WAKING UP EARLY TO CHECK on Rosslyn had become the best part of my day. I’d crawl out of bed before my body was even ready to wake up, and I’d watch her with a smile on my face. I tried to tell myself I wasn’t a pervert, but I felt like one every time I watched her. It was all things I’d seen her do a thousand times before, but it felt wrong now. Before, we shared a home together, but now, she had no idea eyes were on her.
Opening my computer, I pushed the power button and waited for the screen to come to life. Looking around the condo I’d shared with Rosslyn just weeks before, it no longer felt like home. She brought life to the sterile place—laughter and light. Now, it was just white walls and metal furniture. I’d never understood the expression home was where the heart was until Rosslyn came into my life. She held my heart between her delicate fingers, and now that she was gone, home seemed so far away.
When my computer screen lit up, I waited for it to load before clicking on the little camera icon on the corner of the screen. I hadn’t watched her last night. I’d been a complete dick to her, and I felt like she needed her space and privacy.
I knew my Rosslyn, and I knew there would be tears. I couldn’t stomach seeing her sadness, especially knowing I was the cause. But it wasn’t like I had a choice. As long as she pushed to be in my life, I’d let her in. I’d always let her in. If she thought I’d moved on, then maybe she wouldn’t push so hard. It was going to be hell getting her back, but I could only hope she’d understand when I was able to tell her the truth.
Mac had stayed with Rosslyn all night, lurking around her building and watching the elevators until the sun came peeking through the clouds. She was clueless about it, of course, but knowing he was there made it easier for me to stay away from the screen and leave her to her sadness alone.
I ached to see her, especially after our run-in at the club. I hated myself for making her think any woman could warm my bed the way she had. For making her think any woman could become a part of me like she was. So when the security system loaded, my eyes were glued to the screen. I choked on my next breath when the screen in front of me indicated nothing but white noise—fuzzy and distorted snow.
My fingers nearly broke the keyboard on my laptop as I switched through the different camera angles. Each one showed the same thing … nothing. The screens were blank, which meant I couldn’t see anything inside Rosslyn’s condo. My stomach knotted with worry—twisting painfully until I gripped at the pain and dug my fingers into my abs.
Pushing myself away from the table, I flew across the room to my cell phone. I punched in Rosslyn’s number as I headed for the door, grabbing my keys off the counter. The heavy door slammed behind me and echoed all around me. I was slipping into some alternate mindset. One that would keep me moving even though my legs were starting to feel weak.
Leaving the condo, I made my way out the back and into the parking garage. Hitting the button on my keyring, the lights on my Jag flashed as I unlocked it. I felt as if I was moving through wet sand. I couldn’t get to my car fast enough—I couldn’t get to Rosslyn.
I silently prayed she would answer as I waited for her to pick up. Two times, three times, I dialed her number over and over again, and each time, there was no answer. When I dialed again, I called Mac’s phone. I waited for his deep voice to answer, but again, the phone continued to ring. I was sweating and my legs were getting weaker with the possibilities of why neither one of them were answering their phones.
Were they in danger?
Hurt?
Dead?
My insides turned out and my skin turned to fire as I ran the last few feet to my car. Sliding inside, the leather squeaked beneath me. The engine roared to life and my tires squealed as I raced through the garage to the street exit.
I pulled up in front of Rosslyn’s building and was out of the door and running through the lobby in no time. I was sure I’d parked in a no parking zone, but at that point, I didn’t give two fucks. I’d probably broken seventy traffic laws just to get to her as soon as I could anyway.
What was one more?
The elevator ride up to the top floor was slow, and I found myself pressing the up bottom repeatedly as if it would make the lift go faster. When the door opened with a loud ding, I stood there in horror as the room came into focus and I realized what I was looking at.
I swallowed hard as I took my first step inside the destroyed condo. Furniture was turned over, stools in the middle of the room and wires hanging from the ceiling where the cameras had been pulled from their hiding places. My eyes moved around the space, taking in the destruction, and my soul felt as if it shifted.
I wanted to call out to Rosslyn, but the thought of hearing nothing in return was too much to bear. I could still have hope that she was perfectly safe if I didn’t say a word. If she were here, she would have heard me come in. The elevator’s ding would have alerted her, but then again, it would have also alerted the intruder if he were still around.
