“SO EVERYTHING’S GOOD AND NOW you’re going on an amazing vacation to some fucking island where you’ll be surrounded by unlimited fruity drinks and sunshine?” Trish asked, flipping the magazine of bridesmaid’s dresses closed and popping her gum loudly. “God, you’re so fucking lucky. I can’t get Brice to even suck my clit, much less take me on a vacation.”
I laughed. Trish had no filter, as usual.
She’d spend most of the morning telling me about how busy her new boyfriend was and how he wasn’t very great in bed. I’d spent most of the morning regaling her with the epic argument between Sebastian and me that had taken place almost a week ago. Everything was fine now, but I hadn’t gotten to talk to Trish about everything until now. So much had happened in the last week including the spontaneous getaway Sebastian had sprung on me the night before.
“Yes, everything’s good now,” I answered. “I think,” I added.
I was sure that eventually we’d have everything worked out, but for a minute there, the unknown future terrified me. I’d been furious with Sebastian for demanding I quit my job and treating me like nothing more than a piece of furniture he owned.
No one owned me, and I wasn’t going to start letting any man, not even Sebastian Black, tell me when and what I could and couldn’t do. Work included.
As angry and as hurt as I was with Sebastian, I knew he wasn’t totally at fault for our situation. I felt terrible that I’d lied and held things back from him. I’d hurt him, and for the three days that followed our fight in the kitchen, we barely spoke a word to each other. Still, as much as I knew he’d deny it, I could see how badly I’d hurt him every time he looked at me.
His eyes had been darker—shadowed in doubt—full of pain and insecurities. Even now, after we’d moved past our argument, my deception, and his demands, he no longer fully trusted me, and that bothered me. I was trustworthy, dammit. Sure, I’d lied, but it was not like he gave me much of a choice. I was terrified of losing Sebastian.
I felt myself giving in to him, and I knew I was only going to give him the cold shoulder for another day or so. I hated the tension in our relationship even more than I hated his demands. But before I could fold, he beat me to it. And when he started to cry, I couldn’t hold back from him anymore. He needed me to comfort him as much as I needed him to comfort me
“What do you mean, you think?” Trish asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.
She was wearing a frown of confusion as she lifted the champagne flute to her lips and waited for me to answer her. It took me a second to respond because I wasn’t even exactly sure what I’d meant. My mind wandered to the night before, and even though it was probably the best night I’d ever spent with Sebastian, it left me with an odd, almost sad, feeling.
“He seemed off last night. He was upset about something. Not angry upset but something was really bothering him.”
“Did you ask him?”
“Of course, I did but …”
But he was Sebastian Black and as much as he’d grown since I’d met him, he still struggled to share the burden of his problems with me.
“But he’s a man and, therefore, wasn’t cracking.” She finished my sentence for me.
“Pretty much. We leave tomorrow, and I don’t want to ruin our trip, but I also don’t want him to deal with this alone.”
She shrugged. “Maybe it’s nothing.”
“Maybe …”
I just wished I could make my heart believe that as easily as Trish did.
“Ms. Black?”
The sales woman called the name, and the sound of it sent shivers down my spine. In a few short months, I was officially going to be Mrs. Rosslyn Black.
At my expression, the sales lady looked down at the paper in her hand to check and looked up with a smile.
“I’m so sorry, Ms. Harris. You’re not quite Mrs. Black yet, now are you?”
I giggled, and it sounded embarrassing to my own ears. “Not quite.”
Her smiled was warm and excited, and I couldn’t help but match her enthusiasm.
“We have your dress ready.”
I looked down at Trish, and her smile was as big as mine was. “Go!” she shouted and pointed her finger in the direction of the saleswoman. “I can’t wait to see you in your beautiful dress that cost more than my parents’ house.”
I laughed.
I wasn’t usually an extravagant woman, but the second I’d seen the dress, I knew it was the one. I almost walked out when I saw the price tag, but after mentioning it to Sebastian, he insisted I buy the dress and even threatened to buy it himself. It was a tradition. I couldn’t have him seeing my dress before the big day.
