A.J

As A.J walked down the hallway to the dance studio the following day, he couldn’t help but feel more than a little nervous.

Since Rae stormed out of the gym three days earlier, his head felt like it was in a constant battle with his heart, and it was tearing him apart. He was torn between the woman he loved, and the vow he took to serve God, and he didn’t know if he was strong enough to resist the temptation that was pulling at his soul.

He went to look for Rae the morning after their conversation in the gym but was surprised to find Stan in her place, supervising her class. When Stan explained that Rae had called in sick, A.J knew it was his fault, and the guilt inside him just grew bigger.

When school finished for the day, he climbed on his bike and headed straight to her apartment. It wasn’t until he was about to knock on the door, did the thought occur to him that maybe he was only going to make a bad situation worse.

After all, what could he really say to her? He couldn’t tell her how he truly felt, so why make things harder for her than they already were. With that thought in mind, he climbed back on his bike and headed for home.

However, when she didn’t turn up at school again the following day, he knew he needed to go and talk to her. He at least owed her an apology.

When she opened the door to him, her puffy eyes were the first thing A.J had noticed. He wondered once more if going there was a mistake, but it was too late now, and he needed to say what he had come to say. If he was honest, he was just relieved she hadn’t slammed the door in his face.

After he had left her apartment, A.J headed back to the school feeling somewhat better, but Rae was still all he could think about. She had agreed to a fresh start to their friendship, but still, he was unsure if they could really get past this; if he could get past this. As much as he tried to push his feeling for her back down inside him, they were there; every time he saw her; every time he heard her name; every time he thought of her.

When he reached the studio, he could hear the music through the door, and he was surprised by the relief he felt knowing she had turned up as she had promised.

He had resisted going to see her in her class that morning, feeling that he needed to give her some space, but the not knowing all day was much harder than he thought it would be.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door and cautiously stepped inside the studio. The moment he did, Rae looked up and smiled when her eyes met his.

“I wasn’t sure if you were going to come,” she whispered in a hushed voice as he walked to where she was sitting watching Calum dancing, and sat down next to her.

“I got delayed in the office,” A.J lied, but he didn’t want to admit that he wasn’t sure if he would go to rehearsals himself. “How’s it going?”

“He’s been practicing,” Rae replied with a proud smile. “He is nailing every single move. It’s seven weeks till the audition, but the way he is dancing right now, he could go tomorrow and get his place.”

“You have really worked so hard with him,” A.J said and gave her a grateful smile. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t really do anything,” Rae shrugged and smiled again. “He has what it takes, and the passion to get there. I just gave him the confidence and pointed him in the right direction.”

“You did more than you think,” A.J said with a grin, as he playfully bumped off Rae. “I think you're pretty amazing.”

“Thank you, A.J,” she replied with a grateful smile, as she bumped back off him, and looked up into his eyes. “And thank you for making me do this. I didn’t realise just how much I missed this place; how much I missed dancing.”

“Well I’m glad you found the joy in dancing again,” A.J said with a smile.

Their eyes lingered on each other’s a little longer than they should have, and A.J’s heart pounded in his chest.

He suddenly closed his eyes and pushed up from the chair he was sitting on. As he did, Calum finished his routine, and he turned towards A.J and Rae.

“Well, what do you think?” Calum asked giving A.J a hopeful smile.

“You were perfect, Calum,” A.J replied as he blew out a long breath to try and calm his breathing down.

“I think Ms. Sullivan has really helped,” Calum said as he walked to the iPod and changed the music. “I think she could even teach you some new moves.”

“I don’t dance,” A.J forced a laugh as he glanced at Rae for a moment.

“I know,” Calum laughed. “I’ve seen you try.”

Calum hit play on the iPod, and the sound of Niall Horan’s Slow Hands echoed around the room.

Calum smiled as he turned back to A.J and Rae, as he began to dance.

“See, it’s not hard,” he said as he moved across the room to where Rae was sitting. He reached for her hands and pulled her to her feet, and Rae laughed as Calum spun her around.

A.J just stood there and watched as Rae started to move in time with the music. Every time she giggled, he could feel his stomach clench with frustration. He wanted to make her happy like this, but all he had done was hurt her, and made her sad.

“Come on, Father Alex,” Calum called out. “Show us your moves.”

“I don’t dance,” A.J repeated as his eyes met Rae’s once more and she gave him a warm smile.

“You mean you don’t dance well,” Rae said as she walked towards him and held out her hands. “If you can move, you can dance.”

She looked at him expectantly, as she waited for him to take her hands. He took a deep breath and slipped his hands into hers. The moment he did, Rae began to move, and A.J followed her lead.

“See, you can dance,” she smiled up at him, but when she did, it was like something had exploded deep inside him and all the air rushed out of his lungs

His chest felt like it was closing and he knew he needed to get out of the room as fast as he could.

“I just remembered that I…I need to return a call to one of the parents,” A.J said as he pulled his hands-free from Rae’s without letting his eyes meet hers. He could feel her watching him, and he knew that she knew he was lying.