Making my way through the rest of the condo didn’t help the fear that was currently making me nauseous. Wires hung loosely everywhere, and bits of the broken cameras were shattered all over the marble floors. Reaching the bedroom and realizing it was in the same condition nearly brought me to my knees. The bed was unmade and looked like it had been slept in, but that still didn’t help curb the sickness and guilt swimming around in my gut.
And then I heard it.
The shower was running from inside the master bathroom. Part of me was afraid to go inside and look, but I knew I had to. I steeled my spine as I made my way across the room toward the running water. The room was foggy with thick, hot steam. It was next to impossible to see, but I made my way toward the glass door, my shoes sliding across the slick marble the entire way.
What little hope I had left that Rosslyn was inside the shower fled when I pulled open the door and found it empty. The streams of hot water bounced off the expensive tile before emptying down the drain.
She really wasn’t there, and I had no idea where she was or who she was with. I didn’t know if she was dead or alive. If she was in pain and begging me to save her. She was gone, and at that moment, the panic inside me overflowed and left my body shaking.
I’d failed her. I’d failed to keep her safe. She needed me, and I couldn’t even protect her.
What kind of man was I?
What kind of person failed to protect the woman he loved?
I stiffened at the familiar sound of a gun cocking behind me. I realized too late that I wasn’t alone in the bathroom, and the possibility of grabbing my own gun without being shot in the back left me the odd man out.
The air around me thickened even more as I struggled to take in the balmy oxygen. My chest was tight with anxiety and my knees were locked in preparation for the shock and heat of a gunshot.
Closing my eyes, I remembered the way it felt to be shot. The heat—as if a fire had been set in my chest. It spread, sucking away all the oxygen in my body and leaving my body weightless as I fell to the floor. It was about to happen again, except this time it would be in the back by a coward who didn’t have the balls to look me in the face when he took my life.
A life for a life.
The words from each letter I received bounced through my brain like hot knives. I didn’t speak. There was no need for words. If the person behind me had taken Rosslyn’s life, then they might as well take mine, too. If she was gone, I was gone. No life without her was worth living. She was the very breath I breathed, the force behind every beat of my heart.
I couldn’t speak—the words were stuck to my tongue, glued to the back of my throat. I choked on them as they slid back down and lodged in my chest. The adrenaline was pumping furiously through my body, pumping like a freight train, until I couldn’t take it anymore.
I spun around.
I had to fight. There was still a chance Rosslyn was alive and well, and if that were the case, she needed me to go down fighting. Ducking, I swiped blindly toward the hand with the gun aimed at me. There was a soft grunt, and the sound of metal against the marble echoed through the space as the gun went sliding across the floor.
Knowing he was disarmed, I moved fast. With the steam filling the bathroom with thick clouds, I couldn’t see him, but I was able to get my hands on him before he had time to react. He was small and clumsy—unskilled—and I was able to get the upper hand.
“Who the hell are you and where the fuck is Rosslyn?” I growled.
My fingers closed tightly around his small neck—a neck that I could have easily broken with my bare hands—and I brought his face into full view.
My breath was knocked from my body, and I choked on the exhale when relief flowed through my veins, replacing the adrenaline with ease. My eyes skimmed over the delicate features I loved.
“Sebastian,” Rosslyn choked on a sob as her fingers dug desperately into my wrist.
Her nails cut into my flesh—my blood rushing to the surface in half moon shapes—as she attempted to loosen my hold around her neck.
“Please let go,” she begged in a broken whisper.
It was then that I realized what I was doing.
I dropped my hands from her body, and she collapsed against the counter behind her in a spasm of coughs. Turning, she leaned over the sink as she struggled to drag in much-needed air.
I was paralyzed. I couldn’t even move to help her as I tried to wrap my mind around what I’d just done. My eyes were glued to her—her life—the flushed pink of her skin. She was alive, but I’d almost killed her myself. I’d almost stolen her precious life with my own two hands.
How did this situation get so fucked up?
So fucked up that I’d almost been the one to steal Rosslyn from myself. The same thing I’d been fighting against for weeks.
When she was finally able to breathe, she looked up and her eyes met mine in the bathroom mirror. Her expression was unreadable—broken and shuttered. She turned around and moved to go around me, but I stopped her. My hand wrapped around her slender arm, and she flinched as if I were about to hurt her. It was a kick to the balls.