“Dressing room is right over here. Please follow me.”
“Okay.”
I was suddenly nervous, and my palms felt sweaty as I followed her to the room.
“I’m right behind you,” Trish announced, setting her empty champagne glass on the table beside the plush, white sofa she’d been sitting on.
Two saleswomen and fifteen minutes were what it took to get me into what would be the dress I wore on one of the most important days of my life.
“You look absolutely stunning,” the younger of the two saleswomen said.
“We’ll give you a few minutes,” the other said, and they opened the door and left me alone in the overly decorated space.
I stood there staring at myself in the tall mirror, and I hardly recognized the woman staring back at me. It was hard to believe this was my life now. I was going to marry the man who I loved more than anything—the man who’d swooped into my life like a proverbial knight in shining armor. Although Sebastian would disagree with him being anyone’s savior, he really had changed my life and the life of my brother for the better.
Still, that was just a bonus. I could live without the money. He—my dark knight—was who I couldn’t live without, and in just a few short months, he’d be all mine.
I didn’t think it was possible, but I was sublimely happy. Things were perfect, and in a way, that scared me.
The amount of contentment that filled me almost seemed criminal, as if I’d stolen the happiness of hundreds out of the universe and kept it for myself. It seemed wrong for one person to possess so much delight.
I never wanted to have another fight with Sebastian, and I vowed at that moment, as I stood in front of a mirror draped in thousands of dollars, that no matter how afraid I was—no matter how upset I knew I’d make him—I was never going to lie to him again.
I would be an amazing wife to him, and more importantly, I would make sure my soon-to-be husband would never cry the way he had the night before. Thinking of Sebastian and the sad tears that had dripped over his perfectly sculpted chin left me feeling a little insecure. I wasn’t sure I could handle that kind of sadness from him, and making a promise to myself that I’d always keep him happy was a big job.
I shook myself.
Standing in the mirror, wearing something so beautiful, I had to stop thinking such negative things. I wasn’t about to curse my dress with unhappy thoughts.
Turning to the side, I smiled to myself. The dress was gorgeous. The sweetheart neckline made my cleavage look amazing, and without straps, it displayed my shoulders nicely. My waist looked tiny and my hips curvy as the fabric followed the natural curves of my body before going tight around my knees and flaring at the bottom. It was sophisticated yet sexy, and I knew as I let my eyes move over the expensive fabric that Sebastian was going to love it.
“Are you going to come out today? I’m dying out here,” Trish called from the other side of the door.
I’d almost forgotten she was with me. My cheeks heated and I grinned to myself.
It really was the dress. I’d found it.
“I’m coming,” I called out.
Lifting the fabric of my dress, I stepped down from the low pedestal. “Are you ready?” I taunted, peeking through a crack in the dressing room door.
“Oh my God, yes! Get your ass out here already!”
I laughed, pulling open the door and stepping out of the dressing room. The look on Trish’s face sent a jolt of excitement through my system.
“Holy shit, Rosslyn. You look … I can’t even … you look beautiful.” Tears shimmered in her eyes, and I found my own eyes watering.
“Don’t cry,” I begged. “If you cry, I will.”
“I can’t help it.” She sniffled. “You’re practically glowing.”
“Thank you.” Heat warmed my cheeks.
“How do you feel?”
I smoothed my hands over my hips and shrugged. “I feel amazing. I never want to take the dress off.”
“So this is the one, yes?” She clapped in excitement making me laugh once again.
“This is definitely the one.”
She squealed. “You’re going to make an amazing bride, Roz. I’m so freaking happy for you.”
“Thank you. I couldn’t imagine not having you or Kyle there.”
Even in my happiness, sadness moved in.
My parents.
Deep inside, it hurt that they wouldn’t be there. That my father wouldn’t give me away and that my mother wouldn’t be standing to the side dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
I had it all, but then again, I didn’t.
