Rae

 

“Honey, I’m home!” Daisy called from the hallway of their apartment. Rae looked up from the book she was reading and smiled at how her friend thought it was cute to announce her return like they were an old married couple, living in the sixties.

“You’re late,” Rae replied as she closed her book and sat it down on the coffee table just as her friend walked across the apartment, and dropped down on the sofa next to her.

“Big crash on the highway,” Daisy sighed as she kicked off her shoes. “The emergency room got slammed, and my feet are killing me. All I want is food, a bath and then my bed. I’m so tired.”

Daisy was a trauma nurse that worked in one of San Francisco’s busy hospitals. She worked long, hard hours, which made her, in some ways, the best roommate to have. She was out a lot from the apartment, which meant Rae got a lot of quiet time for reading, something she liked very much.

“Want me to order pizza?” Rae asked as she reached for the phone.

“Sounds good,” Daisy smiled as she lay her head back on the sofa and closed her eyes. “How did today go?”

“Fine, I guess,” Rae said as she tapped in the number of the pizza parlour into the phone. Carlos, the guy from the pizza place, recognized the number and before Rae could speak, he asked if she wanted their usual, just like he always did. Rae thanked him before she hung up the phone and sunk back on the sofa, next to Daisy.

“Why was it just fine?” Daisy asked as she looked over at her friend. “Is it one of those super strict Catholic schools? Did you tell them that you didn’t do the God thing and that you are planning on spending eternity propping up the bar in hell, with me?”

“It never came up,” Rae laughed. “Actually, it wasn’t that bad. Everyone seemed nice and friendly, even Stan.”

“Stan?” Daisy asked raising her eyebrows.

“Father Stannis,” Rae clarified with a laugh. “But everyone calls him Stan. He was really nice.”

“Is he hot?” Daisy asked with an air of hope in her voice. “Where there sparks?”

“He is the same age as my dad,” Rae replied with a laugh. “And um…a priest!”

“And?” Daisy asked. “He is still a man and...”

“Don’t finish that thought,” Rae stopped her. “I like the man, and I don’t want your dirty mind corrupting me. I have to work with him. Besides, I don’t have Daddy issues.”

“You’re no fun,” Daisy pouted, which just made Rae laugh more. “I was hoping for a juicy sordid affair. Wasn’t there anyone there that caught your eye?”

For some reason, when her friend said that, A.J jumped into Rae’s mind, and she couldn’t help but smile as she remembered her encounter with him at lunch time.

“What was that?” Daisy asked, not missing the smile on Rae’s face.

“What was what?” Rae replied as she turned and looked at her friend, while she mentally kicked herself for letting Daisy know there was someone she liked at the school.

Daisy was determined to find romance for Rae, and she was like a dog with a bone once she got started.

“That look,” Daisy replied as she sat up and looked at Rae with a grin on her face. “The look that said you’ve met someone that you would like a juicy sordid affair with.”

“There was no look,” Rae insisted as she rolled her eyes

“There so was a look,” Daisy sighed as she playfully slapped Rae’s leg. “I know you better than you know yourself. I can read you like a book. There was someone there that got your motor running, now spill because you know I won’t let this sit until you do.”

Rae knew there was nothing she could say to put Daisy off now.

“Okay, fine; you caught me,” Rae sighed. “I’m in love with Lucas Mackenzie. Mrs. Graham told him to walk me to my first class, and…we had a moment, but he is fifteen and a student, so I don’t know if it will last.”

“You’re so not funny,” Daisy sighed as she gave Rae an impatient glare. “Fine! Don’t tell me. I’m just your best friend, and I thought that meant something, but clearly, I was wrong.”

She slumped back on the sofa, crossed her arms across her chest and sulked, as Rae just stared at her in disbelief.

“FINE!” Rae exclaimed, and Daisy instantly smiled.

“Works every time,” she laughed as she sat forward once again. “Now spill.”

“There’s nothing to tell really,” Rae sighed. “I was leaving the office, and I ran into another teacher, literally. His name is A.J, and he is tall with dark hair and the most amazing chocolate eyes I have ever seen. He had a dusting of stubble on his chin, but not in an unkempt way. Nothing about him was unkempt.  He grabbed my arms to stop me from falling on my ass.”

