Rea

 

By the time Rae reached her car, she could barely catch her breath. She had wrestled with her decision to go see A.J all day. She wondered if maybe she should just leave well enough alone. This was the reason that she had always kept her distance from people she worked with. She hated confrontation, and more so, she hated drama. Maybe she should chalk this up to experience too, and leave well enough alone.

That’s what her head told her, but her heart didn’t seem to agree. She needed to know what had happened. What had she done that was so bad that made A.J avoid her? So she went to find him, and now she wondered of perhaps, she had just made everything worse.

As she stood there in the bleachers in front of A.J, she knew that something had changed between them. For a moment she thought that he was going to kiss her, and it surprised Rae just how disappointed she was that he didn’t. She felt humiliated too, so she did the only thing she could think to do. She walked out and didn’t look back.

Once she reached her car, she climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. But suddenly a sob escaped from deep inside her, and she couldn’t hold back her emotions any longer.

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Though she wasn’t really sure why she was crying, now that the tears had started, there was no pushing them back.

When she finally composed herself enough to drive, she headed for home wishing she had never heard of St. Michaels or Father Alex Parrish.

When she got home, she found Daisy sitting on the sofa painting her toenails. The moment she looked up at Rae, she set her nail polish down and gave Rae a sad smile.

“What’s happened?” Daisy asked as Rae walked across the room, and dropped down onto the sofa next to her.

“I don’t know,” Rae said as once more hot tears pooled in her eyes, and she instantly buried her face in her hands and sobbed again.

“Oh, sweets,” Daisy said as she wrapped her arms around Rae. “Please don’t cry.”

“I have made such a fool of myself, Daisy,” Rae whispered, as her friend held her close to her chest. “I just wish I never had to go back to that school.”

“Talk to me,” Daisy pleaded. “You’ve been so down this last week, what has happened?”

“I don’t know,” Rae sniffed as she sat up and looked at her friend. “That’s the thing; I don’t know what’s happened.”

“Is this about A.J?” Daisy asked giving Rae a knowing smile, surprising her friend.

“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Rae admitted. “I thought we were friends. I thought I could finally drop my guard with someone, but maybe I was wrong.”

“What happened?” Daisy asked once again.

Rae looked at her friend and took a deep breath and sighed before she told her friend everything that had happened with A.J.

“Holy fuck!” Daisy said when Rae had told her everything. “You really think he was going to kiss you?”

“I don’t know,” Rae sighed once again. “I don’t know what to think. I don’t know anything.”

“But he’s a priest, Sweetie,” Daisy said, and Rae could hear the concern in her voice. “This is not the man you want to be falling in love with.”

“Don’t you think I know that?” Rae cried as she buried her face in her hands once more. “This is a mess, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know; maybe it’s just me, maybe I’m reading the entire thing wrong. I just…I just feel tired.”

She released a long sigh as she pushed up from the sofa and wiped her eyes.

“I think I will call it an early night,” Rae said as she walked towards the hallway that led down to the bedrooms.

“But it’s just past six,” Daisy replied as she too stood up. “Aren’t you going to have something to eat first?”

“I’m not really hungry,” Rae replied with a smile before she turned and headed down the hallway to her bedroom.

Once in the safety of her room, she walked to her bed and flopped down onto it. Her head hurt, as did her heart. She closed her eyes, and soon exhaustion claimed her.

Rae woke with a start and was surprised to find her room cloaked in darkness. The sound of her phone ringing in her pocket told her what had woken her.

She pulled out her phone as she sat up on her bed, and saw Dara’s number flash on the screen.

“Hey!” She exclaimed as brightly as she could as she brought the phone to her ear.

“Hey, Sis,” Dara chirped back down the phone. “Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“No,” Rae said as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “I was reading, and I must have dozed off.”

Rae didn’t like lying to her brother, but she knew it was easier than explaining the truth to him.

“Why doesn’t that surprise me,” Dara laughed, and instantly Rae could feel fresh tears pool in her eyes. She missed her brother so much. She missed her life. Rae hoped that one day she would be brave enough to go home, but if she was honest, she didn’t think that day would ever come.

She had been home just once since she came to live in the states, but that was a long time ago, and she missed her family so much. But living in fear of Dean was something she just couldn’t do. Even the last time she went home, he had repeatedly tried to contact her. He showed up at the house more than once, and Rae was terrified to go anywhere alone. So much so, she never went home again.