Whatever I was feeling must have shown in my expression because Trish’s smile dropped and she touched my arm.
“Hey, what’s wrong?”
I blinked away my tears and shook my head. “Nothing. I just wish my parents were going to be there, too.”
I fought hard to hold back the tears as I smoothed out the non-existent wrinkles down the front of my dress.
“Oh, Roz …” She didn’t know what to say, and that was okay because there wasn’t really anything to say.
“It’s okay. I just can’t help but think of them and how much I wish my mother would be there to help me get ready or my father there to walk me down the aisle and give me away.”
“I know you do, babe. I wish they could be here, too.” She wrapped her arm around me, and I rested my head on her shoulder. “I know it’s not even remotely close, but I’ll definitely be there to help you get ready, and I think Kyle is the perfect person to give you away.”
I smiled through the tears and nodded in agreement. I could hardly wait to see my baby brother in his tux. He was handsome, and I missed him like crazy. Since it had always been Kyle and me against the world, it made sense to have him give me away. He was the only family I had left in the world, and he was the best brother a girl could ask for.
“Rosslyn? What’s wrong?” Sebastian’s deep voice sounded from behind me.
I gasped and turned around, the fabric of my dress wrapping around my legs in my rush. I was positive my ears were playing a trick on me, but when I saw him standing there, I knew I wasn’t seeing things.
“Sebastian! What are you doing here?”
It was too late to cover up or run back into the dressing room as his eyes moved down my body, taking in the dress—ruining the surprise and breaking tradition. The look on his face was full of mixed emotions, and I was having a hard time pinpointing each one.
“I …” He stuttered over the one word as he tried to put together a sentence. “You look …”
His eyes were wide when they met mine, and I could see everything he couldn’t say swimming in their depths.
I smiled. “Thank you, but you’re not supposed to see me in my dress before the wedding. It’s bad luck,” I joked.
Trish giggled, but he didn’t even smile.
“Why are you crying?” His brows pulled down in worry.
“We were talking about her parents,” Trish so graciously chimed in.
Sebastian cringed. I silently wished I had beaten Trish at responding, but I couldn’t be mad at her. It wasn’t as if she knew the situation. She’d never understand why Sebastian felt guilty for the loss of my parents, and I wasn’t about to explain and make her understand. Our business was ours. Our past and our secrets also ours.
Sebastian nodded. “Can I talk to you? Alone,” he added for Trish, even though his eyes never left mine.
Something in his tone triggered worry, and I suddenly felt cold inside. I wanted to clutch Trish to me and force her to stay.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“I’ll just give you guys a minute,” Trish muttered.
Before I could stop her, she moved around Sebastian and went through the door and out of the private space leading to the dressing rooms.
“What’s wrong, Sebastian?” I asked again. “You’re scaring me.”
He was completely different from the night before when he’d cried and then made love to me. He was stern. Cold. Uncaring. He reminded me of the man he was when I’d first met him. All stiff and broken. Black inside and out.
In the pit of my stomach, I knew whatever he was about to stay was going to destroy my world, but I was helpless to stop him from ripping out my heart and tearing it into a million pieces.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to tell you this, Rosslyn…”
I folded my arms across my chest and held myself tightly. It was hardly a means of protecting myself, but it was the best I could do. If he couldn’t see my heart, he couldn’t break it.
“Tell me what?”
His eyes never left mine as he just stood there looking empty and nothing like the Sebastian I knew and loved deeply. I couldn’t stand there in silence, and as each second ticked by, the hole forming in my heart was widening. I was sure if he didn’t speak soon, I’d bleed to death internally.
“What, Sebastian? Spit it out already!” I hadn’t meant to raise my voice, but the worry and the way he was looking at me was too much to bear.
And then he spoke, shattering my world and swiping away all the happiness I’d just began to finally accept as my own.
“I can’t do this, Rosslyn.”
I swallowed hard, pushing down the pain that threatened to choke me.