“Oh, okay,” Rae said and A.J cringed when he heard the hurt in her voice.

“Calum,” A.J said as he turned and looked at the boy. “You are doing great, kid. I’ll drop by in the morning and see how things are going.”

“Cool,” Calum said giving A.J a strange look and he knew that the young boy could tell he was lying too.

“I should be going,” he said turning back to Rae, but this time she didn’t look at him.

“Okay,” she replied, and A.J was surprised by the coolness in her voice. He stared at her for a moment, before he turned and headed for the door, knowing he was destroying what was left of his friendship with Rae, but he couldn’t help it.

A.J knew that he couldn’t be the friend she needed and keep her at arm’s length too. There was no denying the attraction he had for her, and he believed she felt the same way, and it was just too hard to keep pretending things were okay.

He walked down the corridor, each step a little more urgent than the one before. By the time A.J reached the front steps of the school, he could feel his whole body tremble. He wished that he could be the man she needed or even the priest he believed he was.

He found a quiet little spot and sat down, then buried his hands in his face, and Rae’s face crashed into his head.

Why did he have to feel like he did about her? Why did he long for her so much, he could barely breathe? He could feel his resolve weaken and he was scared of what would happen if it broke completely.

A.J sat there for the longest time, trying to get his thoughts clear in his mind. He knew he couldn’t leave things the way he had with Rae. He needed to talk to her and tell her exactly how he was feeling. He knew he had ruined what little threads of friendship they had, but he needed her to know that none of this was her fault.

He pushed up from the bench he was sitting on and started back toward the entrance of the school. Each step he took, he became more determined to tell Rae exactly how he felt.

Before he reached the front of the school, Rae came out of the main doors and hurried down the steps, then headed towards the carpark. A.J hesitated for a moment before he too hurried towards the carpark.

“Rae!” he called out just as she reached her car. She stopped dead in her tracks, but she didn’t turn to face him. A.J closed the distance between them before he spoke again. “Rae, can we talk?”

She finally turned to face him, but she still didn’t reply.

“Maybe we could go get some coffee, and just talk,” A.J asked, giving her a pleading look. “I don’t care where we go; I just want to talk to you.”

“I can’t,” she replied coolly and A.J hated that he had done this to her. He had pushed her walls back up, and he knew this time he was never going to get past them, no matter what he did now. “I don’t really think there is anything else to say.”

“There is plenty left to say,” A.J replied as he reached out to take her hand but she pulled her hand back. “Please, I just want to talk.”

“You said it all before,” Rae replied angrily. “You’ve told me that you’re sorry and that you want us to be friends, but then you act like being around me is such a hardship. What else is there left to say, Alex?”

“If you would just give me a chance,” A.J replied knowing that he couldn’t let her just walk away from him. “One coffee, I promise, then I will leave you alone.”

“I can’t,” Rae insisted as she unlocked her car.

“Then meet me tomorrow,” A.J pleaded, refusing to give up so easily. “After the game.”

“You take the team for shakes, remember,” Rae said as she pulled open her car door.

“Then after that,” A.J replied as he reached for the car door and blocked her from climbing into the car. “Please.”

“I can’t,” she replied as she finally looked up into his eyes. “I have plans tomorrow night.”

“Change them,” A.J begged.

“I’m going on a date!” she exclaimed, and her face instantly burned with embarrassment.

“You’re going on a date?” A.J asked as a stab of pure jealousy coursed through his entire body. This shocked him. He had never been a jealous person, and he knew he had no right to be jealous now, but he was. “Who with?”

“I don’t see how that is any of your business,” Rae replied sharply as she reached for the car door once more and pulled it open.

“Well, I’m your friend…” A.J offered, but he couldn’t even finish the sentence. “I thought you weren’t ready for a relationship right now?”

“Well things change,” Rae replied sharply, but A.J could see the regret on her face the moment the words were said. “Look, I have to go. I promised Daisy I would meet her after work…”

“Of course,” A.J said as he stepped back from the car. There was so much more he wanted to say, but right at that moment, he knew whatever he said would only make things worse.

“Goodbye, A.J,” Rae said before she climbed into her car and started the engine.

A.J just stood there and watched her as she pulled out of her parking space, then slowly drive away.

As her car disappeared around the corner, A.J blew out a deep frustrated breath and pushed his hand through his hair.

She was going on a date!

He had no idea why this thought made him so angry, but it did. She had every right to date whoever the hell she wanted to date, and there was nothing he could say to stop her.

He knew this, but that didn’t change how miserable the idea of her being with someone else made him feel.

He turned to walk back into the school, but as he climbed the steps, he knew the school was the last place he wanted to be, so he turned around and began to walk; where, he had no idea.

An hour later, A.J found himself sitting on a high stool, in front of a bar, staring down at a single malt whiskey. He knew it wasn’t the answer, but right then and there, he really didn’t care.

Picking up the glass, he lowered it back with one long gulp, before he nodded to the barman for another drink.

The barmen set another glass down in front of him, and A.J released a long sigh before he reached for the glass once more. He needed to push Rachel Sullivan from his mind, even if it was just for a couple of hours.