Rae

 

Rae woke with a start and was surprised to find A.J lying on the bed next to her, watching her sleep. He smiled the minute her eyes met his.

“Hey,” she whispered with a croaky voice as she pushed herself up on the bed.

“Hey,” he replied, as he gave her a nervous smile. “You look so peaceful when you sleep.”

She smiled back, but she didn’t reply. Her mind was racing with so many questions; questions only A.J would have the answers to, but she didn’t know how to ask them.

When she left the house that morning, she had walked for what seemed like forever, with no real destination. She walked until she felt tired but something was pushing her on. Before she knew it, she was standing in front of the small chapel that was at the side of Saint Mike’s. She looked up at the building, knowing that A.J was inside the church, celebrating mass and something flickered inside her.

She wondered what had been going through his mind as he had stepped out on to the altar in front of his congregation. Rae wondered if he had thought about her at all as he stepped out in front of the people there, or had he been able to push her from his thoughts completely. That thought bothered her more than she thought it should have.

Rae sighed as she turned and began back towards home. It didn’t matter what the answer was; she knew neither one would have made her happy.

She had only walked a few steps when something stopped her. Something deep inside her wanted to know.

Turning slowly, Rae took a deep breath, before she walked back, and headed up the steps into the chapel. When she reached the door, she hesitated for a moment, before she slowly pushed opened the heavy, wooden door and stepped inside.

It took her eyes a moment to make the transition from the bright morning sun to the dimmed light of the chapel. When her eyes finally adjusted, she saw A.J on the altar, dressed in white robes and a sickening feeling settled in her stomach.

She quickly slipped into the back row of the church, happy that A.J had his back to her when she walked in. The last thing she had wanted was for him to see her sitting there, and for her to upset him in any way. She knew that what she was doing, was beyond insane, but she had to see him, even though she had no idea why.

He turned back to the congregation and began to say prayers over the Communion bread that was before him on the altar. It was something that Rae had seen done hundreds of times as a child when her parents had dragged her to church. She was surprised she still remembered the words, but she did.

As A.J raised the small silver dish into the air, he began to say the words he must have said so many times before. However, halfway through the prayer he just stopped and stared into space.

Rae held her breath as she waited for him to continue. To her, it felt like forever, but in reality, it was for a matter of seconds. Still, it was long enough for a hum of whispers to filter through the entire congregation.

Rae’s heart pounded in her chest as she watched him. It was clear he was very distracted, and she knew that she was the reason why, as a stab of guilt coursed through her body.

“Sorry,” A.J said from where he was standing on the altar, and Rae could hear the discomfort in his voice. He forced a smile to mask how he was feeling. “It would seem I left my head in the sacristy today.”

This was greeted with a hum of laughter, but Rae didn’t even smile. She hated to see A.J so unfocused and scattered, and it didn’t make it easier knowing she was the reason why.

Rae wished now that she hadn’t come into the chapel. She had so many questions that she had thought she might find the answers to within the walls of the church, but now she just felt more confused and uncertain.

She needed to leave, but she wanted to be sure A.J didn’t see her. Rae waited till everyone in the church stood up, then she slipped back out of the church, and headed for home once more wondering what the hell she had been thinking.

When she got back to her apartment, she went straight to her room. She knew Daisy would want to talk when she woke up if she remained outside in the living room, and she really wasn’t in much of a talking mood. She just needed some time to herself to try and get her thoughts straight in her head.

She sat on her bed and stared into space, her mind working overtime. Finally, she reached for the book that was on her night stand. Picking it up, she lay back down on her bed and flicked open the pages. She had hoped that getting lost within the pages would help her forget her problems, even for a little while. Instead, Rae drifted off into a restless sleep, her dreams full of Alex Parrish.

 “I must have dozed off,” Rae said as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She wondered how he had even gotten into her room without her noticing.

“Daisy let me in before she left,” A.J explained as if he knew what Rae was thinking. “She said she was called in early and that she would see you tomorrow.”

“How long have you been here?” Rae asked as she brushed her hair from her face, and caught it back behind her ears.

“Not long,” he replied as he watched her closely and Rae knew that he had so many questions, but he had no idea where to begin with them. “You looked so peaceful; I didn’t want to wake you.”

“I was just reading and I…” Rae began, but before she could even finish her sentence, A.J leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers, catching her completely by surprise.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he finally pulled back, and looked down into her eyes. “But I have been thinking about doing that all day.”

“I see,” Rae replied and couldn’t help but smile; but then she remembered how distracted he had been in the church, and her smile faded a little.

“Are we going to talk about why you were so upset earlier?” A.J asked as he gave her a nervous smile, his eyes searched hers for answers.

“It was nothing,” she said as she pulled back and climbed out from the far side of the bed. She knew she needed to talk to him, but she had no idea where to start.

“Clearly, it wasn’t nothing,” A.J replied as he stood up and walked around the bed to where Rae was standing. “You were upset, and I need to know why. I need to know how I can fix whatever it is, but I can’t if you don’t tell me what is going on.”

“You left,” Rae blurted, knowing that she needed to be honest with him. She looked up into his eyes, wishing more than anything she could tell what he was thinking. “That’s it.”

“Okay,” he replied, but didn’t say anything else. Instead he waited for Rae to continue.