Maybe I’d just heard him wrong. Maybe he was talking about something completely different. Maybe he was talking about our sudden vacation plans. It was hard for a man like Sebastian to just up and leave without planning things down to every detail. Perhaps, something was going on at the club that needed his immediate attention and he couldn’t leave right now.
Even as I thought these things, I knew I was delusional. Nothing as silly as a canceled vacation would make Sebastian show up to my dress appointment. Nothing so small would make him intrude on my moment—breaking the tradition of seeing my wedding dress before the big day.
We’d talked about it.
With the loss of my parents on our wedding day, he understood how much those silly traditions meant to me.
“You can’t do what exactly?”
His expression shifted, and I briefly saw the sad man I’d held in my arms the night before. And then, just as quickly as he’d let it slip, he dropped his mask of indifference back into place.
“This.” He motioned to the space around us. The mannequins wearing white. The wedding bliss of the bridal shop. “Any of this. I can’t marry you.”
He said the words without the slightest bit of hesitation. As if it was a simple business meeting, and he was stating the very firm details of our arrangement. There I was, slowly melting and dying inside, while he stood tall, sure in his decision to destroy everything we’d found in each other.
“I don’t understand. Why are you doing this?”
“This isn’t me, Rosslyn. I’m not this kind of man.” He shrugged casually. “I thought I could do this. I thought I could give everything up for you and be your husband. I thought I could make you my wife, but I can’t.”
“You’re a fucking liar!” I spat.
I didn’t believe a word he was saying. Sebastian loved me. I was the game changer. He’d always told me so. For two years, he’d been loyal to me—letting me into his darkness—opening up to me in a way I never thought he was capable of.
He was lying.
No matter what he said, he was lying.
“I don’t know what to tell you.”
“You can start by telling me the fucking truth! Why are you doing this? What’s the real reason?”
“I’m not lying. I thought if we went away, I could get past this, but I realized today that I can’t. This isn’t cold feet. This is truth. I’m a man accustomed to living a certain way. And while the last few years have been an adjustment for me, one that I thought I could handle, it’s not what I want. I don’t want you. I can’t marry you.”
My stomach hollowed and nausea swept through me.
“You bastard,” I choked. I hadn’t realized it, but tears were already rushing down my cheeks, mixing with my mascara and leaving black dots on the front of my perfect wedding dress.
Again, his mask slipped and a streak of pain moved over his expression.
“Rosslyn-” He took a step forward, his arm reaching out for me, but I stepped back before he could touch me.
“Don’t touch me!” I hissed. “Don’t you dare fucking touch me, Sebastian.”
“I’m-”
“Don’t.” I held up my hand to stop him. I couldn’t hear anymore. His words were ripping me to shreds. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry.”
We stood there staring at each other. Time stood still and all sound, except my broken sobs and useless attempts to breathe, ceased. I was coming apart at the seams and the last person in the world I wanted to witness that was the man staring back at me.
I wanted him gone. I didn’t want to look at him. It hurt too much. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I just wanted to be alone.
“Leave,” I said.
“Rosslyn-”
“I said get out, Sebastian. I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to hear anything else you have to say. You said what you came to say. Now, please leave me the hell alone.”
He opened his mouth to say more, but I was positive I couldn’t bear to hear anything else he had left to say. Turning around, I waited for him to leave so I could come undone alone. I watched him from the mirror, and his eyes caught mine for a few seconds before he turned around and left the room.
I closed my eyes against the pain, and when I opened them again, I stared at my reflection. My eyes moved over the dress I’d finally settled on, taking in the mascara stains. Only minutes before, I’d felt so radiant—more beautiful than I’d ever felt in my entire life—but now, I looked broken. I looked terrible. I was a disgrace to the beautiful dress that I’d ruined with my tears.
He’d left me. He shattered me and scattered the pieces all over the bridal salon. The man I loved more than anything in the world had just destroyed my world, and he’d done it while I was wearing the dress I’d planned to wear when I married him.