburgers.”
I didn’t respond to that. Instead, I contained my smiled and followed him in.
This time, Sebastian was the one who stuck out like a sore thumb when we walked in. He held his head high as he moved confidently through the place in his expensive black suit. I covered my smile. The expressions on the faces of everyone around us were comical.
“What?” Sebastian asked when he noticed me staring and smiling.
“You look so out of place here.” I giggled.
He tried hard not to smile, then his dimples deepened and the side of his mouth tilted upward. “Trust me. I’m more comfortable in a place like this than you’d think.”
His words made me wonder about him and where he’d come from. I knew next to nothing about Sebastian, but I suddenly had the desire to. He was an enigma—one who could wear expensive suits but still feel comfortable in the ghettos of New York City.
We took the table in the back, tucked away from the rest of the people in the restaurant.
“Tell me something about you,” I said, folding the napkin nervously in front of me.
When he didn’t respond, I looked up to find him staring at me as if I was his dinner. His eyes drifted from my face, down my neck, and landed on my chest.
“I don’t talk about myself with my girls.”
The strangest thing happened at that moment. I became jealous. It burned at my center as if I had just eaten bad Mexican food. It made no sense because I didn’t have a hold on Sebastian, whatsoever. I seriously doubted anyone in the world did.
“I apologize. I forgot I was just one of your girls. However many there are,” I snapped, looking anywhere but at him. My reaction embarrassed me.
“Are you jealous of the other girls, Jessica?” he asked. His smile was cocky and smug.
“No.”
There was no need to elaborate. I figured my lie would be more believable if I kept it short and sweet.
“Good. You have no reason to be. I haven’t seen or spoken to any of them since the moment I first saw you.”
The burn in my stomach dissolved, and I found myself locked in a heated gaze. Then he turned away and tugged on his collar. He was finally the one uncomfortable, and I gathered he’d said more than he had intended to.
The waitress came and set our food on the table. Big, sloppy burgers full of calories and goodness with a side of fries and heart attack—it was exactly what I needed.
The burger was amazing, and I couldn’t help but moan in appreciation while I chewed.
“Good, right?” he asked around his bite.
“Oh my God, it’s the best burger I’ve ever had.”
And it was. I could totally see myself braving the city streets on occasion for the deliciousness that was my burger.
“This was my favorite place to eat when I was younger,” he said, dipping his fry into the pile of ketchup on his burger wrapper.
I didn’t want to say anything about the fact that he’d told me something personal when I was supposedly just one of his girls. Instead, I smiled and said, “I think it might be my new favorite place. This is fantastic.”
When we were done, and I was good and stuffed, Sebastian threw a hundred dollar bill on the table and stood. I followed him out into the night air, feeling completely satisfied with the food and Sebastian’s company.
Mr. Martin pulled in front of the restaurant as we were walking out. Sebastian opened my door for me and I stepped up to get in.
“Give me your fucking wallet,” a gruff voice said from behind us.
I turned to see Sebastian standing there with a gun stuck to his side. The man holding the gun looked as if he slept on the streets and was definitely on something. He was shaking and antsy like he was dying for another hit of whatever it was he was strung out on. His bloodshot eyes stared at Sebastian as he waited.
“I mean it, motherfucker. Give me your goddamn wallet or I’ll blow a hole in your side and take a little somethin’ from that piece of hot ass with you, too.”
Things were a blur from that point. When Sebastian went for the man, I barely saw him move before he had him on his stomach and the gun to his head.
“Be careful who you try to steal from, fuck face,” he growled, pressing the gun deep into the man’s temple. “I should kill you, but I’m going to let you go because I know this isn’t your corner. Get your ass where you belong or I’ll have Anthony blow your fucking head off. Got it?”
His voice was raw and angry. He spoke like the man who had tried to rob us. I could hardly believe how vicious he sounded. I didn’t blame the man when he nodded his head and ran off.
That was over two years ago, and still, the memory made the hairs on my arms stand on end. It was after that incident when Sebastian taught me how to shoot a gun.
I reached over and patted my purse, feeling comfort knowing that my trusty gun was tucked away in the side pocket.
Turning, I pulled into the parking garage for the courthouse and parked. Before getting out of my car, I took a few deep breaths to prepare myself for a possible letdown. I wasn’t guaranteed the job, but I really hoped I’d get it.
An hour later, I left the courthouse with a smile. Judy had basically given me the job the minute I stepped into her office. After much talking and getting to know each other, as well as all the written evaluations I had to complete, she offered me the job, which I took with a shake of her hand.
I was officially a working woman.
I was going to be contributing to my relationship as well as helping offenders, who were just trying to get back on their feet, with their second chance. In my world, not everyone was guilty, and even if they were, people changed. I was excited to change some lives.
The only problem was that I couldn’t tell Sebastian. At least not right away. At some point, I’d have to let go and spill, but until I knew for sure that this job was a definite keeper, there was no sense in starting an argument. I’d work a few weeks and see how it went. After that, I could decide how I wanted to play the Sebastian situation. Either way, it wasn’t going to end well.