“Where are you going?”
Her voice was rough and husky as she tried to form the words. “To turn off the shower.”
I moved before she could and found the knobs, turning them until the water came to a stop. When I turned around, I was well aware that Rosslyn had put distance between us. She was hugging herself tightly, and for the first time, I was actually seeing her.
She wore a long t-shirt, but her legs and feet were bare. Her hair was wet and plastered to the side of her cheek and parts of her shirt were also wet, sticking to her body and showing her curvaceous figure.
“You were in the shower?”
She nodded. “I was. I got out to get more body wash and I heard the elevator ding. I didn’t know it was you. I got scared so I hid in the closet. My gun was there, so I got it out and waited.”
At the mention of the gun, my eyes dropped to the floor where it laid—pink and dainty against the cold marble. The room had begun to clear and nothing looked the way it had minutes ago. Everything was clear and obvious.
“I didn’t …” I tried to explain my reason for attacking her, but I couldn’t seem to form the words. “I couldn’t see you … I tried calling, but you didn’t answer … the condo was destroyed … I thought they took you … I heard the shower and I thought maybe … I thought you were one of them.” My explanation came out broken and incomprehensible. “I didn’t realize until it was too late.”
“What are you talking about, Sebastian? Who is they? What’s going on? Why are you doing this to me?”
Her expression crumpled, and I watched her breakdown before me. Tears rushed down her cheeks, her sad eyes stripping me bare. She covered her face with her hands before pushing them into her hair and tugging.
“What did I do to deserve this? Tell me. I need to know so I can understand,” she sobbed. “It hurts so bad. You’re …” Her voice caught. “You’re killing me.”
I could feel myself giving in to her the way I always had. And since it was obvious that I was doing a terrible job at protecting her when she was away from me, I let go.
This wasn’t working. I was making us both crazy. She needed to be with me if this was going to work. Regardless of what the letters said, Rosslyn was safer with me.
My feet moved on their own and I rushed toward her. I couldn’t hold back any longer. I couldn’t shake the realization that I’d almost killed the woman I loved more than anything. I was losing it without her—putting her in danger of me, as well.
My body collided with hers and relief moved through me feeling her so close to me. I pinned her to the wall, her damp body molding against mine.
“No.” She pushed against me, turning her head away. “No more, Sebastian, this is done. We’re done. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.”
I swallowed against the pain her words caused. “Never. We’re never done. You’re mine. Forever.”
Her eyes flashed my way—determination and pain swirling in their depths.
“What is this? What are you doing? I’m so confused.”
I lifted my hands and cupped her warm cheeks, and once again, she flinched sending fire and shame through my center.
“I would never hurt you, Rosslyn. Never,” I stated adamantly. “I was out of my mind. I thought someone had hurt you. I didn’t realize you were behind me. I just knew someone was in your condo and that person had a gun to my back.”
My lips touched hers, and I growled in both pleasure and unbearable pain. I let them linger all around her face, leaving nothing untouched. Still, her body remained stiff against me, not letting me in, and I knew I’d spend the rest of my life making up for my stupidity. Already, I owed her so much. I was just adding to the list of things I had to make better.
“I’m so sorry, Rosslyn. I’m so sorry for everything.”
I pleaded for her forgiveness. I needed her to forgive me for being such an ignorant ass. I’d put her through so much over the last few weeks, all in an attempt to keep her safe. I’d been so caught up in the idea of someone hurting her if I didn’t push her away, that I’d hurt her myself. Actually, I’d nearly choked the life out of her.
I was sure I’d destroyed everything I’d built with her over the years.
The trust.
The love.
It had taken so much to bring something so wonderful into my life. It had taken me so long to feel like I was worthy enough for her, but now, I was sure I’d lost her in my attempt to keep her.
This was their plan all along. I’d let the douchebag manipulate me into destroying the only good thing in my life—my relationship with Rosslyn and her love for me.
Tears slid down her cheeks, and I captured them with my thumb. “I don’t understand what’s going on. Why won’t you let me in?”
“I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. It’s all my fucking fault, Rosslyn.”
And then I folded.
I broke in her arms and ripped myself bare for her. I couldn’t hold back any longer. I pulled her soft body to mine, lost my fingers in her wet hair, and I kissed her like I’d never kissed her before.