It’s part of why no one other than her parents and her brothers knew where she was living. Rae was under no doubt that if Dean knew where to find her, he would come looking for her.

“Rae?” Dara said, instantly sensing his sister was upset. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she whispered as she cried softly. “I just miss you guys so much.”

“Then come home,” Dara pleaded with his sister, and this just made Rae cry harder.

She knew out of all of her family, Dara was the one who hated it the most that she had left home. He didn’t understand why she was the one that had to leave when it was Dean who was the villain of the story. Rae knew there was nothing she could say to make it okay for him, no matter how much she might have wanted to.

“It’s not that simple, Dara,” Rae sniffed. “I wish it were.”

“It can be,” Dara assured her. “If you want to come home, I give you my word that Dean will not come anywhere near you. I can make him disappear…”

“You know I don’t want that, Dara,” Rae sighed, cutting him off. “I’m okay, I promise. I am just having a bad day. How’s everything over there? How’s Dad?”

“He’s good,” Dara replied, and once more Rae could hear the smile in his voice. “He is driving Mom insane with his new diet.”

Dara talked to Rae for the next thirty minutes, and she loved that, even for just a little while, she could pretend that everything was okay in her life.

When she said goodbye to her brother and hung up the phone, she lay back down on her bed and thought about her family.

Maybe going home wasn’t the worst idea in the world. Sure she would miss Daisy, but when she thought about it, she had to wonder what else was keeping her here.

A.J instantly came crashing into her mind, and Rae hated that he did. She knew that there could never be anything between her and him, so what was it she was holding on to? Why did he get to her the way he did?

She turned onto her side and tried to push Alex Parrish from her mind. She closed her eyes and drifted off back to sleep with thoughts of her family in her head.

“Are you going to get up today?” Daisy asked from the doorway of Rae’s bedroom. It had been two days since her conversation with A.J, and Rae still hadn’t bothered to resurface from her bed.

“I don’t feel well,” Rae groaned from beneath the covers. “I told you I’m sick.”

“You’re not sick, you’re sulking,” Daisy sighed as she dragged the covers from over her friends head. “Now get out of the bed.”

“DAISY!” Rae cried, as she sprung up in bed and grabbed her blankets back. “Why do you care if I go to work? What difference does it make?”

“I don’t care about you going to work,” Daisy replied. “I care about you shutting yourself away over a man you can never have.”

“I’m not,” Rae replied, even though she knew that was exactly what she was doing. “I just feel tired. Please.”

“Sweetie, this is not you,” Daisy sighed as she sat down next to her friend. “As long as I have known you, I have never seen you let anyone get to you like this. Why is he?”

“He’s not,” Rae insisted, but the hot tears, burning her eyes gave a very different answer. “It’s just complicated.”

“But why does it have to be?” Daisy asked giving Rae a questioning look. “Maybe it’s time you tried to move on. Date someone else. Forget about the good Father and think of you.”

Rae sighed but didn’t respond. She knew that her friend was right. For the last month, she had been pining for a man she knew in her heart she could never have. Maybe it was time to try move on and put Alex Parrish behind her.

“Okay,” she finally replied.

“Okay?” Daisy asked, giving her friend a hopeful smile.

“I will try dating someone else,” Rae sighed once more, as her response was greeted with an excited squeal. “If it will get you off my case, then I will give it a go. But if it doesn’t work out, I don’t want any crap about it.”

“I give you my word,” Daisy beamed as she clapped her hands excitedly. “I will speak to Kyle when I get to the hospital today.”

“Kyle, I thought you were trying to get me to date David?” Rae asked giving her friend a questioning look.

“Well I could arrange a date for you with David too,” Daisy grinned. “But since our night out with the guys from work, Kyle has been hounding me to fix you up on a date with him. It seems the good doctor is the smitten kitten about a certain teacher.”

Rae rolled her eyes and flopped back down on her bed.

“Now, will you get out of my room and leave me in peace,” Rae pleaded as she pulled the covers back over her head.

“Okay,” Daisy said as she climbed from Rae’s bed. “I’ve got to get to the hospital anyway. I told Carla I would get in an hour early to cover for her. Laters.”

“Laters,” Rae called after her friend as she vanished from her room, and down the hallway. A few moments later, the apartment door slammed, and Rae was relieved she was finally alone.