“You came here last night,” Rae sighed as she searched for the right words. “You came here, and you said all these things to me. And then we… you know. But then you left… you left to go and…”

Rae stopped and took a deep breath.

“I just don’t know what to think,” she continued, giving him a nervous look. “Do you want to be with me, A.J. I mean, really want to be with me? Because right now I honestly don’t know that you do.”

“Of course I want to be with you,” A.J assured her. “It’s all I want, I swear.”

“And I want to be with you,” Rae said as she released a long, frustrated breath. “But I can’t be some dirty secret, Alex. I can’t live that way. I’m sorry.”

“You are not a dirty secret,” A.J replied, clearly a little thrown by her comment.

“Then why do I feel like one?” She asked as she gave him a sad smile.

“It’s just complicated for me, Rae,” A.J replied as he took hold of her hands. “I know what I need to do, but it’s such a big thing. I need to think about how I am going to handle this, but I give you my word, you are what I want. It’s just hard.”

“I know it is,” she sighed. “And I am trying to understand what it is you’re going through, but I feel so confused.”

A.J stared at her for a moment, and Rae knew he was struggling to give her the answer she needed to hear. She hated that things were such a mess for them.

“Look, I know that for us to happen, your world is going to be turned upside down,” Rae continued as she stepped closer to him and looked up into his eyes. “And I know you are going to need time. I just need to know that in the end, the waiting is going to be worth it. I need to know that it’s me you really want. I mean…if you don’t I understand, I just…”

“Of course it’s you I want,” A.J stopped her mid-sentence, as he took her face into his hands and looked down into her eyes. He gave her a smile that melted her heart. “I would walk through hell for you, Rae. You have to believe that.”

“I do,” she whispered. “I’m just so scared that you will change your mind. I’m afraid that if I let you get too close and you left, that my heart would never recover.”

“I’m in love with you, Rae,” A.J breathed against her mouth. “Right now, that’s the only thing that I know to be true. Nothing else matters.”

A.J kissed her once more, and she could feel every ounce of fear and uncertainty dissolve as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her like it was the last thing he would ever do. As his kiss deepened, Rae could feel her body tremble and every fiber of her being longed for him.

The kiss was slow, tender and said everything Rae needed to hear from him. Still, as he slipped his hand behind her head and drew her closer to him, her whole body seemed to tremble with fear.

“It’s just me, Rae” he whispered softly against her mouth. “You have nothing to be afraid of.”

Sealing her lips with his once more, he scooped her up into his arms and moved back to the bed. He sat down on the bed with her legs astride him. He moved his hands from her hips to her hair and kissed her harder and hungrier. She returned his kiss with just as much passion. 

“Believe that you can trust me,” he breathed against her mouth, sending shivers down her spine. “And I promise I will never break your heart.”

Before she could reply, A.J slammed his mouth against hers, as he wrapped her in his arms and drew her closer to him, pressing his body against hers.

Rae could feel his arousal beneath her, and she gasped with longing. A.J didn’t miss a beat. He dipped his tongue into her mouth and kissed her harder and deeper.

Rae lifted her hands up and grabbed A.J’s hair, pulling him even closer to her. She could barely breathe, her head was spinning, and her heart was hammering in her chest, but she had never wanted anything more than she wanted him.

A.J reached down and slowly eased her skirt up her legs. He breathlessly broke his lips from hers and looked down into her eyes. Rae smiled then leaned up and kissed A.J again. Feeling bold, she reached for the belt on his trousers and pulled it open.

That was all A.J needed. He returned her kiss, this time with so much passion, it almost consumed Rae. He suddenly stood up, then quickly lay Rae down on the bed, before he climbed above her. They pulled at each other’s clothes, almost frantically, each filled with a need to touch, to feel the other person against them.

Rae could feel A.J pull her panties down and Rae closed her eyes, as longing raced through her entire body.

He moved suddenly, and with one thrust, he filled her completely with his rock hard erection.

 “OH GOD!!” Rae cried out, but the sound was muffled when A.J brought his mouth down to hers once again. Rae instinctively wrapped her legs tightly around his waist.

He kissed her hard and deep, while he pushed into her again and again. Rae tried to move in time with A.J, but he was holding her so tightly, all she could do was hold on to him and let him take them to where they were going.

Over and over, he drove into her as deeply as he could, each time pushing her higher. Rae had never felt more alive than she did right at that moment. Her heart raced, and her head spun, but the euphoria was unlike anything she had ever imagined.

She could feel her arms and legs begin to tremble, so she held A.J tighter. When she finally came undone, her whole body shook as her orgasm thundered through her body.

A.J continued to thrust into her, over and over until finally, he erupted inside her before he crashed down on top of her. He didn’t make any move to get up for a moment, instead just holding her tight while he tried to calm his ragged breathing.

“I love you, Rae,” A.J breathed out as he finally lifted his head and looked down at her. “I don’t know what else I can say to prove to you that you are what I want.”

Rae looked up at him, as her heart hammered deep inside her.

“I just ask you to have faith that I will never do anything to let you down,” A.J pleaded. “I just need you to be patient while I figure this out.”

“I trust you, A.J,” Rae smiled up at him. “And I promise you that I will give you the time you need.”