TWO HOURS.
That was how long it had been since my world came crumbling down around me. Once Sebastian left me in the bridal salon, I’d stood there for God knows how long and stared at myself in the mirror crying like an idiot.
Trish came in and hugged me as she tried to get me to tell her what happened, but I couldn’t say it out loud. It hurt too badly even to think about it, much less talk about it.
She and the two salesladies helped me remove my ruined dress, which I later found out Sebastian had paid for before he left the shop. They wrapped it as if the excitement of the moment was still there and sent me on my way with a dress I’d never wear.
Mac was standing outside by the car when I left the shop. I barely remembered saying good-bye to Trish then I climbed into the back of the sleek black car avoiding eye contact with Mac.
Mac took the large package from me and placed it in the trunk of the car.
My wedding dress.
My beautiful, ruined wedding dress.
After all that time I had gone back and forth over how expensive it was, Sebastian had purchased it like the money was nothing. He’d seen me in it. He’d watched me ruin the dress as I cried for him.
“Home?” Mac asked from the front seat.
His tone was soft and gentle, and I found his eyes in the rearview mirror. The lines around his face were sympathetic, and I wondered if he knew what had just happened inside the bridal shop. If I knew Sebastian, Mac didn’t know everything, but he was a smart man and he could put the pieces together.
I didn’t have anywhere else to go, even though Trish had offered me a place to stay. Briefly, her words moved through my mind.
“Just come home with me, Roz. There’s plenty of room. At least, until you guys work this out.”
I couldn’t even remember if I’d responded to her as I sat in the back of the car and contemplated my next move. I just knew I couldn’t go with her. I needed to go home. Even though he’d hurt me worse than anyone else in my life ever had, I wasn’t ready to give up on Sebastian completely.
“Yes,” I muttered.
I stared out the window as the city passed me by, and I silently prayed that I was having a terrible nightmare.
THE CLUB WAS MOSTLY EMPTY with just a few employees prepping for the night. I passed Sebastian’s closed office door on the way up to the condo, and I contemplated going in and trying to talk him out of his decision.
Instead, I climbed the stairs to our condo. It felt wrong to go back there since he’d all but kicked me to the curb, but I wasn’t thinking straight. Since leaving the store, I felt like a zombie. I was numb to everything. As we pulled up to the club, Mac had to all but pick me up out of the car.
As soon as I entered the condo, I went to the kitchen for a glass of water. My throat was dry, as if I’d spent the afternoon drinking sand, and I needed to clear it out. Before I pulled open on the cabinet, my eyes caught a single sheet of paper lying on the counter. Sebastian’s jagged handwriting jumped off the page at me.
I wanted to rip his letter to shreds and tell him exactly where he could shove it, but I didn’t. Instead, I collapsed on the cold kitchen floor, pulled my knees to my chest, and cried.
Really, what else could I do?
I needed to figure out my next step, too, and I needed to do it fast.
TWO WEEKS.
That was how long it had been since my world and happiness were snatched away from me so quickly—since Sebastian stepped into my dressing room and ripped my heart out. Two hours after he left me, I stopped crying and pulled myself together. I spent the rest of the day trying to convince myself that Sebastian was just freaking out. I tried to convince myself that he had a simple case of cold feet, even though he’d so plainly said that wasn’t the case.
At about four in the morning, when I realized that Sebastian wasn’t coming back to the condo after work, I stopped trying to convince myself he’d bust through the door and beg me to forgive him. I laid in the bed we once shared feeling lower than low.
What kind of woman stayed in the home of the man who’d just crushed her heart?
Me.
That was the kind of woman.
By the time the sun came shining through the windows, I had a plan. Instead of packing my things and living with Trish, I’d stay in the condo and hope that he’d fold and come to me—that he’d cry on my shoulder and ask my forgiveness once more.
So for two weeks, that was what I did.
It was sick—my desire to remain close to him—but I couldn’t help it. I spent my days watching soap operas and laying around in a sad state of depression. Every time I heard a noise outside the door, I held my breath and silently prayed it was Sebastian finally giving in.
Some days, Mac would come up and retrieve a few things for Sebastian, but he didn’t ever come on his own. Mac could hardly look at me, and our playful banter ceased to exist. Sebastian had drawn a line in the sand; he and Mac were on one side while I was left alone on the other.
I was the last person Sebastian wanted to see and he made that perfectly clear each time Mac came up here to retrieve small things. Sebastian couldn’t even bring himself to get his own clothes and risk seeing me. Meanwhile, my heart ached for him. I missed him so much it was making me sick.