“And?” Daisy pushed excitedly.

“And nothing,” Rae replied. “That’s it. I saw him across the quad a couple of times after that, but that’s it. And that’s all it will ever be. I don’t date at work.”

She wasn’t sure why she didn’t mention what happened at lunch, but Rae decided it was best to keep that bit to herself. Maybe it was because she wasn’t fully sure what had actually happened herself, and she didn’t need Daisy filling her head with nonsense.

“Uggh!” Daisy groaned as she flopped back onto the chair. “I know but could you make an exception this time?”

“Not even if he were God himself,” Rae replied. “I like to keep my personal life and professional life separate.”

“What personal life?” Daisy sighed. “You barely date anyone, and when you do, you end it the second you think that they are getting a little too close for comfort.”

“I like my life the way it is,” Rae explained to her friend for the millionth time. “I don’t want complication. I don’t want anyone else to think that they control me.”

“I know,” Daisy said with a sad smile. “And I know why too. But not every guy out there is like Dean.”

“But Dean wasn’t like that till he was,” Rae sighed before she added. “Look I’m not saying I’m never going to fall head over heels for someone. I do think that Mister Right is out there waiting for me to find him. I’m just not ready to look for him yet.”

“I know,” Daisy said as the doorbell sounded.

“Saved by the bell,” Rae laughed as she stood up and went to get their pizza from the door.

As Rae climbed into bed, she lay there for a while and stared at the ceiling. She thought of her first day at Saint Mike’s. Despite her initial reservation, she liked it there. There was a strong feeling of family among the staff, and apart from a couple of smart mouth kids, she thought most of her pupils were pretty awesome. It was the first time she felt like she belonged somewhere.

She reached over to switch off her nightlight on her night stand, but her phone rang, stopping her before she did.

When Rae saw her mother’s name flash on the screen, she smiled as she pressed the button to accept the call.

“Hey, Mom,” she said as she brought the phone to her ear. “How’s it going?”

“Hey, Sweetheart,” Beth Sullivan said in her usual bright, bubbly voice. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“You didn’t, Mom,” Rae replied with a smile. Every time her mother called, regardless of what time it was, she always said the same thing. As much as Rae tried to explain it to her, Beth couldn’t get her head around the whole time zone thing. “I was awake.”

“I just got up myself,” Beth explained. “And I was wondering how the new job went yesterday?”

“It was great,” Rae replied honestly. “Everyone was really friendly, and the school itself is beautiful. It’s such an old building with so much character.”

“Sounds lovely,” Beth said, and Rae knew what was coming next. “Maybe you might consider staying there. Maybe even settle down with a nice boy…”

“That’s not how it works,” Rae sighed. “I’m covering for a teacher who is on maternity leave, but she will be coming back. I’m pretty sure she will want her job back.”

“But maybe they might want you to stay there too,” Beth said with an air of hope in her voice. Rae knew her mother hated that she didn’t have a steady job, or at least that was how her mother saw it. Rae had told her over and over, that being a substitute teacher was a steady job, and it was. She was never out of work for more than a day. There was always someone that needed her, but still, her mother worried. “You’re so clever and talented. Did you tell them you finished top of your class?”

“Mom, I’m sure they checked all that out,” Rae offered, trying to humour her mother.

“Good,” Beth said sounding a little happier.

“How’s dad?” Rae asked, desperate to change the subject.

“He’s good,” Beth replied, and Rae could hear an edge in her voice. “He was at the doctor, and the doctor wants him to have some tests.”

“What kind of tests?” Rae asked, sitting up straight in bed.

“Nothing serious,” Beth sighed. “They want to do an echo and to have him wear a monitor for twenty-four hours. It’s nothing to worry about. He misses you. We both do.”

“I miss you guys, too,” Rae said as the familiar pang of sadness wrapped itself around her heart. “Maybe I will come home for a while, once this temp job is done. It’s been too long since I saw you guys.”