Rae let out a long sigh, once she was alone again. If she was honest, the thought of dating anyone right at that moment didn’t really fill her with joy, but she knew it would shut Daisy up for now and give her a little peace.

“How did you let yourself get into this situation?” She sighed as she kicked back the bedclothes. Rae knew that lying in bed was not the answer to her problems either.

Rae sat on the sofa, staring blankly at some crappy movie on daytime TV. She had no idea what it was even about, but she liked the company the noise of the television offered her.

When she had got up earlier, she had a shower and dressed herself for work. She knew that as much as Daisy wrecked her head, she was right about one thing. This wasn’t the Rae anyone knew. She was not a quitter.

However, when she arrived in the school carpark, a fresh wave of tears hit her, and she knew that there was no way she was going to make it through a full day in Saint Mike’s.

Before she even knew what had happened, she was back in her apartment, sitting on her sofa, staring at some crappy movie.

Now sitting there, she felt angry and disappointed in herself. She hated that she took the coward’s way out, and more than that, she was letting Callum down.

She picked up the remote control and switched off the TV, the noise now annoying her more than keeping her company.

Suddenly there was a soft knock on the door to the apartment, and Rae dragged herself up from the sofa, across the room to the door. She had no idea who it could be at this time of the day, but whoever it was, she was getting rid of them as fast as she could, then getting straight back to her wallowing.

“Hey,” A.J said nervously when Rae opened the door and was stunned to see him standing there.

“Hey,” she replied as her face instantly burned with embarrassment, feeling almost like a teenager being caught ditching class.

“Can I come in?” He asked her, and she could hear the nervousness in his voice.

“Sure,” she replied as she stepped back, and tried to ignore the fact her heart was now trying to jump out of her chest, it was hammering so fast.

She followed him into her apartment and watched him as he took in his surroundings. She remained by the door, as he finally turned to face her.

“You have a lovely home,” he said as he finally allowed his eyes to meet hers.

“Thank you,” Rae replied, not really sure of what else she should say. “Can I get you something to drink?”

“I’m good, thanks,” he replied and gave Rae a warm smile.

Again an uncomfortable silence settled between them, as A.J pushed his hands into his pockets, and looked around the room once more.

“So,” he finally said after what felt like an eternity. “They said at the school that you’re sick?”

“Yep,” Rae replied, keeping her answers short and to the point. She knew if she tried to say more, she would cry, so she didn’t dare try.

“I see,” A.J nodded, and Rae knew he could see right through her. “I thought maybe I had upset you…”

“No,” she cut him off abruptly. “I was sick, that’s it.”

“That’s good,” he replied, then quickly added. “Not you being sick, I mean that I hadn’t upset you.”

Rae didn’t reply. Instead she just stared at A.J and focused on not falling apart.

“About the other day though,” he said as he took a cautious step towards her. “I think I owe you an apology…”

“You don’t,” Rae replied quickly. “You’ve done nothing to be sorry for.”

“I feel like I have,” he replied, surprising her. “I think I’m giving you mixed signals, and I don’t mean to. I’m not going to lie to you Rae. I think I have acted like a complete ass the last week or so, and I just…I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”

Rae smiled, but she didn’t reply. She knew if she did, the tears she was fighting back would break free.

“Our friendship matters to me,” A.J continued with a smile. “It matters a great deal to me, and I came here…I don’t know. I guess I came to ask if maybe we could try again.”

Rae stared at him for a moment, as she processed what he had said.

“I would like that,” she finally replied, giving him a genuine smile.

There was no denying she had strong feelings for him. But she was a grown-up, and she knew that nothing could ever come of those feelings; and if being his friend was the only thing he could offer her, then she would accept that, and cherish the friendship they had.

“Good,” he said with a relieved grin on his face. He stared at her for a moment, like there was something else he wanted to say, but instead, he nodded his head and gave her another smile before he headed towards the door. “Will we be seeing you in Saint Mike’s tomorrow?”

“I think so,” she replied as once more she blushed, knowing he knew she wasn’t really sick.

“I will see you then,” he said and gave her another smile that pulled at her heart.

Goodbye, A.J,” Rae said as he walked out the door and she closed it behind him.

When it was closed, she pressed her forehead to the door, and released a deep sigh. Why did she have to like him so much?