Food became my biggest enemy. I had no appetite whatsoever. I couldn’t even look at or smell food without getting sick. And on the days when I’d finally give in and nibble on something to stop my stomach from hurting, I’d get sick again. I couldn’t hold anything down.
It was that serious.
The depression.
The sadness.
I was angry and confused and all of it was making me sick. So sick that over the course of two weeks, I’d lost four pounds. Apparently, I couldn’t handle heartbreak.
Trish called every day to check on me and try to convince me to move in with her. I turned her down each time and then I’d cry. I was a mess, but when Kyle called every other day to check in, I’d pretend everything was fine. As far as he knew, the wedding was still on and everything was just perfect. I didn’t want him worrying about anything but his education.
Finally, after two weeks of being completely miserable, Mac showed up at the door with a message from Sebastian.
“He wants to see you,” he said without making eye contact.
I was getting so tired of Mac not being able to look me in the face. As if by just looking at me, he was breaking some kind of unspoken rule against Sebastian. He was there for me when Sebastian told him to be there for me. He drove me places, picking up things at the store for me when I needed something and didn’t feel like going inside. But he barely spoke to me.
It hurt.
I’d considered Mac a friend, and it was hard getting the cold shoulder from him, too.
“Did he say why?”
I knew as I asked the question that Mac had no idea what Sebastian wanted. By now, Mac had figured out Sebastian and I weren’t together anymore. It was obvious since Sebastian and I never spoke to each other and Sebastian was sleeping in his office.
At least, I thought he was. I had yet to actually see him go in or come out of his office.
Then a thought struck me … what if he had pulled out his black book again?
What if he was spending his nights with his girls?
No.
Sebastian wouldn’t do that to me.
He couldn’t do that me.
“He didn’t,” Mac answered. “He just said please come to his office if you could.”
“Okay. I’ll be down in a bit.”
And then I watched as Mac left the condo.
Once he was out of sight, I ran to the bathroom and turned on the shower. If Sebastian wanted to see me, then I wanted him to see exactly what he was missing.
I showered and shaved everything, putting on his favorite bra and panty set and a dress that I knew drove him crazy.
Afterward, I did my hair, curling it to perfection and leaving it down in waves the way I knew he loved, and then I applied just enough makeup to make my green eyes pop.
An hour later, I was taking the stairs down to Sebastian’s office with my heart in my throat and a strangling sense of hope beating against the back of my heart.
I tapped on his office door instead of barging in. I felt as if I’d been transported to the past. I could remember how intimidating Sebastian used to be to me. Back before I’d gotten to know him and fallen completely and madly in love with him. Before he opened up for me and showed me everything he really was—showed me the beauty of his true colors.
I wanted that man to be on the other side of the door when I opened it, but instead, I was met with Sebastian Black.
Club owner.
Carefree playboy.
His eyes were cold as he raked them over my body and my hope popped like a bubble when I got no reaction whatsoever from him.
He turned away and patted a stack of papers against the top of his desk.
“Rosslyn.”
Even the way he said my name held no warmth. I missed the way he’d grin and say my name.
Moan my name.
Beg me and love me.
“Sebastian.”
“I’m glad you could meet with me,” he said, in his business tone, still not looking at me.
Meet with him?
What the hell was this?
A business meeting?
I suddenly felt like I was experiencing Deja vu and Sebastian was seconds away from propositioning me with a condo and money in order to use my body when he saw fit. I was surprised he hadn’t reverted to calling me Jessica again.
I didn’t hate the name. In fact, I’d received many nights of pleasure being called that name. Even recently, when Sebastian had been in a particularly playful mood during sex, he’d called me his favorite cartoon character. I didn’t mind it, but as I stared across his office at the cold figure he cut out, I could honestly say that it was the last name I’d ever want to be called.
“Of course, I’d come when you called, Sebastian. Anything you want. Anything.”
I hated how desperate I sounded, but I was desperate. I didn’t care about any wedding ceremonies.
Any flowers.
Any dresses.
If it were the wedding plans that made him fly the coop, then it could all go away. I didn’t need it. I just needed him.
“Stop.” His voice was firm—stern—making me straighten.
“Stop what?”
“Stop with the sweet shit. It’s not going to work.” His eyes moved my way briefly, and I thought maybe I saw the pain in them, but just as quickly as it was there, it was gone. Then he was back to looking away from me. “I called you here for a reason.”
I didn’t respond. I couldn’t because I felt like at any moment I was going to break down in tears and that was the last thing I wanted to do in front of Sebastian. Especially after his rude words to me. However, just because I wasn’t crying didn’t mean tears weren’t clouding my vision.
Again, he looked my way and his spine stiffened.