“We would like that, Sweetheart,” Beth said, and Rae could hear the smile in her voice. “I know the boys miss you, too. Dara was just saying the other day that he missed having you around. And I know Sean and Colm would love to see you too.”

Rae smiled as she thought about her three brothers. Colm was the eldest. He was four years older than Rae and her twin brother Dara. Then there was Sean, who was in the middle and was the ultimate middle child. The hardest thing she ever had to do was leave them behind when she left Dublin, but they all understood that she needed a fresh start.

When they found out what Dean had been doing to her, they said they wanted to kill him, and Rae knew they meant it too.

It was everything she could do, to convince them that he wasn’t worth them getting in trouble for. She promised them that she wouldn’t go back to him, no matter how much he tried to convince her that it would never happen again.

“Well I won’t keep you any longer, Sweetheart,” Beth said to her daughter. “You’re probably heading to work, and I don’t want to delay you.”

“Okay, Mom,” Rae laughed knowing her mother thought it was eight in the morning there too, just like it was in Dublin. “I will call the weekend, maybe then I can talk to Dad, and the boy’s if they’re there.”

“I know they would love that,” Beth replied. “I love you, Sweetheart.”

“I love you too, Mom,” Rae smiled as she wished she was close enough for her mother to hug her. “I will talk to you, soon.”

When they said their goodbyes, Rae hung up the phone and set it back down on her nightstand, then turned off the light. She sank beneath the covers and thought about her family. She smiled as she thought of how much fun it would be to go home and see everyone again.

She thought about her father and wondered why the doctor was sending him for those tests. She was worried about him and hated to be so far from home when one of her parents weren’t well. Though Rae was close to her mother, she was very much a daddy’s girl. She needed him to be okay.

As she drifted off to sleep, Dean came into her mind. She remembered the day he came to see her. It was the day after her graduation. Her parents had just left the house, and she was alone. When she opened the door, she was expecting to see one of her brothers. Instead, she found him, and she froze. Before she could react, he pushed past her and walked into the house.

“Please take me back,” he pleaded as he knelt in front of her, crying. “I will never hurt you again.”

“It’s over Dean,” Rae told him, feeling determined, but also completely terrified.

He had been released from prison the week before, having only served twelve months for what he had done to her because he pleaded guilty and got a deal. Rae knew he would turn up; she knew he wouldn’t be able to help himself.

“I know I have made mistakes,” he reasoned. “But I’ve changed. I’ve had a lot of time to think, and I swear, I will never put a finger on you again.”

“I know you won’t,” Rae said trying her hardest not to let him see the fear inside her. “Because I’m not giving you another chance. It’s over, Dean. Accept it.”

“I can’t,” Dean said as he stepped closer to her. “I love you.”

“But I don’t love you,” she replied as she swallowed hard to stop herself from crying. “I will never love you, now get out before I call the police.”

“I know you don’t mean that Rach,” Dean reasoned. “I know that you love me, you’re just angry.”

“I have never been more serious in my life,” Rae said as she squared her shoulders and reached for the phone on the sideboard. She picked it up and turned to Dean, holding his gaze, defiantly.

He stared at her for a moment, before he blew out a long, frustrated breath.

“Don’t think this is over,” he said as he looked into her eyes. “This will never be over.”

Rae woke with a start, drenched in sweat as her heart raced. She hated when she dreamed of Dean. Even though this one wasn’t one of the worst she had, it unsettled her none the less.

She climbed out of bed and made her way to her bathroom. Turning on the light over the vanity mirror, she stared at her reflection and sighed. Her hair was stuck to her head in a sweaty mess, and her cheeks were flushed.

Rae lifted her hand and brushed back her hair that was stuck to her face, and looked at the thin line that ran down along the side of her face; almost hidden beneath her hairline. She sighed as she let go of her hair, letting it fall back down over her scar.

Rae didn’t view it or the one on her wrist as a reminder of what Dean had done to her. Instead, she saw them as a reminder of her inner strength, of what she had survived, and what she would never accept from any man again.

She turned on the water and splashed some onto her face, before she returned to her bed, and tried to get some rest before she had to get up for another day at Saint Mike’s.