“The restaurant is almost finished. I thought I’d let you know personally about the grand opening. It’s half yours. I figured you’d want to be there to see our vision come to life.”
The way he said the word our made me feel sick. Then again, these days, everything made me feel sick.
“You want me to be there?” I asked. The hopefulness in my voice was evident.
I wanted him to say how badly he wanted me there. By his side, opening the very business he’d promised was more of a commitment to me than marriage.
“I didn’t say that.”
And again, my hopes dropped—popping like a delicate, soapy bubble that had barely just been blown.
“Then what are you saying?”
He sighed in aggravation while palming the back of his neck. “There’s no hidden meaning here, Rosslyn. It’s simple. I thought you’d like to be there, so I’m telling you about the opening. Whether you show up is completely up to you.”
I stood there. Feeling the heartbreak I’d been feeling for the last two weeks thicken in my chest.
“Sebastian.”
I was begging him. I could hear the desperation in my voice when I said his name. I just needed some kind of response. Any response that would take away the pit of pain that had formed in my center.
Please come home to me. Please.
“No,” he answered as if I’d actually asked the question out loud. “You can leave now, Rosslyn.”
I moved across the room, feeling as though his words were pulling me in. Leaning over his desk, I pressed my palms into the wood and tried to capture his eyes with mine.
“Don’t do this. Don’t make me beg, Sebastian.”
He closed his eyes instead of looking at me.
Was I so appalling to him that he couldn’t even look at me?
Or was it the exact opposite?
I’d taken extra care to look my best. To not look like the frump I’d become over the last two weeks as I wallowed in my misery, but still, he couldn’t even look at me.
“You’re being pathetic,” he snapped; his words were sharp as a whip.
I gasped at the pain they caused.
“No, I’m a woman in love. I know this isn’t right, Sebastian. I know something’s wrong, and I won’t give up.” I moved around his desk and captured his cheeks in my palms. “Forget about the wedding if that’s what’s causing you to run away from me. I don’t need it. I don’t want it. I only want you.”
He looked up at me and his eyes finally moved over my face. I thought I had him. The look in his eyes said he was ready to fold, but I was wrong.
Instead, he reached out and plucked my hands from his face with disgust. As if my touch appalled him. Reaching into his drawer, he pulled out a set of familiar keys. They were the keys to the condo Kyle and I had once lived in. Back when I was just Jessica, his other girl. Back when I was just a body for him to lose himself in. Back before he loved me. At least, I thought he loved me.
He set the keys on top of the desk and scooted them my way.
“What are you doing with those?” I asked, silently praying he wasn’t going to say what I thought he was going to say.
“The place is yours. Also, you may continue to use the services of Mac. You don’t need to be walking around the city. He’s my driver until Martin comes back … use him.” His voice was bland—cold and calculated. “Also, I set up an account for you. There’s more money in it than you could spend in a year. Buy whatever you want. It’s yours. I won’t let you live on the streets again, and I won’t let Kyle lose his education, but I’d prefer it if you no longer resided in my condo.”
His condo.
Not ours anymore.
There was no us. We were over. It had taken me two pathetic weeks to realize that, but it was the truth. There was no Sebastian and Rosslyn anymore.
Done.
Over.
No more.
After two weeks of nothing but pain, I finally bit back like a wounded dog.
“Fuck you, Sebastian,” I spat. Picking up the keys to the other condo, I threw them at his chest and he caught them. “I don’t want or need your pathetic attempt to get rid of me. You want me gone? Consider me gone.”
He looked as though he wanted to say something, but I didn’t wait to hear what it was. Instead, I turned away and left his office, slamming the door on my way out. I didn’t even dare to hope that he’d follow me.
That night, I packed everything I owned, loaded it into the back of the taxi I called, and had the driver drop me off at Trish’s apartment. I wasn’t thrilled to be staying in the place where I’d ended a life two years before, but it was not like I had a choice.
I’d once asked Trish why she stayed in an apartment where so much tragedy had occurred, and she’d promptly answered that the rent was cheap and the neighborhood was nice. I guess when finding a decent rent controlled area was so hard, a little death in the room didn’t matter.
I would try not to think of the memories of that night. I’d try not to think of how desperate I’d felt to survive and how horrified I was when Vick pulled a gun on Sebastian and pulled the trigger. It was a night I’d never forget. It was a night that would haunt me for the rest of my life.
Trish helped me tug everything inside, and once she’d tossed my measly luggage in the corner of her living room, we collapsed on the couch. I was only there for a matter of minutes before I found myself crying on her shoulder.
Sebastian was no longer a part of my life. We were seriously over. The sooner I realized that and moved on, the better.